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Welcome to ME!!  

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to ABC.com because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  *Please also note that this is NOT a spoiler or "exclusive info" site...it's a GOSSIP page and what we are discussing might be a RUMOR or a SPOILER, but isn't guaranteed to be what hits the screen.  I'm NOT in the business of or interested in breaking the exclusives.*   I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my loveys to go unarmed into war!  Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS and search from the search engine above to help even more!  HOW TO DO "SAGE'S SEARCH."

Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column ASAP!

If anyone has been trying to sign up for update notices only to get a funky "can't process your request" message, the problem HAS been fixed and you can sign up below.

Sage

"Rock and Roll Hall of Fame"
- Results #3, 5, 6, 7

Mar 10, 2003

Column coming tonight!

"Rock and Roll Hall of Fame"
- Result #1 - Then search the inductees.

Mar 6, 2003

BIG APOLOGY

It has been brought to my attention that I inadvertently used a copyrighted photograph of William deVry, who plays Michael on AMC.  The photo was sent to me by a set source with the information that he was coming on board as a love interest for Kendall.  I feel as though I have violated Mr. deVry and his official website, http://www.williamdevry.com.  I would like to offer everyone harmed in this thoughtless slip of my judgment my sincere apology and deep remorse.  The picture has been removed and I will run no further photos of him, just to be sure.

Again, I apologize for this.  In the future, if you want to see what he looks like or obtain any information about his contract status or other info, please go to the above site.

Warmly,

 

Mar 5, 2003

BIG GH RUMOR

And it really is just a rumor, but it's too heavy not to share:

A friend of mine from close to the set who has given me good info in the past wrote this to me today:

Apparently last year Guza wanted to do a story about Alexis losing her baby at the same time the audience was finding out that Carly was pregnant. Well, it seems that ABC Brass told Guza that Baby Kristina was to live and they were adamant about it. Evidently, Nancy Lee Grahn has a very very large fan base and she also has quite a bit of clout in her storylines.

Well, Guza was a bit upset at the cancellation of his planned storyline so he has come up with another one that is very similar. It goes like this - Ned is going to somehow put Kristina in danger which forces Alexis to go to Sonny to get his help.  She fesses up about the baby's paternity which causes Sonny to go off to try and save his baby.  Simultaneous to this Carly will be in some sort of situation that is causing harm to her unborn baby.  So at this point Sonny will find out that he has a child at the same time as some sort of montage is showing Carly losing hers.  There is a lot more involved, but this is the basic plot point.

So I would encourage you to tell All Sonny and Carly fans to take a clue from the Alexis fans and start making a big fuss.  Maybe you can thwart this plan in its tracks
.

Yikes!  OK, I think this sucks.  You guys know what to do.

http://www.eyeonsoaps.com/GH/contact.htm

I will be the very first to loudly proclaim that this is just a rumor and if it's being planned, it's likely still in its take it or leave it phase.  Just in case these sadistic imbeciles are considering running with this, I suggest that those of you who don't think this is cool get  busy writing, calling and e-mailing (you'll notice I said "and" not "or").

Now go do dat voodoo that yoo doo so well.

Also, it looks like, as you've read elsewhere, that Kristina Wagner will not be resigning.  I've heard that John J. York being brought back on contract is NOT about Finola Hughes returning as Anna, but about a REAL honest to God story about Mac taking care of the gurrrrrls after Felicia is killed in the mobwars.  Again, rumors, but hey, I could get into vigilante Mac!!  Sonny just might run into a Big Mac Attack!

Love,

"Paul Harvey" - Result #1 - Urban Legends

Mar 5, 2003

LONG ASSED OFF TOPIC, UNCENSORED POST

I'm dead serious.  Don't click on that unless you have lots of time and have intense interest in what goes on in Sage's private world.  Pee.  Get drink.  Send out your Christmas cards.

"zen garden" - Result #4 -  click on daily zen, then on look on the top links and choose "meditation." Their guide is called "Sagey!"  Check out the Zencard Garden! 

Mar 3, 2003

AMC

Noooooooo.  I'm not basking in its glory... I'm a cat on a cold tin roof, baby.  I'm covering my poor bleeding ears and squeezing my eyes shut so that they don't burn any more.  I've got my legs spread because the roof is so cold my jewels are likely to crawl up into my lower intestines and turn my mom's grandchildren into little spermcicles.  You can't see it, but my back is actually frozen to the roof and mouth is open in a rictus scream of unbridled terror. 

I'm looking for things to enjoy about the show that has been my favorite for years and years so that I don't become mired in negativity about it.  So work with me here.  Um...  OH!  I totally dug the whole lead up to the smooch between Tad and Liza, doing that Sam and Diane thing.  Loved when Mia threw Jake's shit at Tad.  Loved when Opal was decked out for the Fusion party (but never was quite sure why she was there).  Loved when Opal ranted at Simpering Erica that her life was a long pathetic series of lap dances (or whatever).  I loved the budding friendships between the Fusion girls and don't really get tired of it.  What's His Name, the foreign handyman, nicely adds to the plummeting eye candy quotient.  Other good things... thinking... thinking... Hmm.  I guess that's it.

The bad stuff would take many weeks' worth of columns to expound upon.  I'll just scratch the surface a bit.  I found Michael Campion to be dashing, handsome, romantic and perfect for Kendall... until today.  What was with that adolescent whining, "If you don't have sex with me tonight, I'll leave town forever and hold my breath until my face - or whatever - turns blue."  Pfft.  Surely Kendall is not going to be pressured into putting out before she's ready by some pubescent threats to leave town.  To hell with Michael Campion.  Kendall needs to get her a big ol' scoop of Byron and just eat that boy up with a spoon.

I have definitely topped out on Erica's whining, pouting, tantrum throwing, petite foot stomping and basic diva histrionics.  It's not that I don't *get* Erica.  I don't *like* Erica.  She bores me now.

Again, I must rant about the night and day between this year and last as far as the caliber of buff we get to see.  Going from Cameron Mathison, Josh Duhamel, Sam Page, Mark Pinter, Mark Consuelos (OK, I think Mateo's an asshole, but he's a good looking asshole), J Eddie Peck, Jack Scalia and we were almost into Jason Oliver.  All are now gone or going and this leaves quite a void with Vincent Irizarry stretching like a sail rabbit to cover it.  It ain't that Tad, Jack and Adam aren't handsome guys in their own right, but pfft, you people know what I'm talkin about.

Oh yes.  I *did* say Jack Scalia, didn't I?  That's right, precious, from what I hear, Chris is stampin his way out the door most likely during May sweeps.  What a damned shame. 

Also, as I mentioned last week, NuJR is out the door as well and they finally have given up with no plans to recast the character. With the warm weather forthcoming and Brian "Let's Screw Up Daytime" Frons running ABC SoapLand, we can be ass/u/red of the set up for a really dumbass young love story.  We've been watching and wincing as Joani and Jamie (I just wanna call him Chachi) and JR and Laurie stumble painfully through their scenes so far and I don't hold out much hope for anything to get better, just more often.   

Big whoop about Jennifer Bassey being demoted to recurring status, as if she wasn't already warming the bench with Ruth, Phoebe, Myrtle, Palmer and the rest (why am I thinking of Professor and Mary Ann here?).  I'm sorry for her and all, but she was never really on that much.  I started to feel sorry for Stuart as well until I remembered he's David Canary and is on every other damned day as Adam.  I mean, I seriously doubt he's applying for food stamps or anything.

So...pfft.  Enough about AMC.

OLTL

Good things are hiding in unexpected places over at OLTL, like how the return of Dorian is going to be played out.  Supposedly, this big ploy of Mitch getting Llanfair and The Banner is because he's in league with DORIAN, which meant DORIAN knew at some point that Victor was alive and that she shmoozed Mitchell (the equal to snake charming of Steve Irwin proportions) and is getting ready to somehow totally screw him over.  If you are any kind of OLTL vet, you know Dorian would NEVER work with Mitch unless she was going to just totally kick his ass to the ground and dig her stiletto heel into some very sensitive areas.  My feeling is that Josh Griffith (current head writer) is taking Dorian back to the Mistress of Scheming whose edge was lost in the Dread Meagan McTavish years.  We'll get to see Viva La Grande Dame on March 31st.

Big news over at Roscoe Born's place.  Rocoe Born Online is looking for questions for the interview with Da Man himself.  Submit your queries by March 16th and await the answer, darlings!  Like so many, I don't know that I could even formulate a questions that didn't start with "aaqgh wayh feeen figger hoff blahhhh" and involve a lot of drool and glazed-eyed expressions.  I don't do well in the presence of greatness.  You guys go do better, OK?? Send the webwoman a pile of great questions.  My readers are the sharpest out there and I know you'll do me proud, you brilliant little stars, you.

The buzz is all about a CJ Roberts gay storyline and I'm tellin ya, I will fall over backwards, jab my arms and legs in the air repeatedly, then fall silent and stop breathing for several minutes if they go through with this.  They are such pansies about anything gay (think of the irony there) and I really, really don't see it happening.   So far, the story, whatever it is, is believable because I can see Tina pulling some shit that CJ leaves over and goes on the road in true Rebel Buchanan style.  We can axe the idea of Flash being Sarah because of her fantasies about Joey.  I can see OLTL doing a kissing cousins story even more reluctantly than a gay story.  Remember the ABC code of honor, which is that any gay character must be tormented from within and without and must be shamed into total celibacy.  The acceptable alternative is for the gay character to be a predatorial troll like Bianca with eyes constantly scanning this way and that for prey they will seek but never find.  No way are they going to go with the obvious CJ and Rex pairing that should happen since that guy is gayer than Liza Minelli's mustache no matter how many times he bangs nasty Hoochie Shawna on a lawn chair.  Nooooo.  It's going to be something stupid like sSimon from American Idol told him he couldn't sing and he flew off in a huff, ne'er to be seen again.  In fact, gay stories are rumored for AMC, OLTL and GH and I... don't believe it.

So we get to see Al "Voice of the Night" Holden with an instant addiction to speed.  Is this, like, speed with heroin in it or something?  Is Rex selling him Pez and telling him that it's speed?  (cause I've found that Pez is very habit forming, particularly the cherry ones)  Speaking of candy, a certain someone offered me a box of chocolates for the nekkies pic of a particular GH star and I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN MY TUMMY CANDY EVEN THOUGH THEY GOT THEIR EYE CANDY MONTHS AGO!!  Anyway, enough of that.  Just had to get that out there cause SAGE LOVES HIS CANDY!!  Yessireebob.

Doesn't James DePaiva look just nummy since he kept the Fan Feb face hair?  There just isn't enough beardage going on in daytime.  Harrumph. 

I expect some really great scenes as *pout* my beloved Liz is killed off.  Tim Stickney will be given a chance to mourn, I hope, and I can guarantee you, that guy will be missing his co-star as much as RJ will be missing his last opportunity to get laid for years again.  My beautiful Goddess On Earth Too Good For This World Angel Babe, Barbara Niven bites it in a plane crash on Friday (moment of silence).  Larry Lau gets shot by Lindsay.  Lindsay gets shipped to St Anne's...  Who's going to go fast and hard next?  That's Roger Howarth who leaves on March 17th when Todd disappears under mysterious circumstances.

Still word is about that Ben Davidson might bite the big one to free up Viki.  Doesn't look like Mark Derwin is coming back after all and no one wants to recast.

I pray the rumors about Ty Treadway leaving are just rumors.  He's sooooo coooool.

I don't know that Catherine Hickland is going to weather this trip of Lindsay's into St Anne's and I'm worried for her continuation on the show beyond the spring. 

And I guess that's about all I've got to say about that.  Hope the week is good to you and that you find happy things where you didn't expect them and that the bummy things you expect turn out to be good things in disguise.

In other words, as George Carlin so delightfully puts it, "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."

Happy week to all of you and I'm not kidding, please donít forget to contribute to EOS this month! 

Much Love,

GH COLUMN FROM YESTERDAY


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