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Welcome to ME!!  

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  *Please also note that this is NOT a spoiler or "exclusive info"'s a GOSSIP page and what we are discussing might be a RUMOR or a SPOILER, but isn't guaranteed to be what hits the screen.  I'm NOT in the business of or interested in breaking the exclusives.*   I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my loveys to go unarmed into war!  Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS and search from the search engine above to help even more!  HOW TO DO "SAGE'S SEARCH."

Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column or on the message board right away. 
November 16, 2002

Choose the first result that says "brain candy" by it.  Be prepared to stay a while.  Particularly, look in the second to the left under "Corsinet sites" and check out "trivia."  Lots of good stuff here.

November 15, 2002

Use quotes, go down to "web page matched results" and choose either of the first two results.  Wait a bit for it to load the frames to the left, the go mad.  Loves ya, Hunny!!

"weee squirrel"  Need speakers - mentions gonads (&
strife), heath pics
& contains some funny cussin' - choose the first result
November 14, 2002

If you like the Sage's Searches, they will be posted (usually) by noon of each day.  The Uncensored won't be every day, but will be often.  :)  

November 14, 2002

GASP!!  Major OLTL News!!

Directly from ABC:


Frank Valentini has been named executive producer of the ABC Television
Network's Daytime drama, "One Life to Live," effective immediately, it was
announced today by Brian Frons, president, ABC Daytime. The 17-year veteran
of OLTL most recently served as the senior supervising producer/director of
the Emmy Award-winning drama.

"Frank's extensive history with the show and his collaborative relationship
with the actors, writers and production team will make him an ideal leader
in building on the core strengths of OLTL," said Mr. Frons. "Frank has
literally lived in Llanview for 17 years and has the past, present and
future of the town and characters in his heart and soul. I would also like
to thank departing executive producer Gary Tomlin for all his hard work and
innovation during his two years at OLTL."

Mr. Valentini has held various positions at OLTL, including associate
director, stage manager and coordinating producer. In addition to his duties
at OLTL, he has served on the Board of Directors for the New Group Theatre
Company and is currently on the Advisory Board for Population Communications

Mr. Valentini has a vast knowledge of contemporary music, which he acquired
when he served as a radio station music director, talent scout for Steam
Records and freelance writer for VH-1. He received his degree in Film &
Television Production from the University of Buffalo. In 2002 he became a
published photographer.

GREAT CAESAR'S GHOST!  We're actually going to have an EP who knows the history of a soap?  Do I smell freezing brimstone??  I'm ready to give it a chance!

"100 Most Annoying Things of 2000
November 14, 2002

Use quotes or direct cut and paste, 1st result, it's a little rough (language primarily), but not too bad, very funny.  Enjoy!  It's a great walk down history's road!

"Insanity Test" (be sure to put in quotes, choose result #1 or #2)
#1 has other funnies I haven't checked for content, so might be icky.  You'll need speakers for this one.
November 13, 2002


As I have been looking for neat sites for you to check out on the Sage Search, I've come across a number of them that were funny to me because I have a very liberal and warped sense of humor, but would not likely be funny to a particular segment of our readers.  I want to keep the mainstream searches enjoyable to as many folks as possible, but I wondered if anyone was interested in an "Uncensored Sage's Search."  I'm sticking up a poll so you can let me know what you want to see.  No fair voting more than once.  This would be in addition to the regular Sage's Search and would not be every day.

Lemme know,

November 12, 2002

First, before I get into the fantasy GH scenes, I want to fuss again.  There is a ton of hoopla (a lot of the hoops going into my inbox) about this Thanksgiving Day episode of GH where Courtney has a “Groundhog Day” experience and keeps reliving the same day over and over.  It seems people have their panties all twisted up their cracks because the episode centers around Courtney, who is not a favorite character.  I have some advice for those who are in a panic about the episode: 

Wait and see!  For godsake, is it really essential to decide ahead of time that you’re going to hate it without even giving it a try?  How biased and closed-minded is that?  Courtney isn’t one of my favorites either, but there are some important aspects to consider: 

1).  Traditionally, the holiday "stand alone" episodes are very well written and extremely funny.  

2).  Courtney will likely not be the only person on the screen.   There are plenty of people on the cast who will be in the scenes as well. 

3).  Courtney is key to a myriad of different characters.  She is in a unique position of being tied to several different storylines at once:  The Quartermaines, Sonny, Mike, Jason, Brenda via Sonny or Jason, Coleman, Liz via Kelly’s, Bobbie via Kelly’s, Lucky and Nik & Gia via Liz, Luke via Kelly’s, Felicia via Bobbie, Alexis through Nik or Ned via the Quartermaines, not to mention that ANYone can come through Kelly’s.  If you were going to play “6 Degrees of Separation,” Courtney is a 1 or 2 to almost anyone in town.  Like her or not, she’s a perfect keystone to hit on almost every character. 

4).  If you’re going to be a closed-minded snob about it and not even give it a try, you’re going to feel like a real idiot when everyone is talking about how great it was the next day.  If you watch it and it sucks after you went through this monumental effort to pry open your mind and watch it without bias, then bitch away and know that you at least gave it a try.  

5).  Stop writing to me bitching about it in advance.  You definitely will not get a reply.  Courtney is NOT one of my favorite characters and ALW is not one of my favorite actresses, but I’m not going to join in your little whinefest about something that hasn’t even happened yet, based on what people think it’s going to be.  Is it essential to prejudge and not even give it a chance?  

6).  Is it impossible to be grateful that it’s not a whole episode about Sonny, Carly, Jason, Brenda or Jax’s day?  I’m just glad someone else is going to be on screen for a while. 

8).  I’m jealous of those of you who have so little going on in your life that you have to reach into the future and grab things that you haven’t even seen and that haven’t even happened to bitch about.  Your present must be really cool to have to borrow crap to pitch a fuss about.  Pfft on all you people who are griping in advance. 

Seven’s my lucky number, so I’m going to stop there and move on to the GH fantasy scenes. 


- Lesley takes over the running of Kelly’s and engages in a steaming, passionate affair with Tony. 

- (Of course) Elton takes on the job of Alexis’ “manny” and assistant. 

- A shirtless Jason walks into Kelly’s, puts a quarter in the jukebox, punches a couple of buttons, strides behind the counter, picks up Liz in his arms and walks out of the diner while “Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong” plays in the background.  Lucky pops up and says, “Where are you going with E-liz-a-beth??” and Jason turns so that Liz can clop Lucky in the face with her boot (oops!) and they continue on. 

- Cassadine Family Reunion! 

- Skye sits bolt upright in bed, a sheen of sweat over her body, her breath coming in gasps, her hands shaking visibly.  She vows never again to eat potato skins and artichoke dip right before going to bed because it always gives her nightmares, like this one about some guy named Alcazar who brought long dead Brenda back to Port Charles.  She calms down and snuggles close to Jax, who reaches out to pull her even closer.  She falls asleep again, dreaming of tomorrow, their wedding day. 


- Skye runs from the gatehouse, where she has just seen Jax shagging away at Brenda like a 351 Cleveland and runs smack into Rae with AJ in tow.  Rae tearfully explains to Skye that she was wrong all these years.  Alan is NOT her father.  “So we aren’t related,” AJ continues, looking at her and motioning into the woods.  Rae continues blubbering and apologizing to the two roadrunner zing marks in the air. 

- Reginald and Leticia. 

- While they wait in her penthouse for word from Sonny, who has hurried out to rescue Brenda, Johnny and Carly are power drinking white russians, chit-chatting and playing a silly round of truth or dare.  Push comes to shove, he admits that he’s wanted her since the first time he saw her and can’t stand the way Sonny treats her.  Their eyes lock and suddenly, it’s ON.  Intense kissage, he’s wearing her around his waist like a belt, then pushes her against the wall and gives her the pogo-stick ride of a lifetime. 

- Ned and Mac.  No, not like that…CLOTHES shopping!!  Whole new wardrobe for Mac, “Does this make my ass look big?” 

- Alexis, Ned, passionate sex, the best Ned’s ever had, then…then…then… she calls him the “S” word… “Stefan.” 

- Jason and AJ team up to… whatever… anything… I just want them to team up on *something*. 

- Bobbie in a perimenopause story. 

- Mac gets custody of Maxi and Georgie. 

Loves ya!!!! (even you fussers)


The Dialectizer (First result, don't forget "the")
November 12, 2002

GH is coming!

For this one, after you get to the page, enter another web page address (like in the box, then hit "dialectize" to see the page in that dialect.  It takes a few seconds, so be patient.  It's worth the wait!

November 11, 2002

Y'all, Sage is TIRED!

It's been a long, hard day, so I'm going to give you the part of the column I've got so far and finish the rest up tomorrow.  Just know that I'm lovin' you all and I'll be around in jest a day!!

I have just gone back over some of the wonderful e-mails I’ve received in the past couple of months and even though I am unable to answer everyone personally, I want to warmly thank all of you who have written to me about the Fat vs Thin column, soaps and my family.  I read every one (most more than once – smile) and love hearing your experiences and ideas.  A lot of the letters, I print out to read to Mom.  Thanks to all of you who have shared your thoughts with us. 


Kate Brown, Our Resident Cynic, assures us that Syndney Penny will be briefly reprising the role of Julia Santos Keefer in December.  At this point, it is not expected that Keith Hamilton Cobb will be returning as her husband, Noah.  I was just thinking the other day that what we really need in Pine Valley is more Santos. 



Don’t forget!  Only 15 more days until Mark Consuelos returns!!!!  Supposedly, both he and the Ripster will be leaving the valley in December with an open door to return from time to time.  I would advise them to get that in writing because the same was said for Dixie! 

The rumors are still swirling about Finola Hughes leaving for Port Charles the beginning of next year.  All camps concerned are denying the buzz.  Are they stonewalling or is she really staying put? 


I’ve already stated my feelings on the casting of Sylvia Miles as Roxy’s mom (see post below).  

I also remain loopy over Roscoe Born’s continued wonderful and creepy portrayal of Mitch Laurence/Michael Lazarus.  

Leigh, our AMC/PC News and Scoops person was kind enough to record the SoapTalk interview with Barbara Niven for poor, derived, SoapNet-Not-Havin’ me.  What I suspected was proven out, which is that she is an incredible ball of fun and that Ty Treadway is just rrroowwlll.  Thanks, Leigh! 


Geds is saying that after Alexis is pretty brutal to Ned, Felicia ends up comforting him.  (I pray this is an isolated incident) 

Heard that the revival of the attic mystery is down the tubes.  We’re going with dark, brooding, pain-wracked Luke rather than resourceful, bright-eyed Luke. 

It’s all over the net that not one, but two GH bad girls will put a stick in the stream and see a line on it.  Carly will be thrilled and Skye might just have found a way to dig into Jax, with Alcazar’s baby. 

Ooooh.  Watching GH end right now.  Niiiiice kiss! 

And now… 

ABC is giving its daytime drama fans a chance to inject even more drama into the soaps' story lines. Starting this weekend the network will accept ideas from fans for "fantasy scenes" of "General Hospital," "All My Children" and "One Life to Live." In February, the best ideas will be incorporated into special episodes of each soap opera.  "This is a chance for the fans to have their story fantasies realized, no matter where we are in present day storyline," ABC Daytime president Brian Frons says. "I think it will be a lot of fun to think about and to watch."

People whose ideas are chosen will have them turned into scenes by each show's writing staff and compiled into "Fan Fantasy" episodes. The "All My Children" fan episode will air Wednesday, Feb. 12, with "One Life to Live" and "General Hospital" presenting their compilations the following two Wednesdays. Additionally, one person whose idea is used will win a trip to the set of his or her favorite soap.

ABC will begin taking ideas Saturday, Nov. 9, at Disney-MGM Studios theme park in Orlando for its "Super Soap Weekend." Starting Monday, Nov. 18, fans will also be able to submit suggestions for scenes at

That was the press release that came down the pike this week after a couple of weeks of whispering about something “never before done on daytime TV” skittering through the masses.  Instantly, the boards began to hum with ideas.  

I have given this all some fair consideration and have determined that almost none of the ideas I have would be possible due to the necessity of bringing back actors long gone and the Standards and Practice for daytime TV.  That given, I thought I’d share some of my Must See Daytime TV with you. 


Donald Steele is revealed to be the real Proteus.  He was really in Greenlee’s apartment looking for the diamonds bought with his money. 

Leo returns to Pine Valley just any old day now, healthy and happy. 

Yeah, OK, Ryan comes back to and is shocked and confused that Kendall is with Aidan.  He finally surrenders to reality and embarks on a steamy affair with Liza. 

Dr Phil has a guest spot on “Wave.”  He stops into the Pine Valley Inn for lunch just as Bianca and Erica are having one of their infamous rows.  He takes them into a broom closet and they emerge in tears and hugs, having “gotten real” to the point that Bianca joins a nunnery and Erica gains 50 pounds, puts on some earth shoes and she and Chris open the Pine Valley Nursery and Landscape Shop. 

Adam and Brooke continue to meet in secret and seriously get off on the naughtiness of it. 

I have to take this from Kate, my Cynical Friend.  Chris’ determination to bring down Eric Kane forces Eric back to Pine Valley.  He returns and beats the charges, thanks partly to the help of his wife, Arlene Vaughn-Kane. 

Mateo buys a coffee and marijuana farm in Columbia and moves his entire family there. 

Jesse Hubbard returns in ghost form to Tad…forever. 

All of the Dillions return to Pine Valley, including the dog (mistaken identity). 


Dorian Lord returns with Mel on her arm and a story of how he was lost with amnesia after the plane crash and her love brought him back! 

Troy gives up medicine and goes into construction work in a very warm section of Llanview. 

Someone, anyone, looks at Carlotta and says, “Just shut the f&*$ UP you high handed, judgmental, loud mouthed BITCH!  Just a few years ago, Cris was a car thief and you were whoring yourself to Clint Buchanan and Hank Ganon.  Only a few years before THAT, Antonio was in prison for murder as a gangbanger.   Diego is turning in his GRAVE at what a sniping SHREW you’ve become and I think you should go sit in church and say a few hundred novenas until you have toppled off your high horse!” 

Gretel gives Roxy a make over (but lets Gabrielle do the hair) and some Eliza Doolittle charm lessons that make Max look at her in a different light.  Bouyed by her newfound confidence, Roxy stops drinking and leaves Max, who pursues her relentlessly (after a vision of Luna convinces him that Roxy is his one true love) and an all out soap romance of the ages. 

Asa gathers together all of his sons, grandsons and Rafe Garretson and takes over the town in style. 

A little Hank on Bo action. 

Viki is torn between her love for ComaBen and her intense attraction to Clint when he returns to town.

GH follows tomorrow!!

November 11, 2002


THESE, my fair ladies, are gauntlets.  When someone takes off their gauntlet and whacks another someone across the head with it, then flings it on the ground, it is the announcement of "You.  Me.  Right now.  To the DEATH!"

I realize one little guy like myself (although I could probably take a few of you, all of you en masse would kiss my ass) doesn't stand a chance against the legion of ill-tempered, picky broads with a bug up their collective ass, but I'm taking off my gauntlet ANYWAY and whack!  Whack!  Thud!  

It's about THIS:

click me

It's about My Coleman.  Now listen, I don't do this often and most of you are VERY well aware of my basic indifference to actors, characters and couples on the show, having learned long ago that, unfortunately, they come and go.  We can develop affection for them, but while they are grateful that we are supportive, if a better offer comes along or life situations change or the show decides to give them the boot, they are very abruptly out of our lives (unless you are Ingo, Steve or Maurice, in which case, you know it's just a matter of biding your time until they trip back in) and we mourn like an Italian gramma.  For that reason, I tend to remain fairly dispassionate about what happens on the shows.  Liason would have been nice, but now it's been so long that I'm past it.  Luke and Laura's nonwedding was a tragedy, but it happens.  Rarely to I really jump on board with someone, but now, NOW I'm gonna:

STOP BITCHIN ABOUT COLEMAN'S HAIR, ALREADY!!  I staked out Blake Gibbons from his first moment on GH screen, outside the Oasis when AJ plowed into it.  He had my heart and all the girls at the Sage Brush Ranch know to back offa Coleman and Blake because they are both mine...accept no substitutes and no clones, regardless of how accurate the DNA may be.  I announced my claim early and with sufficient conviction that well, I win. . .I just win.  No matter what.  Now I hear through the grapevine that a buncha disgruntled heifers with a Metamucil deficiency are dissing on Coleman's hair, ranting about how he needs to wash it.  Pfft.  Y'all just better back off.  Gauntlet ----> head ----> ground.  Speaking even as a HAIRDRESSER (well, retired, anyway), I'm gonna say it once and I'm gonna say it now:  Coleman does NOT need to wash, trim, comb or otherwise change his hair because THE MAN IS A STRIPCLUB OWNER, for Godsake, not a freakin' banker!!  Or at least he was, let me rephrase:  "He's a BAR OWNER, for Godsake, not a freakin' banker!! He's a grimy, greasy, stalker-for-hire who is on the verge of being remade into Hot Babe and if he's in Hot Babe mode from the minute he first is on camera, you aren't going to see the Cinderella effect!!  You have to see him in grease mode for a while before you can appreciate what you're going to see later!!  So just chill and stop racking on my boy, already, OK?  Sheesh.  Everything has to be Country Club for you some of you people!  Coleman doesn't have half the grease in his hair that Sonny has and Sonny is supposed to be a classy, respectable mobster!  Don't make me say it again, or there WILL BE TROUBLE!!    

Just for the record, so that those of you who are a little confused about characters versus actors, rest assured that Blake Gibbons does NOT have Coleman hair.  He has Blake Gibbons hair that is very clean and very trendy:

blake.jpg (38728 bytes)
click me
mmmmmmm mmmmmm good

And that's all I got to say about that!  Harrumph.
November 11, 2002


Column is coming later today, but I wanted to post my homage to the actress that OLTL has had the exquisitely good taste to hire in as Roxy's mom, Sylvia Miles.  Black words on blue cannot possibly contain or express the exuberant joy Sage feels that his silver screen darling is going to park it in Llanview for a while.  One episode will be bliss, more would be ecstasy.  Bring it on!!

I now present:  Sylvia Miles, Luckiest Broad on Earth.


Top Secret Recipes (result #1)
November 10, 2002

Column will be posted by late Monday!

November 9, 2002
10:00pm (Yawn!!)

Ahhhhhhhhh.   Listen to the quiet.  All I can hear is the clicking of the keys, the hum of my computer (which is more like a rattle, clank and banging – Santa desperately needs to bring Sage a new computer) and the gurgling of my tabletop fountain here in my office.  It’s so…quiet.  Ma has had her meds and is strapped down into her bed for the night, quieted into peace by her ball gag and some duct tape I had laying around.  I put her TV on True Hollywood Story and clopped on her headphones so I don’t have to hear from her.   Now, Sage has peace. 

I hope all of you know I’m just kidding.  I’d never do anything like that to my precious ma.  :)  That is just way, way too cruel.  The TV is on the History Channel instead.  If I left it on E!, she might accidentally have to watch The Anna Nicole Smith Show. 

Yesterday, I was more like this--------------> 

By then, I was done with visitors and I don’t really care if some of the visitors actually grew up in this house or born in this house…I was done with them.  So here’s what happened. 

I couldn’t write much about this before because Ma reads my column, but my sister, Lynn, and I were working to get all of Ma’s kids together in one place for her 80th birthday on the 31st.  (To understand anything I'm about to say, you will need a roadmap, so here it is.)  That’s no mean trick because Rosemary moved and didn’t bother to tell anyone (she is such a mental case it’s not even funny) and a few of the girls were having trouble getting off of work in the middle of the week and such.  We figured we could at least manage 3-4 of the girls home, which would please mom perfectly.  So then Cammie finds out that Ed’s mother, Rosie’s mother-in-law, knows where they are, so she gets in touch with Rosie, who says, “Why haven’t any of you called?”  (Told you she was a head case).  

Everyone got into town on Thursday afternoon and met up at one hotel down in town.  When I say “everyone,” I mean EVERYone.  ALL of the girls showed up, WITH their significant others AND their children AND, in Cammie’s case, GRANDchildren.  OK, I have to do a quick mental head count:  Marji, Sal, their daughter, Annie and her boyfriend, Peter, Cammie, Frank, Alice, Amelia (the daughter Alice was pregnant with when I wrote the piece linked above who is now 16-months-old and the apple of Uncle Sage’s eye), Alice’s boyfriend, Jared, Cammie’s son, Aaron, his daughter, Kelly, who is three, Aaron’s girlfriend, Petra, Lynn and her husband, Dale, Ginger and her GIRLFRIEND, Natalie, Kye, Vince, their daughters, Sydney and Anna, who are now three and five, Rosemary and Ed and their sons who are 9, 11 and 14 (ever the whack job, Rosie named her sons, no kidding, Ernie, Chip and Robbie, respectively – it started fairly innocently when they named their first son “Robert” after Ed’s father.  Then when their son “Douglas” was born, I laughed that their sons’ names made “Robbie Douglas” and started calling Doug “Chipper,” which caught on and now most people have forgotten his real name.  Then when she had son #3, she went the distance and just named him “Ernest.”).  So if I’m counting correctly, that’s 25 people in addition to mom and me.  That’s ¼ of 100 people…in my house. 

So here’s what they did.  I kept in touch with Lynn through her cell phone and about died when she told me who all had shown up at the hotel where they were meeting and had rooms.  We thought we’d have just a few people, but I tell ya, folks LOVE my Ma.  They all got settled into their rooms while Mom and I got ready for Halloween with Ma having no idea what was going on.  I put on my Captain Morgan gear and strolled downstairs.  She and I sat on the porch in the dark and gave out candy (not many trick-or-treaters this year, which was a bummer) and talked.  Around 6:30 pm, Kye and Vince brought the girls by, which we knew they would do.  We loaded down their bags and sent them inside for punch (kiddie punch and grown up punch – smile), then Mom saw 6-7 people coming up to the porch.  Since they had kids with them, she thought it was people bringing their kids to trick-or-treat, but when they got up to us, she got the surprise of her life when it was Cammie and her brood!  The rest of the family came up with the next batch and I thought Ma was going to have another heart attack! 

The girls brought the whole party with them with a cake and ice cream and appetizers out the wazoo.  It was really very fun and we all sat around and talked and laughed until way too late for mom.  The kids turned in pretty early, some with a long day of traveling behind them.  We laid out blankets in one room and put the Disney movies on the VCR and they were out in no time.  The girls all got a little tipsy and silly (even Ma, who has a real penchant for good brandy and Marji brought her favorite) and it was wonderful.  Everyone got her really great gifts and they were all so excited to see her doing so well.  They ooohed and ahhhed over her new room and she preened like a little girl.  It was great and she was tremendously surprised and happy. 

Everyone left out around 10pm and we met them in town the next morning for breakfast, then all of us went to a park to let the kids run.  Ma started to get tired from being up so late the night before, so I took her home to let her take a nap and everyone else followed us.  After that, it seemed like they never left.  The girls ended up going through old photo albums and yearbooks and then got the wild hair to go through the attic and pull out their old crap that was stored up there (there went a day’s time).  Rosie found an old trunk that had been Dad’s that no one remembered ever seeing and it had some interesting stuff in it.  I apprehended his zippo for myself and some nice cufflinks.  There were more pictures in there and we were all really struck by how much Alice, Cammie’s daughter, looks like my Ma did when she was young.  There were old black and white photos in the trunk of my Mom and Dad when they were dating and such.  I wanted to show them to mom, but the girls all said not to, that it would upset her.  After they all left that day, I told her about the pictures and asked if it was OK if I took the zippo and the cufflinks.  The girls didn’t really find anything they wanted other than the pictures, but I told them they had to leave them if they weren’t going to tell Mom about them.  When I told her about them, she got a little misty-eyed, but was fine.  She asked to see everything, so I lugged the trunk downstairs and we went through it together.  She handled it really well, which proved to me how much they underestimate her sometimes.  

Most everyone left out Sunday night, but Rosie, Ed and the boys stayed until today, as did Lynn and Dale.  Rosie and her family asked to stay here for the last three nights and that made things fairly rambunctious.  The boys aren’t really bad, but they are very, very loud and Ma and I just aren’t used to that.  I know Mom had trouble sleeping will probably need a few days to regain her strength.  All in all, she held up quite well. 

So the big mystery with Ginger is fairly obvious.  Turns out, Mom got her involved in some kind of support group for people who have been in abusive relationships and she ended up going on a spiritual retreat.  That’s where she met Natalie and it turns out Natalie is from a town very close to where Ginger lives, so they are able to be together a lot of the time.  I’ve never, ever seen Ginger like this and she is so much the smitten kitten.  They’ve been together for a couple of months now and are doing well.  It took me a while to figure out what was different about Ginger (other than being a lesbian now) and it dawned on me that it’s because she’s, well, nice now.  She’s getting a ton of counseling and seems happy as a clam, so that’s a really, really good thing.  She and Mom and Natalie squirreled off together now and then, so I imagine Mom was giving her the final check over to make sure her little sparrow is flying right. 

So at last, everyone left out around 3pm today and I’m being Bliss Sage right now.  The house is so quiet, I can’t believe it.  I cleaned until around 6pm and got the place all nice and Febrezed and aired out and tidy.  Mom wanted to sit out on the porch since it was drizzling rain and do some mental cleansing, so she was fairly thoughtful and contemplative, just putting things in order, I think.  I dragged the trunk back upstairs after making sure she was finished with it. 

She seemed very happy with the gifts I gave her.  She had to stop wearing her wedding rings a couple of years ago because not only had her hands gotten so thin that they fell right off of her, but the backs of the rings had worn down over the years to be paper thin.  I got them from her drawer and took them to a jeweler to be built up again, resized and cleaned up.  She seemed really happy about that.  The girls pitched in and got her a grandma broach that has the birthstones of all of the grandkids on it and is set up so that more can be added.  She also got a jade tree (the kind with real jade, not the plant) which she has always wanted and an electric blanket and a really cool hat from Rosemary.  There were other things (OK, so she got a treasure trove of things, the little scamp) and she’s already got them all integrated into the room with her usual stuff.  We all went out and had a family picture done, which should be in before too long.   Kye gave her a nice picture frame for the 8x10 when it comes in. 

So that’s what happened to Ma and her birthday.  She had me print out EVERY message in her guest book and staple them together into a booklet for the family to read.  I had to do some explaining about the Ho’s and The Sage Brush Ranch and Mom’s Girls.   Somehow, it just doesn’t translate out well when you’re trying to TELL someone about friendships and connections born and raised on the net and you just end up sounding like an idiot.  I had a chat on Nov 1st and some of the sisters were reading over my shoulder and I thought they were going to grow a few extra heads over the things my girls and I were talking about.  Pfft.  They just don’t get it.  One of them (and I won’t mention which so as not to jade anyone’s merit) decided I needed an “intervention” and rallied up all of the other ones to insist that I get out of the house and make “real” friends and find a hobby or take some classes or something.  I was really happy when Mom just totally went off on them.  “He HAS real friends, they are just in the computer instead of in my damned living room with their feet on my coffee table.  He has a masters degree, how much more college do you want him to take??  He’s happy!  He’s an adult!  Leave him alone!”  That’s my girl!!  They go over their intervention pretty quickly. 

So now, it’s all quiet and serene.  I checked on mom at 9 for her last meds of the night and she was doing very well and seems to be down for the night.  With the baby monitor, I can hear if she needs anything, but for a few weeks now, she’s slept soundly through the night and is more self-sufficient than she has been in over a year.  I know the week took a lot out of her, but she had a wonderful time and I think we gave her a good birthday. 

Namaste, darlings,


Adam Sandlers Home Page (copy exactly) select result #2 
November 9, 2002
5:15pm (Sage is sooo late!!  Sorry, sweeties!!)


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