Darlings! Welcome to ME!!
Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all. If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again. May you have happiness all of your days. If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while. If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway. I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass. Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest. If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to ABC.com because they are great at what they do. If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME! This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion. It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that. I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town. You'll get them back when you leave town. Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my lovies to go unarmed into war! Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS!
Quick Note: When I sent out the update notice for the past three columns, I've gotten back a huge pile of "user not found" and "permanent fatal errors" messages, mostly on AOL accounts, so if you haven't been receiving update notices, you might want to re-subscribe because AOL is seriously screwing you guys around. If you've dumped AOL and THAT's why your account is no longer valid, I can definitely respect that.
First and foremost, thanks to all my loveys who wrote with their support of me in the Bender Wars of 2002. Many of you have asked what happened after the fight, but there really isn’t a whole lot to tell. I haven’t heard for Our Lord and Savior, El-i-ot Bender since th’ beatin’, but Ginger called (again) right after I posted the column saying that she just wanted to give me a heads up that Bender was going to (sit down for this one...I’ll wait) press assault charges against me for beating the crap out of him. I actually laughed in her face and told her that if he did, he’d have the honor of watching her testify that she saw him push mom down and hit me first. She stammered around that she wasn’t sure that it happened that way and I reminded her that I had my back to him, walking away when he hit me the first time and that if he hadn’t pushed mom down, why was Ginger occupied with picking her up out of the floor when I was occupied with beating the shit out of him, hmmm? She pointed out that since I had my back to him when he hit me, how did I know that Bender had pushed Mom down to get to me. I was like, “Pffft, so did YOU push her down? I know because she told me, you idiot.” She maintained that Bender had “gently pushed mom aside” to get to me and that caused her to lose her balance and fall. I reminded her that in our country, we call that “knocking down” and that I doubt the nice policemen will see it any different if Bender decided to get froggy with the law. I told her if she had any decency at all, she’d curb that dog and get him to go on the paper before mom and I decided to get legal ourselves. Being me, I also threw in a little of, “Girl, you’d better get your ass some serious Dr Phil therapy because you are just NOT getting real. This is some nasty, co-dependent, sick ass shit you’ve got going on here with Bender and I’d have to insist that she keep it away from mom and me. She started to cry and act like an idiot and say that he’d almost left her over this and that I just didn’t know him and hadn’t seen him at his best and she didn’t know what to do, so I gave her a little Sage Therapy and told her what she’d better do if she ever wanted to see mom again. I asked her if any of the other girls had called (I knew they had) and she said, “Well of course they did, after you had to blab it to them! I don’t know why this couldn’t stay just between us!!” and I told her that if she wasn’t ashamed of what was going on and what happened, why would she want to hide it? She said, “Because it was all so ugly and both of you acted like idiots.” Moi? I pointed out to her that whoring yourself to someone who would knock down your mother to hit your brother should qualify her for some quality air time with Jerry Springer if she ever got bored of playing with rich people and to me, that definitely qualified her as an idiot long before I would ever be. “But you didn’t have to tell everyone in the family,” she wails and I was a second from saying, “Pfft. Why not? I told everyone on the internet!” I know that Lyn, Marji, Kye and Cam were hard on her, but it didn’t seem to do any good. It also didn’t help that by then, the porn I’d sent had kicked in, so Bender was getting daily offers for suction enlargers, butt plugs, subscriptions to “Big’uns,” a myriad of Rocco films, Ball Gag Emporium flyers and as many other exotic and unique devices, reading material and photo gallery experiences. I’m sure he loved it and thought it was a peace offering. So I wish I could say that it all worked out great and Ginger had some light bulb moment and her dim little brain sprang into action and she “got it” but like I told a friend earlier this week, I’ve always wondered if Mom was tapping syrup away from the family tree when Rosie and Ginger came along, because...well...damn. It was like all the good genetics got depleted and she was forced to crank out a kid during the draught. Mom’s really sad about all this and has been in one of her depressions, so I’ve been spending lots of time with her, trying to keep her occupied and her spirits up so she doesn’t wander off the old mental playground, you know? But hey, let’s talk the soaps.
Kate, my darling, adorable Cynic, is flushed from the news that Rueben Santiago-Hudson is being replaced out by Joe Morton in the role of Zeke McMillan beginning on July 15th. Joe Morton is a well-respected film and theater actor (did you happen to see "Brother from Another Planet" in 1984? If not, he was in a slew of others like “Ali,” “What Lies Beneath,” “Bounce,” “The Astronaut’s Wife,” “Terminator 2 – playing Miles, the scientist they kidnap”, “Forever Young” *sniff*, “Of Mice and Men” – and on and on for a total of 66 movie and TV roles and 25 or so TV guest spots), but got his acting feet wet in that great ABC Repository of Actors, “Another World” and also, “Search for Tomorrow.” At least AMC is hiring quality actors instead of “can be seen in ‘Babes From Outer Space’ and guest shots in ‘Hunter’ and ‘Baywatch, 2000’ like some shows we know. (grrr) The recast is temporary while Santiago-Hudson works on other acting obligations.
Mark Pinter supposedly is not only leaving but leaving by Roger GETTING SHOT by LEO who is aiming for VANESSA who has escaped and crashed the WEDDING and Roger needs blood and why isn’t Greenlee a match and as Roger flat lines, Mary confesses that he’s not really Greenlee’s FATHER! They said he would go out with a bang! I figured that meant he’d have a heart attack while banging Simone.
The time has come! It has been announced that Cameron Mathison's last air date will be Jul 3rd!! He will make appearances from time to time, but overall, he's gone!
Thank God that Marj Dusay rumor turned out to be false and Nessa is staying right in Pine Valley where she belongs. How often is it that a character is more fun in mental institution in restraints than a lot of the other ones are when they are out free in the world?
Robin Strasser has signed to return to Passions as one of my favorite Witches, Hecuba (OK, so I'm busted. I don't really know anything about her other than hey, it's Dorian and she's a Witch and she lived in a cave and how much better can it really get than THAT??). For us and OLTL life goes on, I guess. What a pity, since Dorian is begging to be written into the current stories.
All I can tell you about that rumor of Roger Howarth joining the cast of OZ is that it has NOT yet been confirmed or denied. I have feelers out and I’ll let you know when I hear something. Update a few minutes later! A very reliable source just wrote to tell me that this rumor CAN'T be true because OZ has been cancelled! Just shows you how this stuff can get around!
The Mighty Fall! If you think poor Gretel has a hard go of it now in Maui with nothing more than Keri, Antonio and a guy who looks like Adam West in Batman to give her a hard time, wait until Asa gets a hold of this savory nugget! Yow! It’s too bad John Sykes can’t dump the Sudafed commercial and come give her some cuddles!
heard rumors from interesting sources that Al and Jen may not be long for
the show! EXCLUSIVE!!!
REMEMBER YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!! IF YOU READ IT ANYWHERE ELSE,
THEY STOLE IT FROM SAGE!!!! LOL.
Just kidding, darlings, about the caps part anyway.
You know I don’t give a crap about who scooped what, I’m just
playing, but I do think there’s a decent chance they are going to be
leaving by Fall.
Looks like we’re going to get to follow a couple of really sorry stories all through the summer and into the fall, them bein Lost on a Stupid Island and Niki’s World. Lord help me, I’m going to have to find something else to do between 1-2. OLTL was going like gangbusters and then, pfft.
*sigh*. What a difference a set of clippers a decade or so makes. I should know this better than anyone, being a hairdresser RETIRED and an old person. I was surfing around for some info and found current pics of Christopher Douglas, who used to be Dylan Moody on OLTL and is now Brian O’Leary on Passions. I knew him as the left shot; he’s now the guy on the right. I should never have cut my hair. Oh well. When it was long, I looked a little too much like Kathleen Turner, anyway. I’ll end this paragraph as I began it. *sigh*
pic of Lucy Ewing on Gedstern's
Page isn’t a clue to our beloved Lucy Coe! It’s a hint that
Charlene Tilton is rumored to be courted for a stint on GH.
Tilton is currently starring in a Hollywood stage production of
“Tell Veronica,” so she’s definitely in the right part of town for
as I was looking through for a picture of CT, I almost started to cry
looking at so many of the Dallas pictures!!
Now, honey, THERE was a SHOW!!
I don’t think it ever failed to entertain me.
There was so much I’d forgotten, like Damien Smith playing Mitch
Cooper and Dack Rambo playing Jack Ewing and Jack Scalia playing Nicholas
Pierce and GINGER GRANT HERSELF, Tina Louise, playing Julie Grey!!!
Ahhh...I was lost for a little while there.
GH vet rumored to die is none other than our own Flea!
Supposedly, the involvement in Roy’s problems is what ends up
getting her noosed. Her contract runs through 2003, but she has an early out
so, from what I hear, for Robin Christopher, so I’m leaning to the side
of the fence that says the rumors of her joining Law and Order are nothing
more than that. Supposedly,
her contract is sealed up tight with ABC.
(the character) is still a goner and SOON from what I hear, but Sarah
might actually get a stay of execution; the character, not the actress.
Rumor is that if Sarah doesn’t die, Sarah Laine still goes and
will be replaced by a different actress, possibly even ex-Kelly from OLTL,
Gina Tognoni. This = good thing because Sage likes her, yes he do!!
fate of Alexis’ peanut (as Katrina calls her), is still up in the air
from what I’m hearing. This
might well be one of the few times in history when viewer input weighs
heavily, so write, write, WRITE those letters!!
Nexis is a go and Carly and Sonny are a go and once Alexis finds
out that Carly knows she’s pregnant, the most unthinkable, unholy
alliance is formed between them, as they work together, both intent on
keeping Sonny from finding out about the baby.
Guess who tells him??? Just
when you DON’T want Jason to speak, he opens his mouth and the words
come out. Shit.
Sarah set the fire, arguably because she is insane, but I’m open to
other ideas. Looks like the
Maxie attack on Lucky was nipped in the bud in favor of Sarah being the
one to go Fatal Attraction on him. Her
odd conversation with Laura was just the beginning. As she reacts (or rather doesn’t) to Elizabeth’s
kidnapping, the real weirdness starts to come out.
I missed it, but has anyone heard the name, “Ginny” come off Rick’s
lips since he got to town?
Webber? Rumors of Jeff coming
to town are flying around, but I’m calling that one a dud as well. I’m
getting no confirmation on it at all.
Chalk it up to the ongoing “Tristan Rogers is coming” rumor
that I keep buying into. Five
times bitten, forever shy.
they got her all the way to the ink!!
Vanessa Marcil has signed to return as Brenda with a first airdate
sometime in September, BUT (say it with me kids), I’ll believe it when
she’s on the screen. Not
trying to be an old stick in the mud here, but this gal has been known to
back out at the last minute and you KNOW to get her, ABC had some major,
ass kissing generosity going on in her contract, so I’m just going to
wait and see what happens. If
she’s back, fine. I’d
love to see her take on Carly. If
she doesn’t, I will be lauded as the King (or Queen) of MMMMM HMMMMMM.
Either way, I win and I like those odds.
I wrote to the Amber Tamblyn Official Fan Club to ask about that rumor that died out about her possibly coming back for a guest shot for Monica’s 25th anniversary, and got seriously hot and bothered when I received a very quick note back saying that my letter was being forwarded on to Her Highness Herself!!!! I didn’t even have to drop my friend Tidnee’s name! I'm a celeb!! I wrote back quickly to thank the person who responded and got the same letter back again...it was an autorespond and I’m not nearly as special as I thought. Dammit (Janet). But stop the presses!! I just got a message (a real one!) from Mercy (Mercy, Me, Baby!) at the fan club and she directed me to a message board post by Amber where she says that GH hasn't even contacted her!!! THAT, my friends, is an American Tragedy!!!
check it out! I got some e-mails from Steve Burton fans who were
actually at his comedy routine that was the source for that famous and
hotly debated transcript that was flying around the next. Depending
on how you read it, it could sound like SB was being a real jerk about the
show and his co-stars, but the people who saw it have assured me that you
missed a LOT if you weren't there to catch his inflections and tone and
that in actuality, he was not dissin' anyone OR the show. I wasn't
there! I jest report whats I hears.
you are SO not going to see that necklace Jax bought Skye on shop the
soaps, so stop checking!!
and Zander...sibs?? Could be,
but do the Webbers really qualify as a “rich” (OK, knowing Geddy’s
humor, it’s probably a veiled reference to Rich and in Richard as in
Rick – hee hee) family? Please,
god, not another Quartermaine. There
are already more illegitimate, previously unrevealed Q’s than there are
bonafide ones (“They’re bonafide!”
Love me some George Clooney!)
sure and check out our NEW THING, the “Pfft, Ouch and
You Go, Girl Page!” Thanks
to our friend for her super, duper fun idea and to Katrina for letting me
join in on the fun!!! Love
about it for this time, dolls! Anything
can happen right now as Guza and Pratt are throwing things to the wall to
see what sticks!