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Sage Bourland  is our rumor technician here at Eye On Soaps.  Sage will be combing the message boards, rumor pages, soap mags and set leaks for all of the choicest tidbits to pass along to you.  Got a good rumor?  Send it to Sage!  Please remember, rumors are just rumors and reflect what is being said around and about.  They are NOT to be taken as spoilers or fact!  It's all just girl gossip!  Sage welcomes your letters and comments, but please, check any nastiness at the door.  Sage is a peaceful warrior.

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December 19, 2001

Darlings, this weekend, I will be having family converge upon the house in droves, so you won't be hearing from me unless there is a gossip tidal wave.  Right now, everything is very quiet and if you are hearing ANYTHING, it's a lie.  I'll be back after the first of the year full of post-holiday cheer and gossip.  Meanwhile, you have a faboo holiday season and know that if anything comes up that is mind-breaking, I'll pop in and let you know.

Here's a little something to keep you warm for the holidays!  You'd better sit down before you click on it, darlings.  It's not for the light of heart or already quick of pulse and involves some nekkid manflesh, so if you are sensitive to such things, just take my warm wishes and DON'T click on the Santie Claus.  If you DO appreciate the fine, smooth, tanned skin of either a GH hunk or his amply blessed doppleganger, then click away on the dancing Kris Kringle!   (By the way, on the pic you click to with Santa, YES the banner had to be that big!)  Lovin' YOU!! 

Happy Holidays, LoveBugs,


December 15, 2001


DARLINGS!  I get so many awesome letters and none of my sweeties get to read them except for those of you who send them and THEN you don’t get to read the others that you didn’t send!  So I have gone through and picked out a little sampling from the last two weeks and I know that you will enjoy them just as much as I did!  Also, if you check on the Muse Writers page for GH (look under “The Soap Box”), you’ll see a wonderful submission by Karen, one of our readers!  So without further ado, here are your writings!  (my comments, either from a column or now, are in italics):  

Sage -

hmmmm now what was it you said to me???  oh yes!  "Dammit woman (course in your case it would be -) Dammit DARLING!! Settle down! (giggle)

Did I say that?  :-)

Things will be bound to get better, and any little ravings/rantings/gossip or news from you is ALWAYS welcome... hearing from you just 'makes my day'!! 

NOW on to this AMC 'drug king' thingy, what is with the 'good shrink doc' sneaking around and stalking on Simone? (sp??) you know who I mean..... could he be the infamous Proteus???  I hope you are right and it is not good ole Tommy... Never thought for a minute it was Vanessa, where would she have gotten the brains and the money to pull such a scam??? 

True  - hate the new JR... to unbelievable, to grown up over nite, get real writers!! 

OLTL..... bring back the 'old' Al... he was much more believable and 'real',  this new guy is a joke!!! 

GH!!.... sorry Sage, but Sonny is a ff for me... and this crap with Alex, in PR is too silly and stupid, like it is just there to kill time!!!  Sorry to see Melissa go... I liked her and Roy together, and Roy needs a love interest, but NOT Bobbie!!!  

HATE to see Stefano go... I wish the writers would come up with some good plot to keep him...  

Have to give Helena a LOT of credit, (just shows what a REAL actress and Lady she is) for doing this 'prison thing', NO makeup, ratty hair, and the 'orange jumpsuit' - and she STILL looks great!!! now that is "CLASS"!!!!!!! 

AMC.... I had real hopes that they would NOT chicken out on this 'gay affair' and be realistic in showing a good story line with some 'heart' in it for Bianca... but looks like they were afraid to handle it so------ of course "KILL OFF" the very idea of it!!  again 'get REAL writers' there are ACTUALLY gay folks out 'there' and they DO have love affairs and it is just as real and lasting as 'straight ones'...  too bad they can't carry it off on tv! 

and of course... mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa - you were as ALWAYS correct.... ASA is alive and well and STILL reading his lines from a prompter, but doesn't matter, just glad to see him back!!!!! LOL 

* * *

"Hmmm. I’ll say what no one else wants to say. Mateo seems a little too comfortable in the guise of ranting jerk. "

You go Sage!  Everyone always gushes about how Haley finally found a Good Man in Mateo.  I beg to differ.  He is a controlling jerk!  He has always been a controlling jerk.  Remember when he was in a coma and had all those bad dreams about Haley?  When he wakes up does he tell her?  No.  He completely uprooted their entire life because he has to protect her.  He becomes smotheringly overprotective.  I think he actually hired Jim to watch over Haley for him.  And Holidays blew up anyway!  And does it occur to him that running a bar isn't the best profession for someone with a recovering alcoholic for a wife?  No.  Did he forgive Haley when she thought she slept with Tanner and accept her unconditionally? No.

Did he cut her any slack when his WIFE and Evil Spawn show up?  No.  Does he support her or give her any space?  No!  He shoves a shot of vodka in her face.

For me the shot glass full of vodka was the last straw.  I can't believe she took him back after that!

Mateo has always treated Haley like a weak little victim that can't handle life's unpleasantness.  Unfortunately she has indulged him by turning from a feisty spitfire into a whiny little victim.  Or worse yet, an airheaded blonde talk-show host!

Oh wait?  It that the show?  Or real life?  Creepy isn't it?

* * * 

From me Beautiful Lenore, who loves the way my cheeks wiggle when I giggle:

The United Airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has  asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."  To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Put the tray up, Bitch". 

* * *

#5) Yes, message boards are vile, horrible places that bring out the very worst in people and should be avoided at all cost for optimum mental and emotional well-being.  You guys all know this is true and should boycott them en masse.  No need to write and tell me how great YOUR message board is.  My mind is made up once and for all.

Oh my god you are soo right!  There are nicer people in Rikers Island prison than there are in any message boards!!  I have never met such mean spirited people as are on soap opera message boards.  They give us real fans a bad name!

Oh, Lovey, I have heard so many people ripped apart on those things that I don’t even go to ANY of them any more…well, OK, I go to the EOS boards to lurk, but the people there are so NICE that I don’t have to worry about scalding my retinas on evilness!  Sage does NOT allow vile and rampant negativity to cloud his aura and so you will NOT see posts from me on any of the boards!  Bad, bad, juju!

* * *

the dance was lovely and the kiss was sweet. you were right, sigh.....guess i really wont stop watching, but i guess i will have to ff a lot.......tho i have to say lately that nik is really looking sooooo good!!! 

Rrrooowwwlll!  Prince indeed!  Of course, when you see Coltin Scott in his usual attire, it’s more like ghetto pauper.  He totally dresses in NYC toadwear and from all accounts, his gorgeous formal wear is for Nikolas only.  El Rico Suave?  Nah, El Rico Skankve.

* * * 

Ola Sage - I'm writing to every scooper/soaps gossip guru I know because myself and my sorority sisters are about to hurl up our dinner thinking they're going to put Jax, not with Alexis or Kristina whom we like, but with Skye Chandler whom we loathe! Today he told her he was not interested in her that way and she pretended to understand and agree, flashed him the fakea$$ stiff looking smile and then privately decided to pursue him anyway. We all tossed various stuffed animals and sweatshirts furiously at the TV screen in protest! Tell us it's not so!! And if it is so, don't tell us!  Ahhhh! okay, if it is so do tell us. We must be prepared to switch over to ATWT. 

You will definitely play Jax without having to look at the Skye before long!  Courtney is his, much to Ingo’s dismay who had preferred that Jax remain dead from the waist down for a lot longer.


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I have just found eye on soaps and Sage you are a blast to read......the emotion and sarcasm mirror my own.  

Sarcastic?  Moi?

I have a thought for AMC as to whom proteus is....ARLENE the mama from well you know.......A possibility what do you think?  Also, I am so bored with Christian and Jen over at OLTL and please we need Dorian, TPTB should know that there is so much history their.  I have a marvelous thought about GH why not let TW reprise her role as Olivia Jerome come to PC to check on nephew Lucas, that way Bobbie & Tony might actually get something to do.  PC rocked during the vampire story.....remember OLTL survived Eterna so there and us really loyall viewers held on; although sometimes it's really hard.  Hope you enjoyed my thoughts.  Thanks for such entertaining gossip and rave until your hearts content.  

* * * 

I hope you're wrong re: Sonny & Carly.  Since Sonny & Alexis' PR scenes I absolutely have to have more!  I've become hooked on this couple.  Carly looks better with Jax (Ingo R and Tamara B look better together than M Bernard and Tamara).

I think Sonny & Carly get so much attention because the Carly fans make so much noise, but I think they will gradually let sonny & Carly go if they see something else working, especially working as well as Jax and Carly - and Sonny and Alexis, could work:)

JMHO (and what I'm rooting for) 

* * *

Am I the only one who really likes the character Kristina and the young lady who plays her. Oh My God her singing voice is just wonderful and she plays the part with such a twinkle in her eyes you can see that she is having fun; the type of fun that you can tell many of the older cast members are not having.  It appears to me that the writers are adding a lot of new blood with an attempt to create the same attitude.  Sadly, this short term fix will fail.  After all, try as they might, this is not 90210.  They have so much talent here to work with.  What a shame to mismanage it on predicable story lines.  By the way, any talk of Tony and Bobbie getting back together?  

Nah, it looks like a Bobbie Scotty go.  Poor Tony will never get any.  His last was what?  Carly?


* * * 

Hey, I love your column. I do recall you mentioning about some scenes with elton during nickolas and gia's engagement party. back when my girlfriend and I were like "what engagement party" she has a small baby so she is home during the day. I don't get to watch to often so the recaps and your column get me through my soap addiction. lol.  We thought we missed something.  Anyway, We saw elton and the scenes with ned and kristina were funny. But I like the fact that you were up on this weeks ago.   You are the scoopmaster extraordinaire! 

Wendy from lorenfreeman.com has assured me that there is more Elton to come!! 

* * * 

Thank you thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel about they way Alexis is being treated!!  I absolutely adore her character, why oh why must TIIC always mess with a strong woman and turn her into a complete and total snivveling mess!!  Ahhhh!!!  Love your columns!

* * *

Calling me out like that is going to force me to write a column explaining my hatred for FHD.  It doesn't have anything to do with getting her claws into MyNed.... ok, it does a little, >:} but mainly is this whole KmartCassadine thing she's got going on STEALING all of Alexis' rightful scenes....*sigh* Off to write a litany of her crimes.  

FYI, just got a note that Constance Towers is filming some scenes this week so we should be seeing her show up on screen in about 3 weeks. 


THAT was from my glorious Tracey of Tracey’s Take (hit The GH Soap Box again, babes!) and I KNEW that baiting her with the mantis line would get her at they keyboard again!  Where am I without my miscellaneous thoughts and shallow observations???  MMMWAAAHHHH, Backatcha, Baby!   

* * *

harold hanukkah, here is what i'd like under my haunkkah bush...........

sean and tiffany, robert and frisco and duke to return to port chuck to team up with luke to finish the cassadine thing.

katherine delafield, julia barrett, anna devane and tracy quartermain - all smart strong intelligent women.

felecia, bobbie and monica to die in a freak (!) silicone exposion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

an extended roll in the hay with maurice bernard

please see what you can do!  thanks!

Ahhh.  Wouldn’t we all like Harold to be so kind?

* * *

Couldn't believe my eyes!!!  While X-mas surfing for scuba gear for my hubby, this is what I found.  Thought you might find it a hoot!  Here's the link:  www.diversdirect.com/specials.htm  Angel’s new job!! 

: Þ  I don’t think it’s her, but it’s hilarious, nonetheless. 

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You are an absolute vixen when it comes to being snappy with the updates...it SO brightens up my day, especially now that I am battling a nasty case of walking pneumonia, which my doctor assures me is NOT Anthrax even though I live five miles away from Miss Ottilie Lundgren.

Anyway, to respond to various points:

--Agreed on L and L reunion. I know I carped earlier about them get off the stick, but somehow this seemed too fast.  Can GF and TG take matters into their own...hands once they have more scenes together?  I guess we'll see.
--Yes I have always liked Alexis - have never liked her with any of the guys tho and I LOVE the idea of her with Stefan!!  Bro-sis thing as you point out can be easily fixed.
--Hmm. Kristina? I do agree - very much - on the singing voice but she spends virtually the rest of the time being the Wise Pretty One, which makes her pretty hateable.  Maybe she can be hired on as resident songstress at Carly's club and sing all her lines...
--God, I LOVED Lois. Nothing would make me happier than if she came back. Only person I ever liked Ned with.  Except Monica back in the day.  What IS it with me and incest.  
--SO agreed on message boards.  I abandoned them long ago which is why your emails are so appreciated!
--re "Mom is doing very well" - did she have surgery, or is she just an up and down kind of gal? Anyway fingers crossed either way for her [or you] during the holiday season. 

Mom had some heart problems back in July and has been a little slow this year, but she’s doing much better.  She’s at least well capable of snapping a whip on my poor back to lug a 500 pound light up Santa onto the roof and attach about 5000 lights to the acreage! 


* * *

Hook up Alexis with Taggert?  I've always thought that they have chemistry together.   It would also put two very good actors to work.  I dont' think there is a need to bring anyone new in.....there are enough actors that aren't working onthe show that could be put to good use.  Just a thought.   Thanks again for your updates! 

* * * 


I love what you said about Stefan being the son of Helena's gardener.  Personally, I have always believed that Stavros was the illegitimate one, having been sired by Helena's true love (whoever) and Stefan was really Mikkos' son, and that's why she despises him, so. 

I don't even tape GH anymore, or even bother to tune in at 9:00 on SoapNet (oops,sorry about that).  It totally sucks!

* * * 

Hi Sage,

We love your scoops and rumors.

Any word on Helena?  Constance Towers is far too talented to not be on.  We love to hate Helena.  However, we are not looking forward to Elizabeth Webber's return at all.

Gia looked stunning at the engagement party.  She is so talented.  It is so nice to see Lucky interact with everyone.

We like Jax acting with everyone.  Ingo has so much talent.  The Jax/Brenda story is something that nobody will ever forget.  Ingo just gets better and better.

We truly hope you and your family are having a wonderful holiday season. 

* * * 

Sage, who found that adorable baby on One Life to Live?  He is truly beautiful, and Todd and Blair do so well with him.  Blair is stunning with her new hairstyle.  We enjoy the Mannings - though this could never be a real family.  We love to watch their antics. 

The Jessica fiasco is horrible, but the acting is superb. 

Why can't Alexis on GH be more like Nora on OLTL.  Alexis' character has been destroyed. 

Vikki shows what a true lady should be at all times and in all  circumstances.  Kudos to her.  We wish Clint and Dorian would have come back in the recent weeks but were glad to see Kelly and Cassie. 

And, Constance Towers.  Yes, we are thrilled to hear she is filming.  If you have never written her, do so.  She will write you back a handwritten note on engraved stationary, and she remembers who you are each time you write her - a truly classy lady and one of the best actresses on television.  GH just HAS to find a way for her to stay.  Why should she have to leave and people of lesser ability be allowed to stay.  Sorry if I seem negative, but we are not the only ones who feel like that. 

* * * 

As for SN/GH..................well this blue fan is done with GH!   At least I am thankful for no re-cast! Frankly I am hoping they just kill him off........at least SN might get some great material........................ 

GH/JFP....one word....Ugh! 

* * * 

I agree with your columns on what they are doing to Alexis.  The writers make it appear that a smart career woman cannot have love, be happy, and maintain a career.  Pity.

And by the way, it has been what 4 years since they changed actors for AJ.  This guy after all of this time still does not fit the part for me.  He just
does not look regal enough for the part.  Am I the only one who still thinks this? 

* * * 

Nathan Fillian = Joey Buchanan, Kevin Stapleton = Kevin Buchanan, Robin Strasser = Dorian, Laura Koffman = Cassie Carpenter, Andrea Evans = Tina Roberts, Michael Tipps = Al Holden Buchanan, Sean Kanan = AJ Quartermaine and that’s all I got to say about that. 

* * * 

Do you know the name of the Prime time series MB is up for? Is it for next season?   


No word yet!  I’ll keep you posted!


* * * 


OK, I just happened upon your glorious website, having previously (for two years or so) run my own ABC scoop site, as tacky as it was! (Blame it on an 80's relapse or too much caffeine...) I'm finding myself turning into one of those folk that are rooting for the most ghastly pairings---soap has gone to my head?  Pissy writing? Who knows...anyhow, I find myself suffering from a case of Sonny/Alexis syndrome. Perhaps because I am a complete Type A (much like Nexis, minus the neurosis...), I'd like to jetset off to Puerto Rico with some gangster and wine and lose loads of moolah and then drink my sorrows away. Too bad we missed a scene with MB in a bathing suit, no? Airtime wasted! Anyhow, if you have any inklings that could feed this positively horrible addiction of mine, I'd much appreciate it. Namely, do you think that we are going to see a lip-lock anytime soon? Doesn't sound like it from all the reviews and your witty repartee on the website. Perhaps this is good, as I can attempt to regain what little sanity I once had. 

I thought, the chemistry between Zander and Carly in Wednesdays little kissing fiasco was pretty intense!  What is the age difference between them,  Carly should be about 25ish, Zander could be anywhere from18 to 22 so they could age him a little don't you think?  Sorry for the atrocious print, my son keeps changing it.  I agree Alexis needs a new love interest.  I also like Kristina, but do hate hate hate the "I just pay attention" crap!


* * *

I have a question. Since Zander and Emily are officially done is there a chance Zander will get Sonny's sister as his love? I've seen pictures of her and she's so beautiful and looks to be a major character and I know all the rumors are that her and Jax are going to be the next hot thing on GH, but are those just rumors and not based on any real insider information? I really want her for Zander plus I read the latest magazine scoops and one of them says "Zander meets Courtney".  So maybe she's not for Jax after all? Maybe they'll stick him with Skye and allow Zander to have Courtney? Am I off base? Are we SURE she's for Jax? Or may my Zander theory be true?


* * *


Thank you SO much for your comment about how Stefan should be the product of a Helena liaison (so he and Alexis are no longer related)!  I love it when great minds think alike (yours and mine, of course).  About a month ago that same idea came to me, and I loved it so much that I am writing my very first fanfic (Stexis, baby, yeah!).

No thanks for the tip about Ned and Kristina kissing on NYE.  If that does actually happen I may be clawing my eyeballs out.  Ick ick ick.  I really hope they put her with Zander, or even AJ for heaven sake.  PS – in the aforementioned fanfic, Kristina's love interest is the delectable Dr. Jake Martin from AMC.  I love how in fiction we can have as many crossovers as we want! 

* * * 

I am so excited to finally email you!! I am a big Sage fan. And I am only a GH fan sad to say so you can imagine my viewing pleasure is a little limited right now. Just want to thank you for the MEGA SCOOPAGE you gave us a few  days back. And also chime in that I too am appalled by Amy's hair - but moreso - LAURAS. Yeh gawds, what is up with that half pony tail  contraption??? Why are they making this woman look like she just rolled out  of the bed and went to the mall. I have long hair and those half ponytails are a bitch (and never flattering)

What else, what else...

Oh, I am loving Chad and rewinded 4 times when he kissed Carly. Even though I am an old S/C stronghold (or battle victim?) I found myself actually counting the kiss (16 seconds :-D ). If TIIC don't take note of this boy I will pop my eyes out.

I love Tamara and love the good press she's getting lately. (not too late to jump on her bandwagon Sage ;-)

Alexis is a disaster. I know how saddened you are by it, but honestly she fell into that Carly trap. Let me explain. It works like this: take one
otherwise likeable character and put them in Carly's face, have bitchy fights, sling mud, and watch Carly walk away victor. I swear, I'm not making this up. The characters are never the same after slinging mud with Carly. First Robin, than Liz, than Hannah, than Angel, now Alexis (?) There is hope that Alexis will break the curse being such a strong and already liked character, but I can't deny that the damage is already taking it's toll. I really think TIIC should take note, tis not the ingredient for a liked character. Why do you think Chloe lasted as long? (she didn't tangle with Carly) I'm awful!

Also, I do like Kristina, (mostly the actress who has great potential) but she is a mega-cornhole. I run the cornhole posts over at SZ and I swear I
have to retire her number and withdraw her from consideration. Totally hogging the spotlight on Nia's engagement party? Pfffft. She's Jill's
teacher's pet...

Well, I've talked your ear off. Sorry to ramble.

Your niece is a sweetie. What a doll. Wish I had such a doting uncle as a little girl or I wouldn't be such a flaming b*tch!  LOL. Or Carly lover, what's worse? 

* * * 

Tamara was just on a local newscast over thanksgiving, her and Jamel from PC were on, she was so nice I was really surprised, I really liked her.  I still don't think she acts as well as Sarah Brown (ok, not even close), but from what Katrina had told me about Sarah, she may be much nicer, maybe when Steve Burton goes nowhere, he can come back and they can link those two up.  I think Carly and Sonny have way too much crap for them to get back together.  Sonny is to wierd and way too controlling, I just can't see it.  Brenda would have gone a long with stuff much better than Carly ever would!  

* * * 

You say in your latest column that allegedly some fans and actors are upset that Luke kissing Laura already makes it seem like Laura is second choice because Luke is making eyes at Felicia one week and all over Laura the next. Forgive me if I don't cry into my morning bowl of cereal for Luke and Laura fans but I think this suggestion is missing the point.

There is absolutely no question this entire Luke and Laura reunion seems way too rushed and forced, but I don't think Luke kissing Laura and making her seem second choice is the big problem here. The problem is that the idiot writers at GH found a way to completely screw fans of Luke and Felicia AND fans of Luke and Laura.

Nothing about this storyline makes sense. Luke and Laura are both coming across as fickle, selfish, dreamy teenagers who don't have any clue who and what they want. The reunion is totally rushed and the writers never bothered to explain the how, when and why Luke and Laura decided they needed to be together again.

Unlike you, I didn't see ANY passion or electricity in the Luke and Laura kiss. I continue to believe trying to force these two back into a romantic relationship will be the death of TG and GF. Both share more sexual and romantic sparks with other people.

While I'm venting, you and I both know Kristina Wagner was COMPLETELY screwed. I have a hard time finding any sympathy for Luke and Laura fans or even TG and GF because the writers and especially JFP have done their best to degrade Felicia and what she meant to Luke so they can promote this rushed Luke and Laura reunion. I believe her biggest crime is being GF's age but looking ten years younger.  That makes her an instant target for Laura fans who don't like the "young thing" stealing Luke's attention AND the insecure, diva actress who plays Laura.

Just giving you my take on all of this. I respect your opinion but I predict this Luke and Laura reunion will only ruin the good memories LNL fans have from the past. 

* * *

Hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!  Love to you all!


Special GH Note:

Was that bleached out mess actually Amy's HAIR?  I was thinking fright wig!  "When I get in these moods, I got get a facial?"  A bleaching is more like it!


My GOD, Chad Brannon is GREAT!  That's got to be the best phone call in soap history!


December 12, 2001


Darlings, I am amuck with scoopage!  It sort of all fell on me at once and honey, I’m dying to bend your ear about it.  I can’t tell you where I got it because I am under threat of absolute DEATH if I reveal, but you know I get in there and ferret out my stuff and it’s passed right along to you. 

There’s a LOT of fuss about the reunion of Luke and Laura, amongst both fans and stars.  Although a lot of people wanted them together, to have Luke making eyes at Felicia one week and sniffing after Laura the next isn’t setting well and a LOT of fans are thinking it makes Laura look like second choice, which will not do.  Sure, because of the incredible dynamics of the actors involved, The Kiss was electric, but it’s too soon and very clumsily done.  So says one of the actors on the set, anyway (NOT TG or GF).  It seems the sacredness of L&L1 extends to other members of the GH cast as well and many are not happy with how stories are going right now. 

One thing that will be fun is that Luke should have paid a little closer attention to what Roy was saying on the fake phone call, namely, the part about “She’s onto you.”  She sure is, but she’s excited to throw on a bad Delta Burke wig and take off on an adventure with her beloved, but she knows good and well he staged it and is set to teach him a thing or two.  She stages her own kidnapping, freaking Luke out as she tells him to save himself!  She knows he’s going to fly off after her and he does, only to find her happily playing poker with a bunch of guys on the cruise ship.  He burst in to rescue her and she lets him know that paybacks are certainly a bitch.  (You GO, girl!) 

Alexis, my beloved Alexis, is about to hit the skids, thanks to JFP and McT’s jacked up proclivity to punishing strong, smart women (read:  Nora Buchanan, OLTL).  First, after this mind-numbingly insulting trip to Puerto Rico (OK, there were moments, but over all, Alexis was treated like an idiot by the writers…a little more smart talk, a little more introspection, a little less goo-goo eyes at Sonny, please), Sonny tells her that they can never be more than friends because he’s still in love with his wife.  THEN she how close Ned and Kristina have become, NED tells her that they are finished and he has moved on with his life and she sees Kristina and Ned kiss on New Years Eve.  Jax is set up to be the love interest for Sonny’s new sister, Courtney, so Alexis is totally assed out in the man department.  As one of my most beloved and revered soap columnists said, (paraphrased), “For all the times she keeps getting screwed, Alexis sure never gets any!”   Triangle coming?  You bet.  Nexis down for the count?  Don’t bet on it! 

Needless to say, Sonny jets back to Port Charles and immediately sets about chasing after Carly.  They spend Christmas together with Mike, Courtney (Sonny’s new sister) and although it’s cuddly, it’s also very melancholy.  New Years Eve is a different story as Sonny and Carly really start to heat up and start barreling toward a remarriage in Martinique in February. 

Stephen Nichols tapes his last scenes the first week of January.  No word yet on his means of exit or what happens to Helena now.


Yes, there is a soap or two on ABC OTHER than GH, although you wouldn’t know it.  There are very nearly NO gossip bits about anything else.  One of my favorite gossip sources (bless that woman!) wrote to tell me that Emmy winning talk show host, Montel Williams, will be presiding over Erica’s trial as the honorable Judge Pearson starting January 3rd.   

In another casting tidbit from AMC, we have learned that Kendall is definitely returning to Pine Valley, presumably with Del.  Newcomer, Alicia Minshew, will play Bianca’s half-sister this time around.  Emmy Award winning Sarah Michelle Gellar, who now slays vampires and other bad nasties on WB's "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer," previously played Kendall.

John and Eva (LaRue) Callahan welcomed their first child to the world on December 6th.  Daughter, Kaya McKenna Callahan weighed in at 7 lbs, 1 oz.  There has been much rumor of a Maria return once Eva delivered and recovered, so who knows?  Perhaps will be saved from the Edmund and Brooke nastfest afterall!  (meeyow) 

There are so goings to report, one that is welcomed and one that is almost painful.  Laura Allen will indeed be sparing us from further infliction of the character of Laura “Piss Sage Off” Kirk English DuPres.  Her last airing will be January 14.  My very favorite angel, Jesse, will be returning to the Summerlands for good on December 24 and Darnell Williams exits the role.  I was so hoping he would be Tad’s permanent guardian angel, but alas!  It was not to be.  Dammit!


Not even a word, they breathed!  This show NEVER has good dirt!


If you can believe it.  I've heard of a new website for PC's "Rafe."  Check it out at:  Brian Gaskell online  (Thanks, Lovey).

More GH 

At the risk of having Tracey jump through my computer monitor and nipping my head clean off like a she-mantis who has just mated, I have to say that I really like and have totally enjoyed Kristina.  (ducking behind my chair and typing with a long dowel on each little key)  I love her singing voice, I love how fun she is, I cringe at how they are trying to make her Miss Wise and Knowing (memories of Melissa taming the bear and Crocodile Dundee enchanting the caribou – pronounced to rhyme with “ow” as in tropical oxen type, not to rhyme with “oooh” as in lithe little dear - are fitfully intertwined here) and I think she would be good for Ned.  I know Tracey hated the days of Lois(on) (as in poison), but I loved her and thought she was good for Ned in the beginning when she brought fun and music into his life.  I think Kristina could do the same to balance out the dreary, corporate side of him.  I want to get Alexis with a totally new man that she could just get lost in without a ton of baggage to sort out first.  Let Chris Stamp or Dimitri come over an sweep her off her feet!  Maybe even Robert Scorpio!  Let her be courted and wined and dined and cherished after this horrible month of being pushed aside by every man who ever knew her!  Let Stefan be found to be the product of an illicit affair Helena had with the gardener and therefore, NOT Alexis’ sister and let them finally give way to the Hiroshima-caliber energy that is between them!  Do ANYthing, but get My Darling Alexis off this fricking pity wagon!!! 

Having said that, my work here is done.  See you in a week or so, sooner if more stuff crops up! 

Feel the Love, Baby!


December 10, 2001


I am getting a few recurring questions that I want to put current answers to right away.

#1)  There is no indication at this time that RKK is returning to the role of Stavros.

#2)  Yes, Sonny and Carly are getting back together, but not right away.  The writers are taking them through a process of growth on both parts, but the will end up together well before Spring.  Deal with it.

#3) Mom is doing very well, but the holidays always make her sad, so she's been a little weepy and bitchy.

#4) Despite rumors you may have heard, there is not yet any official word on JFP or McTavish, going or staying. 

#5) Yes, message boards are vile, horrible places that bring out the very worst in people and should be avoided at all cost for optimum mental and emotional well-being.  You guys all know this is true and should boycott them en masse.  No need to write and tell me how great YOUR message board is.  My mind is made up once and for all.

#6) At this time, there is no indication that Maurice Benard is leaving the show, despite his prime time offer.

#7) Tony Geary's continuation on the show is still in the air.

#8) I do adore you all.


December 7, 2001

Darlings, HELP ME!  I’m in SUCH a pissy mood and can’t seem to shake it.  It’s all about being furious with AT&T for first of all, just maliciously shutting off my cable modem with no notice and secondly, for not starting it up again yesterday when they SAID THEY WOULD.  I’m trying to open my mind to the idea that delays happen and they are moving a gajillion accounts from @home to AT&T Broadband and that it’s the end of the trail (It’s all supposed to be done by this morning and it’s damned well five minutes til twelve and they are in Denver, so that’s an hour later) and to be generous of mind, but my intended graciousness keeps getting tripped up by the litany of swear words running through my mind and I look at this paperweight that used to be a cable modem.  Meanwhile, I’m trying to make do with nasty AOL dial up, which takes a trip to the kitchen, the makings of a sammich, the pouring of a drink, a trip to the bathroom to make more room for all of the above and a snail mailbox check to even access a webpage!  Not to mention their insipid little popup windows trying to sell me everything from magazines to digital cameras to dog food, none of which I want.  I must write to cleanse my palate and douche my mind of all of this negativity.  I shall now begin with the nicest soap thought I can muster (which you can bet has nothing to do with GH): 

Jack Scalia 

I love the way Scalia rolls off the tongue:  Scalalalalalalia.  I love how he talks like a real Goodfella.  He makes me want to call people (AT&T) “Pizano” and “Palooka” and all those other words that Italians cornered the market on and sound sooo cool saying.  When my mom is fussing about this or that, Jack makes me want to tell her, “Eh, Ma, fuhgetaboutit.”  

And that’s not all.  He bears only the coolest name on the planet:  Jack.  All of the best of the best are named Jack: 

Jack Kennedy:  King of the Players.  He made Bill Clinton look like a blushing virgin.  

Jack Tripper:  King of Roommates.  Chrissy and Janet were all up in dat and you know it. 

Jack Parr:  The indisputable King of Late Night. 

Jack Benny:  King of Comedy 

Jacques Cousteau:  King of the Sea 

Jack Blanchard:  King of Camp.  “Tennessee Bird Walk” and “How I Lost 31 Pounds in 17 Days” are brilliant. 

Jack Webb:  King of Cops 

Jack London:  King of Adventure 

Jack Skellington:  King of Animation 

Jack Torrence:  King of Scary 

Jack Dawson:  King of Romance (If you don’t know who Jack Dawson is, you don’t know romance, darling!  My heart truly will go on. *sniff*) 

Jack Napier:  King of Mean (I’m not joking) 

Jack Lemmon:  King of Drag 

Jack Cassidy:  King of Genetics (What gorgeous sons!!  Yum!) 

Jack Nicholson:  King of Smooooth 

Jack Walsh:  King of Investigation 

Of course, there are millions of other Jacks that are noteworthy, but load time of a page is everything, darlings! 

In other AMC news, we can lose the idea of Vanessa being Proteus, thank the Gods.  What a frightening rumor!  Marj just signed a fat contract with AMC, so she’s staying.  No worries, folks. 

On the idea of Proteus, let me go on record by saying that Katrina and I have discussed it at length and decided that we will both be righteously and most indignantly miffed if AMC brought Tom Wopat on just to woo our Opal and turn out to be Proteus.  Insurance Salesman, my ass.  

OK, so Mia is now blonde to look more like Liza.  This assures a tearful sisterbond is about to forge. 

SORAS?  Soap Opera Rapid Agign Syndrome?  Try Soap Opera Bypass Puberty Syndrome.  Why does AMC persist in hiring forty year olds to play teenagers.   Pfft.  Hire the guy to play a new love interest for Dixie (yeah, I know she’s leaving) but her son?  No way. 

Hmmm.  I’ll say what no one else wants to say.  Mateo seems a little too comfortable in the guise of ranting jerk. 


The role of Al Buchanan will now be played by Puddy from Seinfeld. 

How great to see Cassie and Kelly.  Was Laura Koffman still pregnant when they filmed?  Not a meow remark, but her dress looked like a pregnant hiding dress the way she was holding onto that wrap for dear life.  I’ve lost track of when she was set to deliver.  

Blair’s “this old thing?” wedding dress?  Rrowwwwlll.  OUTstanding and very classy. 

Can’t wait to see how Todd introduces baby to Blair.  PLEASE don’t let him come up some crap about it being a different baby, not after Blair recognized the baby’s cry.  BLAME IT ON VICKERS!!  You know!  He forced Paloma to give him the baby to sell!  Vickers said he couldn’t come back to the US, so there’s no threat of being found out and he’s sure not going to keep calling when Todd could easily implicate him.  DO IT, Todd! 


Newest buzz is that JFP may be sticking around but with a HEAVY hand from ABC on her authority.  My vote is that if you have to micromanage, get someone else.  Turns out, the power lies in a good spot.  When Geary spoke, people listened and things are subject to change by the moment.  According to a source who spoke with Stephen Nichols, his comment was “There is no indication of a power shift.”  On the other hand, Stephen Nichols has been out of the loop for a while (the current admin has treated him abysmally), so it could still be happening.  We’ll just have to wait and see. 

My sources say that Jensen Buchanan is indeed leaving GH, but she was not fired.  She was released from her role after requesting to leave.  She has been disappointed for a long time in how goody-goody Melissa turned out to be and with no change in sight, she was done.  

Because I am so sick of the whole brouhaha, I refuse to discuss Alexis, Sonny or Carly this column.  Pfft. 


I totally love this banner, so Katrina 
let me use it here too.  : P

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