Archives, Oct 2001

 

October 26, 2001
11:00am
OFF-TOPIC

Click here for Sage's Off Topic Column, Darlings!

 

October 24, 2001
3:15pm

Darlings!  Play ďWatch the Soaps With Sage!Ē  

AMC 

ďLove you.Ē  Leo looked like he just ate a bug when he said that.  Now what is this little scamp Laura up to now? 

Speaking of eating a bug, I could do without the Brooke and Edmund face munching session.  I donít want to see my mom on the toilet, my dog under the wheel of a car or Brooke and Edmund kissing, much less hear them talk about it for an hour and a half afterwards.  Didn't like them together the first time around and it makes me power eat Tums this time around.  Blech.

Oh Honey, I can tolerate evil Mia if it means seeing Ryan in a towel. ďMia isÖmy guest.Ē  HowÖromantic.  Does anyone sleep with anyone because they met and fell in love and want a life together or is it all just a big dance of the hormones now?  I think Iím out of step with the times or something. 

You know, I think I like this Jasmine chick.  Sheís really fine and she can actually act. 

Mateo, on the other hand, is a freak. 

HA!  Even though I know that Laura is going to be able to talk her way around the screaming match she had with invisible Bianca, itís still fun that. for a second, Brooke sees that her daughterís toys are tapping out Riverdance in an empty attic. 

Love how Edmund is giving Leo a little something to chew on. 

 

OLTL 

LOVE that David Vickers!  What a wonderful con man he is!  

Although this seems a little harsh even for Todd, I have been trying (with little success) to get inside his head on this one.  Iím keeping an open mind and although Fan Club VP, Kristine, says, ďIf you donít understand why Todd did what he did, you donít understand Todd,Ē Iím conceding defeat.  After years of rolling with the punches (sometimes literally) and loviní my Todd all along, this is one that I just canít wrap my head around.  Love him still, but I donít understand him.  I think Iím glad I donít because that would be a pretty sick place to be and I donít want to ease my head in there for even a little while.  Here are a few pictures just to remind you of some of the good times:

toddballoons.jpg (54573 bytes)  toddmegaphone.jpg (8426 bytes)   toddstarr.jpg (20857 bytes)  toddstarrblair.jpg (8111 bytes)
Click to make them bigger

Blair is breaking my heart.  What a wonderful performance by Kassie DP.  Paloma needs to get some sack and tell Blair whatís going on.  

TEAR that picture, Baby.  Donít junk your memory of Cris because he dumped you, Jen, do it because heís stupid.  He should have been up front from the beginning and if you take him back, youíre a bigger idiot than Blair will be when she forgives Todd for giving her baby away. 

Iím totally torn on the subject of Natalie.  One minute, sheís really getting my drawers in a bunch with her smartass teen attitude and the next, sheís got me blubbering in my soup as she questions Viki about not knowing it was a whole different kid that was brought back to her.  What a mixed bag of tricks this girl is! 

So it ends with David Vickers having the baby!  What a goldmine he happened upon!  Looks like Blair will get her baby back yet!  Loving this!

 

GH 

Nik and Gia are just Zizzling hot hot hot!!  These two make me feel more reassured about my AMC question.  Maybe people do still actually make love.  What a couple of little sweetie pies!  

Stavros is such a predictable villain.  I canít help but wonder what another writer could have done with him.  

I canít believe Macís little rounding up of the usual and unusual suspects ended with such a whimper.  I really thought we were going to get some information out of that.  It had such promise and he only ended up making an ass of himself.  Flea, darling, that lipstick is just tragic.  

Man, either someone did a good job putting make up on Tony Geary to make him look nasty or someone does a good job putting make up on Tony Geary to make him look good normally.   

Pearls?  Sweet sixteen?  Iím the one choking here.  

Confessions are flowing like wine.  I canít believe theyíre giving Alan and Monica a few minutes to actual act. 

ďThereís something about Sonny.Ē  You said it, Zander. 

Does anyone in this town NOT know that Angel killed Sorel?  Is there anyone in this town who is NOT at Angelís house?  (Other than Gia and Nikolas and that wrist full of rocks?  My God, that girl has an awesome manicure) 

After all that analysis and cloak and dagger, Luke DRINKS the antidote?  Doesnít it seem that he would get some big formal injection with Tony there to monitor his progress and reaction?  

As an addendum, several of you have written to ask my input on the JFP meeting/BBQ where she laced into the actors for the failing ratings.  Iíve been checking my sources and I do know that there was some kind of coming together where JFP tried to pass the buck off onto the actors.  Seems that the ratings will be factored into the decision of whether she stays or she goes when the olí contract comes up for review in December.  Long on record as someone willing to glory in the successes (though there have not been many) and deny responsibility for the failures, it would be just like JFP to have a ranting fit when the numbers donít look right.  Funny, with the exception of the people she hired, these are the same actors who were there when the ratings were good.  Hmmmmm. 

So my assessment is that the actors probably arenít really happy with her right now, sheís looking for someone to blame for the falling ratings and the rumors that are going around about a meeting where she went off on everyone are likely true.

 

October 18, 2001
4:20 (ha!) PM

Darlings!  I've had such e-mails woes.  I've lost all the wonderful letters that have been sent to me in the past couple of weeks.  I just want you all to know that I adore you and I love hearing your words.  I'm so glad you like the column!

My e-mail address of sage@eyeonsoaps.com is always the best one to find me.  Please update your address books accordingly because I don't want to miss ANYthing!  That is the address connected to my little envelope at the bottom.

Adore you!

 

October 17, 2001
11:30

Darlings, I know you haven't seen me for a long time because the server for our web host company has been down for 3 days.  L  Major downer, dude. 

Again, thereís not a whole lot of gossip in the ABC world, which makes my job kind of useless.  Iíll give you what Iíve got and you can chew on that for a while.

 

AMC 

As you already know, Jesse McCartney has been let go from his role as JR as the character is taken from boy to man.  It can happen in a day.  *sniff*  Dixie goes to the Piggly Wiggly for some Wonder Bread and leaves behind a sniveling, whining little 14 year old and comes back home to JR all growed up at 17-18.  Maybe he can date old Rosa!  The newly hired Jonathan Bennett will be taking over the role soon.  Donít worry about Jesse.  He and his band ďDreamstreetĒ will be touring soon, so he wonít have idle time on his hands.  He wishes Bennett well and reminds everyone that he got the role due to a SORAS recast as well.  

Sorry, folks.  My sources still say that Cam is one gone guy.  Time will tell. 

Iím sure Iím not the only one looking forward to the return of the glorious Olivia Birkelund on October 22nd.  Canít wait! 

 

GH 

Yep!  RKK is gone, gone gone and it sounds like our Constance is not far behind.  Crying shame on CT, but RKK is starting to irritate me all to hell, so I wonít mourn him.  Iím holding out on the CT thing just being a rumor.  (pleasepleaseplease) 

Blow away the idea that Stuart Damon is leaving.  I think itís bunk.  Also on Maurice Benard (speaking softly and hiding a big stick behind my back to fend myself from his rabid devotees), it sounds like heís been grumbling about not liking where he is, but I donít look for him to go, at least not and STAY gone.  Rumors are also around that Jensen Buchanan is NOT getting the story she wants and was promised and is tired of the goody-two-shoes role.  Sheís supposedly asked to be released from her contract, possibly as Sorelís killer.  Angel is still a goner, but Geddy reports that Angel didnít do it, so who knows? 

As I said before, no Vanessa Marcil and for very good reason.  She and Brian Austin Green are welcoming bambino soon and sheís not working ANYwhere for a long while.  That is why her NYPD Blue stint was trimmed.  

Delane Matthews is on her way to Port Charles as Janine, who in one camp is thought to be the not so refined former lover of Mike and mother of Sonnyís sister and in another is thought to be someone to cause troubles for the Qís.  There has long been word of another Q secret coming to life.  Could rumors be mixing their metaphors here?  

Last GH rumor is that Tony Geary is pissed about the current story line after he and his co-writer penned a wonderful piece to end the Cassadine-Spencer feud and reunite Luke and Laura.  What we are seeing played out is NOT what he wrote AND canít possibly be by Megan McTavish because some of it is actually quite good.  Can a ghost writer possibly be cranking out the new stuff while McT is bound and gagged in a quiet, contract closet, awaiting her fate with JFP in the Winter?  Rumors are that three writers have been considered for the coveted and definitely to be beleaguered Head Writer position and Bob Guzaís one of them.  Letís pray that the Goddess Claire Labine is another and gets the nod.  Then youíll see what GH is really supposed to be about.  It has happened in the past that when an EP and Head Writer were about to get canned, they were smoked out of circulation a few months before and others were brought in to work in their stead, but keeping the names in place.   Iím telling ya, I smell a set up and a change in the winds.  

Tune in to SoapNet (*sniff* those lucky souls who ARENíT ME and can GET IT) for the special on Friday, November 23rd, and youíll finally see what weíve all been talking about and longing for:  The Luke and Laura magic.  SN will air 12 episodes of the best of Luke and Laura and itís really going to be a keeper!  Set those VCRís. 

 

OLTL 

October 19th, THIS Friday, is the red-letter day that will only be remembered for a few months at most:  Melanieís last day in Llanview.  Time to have a party and set about the forgetting process. 

Soap vet Ilene Kristen will be showing up in Llanview as Natalieís adoptive mother, Roxanne Balsom.  Kristen is best remembered for her 1982 role of Delia on Ryanís Hope.  I never caught her personally, but someone in the know tells me, ďShe played a great ditz.Ē  I doubt anyone who raised Natalie is going to be the paragon of dignity, so Iím sure sheíll get to flaunt her best ditz-bitch self.

 

PC 

I keep getting letters asking why I donít comment on PC and so Iíll answer publicly to stop the rumblings of concern.  I donít get an opportunity to watch PC because my cable company does not carry either PC or SoapNet, so Iíve not even seen an episode.  That puts a big crimp in my ability to provide competent commentary!  Sorry folks.   Iíd love to see Kevin and Lucy, definitely Ian and the stories have seemed fascinating, but no can do! 

Sorry itís all dry and boring this time, darlings, but Sage is a bit under the weather.  Iíll be up to par soon.  Itís just a silly little bug, so Iím laying low, eating lots of mommyís potato soup and playing snuggly bugglies until my big mink blanket.  Iím shaking it off, finally, but Iím still not up to 100% yet.  No worries!  Iíll be back to old self soon.  Just didnít want anyone to worry or not get a column. 

Feeliní the Love,

October 7, 2001
10:30am

DARLINGS!!  Iím back!  DO tell me how much you miss-ed me.  Mmmmwwwaaahh to all of you.  Mmmmwwwaaahh!  Air kisses, air kisses, both sides of your sweet face.   

I feel as though I have been gone forever and I want to say that LACK OF SLEEP will do that to you.  Thatís why evil countries use sleep deprivation as a form of torture, because youíll get all crabby and not feel like yourself any more and pretty soon youíre telling them the combination to the US Treasury safe or something.   

At last, I am sleeping like a baby all through the night and I woke up with the most delicious sense of well-being and cuddly joy.  Mom seems to have shaken off her funk and sheís back to being my little happy bug again.  She even went out and did some of the herb harvesting this week and we did the hanging to dry together.  Vince had to go out of town for the weekend on some training something and so Kye brought the girls over the spend the night.  Never being one to pass up a good opportunity when I see one, I took advantage of the situation and drove up to surprise MyKatrina.  Of course, I called first because her life is so monkeyballs that god knows what kind of madness would be going on there, but fortunately, she was available, so I jaunted up.  It was great fun and we had acheyfaces from laughing so much by the time I left.  Ahhh.  Nice day.  We ate at the Olive Garden on Sunrise, my favorite in the whole country and I had a nummy chicken alfredo.  I was feeling sooooo carnivorous and enjoyed every minute of it.  They finally had to come out and say, ďIím sorry, Mr Sage, that really is all of the free salad and breadsticks you CAN have with the chicken alfredo.Ē  I made them regret that ďall you can eatĒ madness.  They greatly underestimated how much this little rumorqueen CAN eat!  So got home around 10pm last night and guess what??  Mom and Kye were ROASTED!  I guess after the girls went to sleep, they broke into the blackberry (ew) brandy mom made a few years ago and Kye kept saying, ďIt didnít ferment, mom.  I canít feel anything.  Itís just blackberry syrup.Ē  Pretty soon she was on the coffee table holding a hairbrush and belting out ďI will survive.Ē  As soon as I got there, they started hounding me to take them out to a karaoke bar, but I got out of it by reminding them that if I drove them both, thereíd be no one there with the girls.  God knows I did *not* want to finalize a perfect day by hauling two old heifers out to a bar to butcher perfectly good songs of the 70ís.  They finally settled down around 2am and are sleeping it off now.  The girls got up about two hours ago and I made them my special French toast, so they are sated and on the hideabed watching Disney movies.  Iíll go kick the wimmin awake around 10 and force them to take me out to breakfast, then Iíll order lots of grease-laden food and make them watch me eat it and race for the bathroom.  

: >  Freakiní lushes.  

Oh.  My.  God.  I found the coolest site.  Actually, someone set it to me.  This is not for the faint of heart because it has an objectionable word in it and shows line drawings from Grayís anatomy of a dissected male genitalia, but itís all in good context and is worth the crack up.  If you arenít turned off, go to http://www.threebrain.com/weeeeee.html, turn up your speakers and give it a minute to load.  Iím so easily amused.  

Speaking of easy to amuse, all of you OLTL fans really need to check out the EOS site of the month:  OLTL, The Complete Family Tree.  Itís an incredible site!!  I was so totally entertained for a few HOURS exploring it all.  So since weíre on OLTL, weíll start with that and work backwards this time.  
 

OLTL:  

I eagerly await the return of Asaís living wives and feel it was quite a coup to get all of the original actresses.  If only they could have gotten Mia Korpf to play some kind of odd role (like the waitress that takes their order) or something.  A month is too long to wait! 

Since we hear that Ilene Kristen has been cast as Natalie's mother, Roxanne Balsom, itís pretty easy to figure that Allison is NOT her mom, as I had originally thought.  We have ascertained for the most part that Jessica as we know her is not the real Jessica and that Allison somehow managed to return the wrong baby to Viki.  Seth is supposedly the son of Mitch Laurence, itís all intertwined somehow.  I just canít seem to figure out the motivation of Natalie and Seth in all of this.   

Looks like Dave might get some after all.  I just have to wonder what Ben will think about that.  Where is Viki?  I havenít seen Ben call her and she hasnít been around that Iíve seen since she lectured Todd on forgiveness.  Iím sure I missed some important book signing announcement or something. 

Wasnít Troy in the process of telling Nora something important about Matthewís blood?  I think I must have missed a step or gone to pee at the wrong time, because it looked to me as though he had her on the phone and then the whole thing was just dropped.   

Iím really disappointed at how quickly Melanie turned into Lindsay once Bo dallied in setting a wedding date.  I guess maybe the apple didnít fall too far from the other apple that didnít fall too far from the tree.  Poor Bo just canít get a break in the woman department.   

Red bra?  DARLING, really, how gauche!   

Iím eager for the scenes between Todd and Blair in Mexico.  Word has it that when he catches Todd Jr/Mini Max, in true fashion, he has some not so nice words for the newborn.  Meanwhile, Starr knows the truth because Grammy Addie pasted the perfect sentence from that ten page tome of Blairís into the pasta collage.  LOVED the screaming matches between Starr and Todd.  It was exactly as it should be.  When a kid actor can stand toe to toe with a powerhouse like Roger Howarth, who doesnít hold back a shred from his tiny co-star, you know youíre onto something.  Their acting dynamics are fabulous.  If OLTL ever lets this little minx get away, they are fools.  Starr should be a permanent fixture as well.  ;) 


GH 

Iíve been all through the dictionary and thesaurus and have determined that there are not enough words in the English language to adequately praise the Luke and Laura scenes this week. Priceless.  OK, thereís one to cover it all. 

Ahhhh!!  My retinas!!  Kristina, honey, TONE DOWN THAT FLUORESCENT MOP!  Sheís a fine actress, but I canít see her act for that blinding glare! 

Angel go bye bye.  Sage will not cry.   

I loved Lizís death scene, not just because itís my own soap dream to see Elizabeth crumble to her death (even a fake one was enjoyable), but also because Coltin Scott was just so damned good and Helena was just so friggin creepy-crawly.  She definitely had that black widow spider thing going on.  GH has been a great gift to Coltin as far as acting and he had a LOONGGG way to go to fill the giant shoes of the magnificent Tyler Christopher nee Baker.  Just as a quick reminder:


Tasty! 

He has taken his place as the Cassadine prince most nicely. 

Unlike some recasts I could mention who went to the Steve Burton school of ďstareĒ and call it method acting.  Ahem. 

There are rumors about Jensen Buchanan asking to get out of her contract because she doesnít like how Melissa has turned out.  Iíll get back to you on any info I hear about that. 

Iíve heard much more about RKKís departure, other than two magazines reporting it as well as Geddy and RKKís agent saying that he has not received any official word.  I havenít heard any details emerge about the story of the departure, but I canít imagine the Spencer-Cassadine feud being resolved in any way with Helena and Stavros still alive.  Iíll keep you informed.  
 

AMC 

Not much happening here either.  No further word on Camís possible departure.  No interest in the JR recast (yawn).  Iím eagerly awaiting the word that Laura is going to be found out as a wacko and sent to the Pine Valley Special Place.  Iím fighting to not bitchslap the TV every time sheís on, clutching her chest and taking more of Phoebeís meds to make her clutch her chest some more.  ďWHEREíS LEOOOOO?  GET ME LEOOOOO!Ē  I wanted to throw things when he walked into the room just as Brooke was about, for once, to do the right thing.   

I know I am going to have to take lots of pepto to watch the reunion between Mac and Anna.  Anything other than her going to PC and the two of them teaming up to look for Robert is a major disappointment to Sage. 

Darlings, my Liza is knocked up!  Up a gut!  Bun in the oven!  ďIn trouble.Ē  In the family way.Ē  With child.  Passing on the genes!  ďNo, she left no grandchildrenÖĒ  That seals the paternity right there.  Wow.  Ryanís a daddy.   

I think Iím about done here.  Have great week and try to get the bear before he gets you. 

Feelin the love,
 

 

October 4, 2001
8:45am

GH

A lot of you have written to me about the posting on Gedstern's News Page about RKK leaving the role of Stavros.  I have heard nothing about this other than what Geddy has posted and I have no information on it.  None of my sources have heard about it either.  I'm not saying it's wrong, just that I have more info on this than you do.

 

October 3, 2001
9:00am

BUT WAIT!!  I forgot to rave about the BEST part of AMC yesterday!  What was I thinking??  I LOVED when Jesse beaned Tad with the hammer, then gave that little quirky, smirky grin and said "boo" as he was dazed and confused!  GOD I love this show!!!

 

October 3, 2001
7:15 in the o'dark30 am

GH

One of my favorite netpals wrote this to me today, "I hope that you caught the latter part of GH! Especially Genie and Tony!  Still has the magic, don't you think!!! *ahhhhh*  Lord, do I ever!  That was truly a magic moment when he starting drinking from Laura's presence like a man who has found a well after crossing a desert.  These two have crossed oceans of time (to borrow from Dracula) and climbed mountains of obstacles to share that one, insane, desperate moment when he ravished her.  I love Scotty, but there's no way he can hold a candle to that L&L1 conflagration.  If Luke can just go on thinking for a little bit longer that it's twenty years ago, it will ignite that same passion in Laura and then there will be no stopping it.  I get chills just thinking the way he looked at her when she walked through the door.  

On the other side, we were given absolutely stunning performances by Coltin Scott and Marisa Ramirez as the Cassadine-war torn lovers, Gia and Nikolas.  Magnificent.

THEN we had to subtle, yet brilliant interplay with Jax, Kristina, Alexis and Ned.  You could so clearly see how much Ned still loves Alexis.  You could see how much the last year has taken out of Alexis and just how damned weary she is.  You could see how much Jax cares for her.  You could see Kristina trying to figure everything out while stepping on a minimum of toes.  How can actors give us so much depth and convey so many emotions in one scene!  For all of those who would say, "It's called 'ACTING,'" I would retort with, "It's called, 'Daytime' and more apt, 'It's called NuGH.'"  This is a level of excellence that I have come NOT to expect from GH.  If I didn't know better, I would swear another writer was at the helm as a contingency plan until December arrives and The JFP (not)Variety Hour gets the boot.  I know Tony Geary wrote the L&L scenes, but that does not explain why the whole show was just excellent yesterday.  Having NO Sonny, NO Carly and NO Angel was a breath of fresh air.  *Ahhhhhh*  Not a whisper of lame acting or pubescent scripting.  I could also pretend it was the GH of old.  No one story was given priority over another.  The transitions between scenes were smooth and flowing.  All in all, an extremely enjoyable hour.

 

OLTL

There is so much about this show right now that is cumbersome to the point of evoking pain.  I won't even get into the stupid fantasy world of Gabrielle, who grates on my nerves like a potato peeler dipped in acid.  There were (I caught quite the shame-shame from mother for my OLTL outburst yesterday) some really choice moments that did make me proud, however.  I had forgotten that I sometimes like Max and seeing him with RJ reminded me of what a good team they make.  It was a pleasure to see Addie again.  God, I love her.  Todd being so cruel to her did not sit right with me at all, but there have been a few things about the Todd we now have that don't seem in keeping with the Todd I thought I knew.  Of course, this is the same character who punched Tea right in the face in the cabana, so I guess I'm waxing romantic over a bad guy that I really don't want to believe is a bad guy.  I very much enjoyed Todd's scenes with Starr.  "Dave" and Allison were a great watch ("DAMN!"  He had me chuckling with that one.) and I look forward to the tension around that "romance."  So I suppose even OLTL was a decent watch today.  

 

AMC

WOW!  Now THAT's entertainment!!  First, we get the gammut of emotions that yesterday's show sucked from our souls.  Couple that with absolutely divine levels of acting and directing layered onto a brilliantly written script and it equals a rounded three hours of soap opera HEAVEN!  Is this really ABC?  Did all of my soaps get a makeover or WHAT?  They are far more beautiful than I remembered them being!  Ryan and Gillian had me blubbering into my client's updo like a little baby.  Chris outside of Ryan's place, begging for Divine help, tore at my soul.  I mean, here's this guy that's the macho, tough player with an answer for everything, begging God to help him know what to do about Ryan and to forgive him for all he's done.  *gasp*  *sob*  *choke*  I didn't have to use my spray bottle once, Darlings.  The curl was set by my tears.  THEN we get David explaining why he had to report Joe for hesitating on the T-waves.  That tore me up because on one hand, it's JOE "Jim Anderson" MARTIN, for crying out loud, but on the other hand, my logical practical side is beating the hell out of my nostalgic emotional side by noticing that Joe KNOWS he screwed up, knows of all the people to catch it, he'd rather have Satan himself find out than David Hayward and also knows he doesn't have a hope in hell of coming up with a believable defense.  Yikes!  I needed some time alone as well after that!  My poor Dr Joe.  Last but not least, my heart leapt as I saw Leo go mad and start flagging down that truck to anywhere.  Good for HIM!  To take a U-2 song totally out of context (with deep apologies to both Bono and B. B. King):  "When love comes to town, I'm gonna jump that train.  When love comes to town, I'm gonna catch that plane.  Baby, you were wrong to ever let me down, cause I did what I did before love came to town!"  Jump that train, Baby!  (Sage needed some time to himself again after watching Leo find his spirit!).  You GO, Boy.  Plan that wedding, Cardiac Woman!  You ain't got no GROOM!

*aaahhhhh*  LOVE these soaps!

 

October 2, 2001
11:30am 

DARLINGS! 

Sorry to keep you waiting so long, but all these ladies whose heads look like the business end of a feather duster have been beating down Sageís door to be made into beauties.  *sigh*  The time I took off lately has been brutal on my work schedule, so Iíve been doing little more than cutting/curling/tinting/permanenting and such.   

NOT that youíve missed much other than me saying that thereís NOTHING new going on out there is soap land.  The crickets are chirping and otherwise, the silence is deafening.  Iíll squeeze a few drops of blood from this turnip, but other than that, the column will mostly be yacking.  I have a few hooks in the water, but I havenít gotten the bites yet.  Will let you know as soon as I do. 

AMC 

Oh for the love of Pete, Cam, settle down.  Mathison wrote a big, heated bitch letter on his official site complaining about how the mags prematurely outted his leaving.  He insists that nothing is final and heís still in negotiations.  That may be true, but even though little birds donít have lips, they can surely speak and Iím hearing that heís not going to get the cash or the opportunity for other projects to the degree that he wants.  If he canít bend, heíll walk.  Hide and watch, Baby.  Hide and watch.  Donít EVEN get me started on these stars who want to metaphorically live at home in momís basement while they go out to play.  GET off the fence already and be a soap star or get your big career!  Donít nurse at the teat of Daytime until you get the break you want or worse, pop back and for the and back and forth (INGO and STEVE).  Rant off.  Donít get me wrong.  Iíd love for Ryan to hang around Pine Valley a while longer.  I just donít think itís going to happen.  Thatís my story and Iím sticking to it. 

Any chance when Laura power eats her Aunt Phoebeís pharmacy that she can have some kind of fatal drug interaction and die with her head in the toilet?  God, how Iím hating her.  My poor Leo is being rocked in Satanís cradle with this ordeal and is going to beat her to cracking up if sheís not careful.  I just wish heíd beat her.  Well no, not really.  Sage is, after all, really a peaceful warrior, but Loony Laura really brings out the worst in me. 

ďNot soís youíd notice.Ē  Love that Chris.  Iím betting on the abusive father.  Our polls are showing most people think heís an uncle.  I could see that playing out as well.  Since we have actually had dealings with the wayward brother, Braden, we can figure itís not him. 

So this is Biancaís new love?  Ericaís not going to be the happiest mother-in-law in the world. 

So Nurse Zora is back and Rosaís out.  I can live with that.  Alana de la Garza is 25 and looks every minute of it, so it was stupid to cast her as a 17-year-old in the first place.  Widening oneís eyes and slacking oneís jaw gives the image of stupidity and not youth.  Guess her acting coach misinformed her.  Anyway, a big old Buh-Bye to Rosa.  Doorknob hitcha, Good Lord splitcha, etc, etc.  I love Nurse Zora, so her return is welcome.  I feel badly that Eric Dearborn also got shafted by being brought into a role that was so ill-thought-through and poorly written.  It was also his grave misfortune that we were lead astray to believe his boots were those of the blessed Saint of Studliness, Robert Scorpio, leaving us to go, ďohĒ when it turned out to be some goofy little mute kid.  You canít expect us to rouse up any excitement after so disappointing an entrance.  Not EDís fault.  Just bad planning all around.  Hope his next job serves him better. 

WTF????!!!  HECTOR?  They named that little baby freaking HECTOR?  No way did the fans vote that name in.  The Lorenzo part, maybe.  

Lorenzo Lamas 

Lorenzo Music  

I mean, whatís not to like.  But HECTOR?  After the father who forced his family to live under his thumb?  Booo.   Hisss.  Stupid Mateo and Hayley.  They were better off with Crazy Arleneís name of ďCharlieĒ that she told the pilot her grandson was named (just before she banged that pilot like an eight penny nail).   

I sure do love seeing David Canary being Adam being Stuart.   

Girlfriend advice to Greenlee:  Shag Jake totally rotten.  I mean, put it to him every time he walks in the door.  Never be dressed around the house unless itís in saran wrap.  Then thank Erica for her incredible campaign idea and throw yourself into it.  BE the enchantress and be aloof and bewitching and let Leo come to you after seeing your gorgeous face on every magazine rack and bus side panel in the country.  Let Laura get her ratty little face put in it every time she tips out the door.  If she was not being the insecure, paranoid freak sheís being, you wouldnít stand a chance with Leo, so use her freakhood to your advantage and just wait, darling.  Just wait.  Youíre welcome.  Next? 

New JR?  Eh.   Who cares. 

So we are to believe that once Anna got her senses and memory back, that she is a horndog who is bored with Edmund, but entranced by David and wants to work for Chris.  Pathetic.  Back to GH with ye.  Next? 

 

GH 

As you have probably already heard, Angel dunnit and that provides the means for her escape from a show that should not have hired her in the first place.  In our EOS Voting Booth Polls, Angel blew away her nearest contender for character youíd most like to fire.  She had a stunning 64% with NuCarly the closest runner up with a measly 13%.  Buh Bye. 

Yes, itís true.  Itís a girl.  Sonny is getting a sister.  Just one more thing Mike forgot to mention and one more kid he abandoned.  Itís likely that this was another family that he had in tandem with Sonny and Adela.  Man, this guy cannot get a break in the ďnicest character written to be a jerkĒ category.  Mom will most likely be coming on canvas too, basically as a white-trashy mom looking to scale up her image.  Iím picturing, oh Lord, what was her name, Charlie andÖsomebody, around Luke and Lauraís wedding time, um, thinking, thinking, too lazy to look up, must remember.  LUTZ!!  Emma Lutz!  Thatís whatís coming into my mind anyway.  EVERYone needs a sister, I guess.  The Qís got a new one, Stefan and Alexis got a new one.  Sure.  Why not.  Of course, Jax is going to hit on her right away and Sonny will warn him off and Jax will blow him off and the gloves will be off (again).  OH, we mustnít forget that in the midst of all this, before Carly knows who sister is, she will interrupt her victory over the banishing of Angel long enough to have an arm flailing, head bobbing fit over who ever that woman is that Sonny is talking to, comforting, having dinner with or passing on the street.  *sigh*  Will someone please get this broad off my TV?  Run, Sarah BrownÖrun far away and donít look back or youíll turn into a pillar of salt. 

First people try and make something wrong with her kid, then they try and fire her before itís time.  Rebecca Herbstís baby is FINE and so is her status on GH.  Sheís not leaving as far as we know and the rumors that she was were just that, internet rumors from someoneís bored brain. 

Another premature leaving in rumor only is JFP.  Remember, folks, I told you that the show would be looking up by MAY sweeps, not NOVEMBER!  The only thing good about November sweeps is the stuff below.  JFP is on a firm contract that is iron clad, so stop acting like just because the fans donít like her and sheís producing crap, she can just be fired.  It doesnít work that way.  Sing it with me, children, because I know you know the words:  Her CONTRACT is up for review in DECEMBER and NOTHING is going to happy BEFORE that because ABC does not want to be SUED into the next MILLENNIUM!!  These things have to be done del-i-cate-ly or the spell will be BROKEN.  Yes, ABC has seen the downward-spiraling ratings.  Yes, theyíve gotten megatons of letters from fans complaining (for the record:  e-mails are totally ignored).  No, they canít do a thing about it until contract renewal time, when she will either be ridden out of ABC town on a rail or reinstated, depending on the status of the barnyard-related pictures she obviously has on some ABC exec(s).  Patience, my dears.  Time takes time.  Long time viewers know that weíve been here or worse before and these cycles take care of themselves.  Just hang in there and use that FF button! 

But not on the upcoming Luke and Laura story because weíre actually going to get some good work.  That is because weíre FINALLY getting to see the material written by Anthony Geary that was submitted to bring Luke and Laura back together again and (much to my chagrin) break the heart of Darling Scott.  *sniff*  Heíd better get ready to catch another bridal bouquet.   

 

OLTL 

Crap.  Mom just yelled from the living room, ďI KNOW youíre getting ready to write about OLTL and if you canít say something nice, donít say anything at all.Ē  Now Iím sitting here looking at a blank OLTL page.  Um.  Lemme work on this one.  Um.   

OK.  Hereís something.  Hereís a wav of when Todd comes into the room where Asa and Gabrielle are talking: 

 todd.wav

And here are some pictures to look at while you listen to the Todd clip:

               

More nice things.  Um.  OK, I believe that Keri is Hankís daughter from an affair he had while married to Nora.

Love how Bo has taken off his Hat of Dumbening long enough to realize that Melanie was playing him and may even be aware that sheís maybe six seconds from a major crack up. 

That Troy sure looks good. 

OH, loved the scene between Addie and Todd.  Addie is so beautiful!  They picked the perfect person to play her and Iím thrilled that Pamela Payton-Wright has remained in the role for so long.  Her interaction with Todd, Blair and Starr is always priceless.   

ARRRRGGHHHHH!!  I canít STAND IT!!  Iím SICK of Natalie rolling her stupid eyes every time Jessica turns away or worse *gasp* does something to help her.  I hate the way that Samís reaction (and everyone elseís, for that matter) to Troy being in town is so over the top and juvenile.  Itís been proven heís not Colin, so for crying out loud, people, grow up and GET OVER IT!!  The last thing we need to see is NuSam beating his chest, roaring and peeing around Nora to mark his territory.  (Sorry, Mommy.   Had to get that out!) 

I need more Rachel, STAT! 

I really miss Joyce Guy as the wise and haughty Senora Lena, Voodoo Woman to the lameass and oppressed of Llanview.  I loved the way she said, ďDaugh-ter.Ē 

That Allison Perkins chick is totally freaky.  Those eyes are crazier than an outhouse rat. 

That about wraps me up!  If any tidbits come in, youíll be the first to know!  Til next time, Daugh-ters!