Darlings!  Welcome to ME!!

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to ABC.com because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave town.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my lovies to go unarmed into war!

June 27, 2002

The Bender Saga Continues 

So I thought it was over.  For those of you who don’t know about Bender (it’s not soap related, so skip it if you’re only a soap reader), he is the animatron who accosted me on Mother’s Day and that story is here.  My musical tribute to him is here and his further mistreatment of me is documented here.  So I thought it was over when I sent him the crochet hook and didn’t hear from him for a while.  I mean, how can someone follow THAT act?? 

Leave it to the guy to try.  After about two weeks, he sent me back a nicely crocheted little brown turd and a plastic fork.  Ah yes.  A class act.  Of course, it would take him about that long to figure out the intricate impossibilities of crocheting or to coerce some little old lady into doing it for him.  I will confess to a momentary loss of ideas, so with nothing better to think of at the moment, I simply called up a pizza joint in their area and had 10 pizza’s delivered to his and Ginger’s house and sent his address (snail mail, of course, no self-respecting research scientist would have a computer for anything other than configuring his rapidly falling common sense vs intellect ratio and reading the results as good news when I would see them as nothing short of tragic) to a plethora of mail order porn places.  I was in the process of trying to think of something to top the crocheted turd and was feeling particularly inept and bested and more than a little guilty for succumbing to such childish and lowbrow retaliation when I should have been able to come up with something better.  I blame sleep deprivation, tension and, well, plain old depravity for my temporary loss of inspiration.  I was mulling this last Sunday…what was that, something like the 16th or something?…when the doorbell rang and who should be there but Ginger and BenderOver theyselves.  Mom was having a particularly good day and we were up for some fierce Parcheesi action in the dining room (I can kick Mom’s skinny ass at The Cheeze without having to think about it, so I could ponder the Bender situation AND wonder why mom always comes back for more abuse at this game WHILE kicking her ass.  I was also thinking about how one day, I’d let her win and make a big deal over it) and weren’t expecting anyone, so we figured it was Kye and Vince bringing the girls over to play with the animals and visit.  Lo!  And behold!  It was them!  I pulled a “Hello, Bender” (ala Jerry Seinfeld’s “Hello, Newman”) and he just sort of sniffed and went over to pay his respects to mom.  Ginger cut me a look and I stuck my tongue out at her, still in my “mature” phase.  Mom was having a good enough day that she was on the cane and not the walker or chair, so she toddled over to the “sitting room” and we sat…and looked at each other…for an eternity.  Seems as though the grown up version of some science fair (read:  Nerds With Money) was happening in San Francisco or Oakland or some other Bay related town out there, and of course, the King of the Nerds had to be there to greet his loyal subjects (and fellow JustStoppedPlayingD&DandSecretlyWishIStillDid freaks), so they drove out to see mom and hassle me for a while.  

Bender kept trying to bait me into a fight by saying things like, “So, what do you have for desert??  Can I eat it with a fork?”  I told him to mind his own forkin business and that I thought there were some Ding Dongs on top of the fridge if he wanted to lower himself to gobble one down.  He said, “No thanks,” and sniffed a bit.  I asked if they’d like to go out to dinner somewhere and they said they’d just eaten, so no.  We sat a while longer.  Ginger asked about the other girls and mom filled her in and gave her some new pictures of the grandkids from Mother’s Day.  Mom asked about her job and Ginger told her about some cruise she’s going on in a month or so.  It was grueling. 

So finally, years and years later, they got up to go and I saw mom looking pained and Ginger looking pained and God knows I can’t stand to have my ladies hurt, so I decided to take the high road, be the better man, wave the white flag, etc, etc.  So I said, “Look, Bender, I know we got off to a bad start, but we both love my sister and for reasons I can’t even fathom, my sister seems intent on having you in her life, so I think we’d better find a way to get along, so,” here I go sticking out my hand, my neck and Lord knows what else, “I’d like to try and start over again.” 

This JACKASS looks at my hand, hanging there in space, and says with a good laugh, “What happened, Sparky?  Did you see a particularly poignant episode of ‘Seventh Heaven’ that gave you some feminine crisis of conscience or something?  (Then he said, “PFFFTT’” to ME!!  NO ONE says “Pfft” to me!!  That’s MY word!!!)  I should have figured that if you were all immersed in your soaps, you’d be into some churchy lafemme show like that.”  My mouth was working, but no words were coming out.  I couldn’t believe he could be such a jerk.  Then it suddenly hit me.  The clicking fell into place like the perfect, seamless turning of a well-mechanized combination lock under a steady and knowing hand. 

“Wait a second…”  I said, remembering to pull my hand from the air where it was still dangling like a moth in a spider web.  “How would YOU know that ‘Seventh Heaven’ is a churchy lafemme show…unless you watch it??!!”  (ba da DUMMMMMMM)  He blanched white and mom cackled behind me and started hobbling over to the couch to sit down again.  “You’re a FAKE,” I laughed at him. “ You’re a closet tube feeder!”  I couldn’t believe it and couldn’t stop laughing.  It was over.  Taking the high road had ended up being my greatest pay off and Bender had been as exposed as a bum at the bus stop.  Heh heh heh.  I turned around to walk past mom, who was still hobbling, to get to my room, which is off the opposite side of the living room.  

Bender yells out, “That’s ENOUGH, you fucking fairy!” (Fairy??  Moi??) and pushes past my mom and hits me upside the back of my head!!!!  I turned around in time to see I turned around in time to see my mother lose her balance and fall in the floor from his push!!  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.  It was ON. 

Honey, I kicked his ass.  He never even got in a punch.  When he stopped trying to defend himself, I said, “You’re right.  That’s more than enough…and you just got your ass WHIPPED by a fucking fairy.  Go tell your egghead friends about that one.” 

Ginger had picked up mom and helped her to the couch and was shrieking at us and whapping on my back, so I gave her the stink eye big time and said, “Listen, the entire time you lived here, you never once condescended to take out the trash, but you’d by god better do it now and get this Ivy League piece of shit out of my house and if you EVER bring him around me or my mother again, you’ll be burying him in a bucket.”  Ginger started crying and I picked up my mom and carried her back to her room.  She was shaken up and a little bruised, but I checked her out nothing seemed broken, which was my big fear.  I got her a valerian capsule and went out after a few minutes to make her some chamomile tea.   Ginger and Bender were gone, thank goodness.  I brought mom back her tea and the game, so I could play with her for a while and keep her sharp and awake in case she hit her head where I couldn’t see it (I even let her win  : Þ)  She seems fine now, but was a little sore for the next few days and had a pretty bad week emotionally.  Ginger called the next day and was whining to me that she and Bender had broken up and how she hoped I was happy.  Pffft.  I didn’t even tell mom she called.  Hopefully, when she gets her brain on straight, they can connect up again. 

So the Bender saga ends.  I wish it had been with more of a whimper than a whippin and I still do my best to be a peaceful warrior, but like Kenny says, “Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man.”  If all goes well, that will eventually be behind us and Bender will be nothing more than a story we tell at family gatherings (when Ginger isn’t there).  So yeah, it was a pretty difficult week and I had to do some things that were a pretty far reach out of my character, but it did show me what the effects can be of petty competitions and arguments and I’m going to do my best to rise above that and always remember that no matter how contained a situation seems, your actions are always far reaching tentacles, a ripple effect that can cause unexpected results anywhere down the line.  Yeah, I’m a little more reflective and morose than I have been, but I hope to be back to myself soon.



June 27, 2002

Hey, I just wanted to pass along that like EOS, The Official Amber Tamblyn Fan Club and Website has been having some technical problems, but is definitely still around!  If you are an AmTam fan, you can check them out at AMTAM - The Official Amber Rose Tamblyn Fan Club and Web Site

Loving you!

June 27, 2002

One of my wonderful Ho's sent me this and now my brain isn't working well.  :)

Here are some facts you may not have been aware of:

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
Leonardo DiVinci invented the scissors.
No word in the English language rhymes with month.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand, "lollipop" with your right.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel  that it burns.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at a red light.
In most advertisements, including  newspapers, the time displayed on a watch face is 10:10.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables.
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
There is a word in the English language with only one vowel, which occurs five times: "indivisibility."
The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.
Did you know that crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live? That means that if you put a baby croc in an aquarium, it would be little for the rest of its life.
A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein
A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable"
Barbie's full name is Barbara Milicent Roberts.
It's impossible to lick your elbow.
More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a  telephone call. 
Rats and horses can't vomit.
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language...try it!
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
A duck's quack doesn't echo anywhere, and no one knows why.
In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Cat's urine glows under a black light.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

June 26, 2002
3:15pm (at last!  *swish*) 

The real Soapy stuff comes NOW!! 

The sad part, is I don’t really have that much to report, unfortunately, so a lot of this is going to be just me yakking about the rumors and gossip that’s out there. 


Why am I finding myself begging for July to hit so we can get to the new Mateo??  Can we get a new Hayley too???  You know, I’ve really got nothing against Kelly Ripa and she’s a fine enough actress, but I want a new HAYLEY!!  What happened to my rebellious little gothy girl with the smart mouth and the heart of gold?  She turned into a bitchy, shrewish, sanctimonious, little know-it-all St Hayley that I want to smack out of everybody else’s beeswax and get back into tending her OWN problems, mainly that her man seemed to enjoy just a little too much lovin on Simone and talking smack to her.  Represent, little Vaughn Woman!!!  Don’t take that Latin Macho Man bullshit!!  Girl, you need to hang out with some sistahs that watch the show for a while and let them set you straight on how things iz!  You smoothed over THAT little deal a little bit too fast!  I think all of this obscene nagging she’s been channeling to poor Mia is nothing more than displaced rage over her lot in life!!  Poor Endzone is going to grow up being a controlling ass just like Daddy and Grampa Santos if she isn’t careful!! 

OK, so I just blew about a half hour looking for a picture of Goth Hayley, so I guess I’ll move on… 

Remember that horrible moment at the Daytime Emmy’s where that idiot blonde chick shrieked “SUSAN *@&*#&$!!!!!” for the winner of Outstanding Actress and someone told Susan Lucci it was her and the AMC music played and then she had to pull back because Susan Flannery mowed her down getting to the podium to scarf her award?  Lucci has addressed the situation and again shows her remarkable class or at least fab, well compensated spin job (smile).  She says, "I would like to take this opportunity to speak to you personally and thank all of my fans for their passionate support, loyalty and care regarding the matter of the Emmys. I also discussed this in a live interview on CNN. I truly believe it was an honest mistake. Dick Clark Productions who produced the Emmy broadcast called me to extend their apologizes. These things happen and I congratulate Susan Flannery on her win for Best Actress on a Daytime Drama Series." 

I gots no good AMC gossip.  I’m eager to see what happens with Leo and his Dad The Count (or not).  One of the things that I love about AMC is that there are many front burner stories going at once and often, you won’t hear about a particular story for a day or so.  One of the things I hate about AMC is that there are many front burner stories going on at once and often, you won’t hear about a particular story for a day or so.  I missed some of AMC last week and also missed yesterday, so I’m assuming (ass/u/me) that, if my calculations are correct, we haven’t heard from Leo and the Count since a week ago yesterday.  I think that’s a little much.  Did I miss some slight mention of “Oh, I’m not your father?”  Did he take the test and leave and is waiting for the results?  What’d I miss?? Never mind, they bridged the unthinkable gap today.

One more scene of David and Anna whining to each other and I’m going to start gnawing my foot off to get out of this trap.  On the other hand, the scene between Vanessa and Anna today was positively golden…very much the old Anna.  Bravo!!!!! 

With that, I’m suddenly confronted with the unavoidable fact that I am shaking my brain to get something AMCish to come up in the ol’ Magic 8 Ball and I’m drawing a blank.  

The truth is, there’s just not a damned thing interesting me on the show right now, so I’m going to move right along to… 


There are only three interesting tidbits about OLTL right now:

One is that yes, Ben is going to be written into oblivion for a while as Mark Derwin does some taping for his new series with Bonnie Hunt, “Life With Bonnie.”  "I'm under contract to ABC to both shows now," Derwin says. "As of now, I'm going out to Los Angeles to do 13 shows with Bonnie. When that's over, someone is going to tell me where to go. Literally.  He acknowledges that he’s leaving the show at a difficult time since the Niki/Viki story is just culminating.  He voices his appreciation to the OLTL execs for bending over backwards to work with him.  He says, "I don't want to leave anyone hanging.  We're going to figure out a way to work this out so that Ben and Viki will be together again. A lot of viewers like us together, and they've been very supportive through my 3 1/2 years here. Often when you do a sitcom, you do three shows and then get a week off. If ["OLTL"] says, 'We need you in New York,' I'm on a plane.”  Still, there’s no word on how Ben will be put out to pasture for a few weeks. 

Secondly, Gary Tomlin tells us that the Stranded On An Island story is going to go on and on and on and on through August.  I love RH and I can tolerate FL and I don’t give a damn about Ross and can’t fathom why he’s contracted and in the opening credits all of a sudden, but this story is a freakin turkey…a horse that is struggling to get up and run on broken legs and seriously needs to be shot and put out of my misery.  Getting shot on Inish Cragg by the Men of 21 was so much cooler.  Pffft on them. 

Lastly, the big Rae mystery is revealed!  As it turns out, Rae is really Rae, but Rae IS a fake, meaning, she never really got her MA, flunked out of college and snagged a blank diploma out of the trash can to fashion one of her own.  Could it BE any more anticlimatic??  Linda Dano came up with this story on her own and I PRAY that there is more in regard to the Mark deal than this.  Darling, I am rolling my eyes so far into my head I can see my medulla oblongata over this relentless and overblown pursuit of Rae’s past that Keri has undertaken.  Puh-lease, honey, NO means NO!  This is seriously reminiscent of Flea being hellbent on exposing Lila’s secret back in the day!  With friends like this, Rae’d better watch her back, not to mention the total SHAME of blowing the Hawaiian vacation with Antonio to chase a ghost who happened to have been on the island thirty years ago!  Is she freakin’ psycho or what???  Can you say “obsession?”  How can she be so focused on this Mark guy when Antonio is there, strutting his fierce man nipples around the Hyatt, packing diamonds and wanting some attention?  Honey, this girl needs therapy from someone more competent than Rae, the woman who brought Niki out to play and got Allison back out on the streets! 

Oh God spare me.  Tea is now getting a hernia trying to move a “log” that is a piece of drift wood that was “crushing Todd’s leg” that actually MOVED when RH only shifted slightly.   Grrrrr. 


>:<  Man, a couple of things are REALLY, REALLY pissin me off. 

FIRST:  Darlings...Sage was SHOCKED when his readers wrote this morning to mention that another site had reported Tony Geary was having a conflict with JFP and was considering leaving because of it!!!  Something about a big showdown and “It’s me or her!”  Pffft.  ANYway… 

What a crock!! 

I just spoke with Geary's people last night and again THIS MORNING (part of the reason the column didn't hit yet) and they confirm that the actor is considering leaving, but not because of ANYthing having to do with JFP!!!  In fact, JFP has been home eating the 400 boxes of Girl Scout cookies she bought right outside of Wal-Mart after she officially entered lame-duckhood several weeks ago!  What you are seeing on screen is written by Charles Pratt, guided by Bob Guza (with some penned by him).  Did you wonder why Guza got SECOND Head Writers billing when he is the head honcho on the show....hmmmmm....just think about it!!!  Contractual issues OFTEN keep people in "official" capacity in exec positions on the show lonnnng after their wings have been clipped and that little Pegasus has been put out to pasture!!  There's NO NEED for Geary to have a conflict with JFP because she is, quite simply, no longer a player in this (hence, the overall cessation of sucking on the show!!).  

Their OFFICIAL statement to me as of 9:30 am this very morning is:  "Although one site thinks it might be interesting to report a false demand that Tony supposedly made, nothing could be further from the truth. Tony is basically reviewing his options at this time regarding his contract with GH and a decision has not yet been reached.  His reasons for leaving are purely personal and are in no way whatsoever reflective of dissatisfaction or conflict with ABC or any of its employees." 

The unofficial word is that the ONLY reason Tony is considering a departure is much less dramatic…he's freakin TIRED!!  He's been playing Luke forever, with a vacation here and there...he's no longer a spring chicken and frankly, he wants to spend some time with friends in his Swiss home, kicking back, spending his money and not even THINKING about Luke, Laura or Port Charles!!  With Genie negotiating to leave (more on THAT later!), it seemed like the perfect time to opt out of his contract (which runs into 2003) and bow out by riding into the sunset with his bride, sooner, if not later.

Pfft.  Always has to be a scandal, right?  Gimme a break.  I got it straight from Da Man's folks, babes and as far as I am concerned, anything else is bullshit intended to grab a few more hits and start a big tempest in a little teacup. 

The other thing that is putting a sizeable bug with aggressive, oversized pinchers UP my ass is this evil rumor that Rick molested Laura when she was a teen.  I absolutely, unequivocally, passionately refuse to accept this.  My mother always says that karma demands that as soon as you criticize someone for something or say you’ll never do something, you’ll almost immediately be confronted with a situation in which you will be sorely tempted to do just that thing.  I have always said that we should never hold the show hostage and say that if such and such happens, I’m outta here.  I have to admit, I’m going to succumb to karma and eat a plate of crow.  I am no sure, if they go through with this rumored idea, that I will have the heart to continue watching GH.  I saw Rick go to bat for Laura about a million times, standing by her during the accidental murder of his unscrupulous service buddy, David Hamilton, dragging her out of a commune with Lesley and giving her away at not one, but TWO weddings.  He was every bit the consummate father to her and if they play this card, it will be an insult to the character, the history of the show and the loyal fans on par with suggesting that Steve Hardy was really a mass murderer.  Overall, I think they would be committing some serious spiritual suicide to entertain that notion.  OK, I know that Rick was in a POW camp and has “issues,” but I can’t buy him as a rapist or molester.  Sure, maybe he forced Ginny to dress up in a blonde wig and be Monica.  Sure, maybe he forgot he was ever married to Lesley and ignored that she was alive.  Sure, maybe he puts on Grandma Webber’s nightgown and prances around under the full moon singing “Ave Maria.”  Sure, maybe he has spent the past twenty years sitting in a padded cell, rocking back and forth in a straight jacket chanting nursery rhymes…ANYthing but this!!  Only one, sniggling little thing is making me worry that this *might* actually happen and that is that Guza has a blatant disregard for the history that WE personally saw unfold.  Anyone who watched Luke and Laura both after the reunion when he was inaugurated mayor and during the scrambling for a story when Nikolas and Stefan were introduced knows that he has no problem decimating our precious history.  If you knew Luke and Laura back then, you’d know that there is NO WAY Laura would not have told Luke about her son and then the two of them would go on a great adventure to save him from the Cassadines.  It’s just NOT what was going on back then to think that Laura would have kept quiet about it.  If Guza didn’t write it, he basically doesn’t give a shit about honoring it (which can work for us in the JFP situation, ironically).  Other than that, everything in me is screaming that whatever happened in that attic, has zero to do with Rick.  Cameron Faulkner, Lesley’s first husband?  Sure, that could happen.  He was a pretty smarmy critter and had it out for Laura anyway out of jealousy.  All the rumors of a dead body being up there (peeyew!) are pretty ludicrous.  The other idea is that Laura can’t remember the attic because Helena didn’t plant it with her other memories when she sent the clone/twin Laura back to meet/find Luke at that inauguration.  What better way to get rid of a thorn in her side (BOTH sons in love with a commoner whose influence she didn’t want on her new grandson)?

No matter what you see on TV, Rick did NOT molest Laura and I refuse to believe it. 

On the Genie Francis front, she is still in negotiations, but is definitely leaning towards going.  She wants to spend time with family and despite plenty of incentives offered by ABC (reduced work load, more vacations, a big wedding, and a meaty story of fleshing out the Lesley and Rick connection again with Laura as matchmaker) it doesn’t look hopeful.  ABC was eager to get her to stay at least until November, but that is still in negotiations and despite what you may be hearing to the contrary, NOTHING is firm yet.  She is already gone on vacation at this time and you are now seeing scenes that were taped before her departure.   The last we heard and most likely result of all this, as we said before, is that she is coming back after her vacation and will tape to air into the Fall.  

VM HAS supposedly signed for a very brief return to GH in August!   Our sources confirm this, but as we know, this could always fall through and often has *sigh* in the past.  Please, please, please, I beg you, do NOT invest into this idea until you see it on screen, then get a big rush from it if it excites you.  Before then, know that ANYthing can happen!! 

Read that Steve Burton transcript and maybe I was just in a sorry mood or something when I read it, but to me, he just came off as an ass.  I’ve heard this before and he is one of the list of stars I haven’t met in person to form a face-to-face opinion about.  During the time when he was working with Sarah Brown, by several first hand accounts, he was pretty brutal about her at the fan events.  I truly hope that he’s a better person than that.  Love, love, love Jason, but the jury is still out on Steve. 


If you haven’t yet, be sure and go to http://www.angelfire.com/fm/ghnews/RR2.html to check out Gedstern’s Rumor Chamber…it’s not for the light of heart!  Here, you’ll find all those conundrum banners that have inspired message boards across the net to erupt into action!  I’ve decided to take on the one that’s on the scoops page: 


I see under “the keeper” the little girl (and this dates me as much as the small pox vaccination on my arm in the porn shot) from the movie “The Bad Seed.”  Interesting.  A little girl who was evil through and through or just plain crazy.  A little blonde girl.  Laura, maybe?  When she was played by Stacy Baldwin when she first came on the show, she was pretty twisted!  When she came back from that commune as Genie Francis in the beginning, she was pretty twisted!  A couple of other things I haven’t heard mentioned (although admittedly, I haven’t gotten to all the posts) is Mildred Pierce, which is eerily like the Laura/Lesley/David Hamilton story (maybe a tie in to the attic somehow?)  The bridal veil has already happened, finding the veil in the attic.  The Secret Storm furthers the rumor that whatever happened or will happen will be in the middle of a big storm and I keep thinking about stupid Sarah taking off her clothes in the rain like an imbecile.  The little doll could be a reference to the Model Margaret or whatever fake Barbie is was that Laura found in the attic (and did anyone else thing it was a tad harsh that Lesley took her doll away from her for about 30 years for getting a few drops of chocolate milk on the dress?  The Mildred Pierce makes me think of Joan Crawford, which makes me think of Mommie Lesley Dearest here!!  LOL!)  The Great Gatsby is up there and I’m still thinking about THAT one…wasn’t there a Daisy in that story and wasn’t there a daisy on another banner and aren’t daisies Laura’s favorite flower?? The other ones have lost me, darlings.  My brain is seizing up. One can only think so much in a few hours’ time. 

OH, other tidbits!!  SARAH is the one who goes psycho nutwoman, NOT Maxie!!  You got a piece of that with Laura the other day.  She sets a fire in the attic and Scott ends up saving Lesley Lu. 

No news yet on the fate of Alexis’ baby or Zander, but Jason and Liz are given the green light and you’re going to see a lot more of the good stuff like “The Jason Pull.”  Rrooowwlll!!   

Ahhhhh.  I just saw the first glimpse of Rick on the previews and it was purrrrrrfection.  Gotta go, I dunno, attend to some personal business or something. 

Oh, and one last thing…Geddy posted this a few days ago and at the risk of sounding like a butt kisser (and what a tasty butt it is!!), I have to say that I agree with each one.  I’d tell you otherwise if I didn’t:

Rumored returns (Ged's return 'rating'): 
·  Frisco Jones (low) 
·  Robert Scorpio (med-low) 
·  Robin Scorpio (med) 
·  Faison (low/GH med/AMC) 
·  Brenda Barrett (med. no,high.no low,no high). 
Jerry Jax (med)
·  Emily Quartermaine (med)

And one last, last thing, compliments of one of my BEAUTIFUL Ho’s who I just saw a real life picture of, so I can say she’s beautiful with absolute assuredly, check out Chad in his new face hair: 

 chad1.jpg (39364 bytes)
click it!

Thanks, my loving SoapQueen!  Big Daddy Sage wuvs you!!!!

(and I love YOU too!)


June 25, 2002


Well, it came and went without fanfare, which is exactly what I wanted.  June 1st marked the one-year anniversary of my first column at Eye On Soaps or anywhere!  Before that, I was just a remote, unknown little hairdresser in the hills of Cali, dishing soaps with my girls and loving my routine appointments that fell between noon and three.  “Girl, she is just a BITCH” was one of our favorite taglines, along with, “Mmm hmmm, and ‘Fine’ rhymes with ‘mine’ and she-bitch, you’d keep your little hands off!”  Ah.  Those were the days.  My gals still stop by from time to time to watch the shows with me in the old salon, which is now a kind of rec room.  Some of them have some nappy looking hair (hmm mmm, you know who I’m talking about), but when I vowed to put down the scissors and hairspray after 20 years, I was serious and now I don’t even trim my own hair!  Mom is my exclusive customer. 

One day, I wrote to Katrina, way back when she was with that Other Site Which Shall Remain Nameless, because a column she wrote moved me in a particular way.  We became net buddies and about a year into her having EOS, she asked me to be the gossip columnist.  I was agog.  I had never really considered writing, especially not in any public forum.  I could barely turn on a computer and use e-mail, much less Photoshop or html.  Katrina won me over by telling me of all the friends she’d made through the site and how much fun it was to talk to hundreds of people in a week about the soaps.  She told me that the rumor page ranks about #25 in popularity on her site and that I wouldn’t have to deal with much exposure…just a little.  On top of the wonderful people out there, she warned me that there were a huge amount of ugliness out there as well and I told her I had eased into a few of the more popular Not to Be Named message boards, lurked a bit, then eased right back out after I saw how *they* were.  That kind of negativity was something I had never, ever experienced in my life.  I should have listened more closely to her warnings, asked more questions and focused more on what she was saying.

I have lived my life with a plethora of sisters.  I have gone to college and worked hard to get an MA in Philosophy with a minor in Religion.  I have traveled extensively in days gone by, seeing Paris, England, Saipan, Belgium, as well as crossing the states in many different forms of transportation many times.  I have met literally thousands of people and still, I was totally unprepared for the venom and hatred that exists on the internet.  Katrina tried to warn me, I’ll give her that, but I naively thought that if I just jumped in there, spoke from my heart, had some fun along the way and just was myself that people would respond in kind.  Boy, was I in for the shock of my life.  The first few really nasty letters were devastating to me and used to make me wonder if I even wanted to continue doing this at all.  Did I really, at the ripe old age of just turning 43, want to invite this kind of bullshit into my, until this point, relatively peaceful life? 

As a child, I led a very protected, sheltered life that was filled with love and life and exploration and celebration and wonder.  When I became older, mom encouraged me to see the world and learn all I could before I made a decision about what I wanted to do.  What I wanted to do, when it was all said and done, was to come home, live with mom, take care of her in the same glorious way she had cared for me (I was the last of seven children spanning over twelve years, so mom was a tattered old nag by the time she had me and old as dirt by the time I was finished walking the earth like Cain…she is now, officially, older THAN dirt) and continue to experience the world of magic and spirituality and reverence for nature that she surrounds herself with on a moment to moment basis.  I also wanted to help women find the beauty inside themselves and transplant it to the outside for everyone else to see.  I studied Cosmetology (before then, I thought it was a study of the cosmos, not Cosmo – wink) …and that’s what I did for twenty years. 

Now, here I was, embarking on the second half of my life, about to retire from hair snipping, back-combing (a very underrated technique) and spraying, having lived from “I’m a hippie, peace and love, the 60’s are groovy and don’t eat the brown acid” to “I’m wild and crazy and expressing myself through hair and clothing, welcome to the seventies” to “Let’s think about ME for a change and listen to techno, it’s the 80’s” to “What the hell are we doing to the Earth and where is my frickin cell phone, it’s the 90’s – not to mention spending twenty minutes trying to figure out if a Starbuck’s cup goes in paper or plastic recycling” to “We’re all going to die because of computers in 2000.”   After weathering all of that, I was now opening myself up for people to feel free to eviscerate on a daily, almost hourly basis if I dared to say that I didn’t see the talent in a particular actor or if I thought two fictional people were in a relationship based on some pretty sick and twisted dynamics.

I was…in shock, to say the least.  In my shop (probably because they knew I was going to be cutting on their hair in just a few seconds), if we conflicted over a character or actor or scene, it turned very funny and catty, “Bitch, you don’t even know!”  “Girl, get the glasses on your pants fine-tuned cause he is FUGLY” or “Baby, I’m going to have to drink a lot more to see what you’re seeing in her, cause she is nasssstay!”  We disagreed and we laughed and poked and teased and I thought that’s how it would be.  Lord, no.

Went I went crying to Katrina with my first 10 hate mails clenched in my tight little fist, soggy from the tear stains and liquor, she poured me more liquor and sat me down in front of the fire to lick my wounds (rrrooowwwlll).  She got my head on straight (sorry, can’t get out of the gutter here, it seems…apologies to her much loved and devotion-earning hubby, Eric) and made me focus on the wonderful people I’d met and how the lunatic fringe shouldn’t take from me what I really wanted to do, which was to gossip and play with and laugh with the cool online community that really was the dominant (if not the loudest) force both on Eye on Soaps and the internet.  She also taught me the value of the phrase, “Pfft. Fuck’em.”  When I first went to her, I figured she would fire me because these people hated me so much.  To hear her say that, caused me to laugh in shock.  She then showed me (this was about 3 weeks into my stint on EOS) the statistics for the site and (holy shit!) people were reading me!!  My numbers blew away the old rumor page!  I couldn’t believe it.  She told me that for everyone that had written me a nasty letter, there were about 1000 that were coming back again and wanting more!  I was revived!   I was invigorated.  I was scared to death to write another word!  I also never dreamed that this was not even the top and that soon, I’d have a message board (especially since I *H*A*T*E*D message boards and Katrina had to do some REAL arm twisting to get me to play THAT game) and a mailing list and a stable of Ho’s!!  Whoa!!

Katrina weathered my storm with me and even helped be (ghost wrote) a few of my columns where I addressed the issue.  Mom read my stuff and said, “Baby, I think you swish too much” and I said, “But Maaaaa, that’s how I tallllk!!!”  She said, “I know it is, but you don’t swish when you WRITE!!  I’ve read a million of your theses and you have never swished before!”  I told her this was different because I was writing to my girlllllllfriends and I wanted it to be like we were sitting down to drinks and yakkkkking loudly about soaps and liiiife and everything, just like we did in the shop.  She was still skeptical, so I slowed down the swish to a bit of a sway, darlings and it was ON!

Sure, I’ve continued to get nasties and at times, it’s taken me to my knees again, but overall, through the support of my wonderful net buddies and Katrina, I’ve gotten pretty good at blowing it off.  Pfft.  In the most recent incarnation of the page, I make it pretty clear in the preface that I know who my audience is and if people don’t get me or feel me in their heart, coming from a good place when I’m writing, then they don’t need to be on my page.  I told Katrina from the beginning that I wasn’t all about numbers and she made it clear she wasn’t either.  For me, it’s about reaching the right people, who are playing on my wavelength and who “get it.”  It’s not that the ones who don’t get it are wrong or anything…it’s just not a good fit (a fabulously beautiful pair of shoes can still not fit and their beauty isn’t lost!). 

So darling, what I’ve decided to do (and I’ve mulled this, my anniversary column, for long past my anniversary), is to, before gossip, talk a little about me and where I’m coming from, how I feel about different things so that even those who know me pretty doggoned well can have more info about me and those who don’t know me well will be squared up on a few things.  Of course, at the beginning of this, I’ll have a link to jump right down to the gossip part, so that people who don’t want to read the self-serving crap I’m writing now into three pages and bound to be more and get right to the meat of the column.

I guess the best place to start is to say that, as I’ve said, I don’t care about the quantity of my readers, but the quality. 

I will always be totally honest with my readers.  I don’t lie.  I don’t lie in my personal “real” life and I don’t lie online.  I think that when you lie to someone, for whatever bullshit reason you’ve justified it with or even just a little baby white lie that you devalue every word you say after that, not to mention making an ass out of yourself and showing the person you lied to that you have no respect for them and that they don’t deserve the truth.  I will always tell you the truth as it is known to me at the time.

I am definitely not above mistake.  I have never pretended that I have the best contacts in the biz or that I won’t ever get bad info.  Thanks to Katrina and some people I’ve met along the way, including a few actors, a hairdresser or two on the shows, an intern and a few other folks, as well as a wonderful network of webmasters, I’ve got some damned good ones, but they aren’t at 100%.  That leads us to the fact that I don’t care about being the first to scoop ANYthing and I don’t feel all bunged up if someone else knows something I don’t.  BFD.  I’ll do my best to verify the info I give you and sometimes, because it’s gossip I’m reporting and not spoilers, it’ll be dead on and sometimes it’ll be bullshit.  I also don’t print everything I get because I get a ton of people who write to me on a frequent basis with “Sshhhh, don’t tell anyone I’m telling you this but…” then they give me a pile of information that I can’t verify and if THEY tell me “I can’t tell you how I know this, but…” then I don’t print it.  If they don’t trust me enough to keep where they got it on the down low from the public, then I don’t trust their information enough to give it to you guys.  I probably miss a good tidbit here and there, but I’m not going to be the conduit for someone to get 5 of their 15 allotted minutes of fame by me printing some bullshit that they made up when they were huffing Right Guard or something. 

I hear a lot that my reputation is trashed on other boards as being so unreliable, but is your girlfriend who sits in front of you at Denny’s and talks trash about the soaps 100% reliable?  I’ve never promoted myself as anything else and sure, I’ve probably got a better “in” with the soaps than your girlfriend, but it’s gossip, for godsake and not law.  Those people who are bitching about how unreliable I am obviously are in the giant bunch of people who don’t get it and can check out the porn pic spread I did (not to worry, no fronties cause they didn’t have their wide angle lens at the hotshots boutique) and kiss what they see.  Pffft.  (and if you read all of the above, you know what comes after that)

I have absolutely no allegiance to or particular interest in ANY fan group or club for any particular actor, character or couple.  I think it’s wonderful for someone to feel so passionate about something or someone that they put a ton of energy into the promotion of and resurrecting of a shrine to that target, but it’s not for me and I don’t indulge.  To me, the show is a show and the actors are actors and the characters are characters.  I do find that it scares me when people are showing really violent tendencies to the characters because I think a lot of the time, that is indicative of some unresolved hostilities in their own life and I particularly am disturbed to see people gleefully ripping one another apart (meaning REAL people as opposed to characters) over a difference of opinion about a character or actor or storyline.  I’m grateful that the people on my message board are smart enough to know the limits and to honor them gracefully.  They also know that if it got nasty, I’d drop that board in a heartbeat if banning the culprit did not work.  I absolutely will not tolerate it on my board.  Yep, we have a shame board to hang out for public display the foul, meanness that other folks have chosen to make public by sending it through the net and that’s specifically so you can see that it exists and what kind of insanity is really out there (a lot of you thought I was making it up!).  It’s kind of like the stocks in the Village Square.  If someone’s in the stocks, grab the rotted fruit and commence your flinging.  They had to work pretty hard to get there and distinguish themselves from the low roar of bitching that routine and deserve your attention.

So I don’t set out to impress or coddle any particular fan base and that is absolute.  It’s funny (and I mean downright hilarious) how many readers are dumb enough to think that if I denounce the actions of one character that I’m somehow endorsing their adversary or vice versa.  If I say I love Alexis or that I like what she did or I don’t like what is happening with her, then I’m suddenly a “Carly Hater.”  If someone (check out the shame board on this one) rants about Carly and I comment on their brutality and particular viciousness, then I should go back to kissing my picture of Carly (ANYway).  If I say that I don’t see the talent in a particular actor, that’s suddenly a threat to everyone who loves that actor.  It’s like there’s no room for perspective or difference of opinion.  I LOVED Chloe and I adore Tava Smiley.  I loved Chloe from her first meeting with Felicia in Prague or Milan or where ever the hell she was and I thought Tava was just delicious, both in person and on screen.  A lot of people hated the character AND the actress.  So what?  It didn’t make me like either any less.  It’s just their own impression.  I’m sure not going to write to them and tell them how stupid they must be or blind they are or HOW COULD THEY insult Tava like that?????? Or that “TAVA IS A VERY TALENTED ACTRESS AND YOU ARE JUST TOO DUM TO SEE IT.”  So what if people appreciate and see different things in different actors?  If I voice my opinion on an actor or character, it’s just that and I figure that the people who write in to blast me about it just aren’t confident enough in their own opinions to allow conflicting ones to exist in harmony. 

The actors don’t give a damn, I can tell you right now.  Those people have been through auditions and criticisms more brutal than the internet world could ever dish out in their most sadistic little trailer trash dreams and the actors are pretty much not even phased by negative remarks.  I really don’t think that Jacob Young cries all the way to the bank because I don’t think he can act his way out of a paper sack and have said as much in a public forum.  I don’t think he goes to bed thinking, “That Sage…I’m going to kick that little fag’s ass if I see him on the street.”  I do know that Meribarb who does his site and luvvvs her some Jacob Young is a fabulous person who is one of the most well-centered, dedicated and decent webmasters on the net.  She has a wonderful appreciation of the actor and has created a beautiful site to honor him, which you can find by clicking here.  She is totally, totally cool and her love of JY doesn’t make me think that she’s stupid or wrong and doesn’t in any way threaten my “ennnhhh” feelings about the guy.  We just have a different opinion.   So no, just to get it straight, I’m not erecting any shrine (the Steve Burton one on my site was done purely in jest, as was probably figured out already, but I will confess that I have erected a few things to him in the past, ahem) to any actor or character.  Anyone is totally open for cheers or jeers in my column and on my board.  People who write in trying to correct my opinion of an actor or character and pimp their own agendas are usually not going to get a response or will get a “Pfft” back.  I don’t mind reading opinions, but preaching to convert doesn’t impress me in the least.  I’m not going to suddenly have a light-bulb go off over my head and think, “He’s right!!  That Lisa Vultaggio can act!”  I calls’em likes I sees’em and I stand by what I say.

I love the whole shows as composites.  I enjoy all that each show has to offer on its own merit and not because of what is being done (or not) to one couple or character.  I stuck with OLTL through the lean and hungry JFP years and have done so again with GH.  AMC had some dumb times as well.  I really went out on a limb this week by saying that I wasn’t sure I could continue on with GH if they go with the “Rick molested Laura” story, mainly because to me, that’s way too far, far into insulting the fans who have been with the show forever.  For those of you who don’t know the character, it would be on par with insinuating that Dr Hardy was a child molester.  THAT is beyond my tolerance level.  On a day-to-day basis, however, I’ve seen characters come; I’ve seen them go.  I’ve seen great actors destroyed (Jensen Buchanan) and lame ones lauded (Angel Boris).  I’ve seen characters decimated (Felicia) and wonderful actors ignored (John J York, Brad Maule).  I’ve seen character that were beloved just *disappear* (Leticia, Andreas, Reginald, Johnny, Florence) rather than getting the fleshing out we’d like.  I’ve seen the shittiest recasts known to man (Lucky, Maxie) and the best (Ned, Stavros).  With soaps, you work in cycles, weather the storms and know that the only guarantee is change and uncertainty.  When actors do break away, we demand that they return, whether they want to or not (Amber Tamblyn, Vanessa Marcil, Kim McCullough, Tristan Rogers, Robin Strasser, etc will NEVER have a moment’s rest and will always be rumored to be returning, waiting by the phone for GH to call and sobbing when/if the phone doesn’t ring).  We feel rejected when they leave to reach higher in their career, even as we bid them fond farewell and good wishes through our tears, praying they’ll fail miserably and return to our loving arms. 

One of my favorite readers recently wrote to me and mentioned she’d read some of my earlier work and said I seemed much more relaxed back then and that now I was more hardened.  I do wish I could be like that again and will be working to return to that.  I guess part of that came from my own net innocence, where I thought I could express my opinions and honestly did not expect to be attacked.  Nothing in my life had prepared me for that eventuality or the venom that could come through.  Now I have some walls up and a heavier defense against the impending onslaught of negativity bound to come no matter WHO or WHAT I speak against or for. 

There is no right move in this business.  Like I said, if I speak my heart and say how I feel about this actor or that character, I’m going to get blasted by their opponents if I say something good and bashed by their fan base if I say something bad.  Regardless, when I post a column, I can sit and wait for the beating to ensue and start deleting letters.  No matter what I’ve said, I get to read 10-20 letters from people telling me how ignorant I must be and how much I suck because I don’t agree with them.  I’m getting better at it and can now pretty much blow it off, but it can’t help but affect you in some way.  I get lots of letters from wonderful people who enjoy what I do and that is a great balm to the owies, so I tend to immerse myself in that and believe that the assholes are the minority.   People tend to think that they are the only ones who have ever written a letter that goes something like this, “I love your column and usually agree with what you said, but in your latest rant, your comments about _______ really offended me and I won’t be coming back!!!!  You suck!!”  Um, OK.  Ciao. 

Since the column has become more popular, the hate mail has increased exponentially (Think of that!  Math prevails!) and some days when I’ve been up with mom all night long because she had nightmares or angina or is on her third day of not quite being sure where she is, it gets to me, I’ll admit.  When people (good and wonderful people) don’t get a response to their beautiful e-mails to me, it’s usually because it’s one that I wanted to fully respond to rather than being able to get by with a quick line or two and have filed away to answer later and there it sits.  Some weeks, I have maybe an hour or so of computer time combined (like this week) and a column just doesn’t come out.  I do my best, but real life has always had priority, especially where mom is concerned and if I’m not writing, that’s why. 

But anyway, back to the reader comment, yes, I suppose I am harder.  I wish I could go back and capture the childlike and naïve way that I entered the net world, but I don’t think that is possible.  If it were for the Ho’s and the dedicated readers who write their love and support and appreciation to me, I doubt I would still be doing this.  They are the ones who really helped me to decide who I was writing for and to, over all, dismiss the rest.

So thanks for indulging me on my 1-year mark and letting me ramble for a long while.  I’m now off to do a regular gossip column and since I’m now into 10 pages in Word, including what I’m adding below, I think I’d better just do a Nonsoapy and a Soapy rather than creating a link.

I just really want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for being there and for sticking with me or jumping on board if you’re new. 

For (hopefully) your entertainment, I’ve included some excerpts from one of my very first columns:


*sob* *choke* NOOOOOOOOOO! Who was it?? Just a second (shuffle, shuffle, shuffle) TV Guide reports that the rumors going around about Esta Turbulence leaving the show are false and she is definitely staying. As you may know, Princess Gillian is Sage's sworn archenemy and Sage was utterly and unabashedly looking forward to her untimely demise. I had the whole scene in my head where the Evil Queen (played by moi, natch) is served Gillian's heart on a sterling silver tray by her intrepid huntsman (played for no reason other than the obvious by Landon Wine, GH's favorite manservant, Andreas). EQ then promptly scurries it over to Dr Dave, who quickly swaps it out with Lank and Limp Laura's faulty ticker (Darling, DO something with that skanky, unfortunate do before Jose Eber gets a look at you and has a seizure!), thusly saving the day. (Eating the heart is so gauche). But noooooo, Princess is staying. (grrrrrr).

Yes, Sage really hated Gillian!!

Example: Greenlee is on a yacht with a pile of beautiful people who absolute hate her guts, excepting the handsome and roguish Lay-O. She takes refuge in a powder room to do some girly business and comes upon the bleeding and disheveled Gabriel and, as one would do, runs shrieking and dancing in mid-air out to where the humans are, babbling about there being an intruder on the boat. People sneer, scoff, curl their regal lips and roll their blue-bloodshot eyes, going on about, "Greeeenlleeee, don't be ridiculous. Greeennllleeeee, stop making things uuu-uuuup. Frickin' Greeennnlllleeeee" and treat her like an idiot. In the EXACT same scenario, Miss Perfect Gillian comes flying out to beat the band, yammering about, "Intwuder, Intwuder, Intwuder" and the whole place goes into lock down, the National Guard, Interpol and Scotland Yard are alerted (as well as the WSB, *snick*) and all characters must don riot gear because Gillian has spoken!! I've been weeping into my martinis ever since hearing that news of her death is greatly exaggerated.

There is something about Brooke that makes me laugh every time I see her. I know it's probably some hormonal reaction of mine to whatever tragedy has befallen her on any particular week, but I see her eyes bug and the corners of her mouth start to droop (like those wax lips of old) it makes me break out into cackles. But you didn't need to know that about Sage.

And Brooke…


Katrina told me her bet, or rather preference, on who killed Colin. This is a direct cut and paste of her letter to me. The idea is that SAM knows that NORA actually killed Colin because he was ATTACKING her and she can't remember doing it. Nora passed out in the floor after killing him and Sam buried him to protect her, then tried to clean the mud off his boots. He picked up Nora and commenced with the rescuing, unaware that Jen was hiding and watching the whole thing transpire. Jen then covered for her dad by hiding the boots in Will's closet. Will caught her and she told him the whole thing and he took the passport to make everyone believe that Colin had left the country. Sam, Jen and Will know what happened, but agreed to not tell Lindsay. She decided that they must be covering for Jen or Will and goes into full scale Protective Mommy Mode. Think of how great it will be for Nora to put Jen on the stand and force her to tell the truth, meanwhile, as she speaks, Nora starts to have horrendous flashbacks as she realizes that she was actually the one who killed Colin. Nora, of course, being drugged and amnesiac, will get off with a self-defense plea. Lindsay will have even more reason to hate Nora for her family through that and life in Llanview goes on.

I have to say that although I feel they will go with the obvious story of Jen being the murderer having fought Colin off during an attack with Sam helping her to cover it up, Katrina's idea would be lots, lots more fun.

See?  That’s why she’s the boss!!


OK, look for white on my shoulder, girlfriends, because there was a little bird sitting there. Many have written to ask just what the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on with Vanessa Marcil. Is she coming back or not? Oh, just who knows?? This girl could not make up her mind if it had nothing more on it than a comforter with no sheets. We are told that Ingo personally had her sweet-talked into returning with Jax, then when the negotiating was almost finished and down to ink, she got an offer from a prime time show (Nameless! Nameless!) and backed out to do that, then that fell through and JFP decided to move in again for the kill and sent her some scripts to read through and she went back to the bargaining table again, but she wants this and she wants that and she has other offers and blah blah blah, so WHO KNOWS if she's going to show up or not! When she came back for her 10 second spots before, she and her camp heatedly denied a return until it was on screen, so look for cloak and dagger stuff right up until the moment.

Ha!  The more things change, the more they stay the same!!

Ingo's return has been pushed back until AUGUST in case she changes her mind (or so we've been told). Ingo isn't thrilled about that because he's got bills to pay, but he IS pleased that when he returns, so will the old Jax. Evidently, Ingo never wanted Jax to be a romantic sap like we did. He axed the idea of a Jax-Alexis pairing during the mixed married, sniping about how "Jax wouldn't marry his mother" (bitch). I was all for the two being truly together. They complimented one another so well! Tava Smiley is the whitest woman in the world and she and Jax together were just too much like Barbie and Ken for me. I like the grittiness of Jax and Alexis. But now, Jax is going to be back to his rogue-self that Lois found when she went in search of a corporate pirate to help her wrestle L&B Records away from Edward. He is also, as I'm sure you've already heard, losing the scruffy, ragamuffin look from the Daytime Emmy Awards. Two thumbs down on the facial hair.

So much for THAT plan!

So on to some dish. Some Carly loving heifers have written to Sage in a most nasty way to gripe about my comment that it seemed Maurice Benard was into a pairing of Sonny with Alexis. A couple of these gals were real harpies, shrieking at me about how he'd praised TB up and down in a million interviews. To articulate, "Well, DUH, Darlings!" Of COURSE he is. He also praised Lisa Vultaggio for her incredible presence and where is she now (nowhere). Most of the actors in daytime drama, good or bad, are butt kissers of the first degree and no way are they going to be dogging even the worst actors. They all band together to buoy one another and The Powers That Be and seldom if never have anything negative to say. You've got to read between the lines, baybee! Look, Sage just calls them like he sees them. You don't have to agree, but you also don't have to get nasty with me about it. If you're a Sonny and Carly (whatever Carly) lover, well, good for you, but don't get evil with those of us who would like to see Maurice Benard paired up with a quality actor of his own caliber for a change. The power that was between him and Sarah Brown was great and anything less is a cheat. He needs a good quality actress! Not a model.

Ha!!  Little did I know how much those “Carly loving heifer” would attack!!  I hasten to add that there are some WONDERFUL Carly, Carly and Sonny and Sonny fans out there, but dang!  People have often (hatefully, at times) written to ask why I always bash the Carly and Sonny fans and if they would read what I have actually written, they will see that I am bashing the Carly and Sonny fans who are flippin’ insane.  If the writer doesn’t fall into that category, then I’m not bashing THEM.  I recently wrote a column in which I denounced the people who were hoping that Alexis’ baby would die and the S&C people got totally up in arms and wrote to me whining about me yet again, trashing out the S&C people when I never mentioned S&C at all!!! 

The real reason (big announcement here) that I sometimes mention the S&C people who are negative and nasty and argumentative is that 99.9% of the evil letters I get are FROM S&C fans.  When I was pro-Sexis (before I knew their scene was going to suck out loud), I got rebuttal mail from BOTH sides, the S&C people and the Alexis people.  The Alexis people were respectful and stated their opinions intelligently, but very nearly ALL of the letters I received that were like this:  “How cum u are always so mean to the the Sony and Carlee people cause they are not bad its U that sux so much and I HATE YOU cause you don’t like Sony and Carlee and I hope you die and your stupid mother and that ugly, old bitch NLG 2!!!!!!!!” were from S&C people.  (Yes, pals, that a direct cut and paste.  I didn’t have the heart to put it on the shame board because #1, we didn’t have a shame board yet and #2, it would be like poking fun at a Special Olympics person).  Since I am NOT going to go to any of the battle torn message boards out there and read the anger and venom they spew (so you can stop sending me links), as well as the rumor sites out there who are disrespectful of the work of other people and steal it outright with no credit given, I don’t know what the other fan bases are doing or saying out there and can only judge purely by what happens to land in my inbox or on my message board. 

Moving along:

Oh yes, the Nurses Ball. Darling, get Sage a little Hartz 2 in 1 and wrap that sucker around his neck! Give me some Frontline drops between my shoulder and a bath in diatomaceous earth, because Sweet Pea, after that nasty little shuffle off to Buffalo, Sage thinks he will pa-yuke if he sees another Flea! Good Lawd in the Mornin'. The only time she has been tolerable this whole week in ANY scene was when Mac took his shirt off *****adoing***** .  That certainly called Sage to attention!

And still would!!  So there’s that and now I’m moving on to writing the gossip column, such as it is.


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