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Welcome to ME!!  

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  *Please also note that this is NOT a spoiler or "exclusive info"'s a GOSSIP page and what we are discussing might be a RUMOR or a SPOILER, but isn't guaranteed to be what hits the screen.  I'm NOT in the business of or interested in breaking the exclusives.*   I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my loveys to go unarmed into war!  Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS and search from the search engine above to help even more!  HOW TO DO "SAGE'S SEARCH."

Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column ASAP!

Feb 10, 2003
Freakin late as hell

We're Not Worthy!  We're Not Worthy!!

OK, so maybe we clearly ARE worthy because our Grande Dame, Robin Strasser, is returning to the role of Dorian Lord Hayes.  While this may not seem like much for the uninitiated, the savvy OLTL viewer knows that this is something akin to announcing that Jim Morrison will be appearing at the opening of a local shopping center... that the Beatles will be playing the Met... that Kurt Cobain and Nirvana are playing your high school prom...  Anyway, it's a really, really good thing.

You may recall (or may not) that Dorian was actually the one who dealt the (not)fatal blow, attempting to deter him from raping her daughter, Cassie.  The powers that be are bringing her back at an ideal time, because not only will she be set to deal with Mitch once again, but Victor Lord is in the hizzouse as well.  I'm sure she'll have a word or two for her nefarious ex if she is able to make it to town before he kicks the bucket (again).

I also must wonder how she's going to react to the new Joey, who, while he's no Nathan Fillion by a longshot (but who is?), he's still quite a looker.  This isn't the best scan of all time, but I mean to tell you, this was a hot, hot, hot time when Dorian, who is the sexiest lady on daytime TV, set her sights on Joey, in an attempt to get one up on eternal nemesis, Viki. 

What Dorian never expected was to fall head over heels for her dancing protégé and between lessons in all forms of ballroom dancing and Italian language, the two were involved in an extremely heated affair that melted the snow in any May-December connection.  Of course, ultimately, Joey ended up trading down to Kelly, Dorian's niece (that boy just will not listen to reason), but until Joey became Don Jeffcoat, the heat was still palpable between the two of them. 

When last we saw Dorian, her beloved husband (we beloved him as well), Mel Hayes, had perished in a tragic plane crash (which Viki narrowly avoided) and after a long grieving period, Dorian left on a world tour with one of Mel's friends, Drake Faraday, I mean Leigh J. McCloskey, I mean Damian Smith.  Since then, we've been waiting for that stupid ship to dock so our diva can return to her home once more.

No way could Sage be happier about this.  NOW, children, we will show you how soap drama is done UPtown!

In a less heralded return, Jason Shane Scott is set to return to the role of Will Rappaport in conjunction with the exit of another Rappaport, rumored to occur via death. 

Sadly, it is not the most gratifying possibility of Mitch Laurence enacting some heinous death upon Jen, but of Sam's exit from OLTL and Llanview.  Since Catherine Hickland is also whispered (because God knows they're afraid to say it out loud) to be leaving, it could amount to a mass exodus of Rappaports, which is a big slap (hey, I'm not complaining) upside the head of the previous regime of ex-EP, Jill Farren "Wreck the Show and Stay Forever" Phelps and Megan "The Destroyer" McTavish, ex-Head Writer.  The Rappaports were their invention and in a matter of moments after being introduced, were ruling Llanview in General Hospital Scene Monopoly proportions.  Buh-Bye.

It was recently announced that Roger Howarth is leaving OLTL once again for auditions out West.  Since RH is about the only OLTL cast member who utilizes the open door (or revolving door) policy, TPTB tend to be fairly lenient with him, always parting on good terms and cozing up for a Todd comeback after he's had a go at prime time and silver screen for a while.  If Todd goes, and we can fully expect him to leave in the Spring, he'll likely be back.  Howarth has always maintained that a romantic lead just isn't his bag and seems to get itchy feet around the time Blair and Todd are set to pick out wedding china again.  Sorry to see him go and it'll be great if he returns again soon.

Of course, Fan February is here in force and the Wednesdays should be fun for the rest of the month.  Tomorrow, we get AMC with the faux Tad and Erica wedding and (vomit) Maria and Edmund trade places (does this mean she turns into an asshole and locks him in a closet or that he bats his eyes at Aidan's advances?). 

OLTL historically excels at special episodes and there is no reason to believe this will be any different.  Catherine Hickland will have the opportunity to work opposite real life hubby, Michael E. Knight as Tad from AMC crosses over and falls ass over appetite for Lindsay.  Tad crossed over once before when his talk show investigated illegal drug use and Rachel Gannon (daughter of Hank and Nora) was interviewed.  This pairing should be particularly fun since it has no repercussions in soap "real life" and the characters and writers can just go for it.  It has long held that couples married in real life don't spark as well on TV, but we'll see how the Knights carry it off!  Pretty much any time Lindsay is getting some, it's a good scene.  She's making more money in daytime than she would in porn, but man, she could definitely turn a coin there if she put her mind to it.  She definitely has her heart in her work.

In a particularly welcome segment, my sweetie, Susan Batten, returns as Luna or "L" in a fun offering called "Licensed to Kiss" with Max and Roxy.  Even though the writers didn't have a clue how to deal with her in the end and rendered her to shrieking shrew.  She was so Goddessy and cool and original and unique and reminded me of my buddy Katrina in a big way.  They are both just precious as all get out.  If only they'd bring her back as some other Moody gal and bring her brothers, Ty and Dylan for the ride.  You just can't go wrong with the Moody kids when it comes to scenery and interesting characters.  Mind you, I still couldn't tell you if either Casper Dien (right on the left as Ty) or Christopher Douglas (left on the left as Dylan) can act.  Hell, I couldn't even tell you if they had lines or not...but they were surrre there!

Clint Ritchie shows up in a segment that reunites the Buchanan boys in an old west story, but don't get the idea that he's returning for a story in the regular time line.  Not only no, but HELL no.  Ritchie is more than happy spending time on his ranch and shunning the madness that is daytime TV. 

GH Fan February serves up nothing particular stunning. Q's on a reality TV show, Sonny dies and has to trade places with Jason, Sonny involved in lots of of different segments (big surprise).

No AMC info this week other than it boring my eyes out.  I'll be around tomorrow with GH info!


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