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Welcome to ME!!  

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again.  May you have happiness all of your days.  If you enjoy what I do, then pull up a chaise by the pool and stay a while.  If that's the case, you're the very person I'm writing this column for anyway.  I don't write to please the masses or kiss anyone's ass.  Everything you read here will be from my heart, off my cuff and dead on honest.  If you want a good read designed to offend no one, go to because they are great at what they do.  If you want to hear what I really think about soaps, life, etc, then WELCOME!  This is an opinion column filled with gossip and rumors and, well, my opinion.  It may not agree with yours and I'm good with that.  *Please also note that this is NOT a spoiler or "exclusive info"'s a GOSSIP page and what we are discussing might be a RUMOR or a SPOILER, but isn't guaranteed to be what hits the screen.  I'm NOT in the business of or interested in breaking the exclusives.*   I suggest that if you want to read on, you make peace with that as well and leave your weapons with my Marshall, Lenore, before you enter town.  You'll get them back when you leave.  Believe me, you'll need them for some sites on the net and I don't want my loveys to go unarmed into war!  Remember to click that smiley globe in the links above to help EOS and search from the search engine above to help even more!  HOW TO DO "SAGE'S SEARCH."

Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column ASAP! 


new years resolutions - Just start clicking, they're all good!
Jan 3, 2003

Simpson Characters - Choose result #5, "the simpsons....whoo hoo"
Jan 2, 2003

Bart's Prank Phone Calls and Chalkboard Intros are GREAT!!

EXTRA!!  For those with speakers, here's an extra link that rocks!!

Jan 1, 2003

Waaaaay off topic

Darlings!!  What a rush!!  I just got back from visiting Katrina for like the 99th time in a week.  It’s always a joy to see her, so I’m not complaining, but that drive just sucks.   

Didn’t get to stay as long this time as I did before, but it was still fun.  She was in a pissy mood (sorry, honey, but you just WERE), but I have her the ol’ Sagination and she was giggling like mad in no time.  We watched the tape (again) of Monday’s GH, which in my (our) opinion was just amazing.  We were trying to get a look at the couple who played the boy’s adoptive family because someone mentioned that it looked like Ric and Elizabeth, but I couldn’t get a good enough look, although the guy sure did look like Ric:

And another debt of gratitude to the current
champion of GH screen caps, GH World 2 

So we watched that and also, YUM, another taste of the OLTL from yesterday which was the most enjoyable hour of soap I’ve watched literally in years.  If this is the work of Josh Griffith, the new head writer (I didn’t think to run the tape while I was up there), then I am extremely impressed. 

Now I’m ready at last to tell the story of getting my new computer the day after Christmas and if you aren’t in the mood for guiltless gloating and youthful exuberance, might want to back away right now. 

So I told you in my post-Christmas post that a friend gave me some gift cards for Best Buy, enough to get a kick ass computer.  Since my poor baby was heaving and lurching and smoking and gasping for it’s last breath every time I booted it up, I was forever worried that one day I was just going to vanish from the internet forever *poof* like so much fart air, you know?  I didn’t even realize HOW scared I was of that happening until I got the means to not have that happen! 

So I headed up to Katrina’s around lunch time on the 26th, knowing her hubby, Eric, would be home from work around 4pm and we could scuttle on over to Best Buy.  I got there only about 15 minutes into AMC and  we were able to watch the full gamut (that our Port Charles Hating Cable Company will allow, anyway) and get into some delicious Dr Phil rerun as well.  I think it was the one where the sicko husband spends his every waking moment on his remote control can, Suzy.  We had a grand time.  She’d made these freaky good sorghum molasses popcorn/peanut balls and I must have had about 400 of them, you know what I candy junky I am (Speaking of which, I have a special secret message to a certain BRIBE WOMAN, ahem, Coltin = chocolates, Baby, bring’em on!!  You know who you are!!) and we had some wine and French vanilla cocoa and fat, chewy cookies.  It was fab.   

Eric even got home early, around 3:30 and had the best computer geek North of Kurt that I know with him:  Katrina’s son, David.  Instantly, all frivolity was gone and we were men on a mission.  “You got’em?”  Eric said in that way only an ex-military man can say (don’t get me started, honey).   

K-POW!  I whipped out the stack like my hand was spring loaded.   

“Let’s go,” David barked.  We piled into the caddy and headed East, baby, Pink Floyd blaring on the stereo and the houses whipping by like the posts of a picket fence. 

Best Buy was a madhouse the day after Christmas, but fortunately, they had their heads up son their shoulders where they belong instead of suppository style.  All of the registers were open, the floor was flooded with reps and the computer counter was well manned (I’ll say!).  None of us had been to Best Buy before and as we walked in, we took in the enormity of it like kids walking into FAO Swartz for the first time.  “I’m getting hard right now,” David confided.  Eric and I checked ourselves and indeed found the atmosphere was conducive to sexual arousal for three men out to buy a computer.   

We started to sniff around the computer section, checking out their package deals and quickly decided it was better to put together a composite system.  They all had really crappy monitors or bad speakers or some downside, not to mention lots were floor models and even though they were less expensive, I didn’t want to run the risk of having to bring it back.  I wanted something I could plug in, watch it light up and go to town  on it.   

Then I saw it.  The clouds parted.  A Heavenly Host of Angels broke into a song so sweet the baby Jesus wept.  A ray of sunlight so pure it made Ivory Snow look like a lump of coal lightly touched … Her.  So lovely.  So exotic.  So…rrrowwlll.  Her name was Sony Vaio.  “Vi” for short.  She wanted to do everything for me. . .ev-er-y-thing.  She played DVDs.  She recorded DVD’s.  She had a separate cd rom drive, patiently waiting for me to fill it with my big round disks.  She had a pretty blue light.  She had more ram than a Bon Jovi groupie.  She was a fast woman and her processor would turn the head of any red-blooded man.  Oh yes…she wanted me…wanted me bad.  I started chanting an ad slogan from long ago, “I want a Sony of my ownie.  I want a Sony of my ownie...”  I laid my head on her cabinet and listened to her purring back at me.  She would be mine.  Oh yes, she would be mine.  But wait!  The male fantasy was to become even more complete.  “I have a friend and we both want to go home with you,” she whispered softly. 

I began to tremble both with anticipation and yes, some fear.  Could it be??  Yessss.  The gorgeous ViewSonic Flat Screen LCD Monitor was making eyes at me from across the way.  Oh, I could so be the creamy filling for this cybernetic Oreo!   

I shook myself and the guys began to pass me cold cloths for me forehead (warm ones would probably have been more appropriate under the circumstances) and worked to get me focused.  “Are you going to take her?” they wanted to know.  “I think you should go for it, Dude.”  I looked back, but they quickly saved me.  “Don’t make eye contact!!”  Think first!  I did…for about 5 seconds.  I took one stroll around the software section, making notes of what I could buy my darling for our anniversaries.  I was already mentally planning a lifetime as her devoted slave.  Who was I kidding? 

“Men,” I said, “it’s done.  Get me a man over here to bring me my lady!!”   

“I want a Sony of my ownie.  I want a Sony of my ownie.”  (Except when I was saying it, for some reason, it came out like when someone with a Japanese accent overdubs a Japanese martial arts movie in English that's actually made in Japan)

And even better?  She was an expensive girl willing to sell herself cheap for me!  I got hundreds of dollars off (otherwise, she would have been outside of my price range) and with a whopping $9 out of pocket, I was loading her gently into my back seat, less than 30 minutes after entering the store.  David showed me how to install my old hard drive into her so I could move over my necessary files, including about 10 gig of music and a gig or two of soap pictures.  : Ţ 

I don’t think I used any gasoline all the way home.  I was driving an engine fueled by love, Baby!  Got her home, set her up and she worked like a charm.  I called David and he talked me through the rather kinky experience of changing my old drive from a master into a slave and plugging it into Vi.  She recognized it like an old friend and I began to move things to her massive, massive hard drive.  I could not for a second have asked for it to go more swimmingly than it did.   

As a little surprise for her, I cleaned about a million programs off of the hard drive of my old computer and once it was a whole lot less constipated, it was running pretty well, so I set it up for my mom to use and she is just in heaven.  Our internet comes with a few hours of free dial up service and that more than covers her net time for the month, so she is pleased as punch with her little office area.  A couple of nights ago, I got up to get a drink in the night and there she was, hours after I’d tucked her in, pecking away in some chat room, ruling the roost.  She never would reach out through the computer before, but I think her second-hand contact with my Ho’s has softened her a bit.  When I got my first computer, she gave it the Witch’s Eye, pointed her gnarly old finger and declared it an “evil elemental,” so I think we’ve come a good distance from then.  I figured she’d just use it to keep track of her recipes and journaling and such, but she’s decided she’s going to be the Internet Queen now, so who am I to argue (over anything other than MY reign as Internet Queen).   Before long, I’ll have to give Mom her own EOS column. 

So Vi and I have had a fabulous whirlwind romance and her friend Sonny (the moni) is a lovely compliment to our passion.  THEN another friend of mine (All hail Bill Gates, dammit!  I don’t care if he IS  a friggin monopoly, he owns WINDOWS and for that, I pray at his altar every DAY) works for Microsoft and sent me a huge box with all of the upgrades I was going to get Vi over the years!!  I got back a while ago and installed them and she’s just thrilled.  *sigh*  I love being Sage so much!!  Almost as much as I love Vi and my precious buddies who were so danged generous to me this Christmas playing Santa!  Now, she and I are going to have some private time and get a little alt F10 action going on, if you know what I mean!! 


Jan 1, 2003

[insert echo chamber] 

Just a quickie:  (never a quickie with you, darling, always a longie)

Look for Jax to get even more psycho as he roughs up Ric and hauls him at gunpoint to the police station to confess to Alcazar's murder.  Nope, he didn't do it (Pfft.  I blew that one!), but he was gonna!  He came to PC to do the guy in, but by the time he got there (which we saw), it was too late!  So Clue players, someone just showed you the Ric card and you can mark it off the little scoresheet!

Additionally, Ned's still getting the Viagra-laced cocoa for some time to come (ow!  moving along).  His Mr MoJo is Rising and he's doin' fiiiine.   Sex, guns and rock 'n' roll??

Jan 1, 2003

Click me, Baby

Click Here to Learn How to Help Sage 
and Eye on Soaps Stay in Business!!

PS:  A reader sent me a PILE of wonderful snappies, but didn't have tracking for where they 
all came from.  If I use any that are yours and you'd like the credit, just lemme know.  :)

Sage's Archives
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Dec 9, 2002 through Dec 5, 2002 Nov 25-27
Nov 18-24, 2002 Nov 9-16, 2002 Nov 1-8, 2002
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July 8-9, 2002 July 2, 2002 June2002 cont
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