June 20, 2003
(Spoilers? Yep, one or two, here and there.)
“You can’t have my baby,” Carly cried.
“I didn’t snatch Carly,” Ric lied.
“Don’t blame my husband,” Liz begged.
“It’s Ric, he’s guilty,” Jason has him pegged.
“Cut me in on the scheme,” Alcazar phoned.
“Can’t get any MOB action,” Faith moaned.
“No help from the cops,” Scotty gloated.
“Please keep Carly safe,” Sonny emoted.
“My wedding’s ruined,” Courtney despaired.
“Ric took my mommy,” Michael declared.
Carly and baby are stuck in a room.
Sealed up tight, just like a tomb.
All of P.C. searches in vain,
Cause Sonny’s brother has gone insane
If it weren’t for the fact
that Ric is so sick, twisted, evil (I’m running out of adjectives for this
guy), I’d almost feel sorry for him. Carly truthfully informed him at the
beginning of the week, “I’m more than you can handle Ric.” I agree with
Carly. She almost reached through Ric’s mental maze when she calmly
explained to him that he couldn’t bring home a strange baby and expect Liz
to accept it as hers. “What are you going to do? Bring it home and say,
‘Look what I found. Want to keep it?’” Almost…for a second…Ric seemed to
consider the possibility that Liz won’t forgive him for kidnapping a
pregnant woman and stealing her baby, but then he snapped back into the
Sonny owes me and must be punished mindset. Oh, and he’d appreciate it if
Carly would leave Elizabeth out of this and not mention her name.
Apparently, he didn’t review the kidnapper’s manual that says all bets are
off with the kidnappee including polite conversation, especially if the
kidnappee is Carly.
First Carly attempted a more traditional
Didn’t work, so she tried throwing food.
How creepy is it that Ric
kisses and cuddles with Liz on the love couch in the living room knowing
that Carly’s watching on the monitor in the den of doom? My favorite
spoiler this week came from GHH2 that said Liz and Carly meet up in the
panic room. This could be really, really good because depending on Liz’s
reaction, it might crack the door open between Sonny, Carly, Jason and
Liz. Not that I’m wishing Jason would suddenly dump Courtney and run back
to Liz, but it might open some lines of communication and revisit the
original friendship between Jason and Liz which I liked.
Voyeurism only backwards.
Wasn’t Ric nice, making
sandwiches for Carly with little toothpicks in them?
When I read the spoiler that
said Carly gets a shock, it didn’t occur to me that Carly really
gets shocked by electricity. Having no clue how a shock like that would
affect a pregnant woman, I had to call my brother, which I really hate to
do because before I can ask my medical questions, I have to endure the
laughter over what’s happening in soapland. But because I am so dedicated
and I knew you guys would be burning with curiosity like me (please do not
burst my bubble here, play along and act interested) I sucked it up and
asked him. In the words of my brother, the best doctor in the world,
“Getting shocked with electricity is a crap shoot.” Voltage, length of
shock, what the person is touching when the shock occurs and even how much
water is running through a person’s system all affect the damage or lack
of to the shock victim or the shock victim’s unborn baby. So next week,
ten minutes after Carly regains consciousness and appears fine, we’ll know
reality hasn’t been suspended completely.
In the hospital after the
almost wedding, Jason advised Sonny that he should think about contacting
the police regarding Carly’s disappearance. Kidnapping is a federal crime
so police involvement means FBI input. I looked for the joke and then I
tried to recall the Alien-Invades-Jason’s-Body storyline but neither was
evident. Since when do Sonny and Jason consider calling the cops for
assistance? During the years I’ve been watching GH the standard procedure
has been to work around the nuisance police as Sonny and Jason alternately
attempt to solve crimes or commit them. Sidestepping corrupt Scotty,
Sonny gave an interview and made a public appeal on television. Now
that’s the type of maneuvering I appreciate and to which I am
Coming soon to a theater near
you, Rosie, Superdog of the Skies – Protector of the Power of Good.
I predict a successful run
for Michael on GH since he’s already picked up the art of eavesdropping.
Michael gathers info, soap style.
Remember a week or so ago
when I laughed about Jason having to stop choking Ric because his cell
phone rang and of course he had to answer it? In the previews for
Monday’s show Liz is holding a gun on Jason and he’s answering the
telephone again. It’s Courtney calling to inform him that Michael
named Ric as Carly’s kidnapper. A serious mental condition called
Cellu-phonitis appears to be sweeping the nation, maybe the world. Isn’t
it cool of GH to break new ground and bravely address this serious
condition? Can you hear me now?
“Don’t make me shoot you.”
Gimme a break! Like Liz could shoot Jason.
I laughed when Jason
threatened Faith on the docks and Faith dutifully replied that of course
she would contact Jason or Sonny should she learn anything about Carly’s
disappearance. I laughed because I knew inside she was thinking, “Oh
goody goody, I have a reason to visit my buddy Ric.” In her very next
scene, we saw her skipping happily up the path to Ric’s house. OK, so she
didn’t skip, but she was knocking on Ric’s door.
Surprising me with her
ability to learn, Faith made her usual hateful insulting remarks to Liz
who responded with the typical smack attack. But this time Faith grabbed
Liz’s arm and refused to take the hit. Good for her. She may be a trash
talkin’, ain’t got no sense, MOB wannabe harridan, but that doesn’t mean
she should offer her face as a sacrifice to women of P.C. who can’t take a
few insults. Faith always starts the trouble and Carly, Courtney, Emily
and Liz have slapped her. But all she craves is a little power, some fear
when she strolls into a room, men worshiping the ground she walks on and
some respect. Is that too much to ask?
“Ah, ah, ah,” Faith tells Liz. “No more patty cake
on my face.”
For the record, when bowling
shirts went out of style back in say…early 60’s? They lost popularity for
a good reason. Because they were ugly! Could someone please contact GH
wardrobe and clue them in? I’m going to complain to Dayna, The EOS
Fashion Police, if they don’t improve on the guy’s hair and shirts.
Dillon’s hair in particular looks odd, sorta like they styled the top and
forgot the underneath layer. I’ll take the previously popular chia pet
cut any day over the lack of personal hygiene look. And while I am
suggesting improvement, definitely no more bowling shirts. Also, if Jason
must always wear t-shirts, can they be slightly more form fitting? If I
can’t see a chest, can I see a definition of a chest?
Every time I see this shirt, it gets uglier.
Give him a “Do”. Give him a comb. Do something!
Courtney pleads, “Please Jason, take off the shirt.”
Jason informs Courtney, “No, I only bare my chest
once every six months.
Summer and Lucky were the
couple, but Summer and Luke interacted on a deeper level. She felt bad
for Luke even though he waved a knife in her face. She uncuffed him in
the hospital. But then she deliberately misled Luke into thinking that
Laura was being treated at Ferncliff where Luke was forced to play humble
subject to Dr. Cam’s God Complex because Lucky signed commitment papers.
She told Lucky he was wrong to cage his demented dad and she visited Luke
at Ferncliff. I don’t blame Luke for behaving badly at that point since
Cameron was in his face telling him that he was feeling the wrong
emotions. “I just want to find my wife. Where’s the crime?” Luke roared
It’s not that I think Luke’s
actions are sane and reasonable, they aren’t, but I can’t see him
surviving in a psych ward for more than a day. Those were my sympathetic
thoughts all week until Friday when Luke’s head appeared among the
boulders on Spoon Island. (I immediately thought of the head Sage and his
friend pass back and forth. If you don’t know about “The Head” and want a
hilarious read, click
HERE.) On Friday, Luke struck me as crazy and dangerous. As though
the fan belt connecting the wheels in his head has slipped and some wheels
are spinning too fast while others have ceased turning, he’s either going
to crash or hurt someone, specifically Summer. Emily showed up just in
time to save Summer from being tossed off the cliff by Luke. Luke
wandered off into the weird fog looking old and tired and then Emily faded
into the fog as well leaving Summer vulnerable to Stefan’s murderous
lackey. Bye-bye Summer.
How creepy to see Luke’s head resting among the
In residence on Spoon Island
for only two weeks and he’s attempted murder. How very trite and overdone
of Stefan. Unless Stefan planned Emily’s demise as a show of power to
Nicholas, that no one he loves is safe unless Nicholas complies with
Stefan’s wishes for the Cassadine empire. On the other hand, if Emily had
died, Nicholas could declare that he’s free of emotional ties so he could
drop kick his princely duties whenever he wanted. Over all, I think
murder within two weeks is too wicked, too soon. Lydia, perhaps, should
have done the cliff plotting. Then she could team up with Faith and
together they could plan to rule all of Port Charles. (Insert evil laugh
here.) The irony being that Stefan is scheming to break up Nicholas and
Emily for the good of the Cassadine empire while Nicholas and Emily, only
pretending to be a couple, are scheming to push away Zander for his own
good. And as we all know “for his own good” portends anger and
unhappiness for the characters involved.
Lydia tries the diner and then tries to suck up to
“My Uncle has a motive for
which side of the cup he sips from. So proceed with caution.” Nicholas
cynically advised Lydia. The contrast between the arrogant Prince and
tender Nicholas with Emily entrances me. “I’m putting the top down
because I can’t have you barfing in the Jag,” Nicholas told Emily trying
to make her smile after a bout with nausea. Probably, by the time Emily
finishes breaking Zander’s heart, I’ll be ready to accept Emily and
Nicholas and that’ll be just about the time Emily decides she can’t live
without Zander. I’m rooting for Monica at this point who chastised Emily
for using her cancer as an excuse to cruelly send Zander to the reject
pile and Monica refuses to play along any further.
I could easily become used to these two, but I’m
trying hard not to.
What happened to the charges
against Zander for the murder of Angry John? And what happened to
Zander’s big back story involving his father and the suicide of his
brother? Were the hunting cap scenes and a few spats between Dr. Cam and
Zander The Story? Let’s ditch the teen story, which has pulled zero
interest from me and allow Zander and his dad to interact more intensely.
Skye sucking up to Ned and
declaring him The Keeper of All Good Manly Traits does not elicit a
positive reaction in me. And how weird was it of Ned to fall on the couch
kissing her madly? Ned did deliver one of my favorite lines this week
when he told Dobson, “Look, Dobson, we all know you’re a spy and a suck up
who can’t hold his liquor.” Yeah Ned, and the rest of us know that Dobson
is Alexis and you’re really dumb to not have figured it out yet.
Edward said it well when he told them, “Stop that.
It’s almost incest.”
When I wanted to avoid
cleaning my daughter’s room, an urgent need swept through me to search the
‘net seeking the definition of a butler. That way I can understand
Dobson’s duties, other than spying on Ned and Skye. A job description
from one of the butler websites (yes, there really are butler websites)
”Formally trained, or
highly experienced, the Butler supervises other domestic staff; serves
meals and other refreshments; answers the door and phone; organizes
table and room set-ups for entertainment and/or dining; can be called upon
for valet duties and P.A. functions in smaller households. He would
generally be expected to monitor and maintain all the equipment within his
remit. This could include the wine cellar for example.
A professional Butler would take on board all the entertainment duties in
a household. In short the employer and his wife, apart from the
occasional meeting with him, would expect the Butler to run their
household with very little input from them.”
Dobson the suck up hovers in the front hall ready to
open the door or mail.
Wow! I do all that stuff in
my house only I don’t wear white gloves or possess a wine cellar. Plus, I
work free. Now I understand that it’s Dobson’s job to hover near the
front door. I thought Alexis was keeping her escape route open in case
Alice loses control and tries to drag her to the coat closet for a
It’s not a complaint exactly,
more like a plaintive plea. “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now.
Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.” Recognize it? It’s a drug commercial for
holding it when you gotta go! I wish they would quit airing this
commercial because I can be perfectly happy cleaning or talking to my
kids, then I hear that tune and I gotta go even if I didn’t have to
a few seconds before. I feel like a Pavlov dog being programmed. There’s
some deeply buried subliminal message in there and they’re probably
working a deal with Depends as we speak. My fingers haven’t gone stomp to
their marketing department yet. Really, what would I say, “Stop playing
that song, I don’t wanna go?” Maybe they can sell the subliminal
programming to other companies. Think what a boon it would be to say…Slimfast,
Viagra (Oh, can’t go there. Someday I am going to write a whole column on
what I think of Viagra), Orgasmic Herbal Essence…I’m sure you get the
drift here. Well, I gotta go (and I don’t mean to the powder room). I
gotta vacuum. May your General Hospital time fulfill your soapy
soul this week. And if it doesn’t, hit your e-mail buttons and let your
fingers do some talking! Thanks for reading.
Oh, and don’t forget to vote for Sage as scoopster
extraordinaire at GH Rocks. Click on the link, it’ll take you there.
Photo credit for this week:
Try it, you’ll like it. Great site!
Go to the top floor, down the hall to your left,
last door on your right.
That’s where I am this week in my dreams. It’s
quiet and I have a computer,
TV with GH feed and no telephones.