Comments through February 28, 2003
(One little spoiler mention and an elephant)

Before I begin talking about this week’s episodes, I’ll address the elephant sitting on my keyboard. 


The elephant’s name is Wednesday’s Fan February Episode.  I love my General Hospital, which must be evident by the time I spend writing this column so it’s painful to admit (and I feel disloyal for even typing this) that for me the fan episode fell flat.  It fell further than flat - it fell into a sinkhole the size of Helena’s laboratory under General Hospital.  Funny moments broke up the tedium of Sonny acts like Sonny, but they weren’t enough to overcome the fact that fans received no dream come true fantasy realizations (unless you were dying to see Sonny kiss Skye).  Yes, Alexis informed Sonny of his fatherhood to baby Kristina, but did we see any hint of resolution?  No.  Sonny acted exactly like Alexis (and anyone who watches GH) assumed he would.  Same goes for all the other bits of stories we’ll never see.  No fan fantasy satisfaction offered. 

I got out of bed for this?


Enough said, I’m sure all of you have formed your opinions.  To be fair, I received a wonderful e-mail from my friend Carolyn that pointed out several positives a few of which I will list. 

1. Luke is in Heaven, working for God. Who'd a thunk it? Come on, he's technically a rapist, a criminal, a politician (isn't that criminal enough?)  a murderer, an adulterer, a smuggler, borderline psychotic and many other things that through the years have slipped my mind. If I had that resume up at the Pearly Gates St. Pete would be laughin' his kahunas off saying "I think NOT girly! You head on out to the bottom half! Get goin'!" Don't get me wrong, I love Luke. He is quite charming and even sexy in his own way but it's a stretch to imagine him working for the Big Guy. Kudo's to GH for giving the character a chance we all know he shouldn't really get!

2. The network reduced their costs by not having ANY blood come out of ANY of the bullet wounds on Sonny's chest. This certainly must enable them to pay their better actors more money or in the least allow them some friggin' airtime!

3. We saw the Q's in a show that would truly be better than the Osbournes.  And Edward can pronounce all of his words unlike Ozzy.

4. It was confirmed that no matter what he's faced with, Sonny will never learn a thing and we now have the choice to either keep torturing ourselves by watching and hoping the writers will make him more compassionate and less obnoxious or simply turn off the tube. Isn't there an NBC soap on at the same time?

5. Alexis only had one personality.

6. Taggert got to have the upperhand for a change. Oh, and he didn't look like a total loser following Scotty around.

7. AJ actually WON the custody battle for Michael for a change. Okay, so Sonny didn't let him get the kid but it was worth it to see him get to win.

8. Skye's expression when she downed that champagne was totally and utterly priceless. She is the classiest, most talented actor I've seen on that show in a long time.

9. It was only an hour. 

Thank you my friend for keeping a humorous balance!  I needed that.  OK, I’m done being fair.  It’s time to draw conclusions.  If we follow Guza’s quote about choosing what would be presented because he didn’t want to include scenarios that possibly could play in the upcoming months, we now know that Alexis will not be spilling any heart wrenching beans of Sonny’s paternity; Jason will not be setting up his own territory; Skye and Sonny will not suffer a fatal attraction and hit any mattresses; Taggert wouldn’t be offered a storyline even if he signed a new contract; and it will not be revealed that the baby Sonny and Carly lost was stolen and nursed to health by some psycho nurse only to be returned to them at about eight months old.  Of course, Mr. Guza and Mr. Pratt could be laughing uproariously into their sleeves and planning all of the above.  The elephant has left the building. 

It was brought to my attention this week that while I mocked Carly for her repeated self destruct runs to Jakes and that fact that her ovaries kick into overdrive during those missions, I failed to note the horribleness of Ric for victimizing Carly, whether he raped her or not, when she was down for the count.  As in drugged by Faith’s goon who planned an equally bad fate for her.  I’m sitting here trying to put a funny spin on this…can’t.  Carly gets the sympathy while Ric receives contempt.  It’s a lot like A.J. stalking Courtney – snake belly low – and how can Ric be redeemed now?  Cause Sonny’s gonna get him for sure!  Except for that whole MOB I Owe You Payback idea which will be put in play if Ric takes a bullet for Sonny and Carly next week like spoilers say.  I can’t even guess where the fallout’s headed on this one.  

My favorite line this week came from Carly and Sonny when they were talking in the penthouse.  In a moment of maturity, Carly told Sonny with her arms wrapped around him, “We’re not perfect, but we’re not boring either.”  That’s for sure. 

Oh Carly, baby – POW! with her fist.  No girlie slaps for her.

Faith takes one right on the kisser.

Truly, I do not believe in violence, but I am embarrassingly enthusiastic about catfights.  I’m afraid to analyze why.  Carly punched Faith and I’m wide-eyed and jumping up and down yelling in disappointment at Zander’s quick interference.  (My children weren’t home at the time.)  At least Carly’s willing to put her fist where her mouth is unlike ineffectual Sonny and Ned.  As Katrina said a few weeks ago, Ned tells Faith, “Stop it.  Or I’ll say stop it, again.”  And Sonny, big bad MOB boss, can’t seem to muster enough business savvy to outmaneuver Faith.  How about siccing the IRS on her?  I hear violating RICO statutes really ticks off the FBI.  Sonny should know. 

How come Faith didn’t leave The Cellar with a fat lip?  Jason punched pretty boy Fowler right in the face and he didn’t have a mark on him when they arrived at the PCPD.  Maybe the GH bruise and cut lip make up person called in sick for this week’s taping because those weren’t baby punches Carly and Jason threw and Faith and Fowler should have been sporting a few bruises. 

Faith certainly had a big week - catfight with Carly and offing Granny Catherine.  I thought that punch Carly threw might have kept Faith from strolling into The Cellar whenever she wanted, apparently not, since she invited Catherine in the closed club to bond before poisoning her sherry.  Somehow, this bad behavior leads me to believe that she won’t be hanging around Port Charles for very long.  Unless Ned decides she might be useful the next time he really becomes angry with Edward and then having a player in the wings who doesn’t mind murdering family members might be useful.

Nothing like a little poison to spoil the memories.

Is Alexis on drugs or did she just promise to stay in her hospital room and not attack anyone with a sharp object?  Did they call out psycho Kristina and make her promise too?  Because she’s up and moving with no restraints.  Why was she so dangerous the day before that she had to be restrained by a mean red haired nurse in purple scrubs and an orderly and free to move around the next?  Of course, in defense of Alexis and mothers everywhere, if the portable sex toy of my baby’s father walked in with my baby, rationality, reasonableness and self-control would be the first part of me to step aside. 

Ned visited an unrestrained Alexis in the hospital and I think she let loose with a give away clue.  She told Ned, “Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for my daughter.”  Supposedly, Alexis doesn’t remember Kristina’s actions when Kristina emerges and Alexis goes down under.  So how could she make reference to what she doesn’t remember?   

Dr. Lewis is providing wonderful care to Alexis and he should be racking good points but the guy just makes me laugh and I don’t know why.  The feel good doctor told Scotty, “You can’t prosecute Alexis for committing Alcazar’s murder.  You’d be sending her to jail for something she didn’t do.”   Let me try to understand this perspective – if I commit a crime, but truly believe I didn’t do it – I’m not liable?  I don’t have any responsibility or culpability so I should be released because the upstanding citizen showing on my driver’s license outranks my little problem with insanity?  This defense should offer hope to criminals everywhere. 

Another entertaining scene occurred after Alexis let Kristina conveniently confess to Alcazar’s demise on tape.  Dr. Cam rushes the tape to the PCPD and makes several demands of Taggert.  We will view this tape with witnesses.  The witnesses will sign a statement acknowledging what’s on this tape.  I want you to log it into evidence in my presence.  I want you to make a copy.  After about the sixth  “you will and I want” I was laughing.  I don’t remember Taggert’s reply because I wanted him to calmly look at arrogant, demanding Dr. Cam and say, “How’s it feel to want?”  Instead, Taggert leaves the vicinity so that sticky fingers Dr. Cam can lift Alexis’ defense notes of which she has no memory.  How fun that Alexis researched a case about Victor Lord.  I assume the same heart failing Victor Lord of OLTL.  Nice touch.

Does this look like a man ready to jump            Proving that ethics aren’t his main priority,
for anyone?                                            Dr. Sticky Fingers swipes evidence.

Lucky, Gia, Summer and Liz supposedly attend PCU.  The only one working in that bunch is Liz.  Just wondering who’s paying the bills for the rest of them. 

A check of the ductwork in Liz’s studio might be in order because it seems that whenever a man enters her studio Liz becomes romantic.  She seems fine at Kelly’s so it’s reasonable that the air in the studio triggers amorous impulses.  First Jason lit her romantic antennae, and then Zander participated in her lack of inhibition.  Now Ric brings her a present and she’s likin’ him a whole lot.   Maybe it’s the presents that do it.  Jason brought her a rock and a door.  Zander sprang for the nightlight.  Now Ric showed up with an art book.  Just a little character motivation to ponder.

Is it the air?  The presents?  What triggers this curious response?

What was that spiky thing on the back of Gia’s head?  It’s difficult when a new face fills a known character’s shoes so I try to hold back and let the differences settle.  NuGia is beginning to turn into a different character so I’ve had difficulty connecting her to the original Gia.  NuGia banks on smarts instead of looks.  Her style has changed from model/princess to preppy law student with dialogue to match.  Same goes for nunuLucky who reminds me of a college frat boy with a keg on the way.  I’m trying really hard to equate the person on my screen called Lucky to the Lucky I loved when I first began watching.  Smart, sensitive, savvy – Jonathon Jackson created the character and played him well.  Bravely moving forward, I’m skating as hard as I can with the new Lucky as he takes on this complex character.  It’s a lot to adjust to. 

Another character changing faster than the speed of bored fingers on a remote control is Skye.  Suddenly she’s sober, kind, calm, and radiating inner beauty.  I find myself shaking my head and muttering during her scenes.  She just hid her mean, manipulating, vindictive self in a lockbox in the closet.   The box might be locked but I know she didn’t throw away the key.  Don’t get me wrong, Skye grabs me every scene, but she is fakinnn’ that positive personality for Jax’s benefit.

Skye makes nice for Jax but she’s not foolin’ me!

Jason didn’t have any fun this week.  I never thought I’d say it but Jason needs Brenda to return to create some balance in his grim life.  They could fight over her baking mess in the kitchen and take his mind off the fact that he’s not allowed to kiss Courtney and Sonny’s being spectacularly unsupportive of his best friend’s efforts to extricate himself from a relationship he doesn’t want out of.  Not helping matters Carly blasted Jason for bowing to Sonny and not standing up for Courtney.  Nothing like feeling alienated from everyone he’s close to.  A volcano’s on the rise with fallout in several directions or the you know what’s going to hit the fan (or the sheets) pretty soon.  Sometimes it just sucks being a MOB enforcer in love. 

Carly makes Jason feel worse than he already does.
If he could sing, the song would be “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me”

Remember the movie A Few Good Men?  Tom Cruise pushes Jack Nickolson on the witness stand until JN bellows, “You want the truth?  You can’t handle the truth.”  That line applies to Courtney.  Insistently Courtney informs Jason and Sonny that she accepts Jason’s life, but as soon as she gets an eyeful of Jason in enforcer mode she feels a need to save him from himself.  Not to endorse Sonny and Jason’s dangerous illegal lifestyle, but if the folks in Courtney’s life, including Liz, Mike, Carly, Sonny and Jason, offer the same stay away, be careful warnings and she blithely assumes she can accept it, why did she interfere when Jason attacked Fowler?   Also, wasn’t the point made that Courtney had no idea who grabbed her?  When Fowler walked into view she immediately identified him as one of her kidnappers.  So I wasn’t too impressed at the beginning of the week but I have to say, I liked Courtney much better by Thursday and Friday when she stood up to Sonny.  No whining or angry histrionics just a firm commitment to her cause – Jason, and a refusal to bow to Sonny’s arrogant attempts to determine the course of her life.  Now that’s a Courtney I can tolerate.   

What I propose if you begin feeling depressed or angry about GH this week is music therapy.  Sing and dance the Hokey Pokey for a few minutes during the commercial breaks.  It’s good exercise and you’ll feel so silly that whatever annoyed you during GH won’t seem so bad.  Just make sure the curtains are closed and your spouse is in another room.  If you are unable to dance or sing, hum a few bars.  I’ll be listening.   Thanks for stopping by.   

What if the Hokey Pokey

really is what it's all about?

  Thanks and GH photo credit for this week:

If you ever miss a day of GH, check out this site.  The pictures are great. 



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