Hey all... a few thoughts from the Fashion Police who are barely surviving the dog days of summer...My central air-conditioning unit ceased all functionality a few days ago and it's going to take until Monday to replace the thing. If you want a real soapy sob-story, just ask me how much air conditioning units cost. 

Speaking of breaking down...

The surrogacy story transforming into this Nikolas/Courtney cheat like dogs story is a real clunker. First, Jax and Courtney haphazardly plan the surrogacy using a person whom they know but is not family or friend. Is in fact a former foe of Courtney's since all the Jason not actually really dating Elizabeth stuff went down. And so Court freaks out about it a bit (go figure) and Jax cuddles up to the surrogate in a weird sort of way instead of noticing his brand new wife's apprehension and possibly causing her to wear a Green Hornet costume while she travels. Just when you thought they'd lost all concept of Jax's character, he goes and reminds us that yes, he's indeed still rather self consumed and not really good at relationships, save the grand romantic overtures. But Courtney gets real carried away with the "I'm feeling weird about this surrogacy" and leaps right into kissing Nikolas (ex-husband Jason's sister's husband...) on the roof of the hospital. Or whatever they did. Cuz oh
my goodness, it's not like I can actually pay attention to all of this shite. And OH, the coincidence of Nikolas and Courtney on the same plane to the same hotel on the same frickin' island. Gah! And yes, that falls into the "Well Dayna, soaps have always been ridiculous..." response category, but every damn thing on this show is *so* ridiculous and haphazard and slapped together like a 5-minutes before the school bell rings kind of peanut butter sandwich, it's just well, ridiculous. They (TPTB) get the teensiest glimmer of fire between two actors (Herbst and Rademacher, Willis and Tyler Christopher) and who knows if the real-life situation between Tyler Christopher and Natalia Livingston - they broke up - helped to forward the break-up of the beloved and much trumped NEM, but it's like "they" see some shiny object in the future and salivate after it like a pack of slobbering coyotes. There's no planning, no continuity, no writing involved. Ghastly. And here I am watching it again...
 I went on vacation for two weeks with my husband and three children in late July. We live in Maryland and drove to Florida, so you can imagine. In case you can't, I'll add that my 3 year old twins were newly potty trained and my 6 year old son...well, he just isn't the most patient or calm kind of child. He's emotionally tumultuous like his mother. ;) So, it was a long drive. We broke it up with a week at the beach in North Carolina where my husband's family gathers for an annual golf/shop/lounge extravaganza. It was fun overall...the beach was great and we visited a great friend in Florida where there was more beach - woo hoo! And great food. I gained something like seven pounds. A two week vacation is a lot of work though, and we came home to our pool being all jacked up (my poor dad meant well) and I had to fall right back into my normal routine of hosting three additional children from 8am-3pm, M-F. I hadn't been watching GH for most of the summer, but after returning from that mommy on vacation marathon, I reclaimed the television for my own deviant purposes and it was at the top of the list. Absence has something to do with making the heart grow fonder and I was back into it again and trying to keep an open mind but wow, it's really stankin'. Nothing new...
So Kari Wuhrer's Reese is Carly's oft spoken about ol' BFF "Carly". Or Charlotte, rather. She was the richie who trailer park Caroline wanted to be just like, ohmygawd, and when she flew off a cliff or whatever, ourCarly just snapped up her name and went on to seduce her mama's boyfriend and get pregnant and go nutty and all that stuff that we know her so well for. Yeah, whatever. And she went on a Fleetwood Mac bender. That was exactly what they had in mind for Reese when she first came on. Believe that and I have a cooler full of ice to sell you if you're an Eskimo. What kind of crappy afterthought is this story? One that could have been pretty intriguing had it been at all planned and not have been cliché overkill. Reese enters as the FBI agent who helps to rescue a kidnapped Michael. She forms a bond with him once he's found because of course, she had a son that same age who disappeared and la la la...she's Florida firstCarly who didn't really die, but sought revenge on ournotreallyCarly after 15 years and came to town to seduce her mob boss hubby in the midst of a kidnapping that just happened to come across her Fibby desk. Yeah. Loon Lake was better executed. And if you know what I'm talking about, you just gotta ask yourself why you haven't hit the channel up button on the remote.
I'm not really trying to make you change channels. What else would I bitch about and who else would read it if it weren't for the two of us watching this show?
It's a really good thing that Kelly Monaco intrigues me. Sam has some pseudotwin or maybe it's really her twin or maybe I don't care if Bob Guza's wife hatched a million and one perfectly proportioned brunettes who can waltz. Anyhow, since we're on the subject of clunker storylines. Ms. Monaco's Sam is yet another ill-conceived character who began with full-page ads for her pairing with Jax but has evolved to primo status as the lady who stole Jason's heart. Or just kinda warmed it up some after that traumatic "Your Body Is a Wonderland" shaving on the sink scene with Courtney *shivers*. He luuuuuvs her and she loves him and she has to dance for the Guza woman in order to get the pompous rich guy to waltz along (and rescue a shackled..rowl..Jason) and the other over-enunciating Kelly Monaco to flick her black wig around or something. And to soak up some of that residual Dancing With the Stars audience who is still flicking through Star magazine three weeks later to find out exactly who that Monaco chick is and who's she's dating and if they are predicting the next Eva Longoria. Basketball players beware.

Roofies and teenagers and Lucas might be gay, oh my! Hate the new cop guy that digs Maxie. Can't be bothered to remind myself of his name but I think he's the weirdo roofie stalker and if he's not...well, in real life, he would be! He just looks shady. Or kinda like Brian Presley from Port Charles. They should have just gone ahead and injected vampires into the teen-a-licious story if they wanted me to wake up and take notice.
Let's just hustle on back to the NEM story for a moment. While we're sitting here enjoying our vodkatinis and all. If Nikolas looked exactly like the guy who raped Emily and she can't get over but she tried really hard while securing her doctorate or however far in medical school you have to get to wear a white coat in a hospital and start diagnosing people, and they really tried to make a go of it...then why can't she be any more open minded to the idea that he sought some comfort in Courtney's companionship? When she offered none of her own? When she admitted that she'd been lacking in the wife department but still marched out of the Bahamas hotel like the whole hallway brawl was none of her business? Are we to believe that she's just one to take the high road? Does anyone in Port Charles take the high road anymore? After watching Carly and Reese break each other's faces up, I had to reflect on my history of fist-fighting and honestly, it's been since ninth grade since I ever even felt threatened by a physical altercation. And that was in the locker room after Dance class when another girl asked me to turn my radio down..blaring Bon Jovi (natch) and this girl from the *other* middle school stepped in the middle of it (sensing my girlish fright, no doubt) and said, "There's nothing wrong with Bon Jovi. You wanna do something about it?" Does this sort of thing happen amongst grown women? Men, I can buy...and I can see where Jax wanted to plow Nikolas (hush!) but do any of the girls you know act that way if they're over saaaay, 16? Crass, crass, crass. In a diner, no less. It's no Krystle and Alexis showdown that's fer shure.

So to wrap it all up, I'm watching again and waiting for anything that seems like a story that anyone has actually given more than 2.8 seconds thought toward. It's been a couple of years since I discovered Eye On Soaps and around the time when I started reading Sage, Katrina, Sherry etc... the theory that TPTB were "throwing stuff against the wall to see what sticks" theory erupted. Nowadays, I'm not convinced that they aren't throwing it against the wall just to see what will finally get them cancelled. I'm determined that this show is worth more than the effort that's being made to write it now... there's a fat ton of history and stories waiting to unfold. Until we can sink our teeth into something meaningful (I hear Kim McCullough might be on her way back - eep!), let's just keep on waiting for Lorenzo to pair something other than a striped circus shirt with his pinstriped gangster suit. Carly did nothing to improve her shortlived husband's style. *le sigh*


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