For the week ending March 9, 2001: 

Actually, I thought last week was an improvement, in that, we got to see a little of every story as if the entire show didn’t revolve around Sonny and Carly!  To that I must throw in a “Bravo”!  I temper that statement by saying that I watched these shows between 2:15 and 4:45 a.m. on Monday morning.  It’s very likely that delirium had set in and anything would have been amusing. 

ZANDER’s kidnapping and I mean the kidnapping of not by Zander for a change was comical at best.   He is about as smart as a sack of wet mice.  Port Charles’ other criminals lack the cunning and indifference to the law to be believable criminals.  I’m at a loss to explain why Sorrel’s men didn’t just cap him in the alley if they were so sure nobody was watching.  Then, I didn’t understand why they took him to the warehouse (leaving plenty of time for SuperJason to save him) for a brief explanation of why he was about to die.  Then again, as he tried to escape and used the crowbar as a weapon when the “bad guy” had a gun, why didn’t they just cap him right that time?  This scene made no sense especially given the fact that someone at GH has seen the Godfather movies based on Alexis’ comment to Sonny at the launch party: “Who do I look like Luca Brasi!”.  Therefore, I suggest using some of the mob techniques employed in said movies to make PC’s mob look like actual mob. Too bad Jason didn’t kick his ass too.  Sonny then should have kicked his ass.  I cannot BEEELLEEEVE he got his little girlfriend to go to the big bad mobsters for him and then SHE had the NERVE to involve his pseudo Mommy!  I still fail to see the value this character is adding to the show. 

THE LAUNCH PARTY provided some amusement despite its lack of spectacular moments.   I was just as surprised as Carly that Hannah and AJ came to the party but I have to agree with Laura when she told Carly, “I gave you the guest list, if you didn’t read it that isn’t my fault.”   Alexis playing press patrol bodyguard and fretting over Ned’s presence annoyed me beyond comment, but I did love how she kept raising her rates throughout the evening the longer she had to be there!  The barbs traded between Ned and AJ were redundant but biting and I do so love for the two of them to be at the other’s throat.  While Ned is still understandably hurt and lashing out I must issue a smackdown for his treatment of Alexis at the party.  If, in fact, the relationship is done, over finito, then he doesn’t get to have an opinion on who she spends her time with or where she spends it.  The parting shot about flagging down a semi was cutting but not undeserved.  Mac and Laura being trapped on the roof together just reinforced my conclusion that those two should not be paired for anything other than commiserating the death of their marriages.  A romance between those two would be like watching paint dry.  I couldn’t help but love (and reminisce) watching Scotty be jealous!  I’m tired of AJ and Carly fighting.  She won so it’s time to let it go!  I loved that everyone had Carly’s number from the beginning but Gia’s participation in the locking of the roof door will have to come out and I can’t wait!  The ensuing showdown between Laura and Carly, and also between Scotty and Sonny, left a lot to be desired.  Another byproduct of this lame story is that it’s making both women look petty and silly. 

I had a hard time choosing my favorite scene of the week because there was massive improvement on the family intra-action front.  The in-depth discussion between Alan and Edward about their children impressed me.  I need more of this.  For the first time in ages I felt a connection to the characters.  Both performances were moving and a great big kudos to both performers.  I also enjoyed the discussion between Monica and Alan about Emily and how they’ve screwed up their children. I loved the interaction between Jason and Emily and followed by the interaction between AJ and Emily.  The one thing both brothers have in common is a love for their little sister and it’s high time somebody played on that! 

Then, we move on to the Cassadines.  Helena visited Nikolas again to remind him of his place in the world and her role in his life.   More interesting than that was her visit to the bastard child, Alexis, and a return to the threatening Helena.  She had become somewhat cartoonish of late spending most of her time plotting with Andreas, like Boris and Natasha. 

SCENE OF THE WEEK ended up being something that I’ve been waiting on for a long time.  Scotty kissing Laura!  I can add nothing but applause!  It’s about time we started stepping up this romance!   


Zander to the “bad guys”:  “Sonny rules . . .!” Yeah, Zander he rules so well that he got himself and you shot in front of the PCPD, got his warehouse and nearly himself blown to smithereens immediately following having to send Jason to Puerto Rico to handle his business there.  Yeah.  He rules alright.    

So, Zander, it’s ok if Jason kills them for you but you don’t have the nuts to do it yourself huh, badboy? 

I’m going to break from my No Chloe is a good Chloe stance for this one comment.  She made MyNed smile on Friday and smile A LOT!  It’s been far too long since I last saw those dimples out in such full force and I was floored!  Now about that marriage proposal, calm down Ned, let’s not get crazy!  I realize they have some chemistry but that does not matter to me because they are cousins that are close enough to be traced!  I still wake up in a sweat having nightmares of watching them make-out on the couch at the gatehouse for Edward’s amusement.   

Lucky scores one point for rudeness to Zander: “Yet another great thing you’ve done for Emily.” 

I don’t get why Carly loves Sonny.  First with the whore/slut/tramp talk now he treats her like a bad little girl for locking Laura on the roof when as the head gangster he’s done much worse to his rivals!  I’m beginning to wonder why she puts up with him instead of vice versa. 

Scene-stealer of the week:  Elton! “Spritz, Spritz!”  I recant my former distaste for this character.  He is SO much fun! 

Just a hint for Marcus and Flo -  Herbal Tea “to go” means that you take your tea and LEAVE! 

The montage sucked. 

Mac and Alexis.  First of all: Ewwww, don’t even try that PTB!  If Mac worried about quitting during a case, he’d never be able to leave. She’ll be able to win a few more cases?  Hello! Exactly how many has she LOST?  I keep seeing her kick YOUR kiester all over the courtroom.  I loved him calling her on the Ned thing! 

Flea’s intention to start of the detective agency is the worst idea since the rebirth of Deception.  GO BOBBIE!  Way to protect big brother and Mac from the infestation! 

If it was so cold on the roof of the office building, how come I couldn’t see their breath?  

Does Scotty have any clients other than Laura? 

Granted I care nothing for the boy bands anyway, but if I never hear that N’Sync song again it will be too soon! 

Lucky v.  Jason = CLAYMATION, please I beg of you CLAYMATION 

Bring on the Spencsadine War!!



For the week ending March 2, 2001….

Once again I’m captivated by the capacity of my computer to do new cool stuff so I was busy last week playing rather than being a good little columnist and watching GH, so I’m going to keep this short again.  Plus, watching the show seemed to be the cure for my insomnia and I put off polishing up this commentary in order to clean the bathroom.  That’s bad, but if it gets to the point that I’d rather dust (by far the most hideous task ever invented) first then we’ll have a major problem.  Here goes: 

I love Luke’s one-liners but Fluke still sucks.  I wish Hells would find them and just kill Flea now.  I’m curious about this bed in Helena’s room too.  I have a big ol’ queen size sleigh bed (which rules!) but it only sits about five inches off of the floor and that is definitely not enough room for a full grown man to crawl under.  I’m baffled by how both Luke and Flea could both shimmy underneath and still no appendages were sticking out to be noticed by Helena or Andreas.  I’m also curious as to how every transient in Port Charles can wander onto this yacht without any problem.  All in one night Stefan, Flea and Luke came on board and straight into the spider’s lair without one security person noticing.  Details….details…..details.  The L&L fan in me got a little jolt when Helena mentioned Laura’s name and Luke got a look on his face like he might have to hurt Hells just for having the audacity to speak the name.  The smallest things can set me off. 

And other small things that set me off.  I know Sonny’s and Carly’s wedding was supposed to be some big pay off for the fans but I found it completely lame.  For the first time since this entire renewing the vows subject came up I was glad, nay ecstatic, that it was S&C and not one of my couples because I was bored. I saw more love between the three couples on the ortho-tricycline commercial.  Carly wasn’t the only one who fell asleep on the wedding night.  When they were on the beach, I thought they were interesting at first.  I’ve said before that as long as Carly is quiet I can tolerate her.  The writers lost me again as a former S&B Fan I don’t appreciate the tarnishing of that relationship in order to build up S&C.  He certainly does not love Carly more (or at all, whatever you’re feelings might be on the subject) just differently. 

I am so back in Laura’s corner. Carly to Laura: “I’ll shut this company down before I let Elizabeth Webber be the new face of Deception.”  NOW who is being unreasonable?

Laura to Carly: “GROW UP” Carly!  All Laura needed to do was throw in a snap and a little neck action.  I was rolling already that would have sent me into convulsions!  The gloves are OFF.   Carly may be devious and manipulative but so is Laura and Laura can still outdo her because Laura is a strategist.  She didn’t spend the last twenty years hanging with Luke and Stefan without learning a thing or two.  Carly on the other hand has proven time and time again that she doesn’t think past the here and now. 

SCENE OF THE WEEK…Elton and Laura:  “bitch.”  I laughed and laughed and laughed over that one.  Elton has finally won me over.  I love him.  First, telling Alexis off (because she needed it even though it wasn’t his place) and now calling Carly a bitch.  Yep, he’s on Tracey’s good list now.  BTW, I’m lovin’ Laura’s scarf in that scene. 

Moving right along to more of PC’s cerebrally-challenged.  Lucky to Liz:  “We’re going.  I mean it we’re leaving right now.”  Uh. I know he didn’t! I hate to admit it but Jason is being the voice of reason.  No matter how much in love two people are, no one person can be the other person’s entire world.  Life doesn’t work like that.  Humans are social beings and we need numerous influences (cyber buds or virtual).  Liz and Jason can’t be friends, but Lucky immediately runs to Emily.  What’s good for the goose… 

LINE OF THE WEEK:  “My days as public servant have just ended!!!!”  Hallelujah! Praise all the gods!  Go back to tending bar and being interesting dear Mac! 

Break out the Teri Clark CD because at least she can sing whereas Gia’s rendition of the “Poor Pitiful Me” song is just making my palm itch and my ears bleed.  Go, stay, hang upside down naked on Nik’s front porch ---  I don’t care!  Deception is not the only modeling job in the world.  Get over yourself and get another job! Just stay away from L&B. 

Memo to Nik:  IT IS NOT YOUR PLACE TO TELL SOMEBODY ELSE’S BUSINESS!  He had no right to tell Gia anything about Elizabeth especially in order to sooth Gia’s pathetic ego.  When Liz finds out I hope she rips him a new one.   Get me some of whatever Gia’s smokin’ because that little fantasy was hilarious! Admittedly it was stupid and way over the top but a good chuckle nonetheless.  I was immediately thrown back into questioning her continued presence in PC when Gia used the information Nik erroneously gave her against Elizabeth.  She could limbo right under a snake without bending at this point.  My hatred for Gia surpassed my contempt for Carly this week. 

I really enjoyed the picnic Roy set up for Bobbie in the gazebo.  I know I’m the lone voice in this but I like them.  I even like them as a couple.  Plus, as a bonus: Eagles…HELL YES!  Anytime is a good time for Eagles!  Eagles Rule.  Just turn down the volume a touch so I can hear the dialogue, when I want to rock out to the Eagles I’ve got all the CDs and if that fails Napster isn’t shut down yet. 


Laura has PMS….MUST we go there? 

Amy and Laura gossiping about someone else eavesdropping.  Irony. Yeah, ok, I got it the first time. 

Was it just me or did everybody notice the gray around Sonny’s temples during the ceremony? 

SACRILEGE!!!!  Blasphemy!!!! Using an Elvis tune by someone OTHER than Elvis…..Bad GH….very Bad! 

Nik looks like a pimp in that coat. 

Finally, somebody got Michael a haircut!! 

“HOW ORDINARY.”  So we’re making jokes about the day you broke the love of your life’s heart?  ‘Lex…darlin’ I’m not thinking that’s very funny. 

I loved how the writer’s two-stepped around Maxie’s age by not actually assigning a number! 

I heard nothing of Bobbie’s chat with Flea because I was busy trying to figure out why of all the places in the world Melissa would show up in PC.  The answer:  To cause trouble, of course. YIPPEE!  A story where none of the teens are involved.  Goody, goody! 

Zander was kidnapped.  Hopefully, he will realize what exactly he did to Emily.  Hopefully, Emily will realize what her little escapades with thug boy did to HER FAMILY and her friends.  Who knows? Maybe Zander will fall for his kidnappers now and we’ll be rid of this insane story.  Some friend Emily turned out to be anyway.  Her support of her best friend is conditional upon Zander’s presence.  No thanks.  I don’t need friends like that. 


I loved Laura’s hair but was not crazy about the tiara/barrette thing.  The outfit lacked pizzazz but was an improvement over the K-Mart bargain bin look she’s been going for. The choker, however, MUST go!  

Mac was sssssmokin’, but he’s being too much of a “first date”.  The fake “harharhar” (while tossing head back) laughing too loud and bringing silly gifts made me think that perhaps Mac did think this was a senior prom. 

Clown lips! BAHAHAHAHA!  I can’t add anything to that! 

Sonny, Lucky and Nik looking HOT in tuxes, but then again it’s pretty darn hard NOT to look HOT in a tux.  MyNed looked the best in his traditional black tie, though. 

Gia looked spectacular!  She was BEST DRESSED of the women.  That girl is the FOD choice, even if she is a bitch.  Chloe didn’t even bother to say hey at the party to check out how one of her designs faired on Gia? 

I hated Carly’s hair and found her dress rather boring.  She should skip the shawl thingie because Carly doesn’t do graceful and can’t pull off the ‘tude necessary for it. 

Best Dressed Male must go to Scotty!  Non-traditional. Hip.  Loved it! 

Liz’s outfit was hideous and the hair was less than awe-inspiring despite Lucky’s constant reassurances. 

Alexis was drab in fashion and in manner.  We would have ALL been happier if she’d stayed home. 

I loved Chloe’s dress and coveted the fact that she has the body to carry something like that off (although nobody will ever top my girl V’s backless red number from the Nurses’ Ball a couple years ago!).  One complaint though: STAND UP STRAIGHT DAMNIT! 

Audrey’s outfit was simple and fitting for the character.  

Amy’s dress was typical Amy, nothing flashy or noticeable.  Thank goodness. 

What was Monica thinking with the gold?  Yikes! 


-who is pondering whether or not being a ‘net columnist makes me a “scribbler”?  Would I have to change Scotty’s mind?  I think I’m up to the challenge. J



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