I lost count of the number of cliche phrases used during the show and the only one I'll forgive is Luke's comment "Darlmik. Darling Mikkos. Frozen yogurt head. Well, if hell ever does freeze over, we'll know it was an inside job. Now, where did your snaggle-toothed sweetheart stash my little princess?" It's only forgiven because it almost made me spit my drink.  

I promised a few people that I’d cut down on the Carly-bashing, but this simply cannot be helped this week. Snarly was being her usual bitchy self. She showed up late at Deception, brushing her hair no less, being all pissy. My suggestion to her is that if she was that interested in decorating the offices then perhaps she should have shown up to do it. All of that decorating did not get accomplished before breakfast that morning. Keep in mind, that I think she SHOULD have decorated her own office, but the 'tude was too much. Laura is ready to get moving, has the office decorated and is setting up meetings (actually already had one meeting earlier in the week) and Carly just comes strolling in like she's the cock of the walk. Carly could have handled the situation better by simply COMMUNICATING with Laura instead of CRITICIZING, bitching and walking out to go whine to Sonny. Besides when has an already decorated room EVER stopped Carlybabes? Also, are we to expect that she’ll decorate the offices any faster than she redecorated Sonny’s penthouse? I nearly busted a gut when Chloe and Alexis, both without prompting, praised the decor.  She needs to learn to pick her battles and the color of the walls in the office was not a good choice. 

Emily’s little tantrums have finally worn their way through my last nerve. She made me madder than Carly this week. I was really screaming at my tv...."OH BOO HOO. Ya' know what, Zander deserves to be in jail, even if you take away the murder charge he is still a drug dealing kidnapper and Emily needs to grow up and quit acting like he just took a pack of gum from the Wal-Mart. It wasn't just a mistake...it was a CRIME and not just any crime, it was a felony.  He was dealing date-rape drugs, not drugs that people use for their own personal recreation.  As a former drug addict (daughter and sister of addicts) I should think that dealing drugs would be reprehensible to this child.  Also the fact that her best friend was raped should offend her sensibilities about this guy dealing in ruffies. 

MacFlea brought all this press-scorn on themselves by holding a trial without any evidence or 'fessing up when she had the chance. Don't expect sympathy now. That stockholm reference would have been good a couple of months ago when the FANS called it. Flea, go away...that's all just go away and take that ugly skirt. I believe she has forgotten that she’s dealing with Helena.  We know Helena killed Ari and Dr. Lasteris and had Katherine killed.  She ran down Chloe, attempted to stab Chloe and attempted to murder Stefan. It's time for Flea to re-prioritize.  A little nookie ain’t worth setting yourself up as a target. 

The scene of the week was, without a doubt, Stefan and Helena.  Those two have creepy Greek tragedy written all over them.  (Oedipus Rex anyone? Yikes!) Helena’s world unraveled with Stefan’s simple statement: “Not likely” followed by his “Hello, Mother”. Then the sheer astonishment on Helena’s face when she turned to see her “dead” son standing before her was nothing short of priceless.  His explanation of “her” treachery in kidnapping Chloe brought an evil grin to my face as Helena marveled at the brilliance of this plan while giving herself a backhanded compliment for all that he had learned from her.  The true frightening moment came when Stefan hugged Helena.  The little boy in him wanted a show of affection from his mother and when she didn’t return the hug he was immediately disgusted with himself for wanting anything from her. 

Runner up for scene of the week was Luke and Helena.  I've said it before and I'll scream it loudly now: Those two should have a scene every single day of every single week. The chemistry just runs amuck when they are together. Death threats and sexual tension all rolled into one and I'm a happy woman!  Does it make me a bad person to want those two to drop the rhetoric and just go at it one day?  Luke, comparing Hells to Medea?...oh, you bad, naughty boy!  Too bad Flea was under the desk, though I believe Luke had some Bill and Monica ideas.  

I must digress for a moment, since Helena brought it up, Darius is Stefan's middle name. Did either Luke or even Helena know that? Not according to the writers. His full name is Stefan Darius Mikkosovich Cassadine.  (OT:  Why was the 2^nd son named after the father???)  For the record, Nik's full name is Prince Nikolas Mikhail Stavrosivich Cassadine. These are the kinds of details that fans remember (or at least know where to look up).  Luke could have played up the angle that Darius was, in fact, a real Cassadine. Surely, despite her hatred for Stefan, Helena knows his full name. This was sloppy storytelling. 

Second runner up for scene of the week was Helena and Stefan / Luke / Laura.  Helena was trying to push Stefan’s buttons about Nikolas and Luke. He wasn't having any of it.  They toy with each other in this cat and mouse game and I can’t wait for the action to heat up.  Luke was toying with Stefan too by not playing the game.  Laura had some nerve butting into their conversation still thinking that they are fighting over HER.  Neither of them appear to want her anymore, she needs to get over herself.  She may have told them, again, not to bring the children into the war but the implication was that she had moved on and so should they.  I actually think that Luke and Stefan may end up working, not together, but toward the same goal of extinguishing Helena from PC. It could be a good story under a good scribe.  

MyNed’s bachelor party started out fine once you got past the fact that he doesn’t like most of the people who showed up and none of them, save Nik, wanted to wish him well.  It lacked excitement until Luke showed up with a deck of cards.   Unfortunately that portion of the program didn’t last long because AJ thought it would be funny to hire a stripper who was the spitting image of Bratlynn’s mother to pop out of a cake in the same manner that said demon did years ago.  Harharhar.   

Juan drinking beer at the bachelor party was wholly unacceptable.  Taggert is still his guardian so we know Juan is under 18.  I can’t believe that GH went to such great lengths last week to preach (and preach and preach) about teenagers having safe sex then showed a teenager getting fitshaced at Jake’s (and where was Jake?) without any adult questioning this or Juan experiencing any repercussions. 

Alexis’ bachelorette party also started off well once you got past the fact that she doesn’t like or doesn’t know most of the people who showed up, the matron of honor (gag) showed up late and the other bridesmaid didn’t show up at all.   I’m still trying to figure out why Gia was there at all for any other reason than to give her a chance to interact with Carly some more.  The stripper was scary as hell.  I’ve seen my share of male-strippers and that guy should give it up.  He was not attractive at all.  That entire scene was painful torture to watch.  I honestly don’t know how the cast got through it especially Nancy.  She should be sainted for all the crapola GH puts her through.  This wedding story is the one thing I (this is my favorite couple) should be enjoying but I’ll be so glad when this stuff is over.  This silliness is not what I wanted. 

Line of the week

Ned: "This is my last wedding, my last best man, my last groomsman,
and this will be the last rehearsal dinner, and the last bachelor party." Awwwwww! I admit that I’m a total sap sometimes.  I absolutely loved this line. 

Quick Quips

Alexis: "Hey! Isn't collecting the evidence supposed to be your job?" You'd think so wouldn't you? But not in PC unless it's evidence against somebody you hate or if you have an axe to grind. 

Emily: "Isn't that, like, against the law?" And, like, drug dealing and kidnapping isn't, Em?  

Stefan: "Don't come near Nikolas again."

Luke: "Or you'll what? Fake your own death and frame me?"  Touche!  

Emily: "You know what? He's not going to be in prison. He's going to be dead, ok? They're going to kill him for something he didn't even do! Are you happy now?"  Uh, yeah, thanks!  Works for me. 

How cute was Edward's statement about Sonny to Lila "That's because
you're a shameless flirt." Lila should just remind him that she has good taste or she wouldn't have married him. They're too cute.  

MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS AND SHALLOW OBSERVATIONS 

I think we need to know who the hottie with Sorel is!!  GH is just overrun with extraordinarily attractive bodyguards. 

Sing it with me:  Na, na, na, na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye …..Juan -...buh-bye now.  I hope Michael has his resume ready. 

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that the caterpillar isn’t going away and most days it doesn’t even bother me anymore, but I still want MyNed to shave and it is my continuing mission to mention it in every column. 

Chloe and Felicia apparently had an extra-long heart-to-heart talk because I did a good deal of fastforwarding. I’d like for these two women to become friends because it seriously cuts down on the amount of time that I have to watch either of them with other characters I can actually tolerate. 

I’m glad Alexis told Dara off again. This attitude Dara develops every time Alexis gets involved with a case has become as tired at the double-cheese pizza at the Q’s on Thanksgiving.  To Dara’s credit she did lay into Flea pretty good. 

I guess it hasn’t occurred to anyone in Port Charles that Jax is off chasing after BRENDA.  Perhaps somebody should contact her sister or her best friends.  Maybe even NED could make a phone call to check out some of this information.  

Can somebody tell me exactly when Chloe and Carly got to be best buds and if they are why can't Carly hold Chloe's hand every time she has a bad dream so she'll leave my Nexis ALONE!  This would be an excellent way to showcase both of the blonde bimbos and ease the strain on my remote control. 

The rehearsal dinner at the Q house will be a disaster. These are the same people who can't seem to have turkey on Thanksgiving...ever. Why should I think that they'll pull off this very special occasion with any kind of grace?  

Since when does Edward call Nikolas "that awful boy"? Isn't he the ONE boy that Emily has ever brought home with any kind of decent upbringing. Let's look at the other candidates: Matt got her hooked on drugs. Lucky had her running away and sleeping in the desert. Juan had her running away, contemplating teenage sex, going to raves and ending up commando in bed with a copsicle. Zander is a drug dealer and he kidnapped her at gunpoint and nearly got her killed.  Is any of this making Nikolas look more and more like a prince among thugs?  

Why shouldn't Carly step down as Alexis’ matron of honor? I don’t care “how much it means to her”, it's not her wedding.  This is ALEXIS' wedding and her best friend, however lame I think that best friend may be, is back.  But then I keep forgetting that everything is about Carly these days, well at least the stuff that isn't about Sonny. Ugh. 

Can we please get Monica some estrogen therapy like NOW because she tres bitchy.

What's with all the football talk lately? Is the NFL filtering cash into Bobby or what?  

You've gotta love those Qs at the bickering, uh I mean, breakfast bar.  Some things never change and make the show feel like home. 

Did anyone else get that ‘been there, done that’ feeling when Bobbie and Roy had a car accident, as if perhaps we’d seen that very scene LAST YEAR with Bobbie and Jerry?  That recycling bin at the studio must be getting lighter and lighter.

 See ya’ next week.