There is little that I like better than a huge, side-aching laugh.  I am a tough audience, so when something hits me right and gives me a big ol' LOL, I like to share it with friends.  My sense of humor tends to run toward the warped, so tread lightly in these parts.  Not much is sacred with me and I'm an equal opportunity laugh predator, so don't get all in a bunch if something here hits you wrong.  Just keep scrolling and you'll probably find the antithesis further down.  Note:  These are just things flying around the net, so if someone has a copyright owie from something I print here, first of all, lighten up and second of all, just let me know and I will pull it if you can prove to me that you have exclusive rights.

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 I Wanna Be A Bear

 If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.
Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up.
He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.
I wish I was a bear.

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Plaque reportedly seen on George Jr's oval office desk:
"WWJD:  What Would Jeb Do?"


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To demonstrate that my sense of humor is totally nonpartisan:

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The Male Brain
(Not for kids or faint of heart)

The Snail Story
Snorted my Diet DP on this one, guys

So this guy is relaxing, watching TV one night and he hears a banging on the door.  He get up, goes to the door, opens it, looks out, doesn't see anyone, shrugs, closes the door and goes back to his show.  A few minutes later, he hears the knock again.  Same thing, nobody there.  By the fourth time of getting up, he's pretty pissed off, but when he opens the door, he glances down and happens to see a snail in front of the door on the welcome mat.  Angry at being disturbed, he picks up the snail and flings it across the street into an open field.  Three years later, there's a loud banging on the door and he opens it again to find the snail there.  The snail says, "So what the hell was THAT all about?"

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Great Quotes

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Warning:  "F" word, but cute

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