Things Teachers Would Like to Put On Report Cards
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. This student has delusions of adequacy.
4. This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. The student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. Student has been working with glue too much.
8. When the student's IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.
9. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's hard to believe the sperm that created this student beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.