Things Teachers Would Like to Put On Report Cards

          1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

          2. I would not allow this student to breed.

          3. This student has delusions of adequacy.

          4. This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

          5. The student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

          6. The student has a "full six-pack" but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

          7.  Student has been working with glue too much.

          8. When the student's IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.

          9. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

          10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

          11. It's hard to believe the sperm that created this student beat out 1,000,000 others.

          12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.