Spoilers I use for commentary are compliments of  Soap Zone and Carol Banks Weber:

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AMC Commentary

CATFIGHT!  Kendall vs Julia!

CATFIGHT!  Amanda vs Babe!

All of the people who scurried in to report to me that JR is going to run down Greenlee got punked when it was released  this week that it's actually Amanda who gets mowed down (which is just a damned shame, not because I particularly like Amanda, but because it would have made great drama for Greenlee to bite it and leave grief-stricken Ryan to drive into the sunset on his crippled black steed, "Spud.").  This pushes over into Babe's world when she gets the (not so) bright idea to protect JR by making it look as though she was the one who was driving rather than JR, who was six sheets to the face at the time.    He, as is typical, treats her like complete crap until he starts to have memory flashes that remind him that doh!  He really dunnit. 

I'm very saddened that the contract negotiations for Julia Barr are stalling out and there's no word of a settlement in sight.  Since her oh so brief affair with Adam many moons ago, there has been almost nothing for Brooke to do but brood about Jamie now and then.  Such a shame and such a waste!

We get the full confession from Zach this week of his love for Kendall, but it is pretty much for our benefit only (in case we missed the subtext, I guess).  Ryan will be saving Greenlee and Kendall from a fiery death, but it remains to be seen whether or not that will actually move him back into the good graces after Greenlee rushes to divorce papers.  The phone call from Jonathan is more than enough to put her over the anti-matrimony edge.

AMC has been running very hot and cold for me lately and this week, I am feeling pretty tepid.  My ardent prayer is that it will play off on screen better than it reads on the spoiler sheets.
 

 OLTL Spoiler Commentary  

• Jessica wrests control of herself from Tess, a temporary reprieve. This brings much relief and happiness to those Jessica’s loves.

And much pain and anguish to those who watch the show.

• Jessica requests that Nash make himself scarce, she does not wish him around. This brings sorrow and disappointment to Nash, but he does as she requests.

Why is it that I can totally see Antonio actually sticking his tongue out at Nash as he walks away.

• Before Nash makes tracks out of the town, he comes across Tess’ last missive to him, crediting him for her life.

"And if I ever send you away, it's not me, it's that bitch Jessica."

• Antonio drives Jessica from the hospital to her mansion in Llanfair, but along the way, they get banged up good by another vehicle, driven by Todd.

And Tessica can't deal with having an accident and splits off into another personality who is actually an excellent driver (perhaps we can call her Rainwoman).

• Todd’s a fugitive from the law when he collides with Antonio’s vehicle, rendering Antonio and Jessica car accident victims. He knows he should just keep driving on, but he does the right thing and rescues his niece and her boyfriend from the wreckage, as they’re passed out.

Memories of when he rescued Marty and the kids from the car going off the cliff when he was eluding police capture.

• Before Todd can flee again, Jessica rouses to catch a fleeting look at him, however made up to not look like himself.

I'd pay good money for him to dress up like Norman Bates' mother.

• Viki has a talk with Nash, about everything and anything to do with Tess.

It's about time.

• Clint finds that he kinda likes this Nash.

In comparison to anger boy Antonio the control freak?  Who'da thunk it?

• Viki and Clint are alerted to the car accident, and go visit their daughter Jessica at the hospital, as fast as they can.

I swear, if it's not one thing, it's another.

• Jessica undergoes hypnosis, but goes back into the darkness, while Tess grabs onto the light with both fists, taking charge and making demands. One of them involves Viki doing something scary.

"I want the letter 'e' stricken from the English language... and I want a Butterfinger bar and some chili cheese fries from Roadi's.  Oh, and I want you to get Dylan Moody back here so he can be my boyfriend instead of these two choads."

• Tess’s genuine feelings for Nash rattle Antonio. Antonio and Nash engage in another blowout.

Why are either of these guys truly surprised that personalities that are nothing like one another like guys who are nothing like one another?  (and don't like one another?)

• Viki thinks seriously about letting Niki out, in order to deal with Jessica’s Tess.

That would definitely up the price of poker!

• Natalie feels horrible about Jessica’s DID condition. Just as she is apprised of the situation, John happens by, to lend his support.

Yet another great reason to pounce down his pants.

• Natalie issues forth those three important words to John. However pleasurable her “I love you” is, those words still pain him. Because of Cristian.

Because he loves Cristian, I think.

• John keeps Bo up to date on the Cristian matter, i.e., that John Doe is Christ, I mean, Cris.

I keep waiting for Cris to lean against the bars of his cell in a crucifix position and hang his head.

• Todd successfully works Blair back on his side, no questions asked, well, not too many.

That is because Blair is dumb as mud.

• John and Bo work Denton over in a successful shake-down Q&A, as Todd’s assistant gives his boss up on the matter of a faked videotape alibi.

Doh!  You just can't get good help these days.

• Bo goes to the penthouse to book Todd for suspected murder(s).

And he expects him to be there?  "Round up the usual suspect!"

• Todd knows Bo’s on his tail, so he hightails it out of the penthouse, and out of town, who knows when he’ll be back. Before Todd splits, he writes Blair a good-bye letter.

Now see?  Here is an interpretative inaccuracy.  The REAL Todd, OUR Todd, the Roger Howarth Todd, would leave Blair a good-bye letter, but it would say, "Um, BYE!" and not the heartfelt love letter TSJ's Todd will leave.

• Bo arrives to a Todd-less penthouse but a freaked-out Blair. Bo freaks Blair out further with his announcement that Todd did Margaret and their unborn baby in.

Yeah, that would be a bit of a surprise, considering Blair just hasn't managed to figure it out for herself yet.

• Todd tries to drive out of town, hiding his face with costume, when that car accident with Antonio interrupts his getaway.

A clown?  Zorro?  Richard Nixon?  I really must know this costume.  The story is so bad that I am transfixed by the costume.

• Blair can barely hold herself together in the face of her children’s asking about their dad.

"Oh, he's going to jail for killing a woman and her baby, which was also his baby.  Shall we go get ice cream and torture Ginger a bit?"

• Kelly steps in to tend to a shaken Blair. That is, until the full extent of Margaret’s (and unborn baby’s) murder – and its connection to Todd as the number-one suspect – hits Kelly. Then, Kelly is shaken, full of guilt for her part in somehow allowing an innocent unborn baby to suffer.

OK, color Sage lost.  How is this Kelly's deal?

• Out of concern and love, Kevin repudiates Kelly’s guilt tripping.

Or she's just tripping.

• Bo learns from the DNA lab results that the dead, unborn baby was, indeed, from Todd’s loins.

Adoing!  There went the theory it could have been Ginger's mother who died and Margaret is still alive (although Margaret setting up Todd one last time would have been goooood TV!).

• Bo also learns that he’s a little late in the game in learning of the delicate condition of Margaret. Others were privy for awhile.

And just didn't figure it was pertinent to the investigation, I guess.  No wonder Bo thinks these people are a bunch of tools.

• Blair grows agitated as Todd remains MIA from the premises. Dorian’s yammering against Todd doesn’t help Blair. So Blair demands Dorian go away.

Isn't that like turning up your car stereo so you can't hear the loud knocking in the engine?

• Spencer makes himself available to Blair, whatever she needs. She’s gonna need somebody to lean on, after she hears this.

And why not lean on another handsome psychopath?

• Unfortunately for Todd, Spencer finds his letter to Blair first, and disposes of it summarily.

Slick move!

• Todd may try to bail, but he cannot bail on those bad, bad dreams chasing him.

The one about the clown from the movie "Poltergeist" or the one where he's naked in high school and can't find his class schedule or remember his locker combination?"

• Starr reacts badly to news that her father is now a wanted man, wanted for two murders, of a woman and her unborn baby.

That would indeed tend to create some teenage angst.

• Todd seeks the lawyerly representation of his pal Evangeline, following the bust. He’s gonna need her.

She'll have to represent him since Nora is on her deathbed.  But when did Todd and Evangeline get to be buds?

• Spencer sniffing around Blair bugs David, because David can predict what’s next.

Even most single-celled organisms can figure that one out.

• Dorian senses that her wedding to David might be a bust. It’s already starting to look that way.

What a shame!  That could have been the best wedding since Mel and Dorian got married at The Banner.

• Dorian should’ve left well enough alone, but she goes and ticks off Spencer, twice, pushing him too far.

This is completely out of character for Dorian to not see the connection with Spencer.

• In retaliation, Spencer twists David’s arm to do the unthinkable, the heartless and the cruel. That would be, dump Dorian before the “I dos.”  To David’s credit, he does not do Spencer’s bidding so easily.

But eventually does, which is a crying shame.

• Blair, Kelly and Adriana do their duty as Dorian’s bridal party. But where is Viki? Viki has more pressing matters (of the family) to tend to. But Dorian doesn’t know or care about that.

I can see where that  would not go over well.

• Dorian marches over to Viki’s to give her matron of honor a piece of her mind about standing her up at the wedding and possibly instigating the David revolt.

And neither should that.

• Rex opens up, more than he’d imagined he would, to an astounded, moved Adriana.

Moved to Georgia or Montana, maybe?

• Spencer does some more arm-twisting, Ginger’s next.

He is quite the master manipulator, isn't he?

• Cristian jumps on insider info about Carlo’s plot to start a riot, then run for it, out of Statesville.

Sounds like a well conceived fan.

• Carlo asserts his authority upon Cristian, flexing those muscles in and around the prison, bragging of his all-consuming power.

Is it bragging if it is just stating a fact?

• Carlo assures Cristian that he, too, can leave the prison, by way of ingesting cyanide.

Usually not a healthy conveyance from here to there.

• Natalie went to see John Doe?! Evangeline freaks.

But can't seem to bring herself to talk smack to or about Natalie, I'm betting, since she is rapidly becoming Natalie's bitch.

• Evangeline can’t help but keep worrying about Cristian, stuck there in the ticking time bomb of Statesville, with Carlo.

If this doesn't create a hot romance for Cris after Renee Goldsberry gets back from maternity leave, then there is truly no justice in the world.

• Natalie tries to forget her Cristian-and-John-Doe-related woes, by snuggling up to John.

So John is just a distraction now?  I loved Cris' promise to Natalie, "I promise you that no fake Cris Vega will leave this prison" or something like that.

• John also tries to forget his woes, by losing himself in Natalie’s embrace. He cannot completely shake the scepter of Cristian’s secret, kept from Natalie. John believes Natalie will dump him the second this secret’s blown wide open.

Y'THINK???!

• Layla lets Lindsay in, to be around Jamie. But Layla will regret that move, when Lindsay tells Layla that she’ll blab to the authorities of their false relationship, in order to win back custody for herself and R.J.

Layla's IQ just plummeted significantly.

• Layla already harbors regret, when she observes an obviously obsessed Lindsay around Jamie.

A little late with that concern, it appears.

• Michael and Marcie acknowledge that the fire’s still there between them, it’s always been there, and they yearn for a rekindling.

Do they touch fists and walk away or actually do something about it?

• Kevin feels uneasy at Duke and Kelly’s apparent intimacy. He wonders if there could be something more than a family vibe between them.

Finally!!!

• Next week:  John visits Statesville Prison, just as a prison riot is about to bust loose and take lives… David hates it, but he has no other choice but to follow Spencer’s cruel, cruel instructions to the letter.

Or maybe just tell the truth??

• Is Nash related to Blair? Todd? The Buchanans? Rumor away. But he is related to a major family in town.

I'd love a new Buke boy in town!  I'm thinking he's Clint's boy.   Remember, Jess is not a Buchanan by blood.
 

GH Spoiler Commentary 

• It’s been awhile since the denizens of Port Charles celebrated, or had much to celebrate. Lucky and Elizabeth’s wedding and reception provide the perfect impetus for them and their guests to let loose, and some, to act out.

...and Ric completely loses his mind and any sense of propriety and intelligence for reasons I can't really fathom.  Do he and Reese not know the words, "WE WERE ON A BREAK!?"

• As the guests gaze upon the bride and groom with awe, Elizabeth and Lucky epitomize the utmost of romantic love, gliding about in Wyndemere’s ballroom, their dream realized.

And GH tries hard to recapture the magic of Luke and Laura's wedding, right down to recreating the Helena threat.  Will Scotty Baldwin show up to catch the bouquet?

• Amidst the wedding and reception, crazy stuff happens. Courtney finally makes Jax’s day with news that she a) is pregnant with a miracle baby, b) has taken a paternity test, and c) the paternity test results point straight at him, not Nikolas, as the biological father. Major letdown for Nikolas.

And I LOVED how she told him!!  He was just bugging and bugging and bugging the crap out of her nanoseconds before the critical wedding moment, she drills him with, "I'M PREGNANT AND YOU ARE THE FATHER!"  I'd love it if she'd just announced it to the group and been done with it.  She has a history of that.

• Jax immediately wants him and Courtney to try at being happily married again. But since Courtney has fallen out of love with Jax and into love with Nikolas, she responds with a firm, “No, thanks.”

And as we know from the way their courtship began, that's the greatest turn on ever to Jax, especially if you are carrying his baby at the time.

• Watching Nikolas with Emily, their bond still so strong, moves Courtney into doubt.

No wonder Alicia Leigh Willis is leaving... Courtney's character is just screwed.

• Jax takes Courtney’s “No, thanks,” as encouragement to try, try again, to win her love. In order to make that happen, he vows he will never grant her the divorce she seeks, not while there’s a chance in his mind.

Nice.  >:<

• The hosts of the surprise Wyndemere wedding, Emily and Nikolas, present their best friends Elizabeth and Lucky with another surprise gift: a New York City honeymoon by way of a train. But first, everybody waves to the wedded couple headed to Metro Court for an overnighter.

What?  No dream house??  LOSERS!  (And welcome to the train o' death)

• Bruised from Sonny’s summary renouncement of him, Ric gets wasted at the wedding reception, and humiliates himself, Alexis and Reese by blabbing to the world of what he did to Sonny’s girlfriend that one fateful night.

So he gets on a train and heads off to set up an orgy with himself, Brenda, Hannah and Angel.

• Reeling, Alexis feigns apathy in front of Ric’s face. Then, she lets him know, hey that’s okay, she plans to pack up and leave town forever, taking Kristina and their unborn baby with her, bye bye, Ric.

Onward to the train o' death!  All aboard!

• Luke assumes he can just pick up where he left off, long ago, with his neglected (grown) daughter Lulu at the reception. But Lulu soundly snubs him. The snubbing stings.

At least they finally got a kid who doesn't look like she was adopted into the Spencer family.

• The snubbing also forces Luke to confront within himself the consequences of his irresponsible, selfish actions, scarred upon his estranged daughter. And not just her.

That whole "Ghost of Christmas Blah Blah Blah" treatment just didn't stick, did it?

• The single women rounded up, Elizabeth throws her bridal bouquet, which lands in Helena’s hands.

Hurray!  Bring on Landon Wine as Andreas and Ari, the hottest Helena boys of all time!

• Lorenzo invites Skye to be with him for a respite. Tracy eggs Skye on to more than accept, to, in fact, go for it with him.

I'll bet!  Who would have thought the Tracy/Luke marriage would go on for so long?

• Manny prepares to make all his evil dreams come true, in his ultimate revenge quest against Sonny.

I know!  I'll crash a train!  (what a low-brow, disenchanted, noncreative thought)

• Sonny will be caught completely unaware and flatfooted by Manny’s plan of attack.

Yeah, his pencil is getting pretty dull.

• Manny investigates Carly’s whereabouts, putting him in close proximity—like, her room—close enough to do mental damage.

Does he not see the irony of breaking into an insane asylum to do mental damage to an inmate?

• Manny’s five steps ahead of Jason, who also goes to Rose Lawn, in hopes of killing Manny and protecting Carly from harm.

I'd say that several of Jason's steps have been erased from the exploding brain he's packing.

• Once at Rose Lawn Sanitarium, Jason fails to locate Manny anywhere on the premises. He should’ve looked closer, like, in Carly’s room.

You'd think that'd be a starting point, at least.

• The coast clear, Jason gone, Manny closes in to issue threats at an already threatened woman, the NuCarly (recast Laura Wright). Manny causes Carly great mental and emotional anguish, but leaves the sanitarium staff clueless.

Ah ha!  That's why Jason fluxed it all up.  He didn't even recognize Carly!

• The staff cannot get permission from Carly to pump her up full of mind-calming drugs.

"[ala Roger Rabbit] Pwwwwllllleeeaseeee let us pump you full of mild-calming drugs!!"  I'd be saying, "Awww, twist my arm some more, lovely barbiturate woman!"

• Manny describes in elaborate detail what he will do to Jason and Sonny (it involves torture and termination) once he lures them to her, using her as his trap.

Does he force them to confess their true attractions?  Like to one another?

• Jason re-investigates into where Manny could possibly be hiding, and knows for sure that he went off to scare Carly at Rose Lawn. So, off Jason goes, gunning for Manny. But before Jason can even get started, he is disabled by those headaches, and a new symptom, a bloody nose.

What else does this guy need?  His brain is exploding and he's now bleeding from major orifices! 

• Carly gives the slip to Manny and the sanitarium staff, taking a train back into town, hoping to get and be of help, but Manny comes after her.

She gives him her slip?  So sessy!  Onward to the train o'death!

• Sonny and Lorenzo take their animosity over Carly to uglier levels, going back and forth with their bickering. In the midst of their back and forth, Lorenzo jumps on a bit of information let out by Sonny, of how he committed Carly at Rose Lawn.

What, he didn't happen to notice she was nuckin' futs??

• Jumping on this info, Lorenzo then finds out that Carly’s gone AWOL, with Manny close behind her, possibly on board the same passenger train. Going on nothing but pure love for Carly, Lorenzo tries desperately to track down both of them.

I guess he's crazy in love since Skye turned down his "respite" offer.

• Jason doesn’t care that he’s having to take more and more pills than prescribed, or that these pills are doing jack for his head pain. He will suffer in silence rather than rely on Robin, for anything.

I can fully relate to his thoughts on that issue (I would HATE to owe that broad anything), but when blood starts gooshing from your major orifices, it might be time to rethink the pride thing.

• Robin goes behind Jason’s back, to Sonny, to get him to talk Jason into trying a new round of meds, or else suffer the fatal consequences.

See?  She's on screen for 2 minutes and is already sneaking around!

• Sonny intervenes on Robin’s behalf, worried for his friend Jason, repeating what Robin told him about the drug protocol.

Hey!  I thought Sonny didn't do drugs or hookers!

• Just as Robin plans to hop a train back home to tend to Jason medically in person, Sam shows up in New York City, with questions for the look-alike, former lover.

"Can you dance?"

• Robin does a consultation with Sam, about Jason’s worsening condition. The two look-alikes are in consensus, together they’ll hop on a passenger train bound for PC, to talk sense into Jason.

No planes or automobiles in this state (and THOSE AREN'T PILLOWS!!).  (I especially love the readers who got that reference)

• After a romantic honeymoon night at the Metro Court, Lucky and Elizabeth hop on a passenger train to New York City, the same one Emily, Nikolas, Jax, Courtney, Alexis, Ric, Reese and Sonny hop on, for different reasons.

This reminds me of Star Trek when every senior officer on the show gets into a shuttle craft to go explore the suspicious looking planet, leaving all of the recurring characters back home praying for a disaster so they can get a scene once in a while.

• Sonny’s on the train outta there to clear his head from the Ric and Reese betrayal. Ric and Reese join him, to talk it out. Ric pounds it into Sonny’s head to at least ease up on Reese for being human. Eventually, Sonny and Reese reach a sort of closure, parting amicably.

"You SUCK!"  "Um, we were on a BREAK!!"  "YOU SUCK!"  "Um, bye."

• Courtney hops on the passenger train to be closer to Nikolas and get the hell away from a love-sick Jax. Jax tags along, confident he can court Courtney back into his arms, away from Nik.

If he goes any more Pepe LePew on me, I'm going to projectile vomit.

• Sam and Robin notice that their passenger train from New York City to Port Charles is off-kilter. They go to check it out, and stumble upon a corpse instead of a working engineer. Sam’s immediate thought is, Manny!

Shouldn't her first thought be that the engineer is napping, waiting for the exact moment when he has to throw in the 3rd supercharged log that will propel the train to 88 miles per hour, activating the flux capacitor and plunging them back into the past when GH did not suck.

• Carly shrinks into the woodwork on that same train after glimpsing Sam and Robin together because she fears her two female enemies will throttle her. Carly is on that train to speed to Sonny and Jason, so she can alert them to the Manny threat.

Which proves she's not completely crazy.  Eyes a'rollin...

• It’s been awhile since the Port Charles denizens faced a disaster of epic, biblical proportions. Just in time for November Sweeps—beginning this week—two trains pound into each other as they rumble into a tunnel, leaving victims in their wake.

Positively WEEKS since that hurricane!

• Because of the trains crashing, lives are threatened, couples do musical chairs, heroes made, enemies and friends clash, actors performing Emmy reels, dogs and cats living together, mass mayhem!

IT'S POSITIVELY A CATACLYSMIC EVENT!

• Many of the passengers cannot leave the train wreck, because the wreck’s in a tunnel, there’s too much debris and dirt, and they are hurt. Alexis sure can’t leave, because suddenly, she’s wracked with the contractions of an imminent, untimely birth.

Has she ever SEEN a soap before?  How did she not see this coming?

• One of the survivors, a hurt and bloodied Robin, strives to remain calm, clean herself up (the HIV), and do her best to tend to the more severely stricken victims. She will play a prominent role in the delivery of Alexis’s baby.

Best thing she can do is grab the tiny creature and run screaming into the night, away from this crazy town.

• The train collision hurls Carly and Manny to the dirt and rubble, in too close a proximity to each other. Even in seeming defeat, Manny fights. He torments Carly with promises of death and destruction at his instigation.

And she replies tersely, "Oh come ON, I was held captive for WEEKS by the two hottest guys in daytime.  You don't even make my radar, dude."

• Lucky must fight tooth, nail and dirt in order to stay alive. But he requires the services of EMTs, doctors and nurses for that to happen. His condition appears nearly fatal. So fatal that he thinks only of bidding a fond, sad farewell to his lady fair, Elizabeth.

But then decides to give his Playstation Portable another round or two first.

• Monica stands in the way of Tony doing any sort of surgery on Jason.

Because she has a contract and he doesn't?

• Next week:  Alexis’s untimely delivery does not go as expected, worse than expected… Luke only knows that he must find his boy, and fast… Emily zooms in, to be with Nikolas… Jason teeters on the edge of life (new experimental meds) or death (surgery)… The train wreck will be the least of the survivors’ concern, once the tunnel starts crumbling in on itself, dangerous gas escapes, things blow up and bullets start flying around. One major character will not survive, intact.

Nope, she'll be little Reeses Pieces.

And with that, my little pumpkins, I'm outta here.

See you next week!

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