Hello Darlings! 

I am SO pleased you have decided to spend a few minutes of your day gnoshing soaps with me!  There is SO MUCH to talk about so get your little drinkie with the paper umbrella, grab your Cabana Boy by the... little string of his trunks and let's enjoy these last couple of weeks of Summer in STYLE!  Close your eyes and suddenly, we're on a beach in Cancun.  The sun is marrying up with the Hawaiian Tropic on our bods and our eyes closed under the Ray Bans while we talk soap trash and eat nummy finger foods off of the taut bellies of the lifeguards. 

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Also, just a reminder that the spoilers I use for commentary are compliments of  Soap Zone and Carol Banks Weber:

AMC Commentary

That's right, people AfrickinMC.  Kate says she doesn't mind and I miss talking about this show even if it's pissing me off a bit here and there.  Therefore, I am going back to the original plan of writing commentary for AMC, as I have now done for the past four years, and replying specifically to the spoilers for OLTL and GH.  As long as Kate isn't offended, anyone being offended on her behalf should take it up with her.  Meanwhile, I'm dishing about Pine Valley and the scroll button is available for those who do not wish to read it.

So what exactly do we see for this funny little jumble of people known as JR, Babe, Jamie, Amanda (whose name keeps escaping me, rendering her to the role of "Whatsherwhore" in my brain), Adam, DiDixie, Tad, Adam and by proxy, Brooke.  Wouldn't it be fun to have Liza show up and spice things up even more?  As much as I tried, with great and haughty aplomb, I might add, to continue my campaign of Krystal hatred, my little two-sizes-too-small heart grew two sizes too large when she wiped her mouth with Adam's money.  Good thing she was eating Egg McMuffin for breakfast at the time instead of engaging other parts of her morning constitutional or God knows what else we'd see.

If Amanda doesn't get pregnant from her roll with Jamie, or at least play the fake baby card, then I'm Phyllis Diller with shorter hair.  As soon as Jamie gets a load of Babe's new plan, which he'll figure out in nothing flat now that Myrtle has been stirring around in his head, he's going to be out to win her back.  My feeling is that thin line between love and hate might be one Babe skates with JR once he falls for her again and starts turning on the charm. 

I found it interesting that spoilers say the truth is coming out about NuDixie really being her sister (and we can only hope that Del has a few extra sisters in the hopper in case he burns out another kidney), sending Tad into the dilemma of what to do with his lovey feelings for the Younger, Smoother, straight-haired version of his dead wife.  Rumor still flies that the old version might be on her way back just in time.

When I read that Little Adam (the child's first name has legally been changed to "Little" and his middle name to "Adam") is going to take a header into the Chandler pool, I was prompted to think that evidently their gene pool isn't the only one in dire need of a life guard.

The hottest couple on daytime since Bo Buchanan and Hank Gannon, Kendall and Zach, are going to continue heating up the screen through the next week, thank goodness.

I was literally laughing out loud on Tuesday (I think it was) when Erin was working so hard to tell Ryan how well Jonathan was doing and showed his amazing artwork as a glowing example of his mental health.  That was the scariest damned picture I've seen in a long time.  It might as well have been a picture of a rhino with kittens stabbed on his horn and squashed babies coming up between his toes.  Showing THAT picture as a testimony of mental health is a serious mistake.  Of course, maybe the brain tumor is affecting his art talent brain core or something.

The most important issue on AMC, of course, (spoken in true Chandler Bingisms), "Could Erin BE any more like Debra Messing?"

OLTL Spoiler Commentary!

  • John and Natalie give in to their smoldering passion, making their coupledom complete.

You know, in all of the JoVan JoLie battles, I never really had a "side."  I found myself yelling at Evangeline through the TV, "GET OVER HIM!"  "MOVE ON!"  "STOP bothering NORA about this crap!"  I found myself yelling at Natalie, "You HUSSY!  He has a LADY!  Stop being so predatorial!"  I have to say though, with David Fumero back, I think this result creates the best drama.  Anyone for a good ol' "who's the daddy?" story?  Oh wait, that's Tessica.  Damn.

  • John visits with Cristian, apprising the inmate of the changed coupledom status.

Ha!  I'll bet ol' John has that conversation with bars or about 47" of security glass between them.  "The good news is I have not told Natalie that you're really alive?  The bad news is that I'm banging her against the wall.  No, wait, that's good news too.  Bwahaahahaha!"

  • Cristian wants to make sure John abides by his promise to leave Natalie in the dark about his being alive.

I... don't think there's a problem there.

  • Hayes goes to Statesville Prison and becomes Cristian’s new bunkmate. Not a good idea, considering Cristian wants to slaughter the psycho for what he did to Natalie.

LOL.  Um, yeah!  What sadist is in charge of choosing cellmates in this joint, anyway?

  • Cristian comes very close to slaughtering Hayes. His beat-down costs him dearly; it’s off to solitary for Cris.

Buh-bye!  Into the box with ye! 

  • Next door to Cristian’s prison cell lounges another inmate of note to Llanview: Carlo Hesser. It seems Carlo’s Cristian’s greatest expert, unbeknownst to Cristian. Carlo plays his insider knowledge close to the vest.

So suave!  So sessy!  So worldly!  I wonder if he'll eat Cris' livah with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  • Evangeline feels bereft without John, and completely heartbroken over him hooking up with Natalie.

If she has any sense, she'll look up Jacara Principal and move to where ever SHE went after getting tired of being the only black woman in town.  Layla doesn't even count because... damn.

  • It’s not the same as John, but Evangeline forces herself to move on, by spending some time with Dr. Jamison.

Who?  Oh yeah!  Tessica's psychiatrist.  I wonder if Renee Goldsberry said, "Who?" when she read the script.

  • Layla’s snooping pays off when she gets her hands on Cristian’s file, from John’s possession.  Layla gives this file to Evangeline as an eye-opener.

We can all hope they stay open this time.

  • Layla and Antonio agree to fake a romantic relationship, for the greater good. Not even Evangeline knows their real deal.

Looked to me like Antonio got pushed into it.  But hey, whatever works.  Doesn't change that the kid has rage issues.  When a court picks RJ and Lindsay and the quality parental figures in a toss up, there has to be a problem. 

  • Evangeline is not okay with Layla and Antonio’s masquerade.

Yeah, well, Sage isn't so hot on it either... maybe they should BOTH LEAVE TOGETHER. 

  • Antonio puts one over on Natalie about him and Layla.


  • Dorian has Spencer for dinner along with David. But David would rather Dorian stop meddling, using Spencer.

I'm reading dirty things into Dorian having Spencer for dinner.  Not a bad entree.

  • Dorian pilfers access to Spencer’s hotel room.  Dorian’s sleuthing pays off in the form of a personal file from Spencer’s computer.

Good girl!

  • David quickly tires of Dorian’s shenanigans.

No!!!  Not again! Dorian:  Know her, accept her, love her!

  • Margaret goes after Starr in the worst way, thereby, earning her inevitable doom.

Meaning Starr absolutely kicks her ass? Wait.. what if STARR is the one who kills her!

  • Bo proposes Paige be his roommate.

Is anyone else feeling like this character is the lame duck?

  • Kevin spills his guts to Kelly.

That sounds messy.

  • Kelly spills her guts to Spencer, about that conception problem. She feels the problem may drive a wedge between her and Kevin eventually, and maybe Spencer could do something about it, like, find a way to make the impossible happen, make her fertile.

Ha!  I'll just bet he could.

  • Todd hires Jackie McNaughton--of the mob--to pull off a Margaret removal.

Jackie!!  I love Jackie!  Bring on Harry the Hook next!

  • Ginger resists the call to assist Margaret in any way.

Smart girl!

  • Rex takes on the case of MIA Jessica and Margaret, teaming up with Bo again. Together, they track down Margaret’s hiding place. But when they arrive there, no Margaret.

For Godsake, Bo, just give the kid a badge already!

  • Blair grows hysterical as Margaret continues to be on the loose. Todd does damage control.

One wonders if it's on Blair or Margaret.

  • Blair turns to Kevin, hoping he’ll be more forthcoming than Todd has been.

Yeah, Kevin is a real bastion of honesty.

  • Kevin receives sobering advice from Asa to shut his yap about anything to do with Margaret.

At last, Asa re-enters the story!

  • Nash comes back. But Tess disappears—only for a few seconds. Then, Tess shoves Jessica back inside, determined to make that a permanent arrangement.

I do wish Tess and Jess would end this eternal wrestling in the jello that is Jessica's mind.  Get on with it, already!

  • Nash declares his love-ly intentions to Tess.

After the fricking rich girl fit she threw about the cottage, I'm less than impressed at his choice in women.

  • Tess struggles with the ferocity of her latest bad dream; that of Jessica at a much younger age.

Yep, pretty scary stuff.

  • Ginger catches Adriana sucking face with Rex.


  • Next week:  Todd and Blair save Starr from a nightmarish ordeal… Starr goes along with Todd to keep quiet about his secret… Todd attempts to work out a mutually satisfying arrangement with Margaret.

As nearly as I can tell, only one thing would satisfy Todd in that respect!


  • Courtney and Nikolas make it official: They engage in full-on sexual intercourse.

That seems to be the coming out party these days (ouch!).

  • They feel they have no other choice, since Emily dumped Nikolas with the finality of death and Jax matter-of-factly previewed his plot to overthrow Courtney from his and Elizabeth’s baby’s life.

No choice!   No choice whatsoever!  Must copulate!  Or else!

  • Emily confides in Elizabeth, almost to the second that Nikolas gets his nut off with Courtney, that she’s interested in a reconciliation after all.

The girl was never really hot on timing, was she?

  • Emily then goes to Nikolas with her proposition, expecting him to melt and be all accommodating. She receives a rude awakening, as he coldly informs her that he already bedded Courtney.

Good for you, Nik!  Come here, go away, come here, go away, come here, no I'm working, come here, no I'm ass-kissing Sonny, come here, no you like Courntey, come here, I never want to see you again, come here, I'm divorcing you... JUST GO AWAY I'M BANGING COURTNEY NOW!

  • Courtney, in the meantime, goes to Jax – while she’s still in the afterglow of Nikolas doing her – to inform him that she gave her body and soul to Nikolas, in the throes of passion.

At least they are getting the word around, now that it's official.

  • Jax’s answer to that is to go to Elizabeth and throw large sums of dead presidents at her, in exchange for sole custody of their unborn baby. Elizabeth virtually spits on his money.

Well good for Elizabeth for giving Jax and his offer the ol' ak - pfft. 

  • Elizabeth and Lucky prepare themselves for the custody battle of a lifetime, against Jax and his millions. They intend to raise the baby themselves.

Yes, it's not easy legally battling someone who has all the resources in the world.  I strongly suggest Alexis, conflict of interest or not.

  • Nikolas escorts Courtney, as a public couple now, to his home in Wyndemere. He intends to make a romantic life with her, and yet, he can’t quite let go of the ties he had with Emily, which Courtney can plainly sense.

Yeah, well, typical rebound shit, Courtney, you should be used to it.

  • Lucky puts down Courtney in front of Nikolas. Not a good idea.

I wish I'd known that.  I just talked smack about her too.

  • A mentally unbalanced and emotionally troubled Carly proceeds to cleanly execute her high school best friend and rival, Reese. Something, however, stops her from completing the dastardly deed.

Such a shame...

  • Sonny and Ric show up, approaching the two women, mentally noting the horrible shape Carly is in especially.

Well, it's about time someone noticed!

  • Reese prescribes a mental institution for Carly, but Sonny ignores her advice.
  • Sonny reiterates that he is Carly’s only salvation, and the reasons for such a god complex.

Too bad because this time, I think Reese's prescription pad out-trumps Sonny's by a longshot.

  • Sonny requests that Ric ignore what nearly happened between Carly and Reese. Brother to brother.

Sonny is asking for a lot of ignorance these days of the whack shit Carly's doing.

  • Ric and Reese tend to an ailing Carly.

I don't think chicken soup and Tylenol will help this one.  This is worst-case-scenario junk food damage.

  • Alexis calls Ric on why he intends to join Sonny’s world, by babysitting Carly.

What?  Pod Alexis isn't handling this one?

  • Reese notices how Ric’s slowly creeping into Sonny’s mob ties, as a major part of it.

That should go over well with the missus.

  • John Durant sniffs out his daughter Carly at Sonny’s Greystone mansion, and not at Shadybrook as previously assumed.

I *thought* she looked like she hadn't showered in a while.

  • Durant orders his cops to drag Jason in for an interrogation. Jason, however, gives the cops a good fight.

And can pass a lie detector test with no problem... on ANYthing.

  • Because Jason physically resists, Durant has the advantage in booking the young man for assaulting cops, and uses it.

Evidently the fact that resisting arrest, even if you are innocent, must be something else that Jason forgot.

  • Durant tries to come to an agreement with Sonny, involving the release of Jason and the return of Carly.

That's some heavy negotiating power of both parts!

  • Sonny blows off Durant and his so-called agreement.

I'll bet Jason is thrilled to hear that.

  • At Greystone, gunfire erupts, sending Ric to the ground.

"By the power of Greysone!  I have the powah!"

  • After a stay at Miracle Hospital, Ric recovers from his wounds in record speed.

Well, excellent!  I'm glad they could fit in him the Jesus Christ Miracle Healing While You Wait Ward.

  • During Ric’s touch-and-go surgery, Alexis and Reese get into it over his welfare.

Doesn't he make enough money as a lawyer to avoid mooching off the state?

  • Monica and Tony arrive at a prescription for Jason’s brain injuries, and gives Sam careful instruction: Jason is to take medication every day, if he fails to or if the medication fails to improve his condition, he must undergo risky surgery.

Is it wise to tell someone with amnesia to remember to take a bill every day?  The guy can't remember his name or his family, but he's supposed to remember his prescription meds?

  • Sam and Jason discuss his medical options, openly and honestly. Jason admits that he’s reluctant to return to the way things used to be. Sam coaxes Jason to undergo medication treatment.

See above.

  • Jason tries out the hospital, with little success. In a flash, he’s bailing, on the hospital and Monica’s pleas to stay, taking Sam with him.

So she can keep reminding him of his name?  If she writes it inside his shirt collar, will he start thinking his name is "Hanes?"

  • Durant’s cops (see above) drag Jason in for questioning, freaking Sam out.

It's definitely handy for Sonny that Jason can't remember anything Sonny did as a mobster.

  • Jason doesn’t stay long at the PCPD, though.

Looks like he doesn't stay long anywhere any more.

  • Jason flouts Sonny’s latest command. Sonny cannot believe Jason’s insubordination.

Yeah, what's he thinking attempting to grow a brain and all?

  • Maxie goes off and does something that could risk everything, just because she thinks it could help smoke out the roofie stalker.

She becomes a roofie pusher?

  • Next week:  A memory is recovered by Jason, an important part about him loving Sam… Jason does something momentous, out of that love.

Puts on the reindeer sweater?


Ryan Carnes as Lucas

Jennifer Bransford as Carly (confirmed to EOS today by an unnamed GH source as definite, one week more to tape)

Alicia Leigh Willis (heavily rumored)


Kelly Monaco


Kimberly McCullough

Tristan Rogers and Finola Hughes for a brief stay (rumored)

Tamara Braun back as Carly (same GH sources "could not confirm or deny" the rumor)

Ben Hogestyn as Newly Gay Lucas

Cynthia Preston as Faith in Carly's madness hallucenations

And that, my darlings, is all for this week!  Be sure and donate to EOS this month!

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