Spoilers I use for commentary are compliments of  Soap Zone and Carol Banks Weber:

Hello My Darlings!

Meh, I ran out of languages to interpret into.  The weather is cooling rapidly here in good ol' Central CA, but does that mean my interest in ABC soaps is cooling down?  Not even by a long shot!  Before we begin to dive into the spoiler commentary pool, let me get in a shameless plug and let you know that I have posted a new "Sage Faces the Music," this one on "From a Distance," by Bette Midler.  Scurry on over if you are interested.

While you're gone to check it out, I'm just going to sit here and light things on fire to watch them melt.  doot de dooo.  la di dah.  bada babump.  scoopiededoo.  bada bing bada bang.  ow!  OK, that melts.

OK, so last week, I said:

'What is definitely much more fun than a train wreck is the new EOS gossip column by Karen H, the Media Ho.  I'm loving it!"

Little did I know that the words "train wreck" were going to come back to haunt me!  Here I was convinced that the rumors I heard about everyone Sonny knows or has known or will know managing to get on board one particular doomed train right when it's going to slam into another doomed train (likely carrying the entire cast of "Another World" since everyone on THAT show knows everyone on THIS show) were someone's idea of a joke.  Now, I am reading them as actual spoilers!  'oly chit, Batman!  Who knew? 

That brings me on to...

AMC Commentary

I am sure our own gossip person, The Media Ho, will be touching on this since her contacts and sources tend to blow mine out of the water.  Just like the train wreck story, when I began hearing this one, I was pretty sure the person was yankin my leg on it (Hey, baby, that's NOT my leg!).  I've heard from no less than FOUR different people (none of whom are directly connected to ABC as far as I know and are just repeating what they read or heard in other places) that Greenlee is going to die from being run over by _______.  You can fill in the blank because each person told me a different person who was going to run over Greenlee.  I heard JR, I heard Jamie, I heard Kendall and I heard Ryan himself.  Of course, it is common knowledge that Rebecca Bachelor (since she is marred to Bob the Bachelor, I figure that's her accurate last name) is not renewing her contract, so we can expect Greenlee to die or relocate sometime during November sweeps, but I am definitely (and I mentioned this in a previous column) betting she is going to die because she would never leave Kendall while she is pregnant with her baby.  (Unless, of course, that baby turns out to be Zach's which would mean that ol' Ryan can't even get a good fertility referral when he's DEAD)  It just makes for better soap drama for Greenlee to get killed off, preferably before she and Ryan completely make up so they can have a deathbed, or in this case, a deathcurb reconciliation. 

What I love most about this is that it's perfect soap drama.  Here Ryan was perfectly content to let poor Greenlee think she'd been widowed twice before she turns 21 (or however old she is supposed to be, she looks like a baby and I'll bet she still gets carded when she buys booze) because of his own selfish-assed, whiney, self-grandeurizing ideas.  This way, HE gets to bury two wives before he turns 30 (because he looks like a baby and I'm betting he gets carded when he tries to get into fight clubs).  What goes around, comes around, Lazarus Boy!

What really makes me think that Zach did a number on the implantation is how quickly and smoothly he came around to supporting Kendall through her pregnancy.  With resources such as he had, I'm betting he could manage to get enough info to totally blackmail Greg "I got no story yet" Madden into artificially inseminating Kendall with his own little Zach swimmers rather than with any eggnog created by Greenlee and Ryan's loner donors.  Since he made a right balls up of his fatherhood of Ethan, maybe he wanted a chance to do it right this time.  I'm betting we're going to have the obligatory miscarriage scare and he's going to end up confessing to Kendall what he has done.  Another possibility is the very grieving Ryan and the very grieving Kendall bonding a little too much for Zach's comfort with their little burgeoning family and Zach whipping out a great big shabam confession to blow apart their happy parent club.  Still another possibility is getting all the way through to the baby having only to find that when the required "baby in danger" health tragedy occurs, adoing!, the blood types don't match!!

Hell, I'll take any of it because it's all good soap and it all involves Ryan getting his after blowing apart the lives of a few people in town without even having the courtesy to sweat (or from the looks of him at times, bathe) while he did it. 

 OLTL Spoiler Commentary 

  • The unlikely visitor for Cristian turns out to be his wife, Natalie. She’s there at the prison to shame John Doe into giving up his appeal. And to see for herself if he’s the real deal or still the fraud. She walks away not knowing any better.

So as usual, Natalie just shows up to bitch and leave.  Nice, chick.

  • Hello again, Clint. You sure look different. London agrees with you. NuClint (Jerry verDorn) arrives to tend to an ailing Jessica, and soon finds there’s others ailing too.

And he has my welcome banner banged to a couple of trees in front of Asa's mansion upon his arrival.  I've been saying for years that Clint needs to come back permanently and I am very, very glad he has done so.  I wouldn't mind if Cord and Tina showed up as well, just because having Tina in the mix really does spice things up a bit.  If the (lame, very shaky) rumors that Cynthia Preston (dead Faith on GH) could show up as Tina had any kind of credence at all, I'd be a happy camper.  Writers at GH are being very vague about the possibility of a Faith twin coming to GH, so who knows?  And who cares as long as this wonderful actress shows up o ABC! 

  • Viki lets Antonio, Bo and Todd have it both barrels for keeping her clueless about Jessica’s condition. She also orders them to lay off Nash and Tess. Because if they don’t, she may never see Jessica’s sweet persona again.

See, in the back of their minds, these people all see Viki as weak and frail and figure she can't do much to get back at them, but they are forgetting that she just went in for a greasing, tune up, tire rotation and lube job on that new heart, so she's ready to totally kick some ass.  In fact, I'd like Jean Randall to show up and given them one of her patented School Marm Who Hates Kids tongue lashings!  Maybe lock'em in a secret room for a few weeks or so.

  • As it slowly dawns on her that she’s dealing with Jess’s alter Tess, Tess lays into Viki for wrongs she refuses to extrapolate on. Tess simply says that Viki should know about those wrongs by now. (Speculation: Viki’s naughty alter, Niki, probably took baby girl Jessica out on the town, left her at a party and to the advances of a male pedophile.)

You have totally got to be kidding me.  There must be a way to come up with something better than that.

  • Tess gives Viki a laundry list of conditions. Then, takes off.

*sigh*  Because that's what she does.

  • Viki cautions Antonio from reacting impulsively in Jessica’s case, especially with Tess now in charge.

Like Antonio ever listens to anyone.

  • Antonio charges out of there to a private airport where the flighty Tess has planned to take flight #5,442, with Nash beside her.

I guess an adult woman really does not have any rights as far as Antonio is concerned.

  • Tess and Nash have it out once and for all at the airport. Because she loves him, Nash gets what he demands from Tess, but it’s not what he wants, to hear that the woman he fell in love with is a raving lunatic with a split personality.

Yeah, that's not usually the explanation one gets.

  • Tess anticipates Nash’s rejection outright. But the boy surprises her with loyalty.

And his cuteness.  I can't believe Jess isn't happy Tess reeled that one in for her!

  • Antonio joins in the fracas, asserting his rights to Jessica, rubbing Nash the wrong way, pissing Tess off. The mere presence of Antonio sets off a battle between Tess and Jessica, for control of consciousness.

He has that affect on me as well.

  • And then, Bo enters the scene, quickly escalating in intensity.

Like he could possibly be a calming influence.

  • Cornered, Tess acts like she’s really Jessica, then gets her hands on a weapon, aiming it at Antonio.

He has THAT effect on me too.

  • The cops converge, disabling Tess for attempted murder.

At least they'll know where she is.

  • Rush to ER, news of Jessica’s DID spreads, disabling the entire Buchanan/Lord clan.

Like a "hello" virus.

  • Clint looks to Viki for answers as to the cause of Jessica’s DID. But Viki has none. Viki then looks to Tess for answers, but gets nowhere with the young woman.

Guess no one has answers.

  • Nash must deal with the implications of Tess’s DID alone, and the brave young man vows to do what he can for her, against odds.

It seems like he is the only one who is going about this with any degree of sensibility.

  • Nash and Antonio don’t like each other. That’s an understatement.

I like Nash better all the time!

  • When Tess comes to, and asks to see Nash, not Antonio, that sets off another undercurrent of resentment. Antonio vows to do away with Nash if it takes him all of November Sweeps.

Blah blah, fricking blah.  And if it costs him custody of his daughter, too, I'm guessing.

  • Clint steps in, as peacemaker, for his daughter’s sake, warning the young men to lay off, the last thing Jessica needs is rivalry over her, so let her heal first.

I think a couple of hunky guys fighting over her could be quite... healing.

  • Blair suspects that it’s very likely Todd choked the life out of Margaret.

Welcome to the page we're all on, Blair.

  • Okay, the unborn baby part of Margaret, that bit Blair still doesn’t know about. It doesn’t help that Ginger practically spells it out for her. Coming from Ginger, it means nothing to Blair but more lies.

Ginger is no Vanna White, but I can't believe Blair isn't getting this.

  • Starr knows she can provide Blair with the truth about the pregnancy, but because of Todd, she chooses not to.

She's definitely a stubborn little moo!

  • Either Bo and John are playing Todd as an innocent invited to help them in this case, or they’re pulling a Columbo, until Todd cracks. Todd’s close to cracking alright.


  • Bo and John pull Todd in for an interrogation. And Starr too. She’s as tough to crack as Todd.

Ah well, it's genetic.

  • Blair knows Starr knows more than she does, and that Starr’s stonewalling to protect Todd.

Then Blair doesn't stand a chance.

  • Todd does everything wrong by continuing to heap lie upon lie, and it catches up with him. The murder investigation threatens Todd and Blair, as a happily-ever-after couple.

I don't even think they were convinced of the happily ever after bit!

  • Blair orders Todd, once and for all, to be straight with her. Did he choke Margaret to death, then dump her body in the lake? Cornered, Todd issues denials all around surrounding Margaret’s actual demise, although he doesn’t deny that he did at least wish for her demise. Blair falls for it.

Unless Todd really didn't do it.  Remember those rumors going around that it was actually Ginger's mother who was killed and left to float and that Margaret is still alive (and has a baby!) somewhere?  I would NOT be surprised, especially since anyone doing a DNA test pretty well figured it was Margaret and was just confirming suspicions.  I doubt they looked too deeply.

  • Nora remains comatose; that condition seems less likely to change as the week progresses, it’ll probably worsen.

From what Hillary B Smith says, she's not sure the condition WILL change. 

  • Next week:  Jessica is rescued in the nick of time by uncle Todd. Antonio’s with Jess, so he, too, gets Todd’s save… Desperate to forget the drama at home, Blair goes to Dorian and David’s wedding, where she will encounter more drama… Evangeline seriously considers her other romantic options, apart from John.

Option, right?  Just that doctor guy?

  • November Sweeps:  The cops take Todd in as the prime suspect in Margaret’s (and her unborn baby’s) death at the lake… Todd swears he didn’t mean to, and Blair believes him; does more than believe him, she supports him… Ginger encounters a bad, bad thing herself… Todd’s gonna be feeling a world of hurt… Spencer may be all cloak and dagger against the Buchanans, but he did not prepare himself for a Blair to come along and take his breath away. That interest is accidental, and real… Spencer forces David to leave Dorian at the altar, because Spencer wants Dorian to pay for blackmailing him… Soon, everyone will know just why David asks “How high?” whenever Spencer barks “Jump, Davy!” This heavily involves David and Paige, and it’s not pretty, it could even be criminal… Spencer cuts Kelly open, on the auspices of giving her the ability to procreate… Kevin asks Kelly to remarry him… Kelly acts on the assumption that she is with child, but she is in for a rude awakening… John and Cristian face a prison riot, together, against their will but still… Part of the prison riot, is Hayes brandishing an assault rifle… John and Cris will be together on at least one goal, the downfall of Carlo… Nobody can continue to keep Natalie in the dark about John Doe’s real identity. She will not be pleased at either Cris or John for their deceit… Natalie rails at John and Cris for what they did to her. She’s very close to dumping them both and being alone… Cristian rejoins the law-abiding citizenry, but he will never be that same, goody-two-shoes Cris again… There’s Jessica. And then there’s Tess. But there may be more. The source of the split personalities comes to light, probably as Jessica spills the baby out… Tess keeps Jessica’s secrets from everyone, except one… Viki and Clint band together for Jessica, but Clint’s not a free man, he’s got a woman, from London, and she may join him, as a huge obstacle for Viki. Then, there are other things this former married couple must work through… It’s not about Marcie and Hugh. It’s been about Michael and Marcie all along… It’s no longer about Adriana and Duke, but Adriana and Rex, even though Adriana fights it.

Awwww.  Surely David and Dorian can prevail!

Last week, I mentioned a new album by Jim Brickman featuring a song by Kassie DePaiva.  Here is a link to the banner for it with the how to order it bit.

GH Spoiler Commentary

  • An alive Manny proves to be a dangerous, psychotic, livewire Manny that everybody, especially Sonny, should watch out for.

That Manny is like Jason Voorhees or The Terminator or the Energizer Bunny.

  • On Manny’s agenda: committing criminal acts of evil against Sonny and Co.

Doesn't he have to take a number and wait for that? 

  • Manny checks out little Michael’s bedroom, proving he can go anywhere at any time.

And to see if he has Psychonauts for PS-2 yet.

  • Manny’s presence so close to the Corinthos family, has Sonny shaking in his boots for them all.

It's about time Sonny woke up and smelled the gunpowder after all this time!

  • Sonny practically begs Emily to save herself by going into hiding, far away. But Emily stands her ground.

If anyone is going to get, uh, blown up, Emily's going to be there to get blown up too, um, dammit.

  • An injured Manny seeks refuge and medical assistance, from an unwilling volunteer, either Elizabeth or Emily.

Does he flip a coin to choose the lesser of the evils?

  • Before Manny can terminate Elizabeth/Emily, he passes out and she gives him the slip.

She gives him her slip?  ew

  • Jason tries to hunt Manny down before it’s too late.

Like before he forgets what he was doing and why?

  • Sam practically begs Jason to leave Manny alone. She would rather Jason go to the hospital to deal with his headaches and seizures. But Jason doesn’t listen to her. Manny, first.

First Manny, then life saving surgery.  What a giver!

  • Lorenzo guides Jason and Sam to Manny.

Ooooh!  *I* want a seeing eye Lorenzo too!!!

  • Jason and Sam face off with Manny, but the seizures have bad timing, rendering Jason defenseless at just the wrong moment. Manny takes charge, pointing his weapon at Sam and Jason.

Or he could knock Jason into a bathtub of hot, soapy water and toss in his dirty laundry while Jason seizes.  The thrashing about would leave them clean and mountain fresh.

  • Sam and Jason have won this round against Manny and his promises to ruin their lives.

Lord knows someone needs to.

  • Jason and Sam differ on the subject of Robin and her returning to save his aching head.

After the terms on which they parted, having Robin poke around inside his brain with sharp objects might just be something to fear.

  • Jason would rather Robin stay out of his business. (He experiences a memory of bad times between them.) Robin gives him more of an aching head.

She has that effect on me as well.  (catching a theme here, folks?)

  • Sonny exacts the truth about Reese and Ric’s one-night stand, straight from the source herself. Her confirmation sets him on edge, angry with her and Ric, but also with himself, hopeless with the frustration that maybe he’ll never get over his trust and forgiveness issues.

Since people are always going to continue to make mistakes, I'd say he's pretty well doomed on that one.

  • Reese relays to Ric that she confirmed their one-night-stand to Sonny, which really sends Ric over the edge. See Lucky and Elizabeth’s wedding reception.

You just can't get good help these days, or good one night stands.

  • Sonny deals with Ric about this latest betrayal with Reese. Ric stands his ground, forcing Sonny not to let him go so easily.

Here's a line for you, Ric, "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!"

  • Dr. Meadows scares the hell out of Alexis and Ric, with her prognosis and recommendations for the pregnancy to proceed.

Does she tell them that yes, this two year pregnancy is going to have to end sometime?

  • Feeling helpless and lost, Ric saves Alexis from her suffering by giving of himself in the pregnancy crisis.

Good call, Frodo.

  • Lucky and Elizabeth’s wedding is a thing of beauty, a Disney(-owned) fairy tale come true, thanks to the secret machinations of Nikolas and Emily, L&L2’s fairy god-friends.

All this Disney is making me dizzy.

  • Elizabeth and Lucky are touched deeply by Nikolas and Emily’s efforts on their behalf. Wait’ll they see who shows up for the Cinderella-style wedding.

The mice and the birds?  Is Lucky going to make her clean the chimney?

  • Held at Wyndemere, everybody who’s anybody arrives to take in the romance of Port Charles’ darling couple. Nikolas has taken pains to invite even Luke, because that is what Lucky and Laura would’ve desired.

I would sure hate to be someone's reluctant guest who is only invited because someone else would want it.

  • Some, like Ric, inevitably imbibe a bit too much, and spill secrets better left unspilled at the reception later on. Yup, Ric blurts out, in a plastered haze, that he had sex with Sonny’s girlfriend Reese.

What a dumb ass.

  • Emily gives Courtney (with Nikolas) the okay in showing up at the Lucky-and-Elizabeth wedding, meaning, Emily won’t be a poopy-pants about it.

How nice that Emily has allowed Courtney to show up at her own house.

  • Emily and Audrey endeavor to present Elizabeth with a dream wedding and gown Cinderella would be proud of.  The fitting doesn’t quite turn out as fairy-tale perfect for Elizabeth.

"Get a belt, cinch it up!"

  • Elizabeth indicates her wish for herself and Lucky to do a sleepover at Kelly’s, the night of their wedded bliss.

I thought she'd want to go to Disneyland.

  • The night before the wedding, Elizabeth goes old fashioned, asking that Lucky keep his distance until the big day he is matrimonially hers.

Ol' Blue Balls Lucky will be rolling up to the altar, I guess.

  • Elizabeth sleeps, perchance to dream of Emily and a perfect wedding day request.

"Can I show you the parapet, Emily?  Please?"

  • Lucky rouses Elizabeth awake. He plans to be by her side that night, at least until the clock strikes 12 a.m.

No sleep for the wicked!

  • Shortly after, before the wedding, Lucky escorts Elizabeth to a pre-wedding banquet set in the park. Elizabeth delights in Lucky’s surprise gift for her. There, they give each other touching toasts and board a horse-drawn carriage. Cinderella, remember?

I'm picturing them banging slices of white bread toast together.

  • Helena is on the loose, as a result of being let out of prison. Nikolas demands that she not disrupt the wedding.

Helena responds well to demands, as we all know and Nikolas should have remembered.

  • Helena pays Nikolas no mind. She turns up as an uninvited guest, making a big deal of herself.

Watch out if she pins a corsage on your, Nik!

  • Luke orders Helena to take her curse-spewing self and am-scray.

That didn't really work for him the first time, did it?

  • Lucky expresses delight in his old man at the wedding after all.

A little Spencer high five is never a bad thing.

  • Lucky and Elizabeth do make it down the aisle to say “I do” and become anointed as man and wife.

In Port Charles, that's a sure fire way to doom a relationship.

  • The newly wedded couple head to Metro Court to enjoy the beginning of their honeymoon. A train ride to New York City (not Disney World) the next morning continues the rest.

They should have chosen the mouse.

  • Nikolas would like to be the father of Courtney’s baby. He envisions himself as the winner of the paternity test.  Jax would like to be a father, period. Maybe he’ll go the adoption route. That’s what he relays to Courtney.

Sounds like he'll be adopting his own baby from Courtney.

  • Courtney bends over, in agony. Her miracle baby! Nikolas acts fast, to speed her to GH.

Required miscarriage scare #1! Check!

  • There, Courtney and Nikolas are reassured of the false alarm. Miracle baby safe.

Well, safe is relative.

  • Courtney trips over her guilt in keeping Jax from knowing about the pregnancy. Nikolas enables her, ably, by easing her guilt, and strengthening the assertion that they don’t have to feel bad for feeling good about this baby.

He'd better start dressing her in muumuus now if they are going to keep this secret for any amount of time.

  • Nikolas and Sonny clash, because of Courtney’s condition.

Thrusting together their large, sweaty chests and bellies while they deliver thunderous war cries.  Yeah, I know the drill.

  • Courtney meets Helena, not of her own accord, and walks away from the experience shaken, not stirred.

And she thought she had it bad with Lady J!

  • Nikolas orders Helena to not even think of causing trouble with any of the women he loves.

Just take her to the parapet, Helena.  Remember Catherine Bell?

  • Besides Ric making a fool of himself with that one-night-stand confession, Courtney blows Nikolas’ mind at Liz and Lucky’s wedding reception. She is pregnant with Jax’s unborn baby, paternity tests show.

This should go over well!

  • When Courtney is first told of the paternity, she is taken aback, her hopes dashed. She so wanted Nikolas to be that father, not Jax. (Nikolas may very well be the biological father. Ever hear of DNA tampering, Alexis?)

Must be Helena because Alexis can barely walk.

  • Torn, Courtney informs Jax of his paternity later, and he reacts in typical fashion, by vowing to stick with her in their marriage, and render her divorce request null and void.

Just start buying her stuff, Jax.

  • The Skye-and-Lorenzo pairing concerns an increasingly jealous Luke. He realizes that now, Skye’s not just playing with Lorenzo.

Hey, pick a Lorenzo and stick with them and stop hogging up the only two we have, chick!

  • Next week, and beyond through November Sweeps:  Manny wins the next round over Jason… Jason’s head-pain intensifies, forcing him to give in to GH… Jax’s smothering possessiveness pushes Courtney to flee, as Nikolas’ date on a train ride… Jax trails Courtney to that train, and hops aboard, hoping to romance Courtney back to him... Already suffering from the betrayals of his brother and his girlfriend, Sonny goes on a train ride too, thinking there’s no way in hell he can be merciful to either betrayers ever again... Reese joins him, but they reach an impasse... Meanwhile, Carly flees Rose Lawn Sanitarium, believing an entity is out for her blood (he is), and toward Lorenzo to plead her case, and then straight to the train station and on board one of the trains. Lorenzo chases after Carly, hoping to settle her down… After hearing of Ric’s dalliance with Reese, Alexis joins the train bandwagon as a brief respite, feeling as let down as Sonny... On one of the passenger trains: Robin, Carly and Sam, among others; on the other, other members of the cast of characters. The two trains crash into each other (probably the handiwork of Manny), causing lives to hang in the balance, couples to mix and match, precipitating the birth of Alexis’s and Ric’s baby, with Sonny then Robin attending, tossing Carly and Manny underground in the aftermath avalanche. Robin saves the day by helping Alexis give birth. Jax, Courtney, Nikolas and Emily team up to help a specific other in peril. The train crash harms Lucky, putting him in medical danger, but galvanizing his clan. Fixing Lucky up will cost him and Elizabeth big-time… Robin’s return could possibly be Jason’s salvation, but Sam must fight her own insecurity; after all Jason and Robin were each other’s big loves. Robin has no answers pre-destined for Sam, only that she is willing to help Jason medically… Emily and Sonny could happen, from the train tragedy, unless Emily balks… Just because Diego seems the likeliest suspect in the roofie stalker case, doesn’t mean the case is closed. Diego’s predicament pains Lorenzo; this is further explored... Luke handles the Lulu problem by not handling it himself, by shoving her off to Dillon, tweaking the insecurity complex of Georgie, no slouch as a male magnet herself… Lucas’ homosexuality plays out against the background and backdrop of his family and friends’ reactions.

What a downright cataclysmic event!  I am not seeing what REESE is doing during all of the aftermath, so I'm expecting her demise is part OF the aftermath.  Like I said, I thought this was all a joke.  It just proves out that you just can't get good train these days.  *sigh*  Right now, I'm picturing everyone in Port Charles suddenly looking up in the same moment, inspired, and saying, "I know, I'll get on a train!  Even though not a single soul on GH has ever, ever traveled by train, they, of collective consciousness and like mind, all rush like lemmings to the train of death.


Lastly, I wanted to show all of you this.  Katrina has created for EOS a place where we can all post our "lines of the day," along with any quick blurbs about the shows we want to throw in there.

And with that, I'm outta here.  I hope you are all having a stunning week.

Lovin YOU!

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Spoilers commentary from:

October 17, 2005

October 10, 2005

October 3, 2005

Sept 26, 2005

Sept 19, 2005

Sept 12, 2005

Sept 5, 2005

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