Welcome to the Best of Eye on Soaps for 2003

JenJen, our "Soapbubbles" columnist, came up with the wonderful idea of showcasing the best that Eye on Soaps offered this year, as voted by our own EOS staff.  Perhaps some of their favorites will be yours as well.

Some of the favorites are entire columns.  Some are portions.  I didn't choose favorites myself.  I don't think I could.  I am so blessed with the opportunity to work with these amazing writers and fascinating people that it just all feels like a miracle.

I hope you enjoy the best of EOS for 2003:

Kathy Hardeman "On the Soap Box"

Carolyn's What If Column

JenJen Soap Bubbles - "Like Bullets Through a Windshield"

JenJen's Soap Bubbles - "Orgasms in the Afternoon"

Sherry's Jubilee - Emily and the Blanket

Katrina's Soap Journal - The Report

Sage's Funny Pages

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You Might Be Addicted to Soaps If...
By Kathy Hardeman
(original printing:  April 5, 2003)
 

Yep, it was a fun week, but by Friday an ugly niggling voice kept whispering in my ear that I’d gone a bit overboard.  Like when I eat a slice of cheesecake then another and another until most of it’s gone and I’ve reached that sugar saturation point.  Then I promise myself that I’ll refrain from all pie for the rest of the year in a ridiculous attempt to sooth my conscious - and tummy and thighs where all good cheesecake resides.  Anyway, the niggling voice made me wonder if I have a GH saturation point.  Sherry, of Mecurical Mercurio, found her can’t take another moment of GH level, has admitted her problem and joined GHA.  (General Hospital Anonymous for those of you who haven’t read her comical story of GH withdrawal.  Click HERE to check it out.)  

I began pondering my behavior as an admitted GHaholic and came up with some ways to evaluate if you’ve got it bad for a soap.   

1.  You tape every episode.

2.  Television, cable and VCR problems cause you unspeakable anxiety.

3.  You throw temper tantrums when your soap is interrupted or pre-empted with breaking news that doesn’t involve mass tragedy or epic destruction.

4.  You seriously consider missing work for a special episode just in case the VCR doesn’t tape correctly.

5.  You tape on network television and then watch again later that night on SoapNet.

6.  You’ll miss a meal or skip errands to be sitting in front of the TV during your soap time.

7.  Your children, husband and friends know not to ask questions or call during soap time.

8.  Your spouse and close friends know the names of your favorite characters and are used to you bringing them up in conversation on a regular basis.

9.  Yelling at the TV is acceptable, common behavior.

10.  You surf the ‘net searching for information on actors and spoilers about the show.

11.  You have a circle of ‘net pals with whom you discuss plot twists.

12.  You’ve engaged in animated conversation with complete strangers about your soap.

13.  You’ve wondered how much money you’d be paid for donating a kidney so you could attend a Super Soap Weekend.

14. Regularly, you scan the magazine racks at the grocery store to see if the latest issue of your favorite soap mag has been displayed.

15.  And lastly, you regularly check in at EOS to see what’s been written about your favorite soap. 

Hmm, the fact that I can think of this many soap habits has me worried.  And I admit to every one of them at times, except for the kidney donation idea, but not all of these behaviors at once.  Welcome to the fun filled world of Soapland.  If you’ve experienced one or all of the above a few times, you’re probably involved in some healthy escapism, which might keep you sane in a frantic stress filled world.  However, if you’re feeling embarrassed or trapped, you might consider seeking help. 

CALL 1-800-I’MADDICTEDTOSOAPS

Or e-mail Sherry and perhaps she can assist you in finding the nearest chapter of Soaps Anonymous in your area. 

Photo credit:  http://mauricesteve.cjb.net/ 

ODE TO JASON AND SONNY 
By Kathy Hardeman
Original Printing March 3, 2003

I’m at my keyboard, thoughts all ready,

But to my dismay, my fingers aren’t steady.

It’s the grief, I know, that has me upset,

My couple’s broken up, how much worse could it get? 
 

Sonny yelled at Jason, "you’re out, you’re fired!"

Oh, the sadness, the drama in which I am mired!

Soap couples come, and soap couples go,

But to break up Sonny and Jason, man, that's low. 
 

Sonny and Jason, GH super couple for years,

This sad parting has brought me to tears.

Shall we mourn and cry and mount a campaign?

Let’s spam ABC e-mail and drive them insane. 
 

Sonny and Jason will be at odds for a while,

Then they’ll make up in grand soapy style.

Not with candles and not with a kiss,

Oh no, it’ll be much more macho than this. 
 

Bullets will fly and I know it’s not funny,

As protective Jason dashes right back to Sonny.

They’ll smile, shake hands, maybe a hug.

Aah, they’re so cute, my heart strings go tug. 
 

Super couple status, that’s how it goes,

So hard to deal with the highs and the lows.

The writer’s delight in making us pray,

For the great make up, soon on the way. 
 

A reunion will happen in true soapy style,

Though after a breakup it could take a while,

It’s not sex or romance we’re lookin’ to view,

It’s Jason and Sonny, dynamic duo, that’s who.