Sherry's Jubilee!! By Sherry Mercurio

8-4-03

Since I depressed the heck out of even myself with my last rant, I’m thinking a “lite” version is in order this time around. There will be nothing deep, thought provoking or serious here, so if that is what you came for this week then you’ve stumbled into the wrong doorway. Here, let me help! For all of the above and more, go visit: Soap Town USA * FWIW Column, which is fabulous this week (as always). Then come on back here and we’ll pick at the mostly inconsequential, deal?

Sonny and Jason: You would look a lot smarter if you stopped discussing (arguing) about whether to kill Ric while standing in front of him. What happened to stepping aside and having your discussion, and then presenting a united front with your decision? Letting him watch the histrionics is just giving him ammunition for later, you dorks.

The absolute most realistic thing on General Hospital at this moment is not Emily’s cancer, Sonny’s angst, or the signs from every side that Courtney is pregnant at the worst EVER time, no my friends, the most realistic thing is Carly’s growing cleavage. She’s truly starting to become the nubile pregnant woman, thanks to a little help from a kick-ass push-up bra that I’m betting Lorenzo picked for her himself.

Hey, I’m not really complaining. Every soap should have a “I’m kidnapped but I’m living in the lap of luxury while wearing great clothes and playing coy games with a handsome gentleman who happens to be my captor” storyline on occasion. It beats the hell out of watching a pregnant woman chained up and slung around in a metal cell.

Can NuLydia get anymore sultry and seductive? I keep waiting for “Right Said Fred” to break out in a rousing round of “I’m Too Sexy…” at any moment while she prances around some of the hottest male real estate we have on this show. Ugh. OldLydia, please come back. I beg of you.

Ric has had some great material lately, and RH has delivered it well. His questions to Courtney about whether Jason would do the same thing for her (putting her above his need for revenge) and telling Sonny that Lorenzo is just like Sonny so he should be afraid, were both great. I love Ric, but I’m still not sure how this “redemption” thing is going to go. I’m willing to wait and see though.

I had to laugh at Sonny railing on Ric for putting Liz in a position where she could be named an accomplice in his crime of kidnapping Carly. Uh, Sonny? By discussing your work (‘member that? You’re a criminal…no, well, yeah, you are minimal too, but it’s CRIminal. Sound it out and look it up.) with Carly, in front of Carly, and in the home Carly lives in, you are pretty much doing the same thing as far as I can tell.

What is the deal with all the long sleeves? I suppose Courtney can get away with it more because she never leaves the penthouses, but Liz is wandering about town now and it’s fricken HOT in most parts of the country at the moment. They’re even going so far as to wear layers…not your usual summer choices if you ask me.

Oh gosh Emily, just shut up already! Never have I felt so little sympathy for a character that is supposed to be critically ill. I’ve developed whiplash already from all the prancing back and forth between men. I was moved by Nik’s initial declaration of love to her, and even by her response. Since then the stats, I believe, are as follows (and these are estimates, of course):

Times that Em has told Nik she cannot be with him: 264

Times that Em has told Nik she cannot be without him: 312

Times that Em has told Nik that she loves him: 214

Times that Em has followed that up with the news that she loves Zander: 214

Times that Em has told Zander she loves him: …(Oh who cares? Apparently it worked well enough the first time and he’s willing to look past anything else she says anyway.)

Times that Em has told Nik to marry NuLydia: 56

Times that Em has told Nik not to marry NuLydia: 54 (three more breathy “yeah, but Nikolas” and she’d have had him)

Times that Em has spoken her piece and left the scene, only to return five minutes later and say the exact opposite thing: TOO F’ing many times!

Times that Em has nodded too often while listening to someone else talk: 8026 (I apologize for pointing this out because you will now ONLY see the nodding, trust me)

I’m sorry, but ALL Emily does is go from one to the other and back again, to have the same conversation. Oh, except that for some unfathomable reason, the dire circumstances of why she can’t be with Nikolas change periodically. “Oh, you need the money so you must marry Lydia”, “Oh, I won’t hurt Zander, even though I already did and he knows how I feel about you…how could I evah live with myself if I don’t go lie straight to his face and make him un-believe the truth?” and “Zander, I don’t want to lose you and it means nothing that five minutes ago I didn’t want to lose him! I sweah”! Bitch.

Not that Nik is any better, and that totally ticks me off! How they’ve managed to completely ruin the Stefan / Nikolas relationship in such a short time and with so few scenes is nothing short of amazing. Nikolas is a big whiney baby (who still looks good, I admit) and I have no use for his scenes anymore either. Had he wanted to climb up on his high horse after refusing to sell himself into a loveless marriage, I’d have cheered him on. Instead, he asks Lydia if she really plans to go through with this, looks at her like she’s dirt when she says yes, and then goes through with it himself. Then he treats the majority of the room to his pious insults, particularly that whore of a wife of his…I mean, how dare she marry him for money, right? Hello, Mr. Stud Prince? Ridden that golden steed past any mirrors lately? Good grief! Lydia is annoying, don’t get me wrong, but I feel compelled to defend her a little in this situation (which also totally ticks me off!). He told her they would have a “real” marriage, and that they wouldn’t be cheating on each other, etc. Then he marries her, while totally annoyed that she’s going through with it since apparently he is incapable of saying no himself. Then he treats her unnecessarily rudely in front of everyone just because he can I guess, now that she’s signed herself up for indentured servitude under his rule. I’m clueless as to why he is any better than she is, since they are both married for money, they both knew what they were getting when they went in, and they are both basically pining for someone else. His anger against them all would have been much more justified had he opted to not sell himself out for Cassamoney. Sometimes, it really is best to stick with the tried and true soap plots because in this case, had Nikolas at least been tricked into marrying her; we’d have someone left to root for when the dust settled. As it stands, I find all involved rather annoying. Honestly, I don’t believe it’s possible for Nikolas or Emily to look any stupider than they do now. A few weeks ago this was very promising, but no longer.

I refuse to even address what has come over Zander. Did I actually hear him apologize to her? Whatever.

Color me surprised. I always thought Lucky WAS supposed to be the sensitive type. But hey, NuLydia’s only been here for a few weeks, which is why it isn’t so hard for her to accept the new, lecherous Lucky. The rest of us are still playing catch-up.

OhmyGod,Carlyhascrampsagainwhatarewegonnado? Seriously what is this, the tenth time? Could we possibly milk oh I dunno, twelve or thirteen more scenes of Carly doubled over with contractions out of this pregnancy? Please? There may be a chance I haven’t developed complete and utter indifference to it just yet, and we cannot have that!

Oooh, how cool is Lorenzo? Finding a psychic doctor and everything? Of course, if he were really, really cool, he’d have found one that could not only diagnose the severity of the problem by touching her belly, but also actually heal it. That would have really rocked. I was very unclear as to why Carly was going to start hemorrhaging from her contractions, but really, what do I know anyway?

Hey, Sonny and Jason: Does it seem smart to you to stand around and wait to see if the “faulty detonator” is really a delayed detonator? I’m just sayin’…

But hey, nod out to the cute matching outfits!

Hey Sonny! Are ya scared you’re going to leave fingerprints in your own home? Way to arouse suspicion, running around in leather gloves in August. Then again, maybe Courtney’s outfits have you confused about the season.

Courtney and Liz today were superb! They both had points, they both were right and they both were wrong. That’s the stuff soaps are made of! Imagine that. I really, really enjoyed it actually. I know I’m naïve here, but I really keep hoping that someday, somehow, Courtney is going to turn back into what she was when she showed up in PC and I really think I could like her again, at least a little.

I also, marginally and mostly on principle, enjoyed the Em and Liz scenes. No matter how I feel about their stories, I refuse to diss a friend conversation…you just cannot write moments like that off on this show because they don’t come up often.

I still like NuGia, though I don’t know why I bother because she is so obviously just a babysitter for Zander in between his Em scenes. She has no house, no job, and no family. Oh, and I really dislike the hair. I’m fairly certain they’re trying to turn her into Liz.

Next thing you know she’ll show up in an apron at Kelly’s and then you’ll know this isn’t just a conspiracy theory.

Faith and Ric’s scenes have a twisted, almost spell-binding quality to them. CP and RH definitely play well off each other, and lately, it’s the only time I see Faith having any purpose anymore. CP’s great, but Faith has lost most of the qualities I enjoyed and has definitely lost her edge. I’m not on board with the character of Faith having this insta-need for Ric, but I cannot deny that their scenes are powerful, thanks to both actors. They both play what they’re given with full consideration and intensity, and that has become rare ever since GH decided to narrow the stories down to involve only a few, pretty much shutting some of their best actors out of the show.

Penthouse Security Force: Are you people stupid? Since when does it make sense to let people go in there when no one but Michael is home? Hello? Faith goes in, Liz goes in…what the heck? Seriously, Sonny deserves to have every person even remotely related to him kidnapped, and then he deserves to have everything he owns stolen and sold off card tables set up in front of the PC Grille, based purely on his complete ineptness at hiring security teams.

Alexis looked absolutely stunning in that dress at Nik’s wedding! I’m also still really trying to get into a Cameron/Alexis thing, and I want it, I really do…but it’s SO much work to try to overlook all the stupidity surrounding it. It’s also hard to feel like there is any chance of progress when they only have a scene together ever five or six days, if that. I also enjoyed the Cameron/Zander scene, even though the dialogue wasn’t what I’d have liked. I tried to tune that out and just enjoy watching Lane talk, something that I’m actually very good at, *wink*!

Always love to hear from you! Take care!

Photo Credit: GH World 3