June 24, 2003

Ah-hem.  Excuse me, but you all failed to warn me that Stephan isn’t really back to entrance me into a love spell with his special Cassadine-ian abilities.  No, he’s back to murder cancer-ridden little girls.  Bummer.  But, he is Stefan, and therefore he merits a defense of the indefensible (if you’re going to watch GH you really must work on these particular skills, they are extraordinarily important to your viewing pleasure, trust me).  So let’s see: 

1)     It’s not like he hasn’t tried to kill before…I mean geez already, and let’s not forget that he never had two loving parents…that’s important.

2)     He doesn’t actually know that she is already sick…if he did, he’d certainly be kind enough to sit back and wait.  I’m sure of it.  He’s always been polite that way.

3)     He still hasn’t tried to kill as many people as Laura. 

4)     Sonny puts hits out all the time.  For all we know, when he mentions, “taking care of” Alcazar or Rosco or whoever, it’s really code for some child he’s thinking of getting rid of.

5)     All you Emily fans that are screaming about your poor darling being a target need to grow up!  Emily did when you weren’t even looking.  She’s no kid, people, she’s a player now and we all know what that means.  Get that girl a gun, a bodyguard and the love of a good mobster and she’ll be just fine.  Obviously her fan base didn’t mobilize soon enough on her behalf…you all left her dangling out there in the wind alone and unprotected.  Shame on you. 

I can’t tell you how it warms my heart to have MyStefan so generously usher in a newbie, try to kill another newbie, mistakenly kill a third newbie, forward Luke’s neurosis, fight with Nikolas with ne’er a warm moment in sight, and glance once in Alexis’ direction.  WooWhoo!  Nice use of a vet, GH!  You rule. 

Moving on.  We may as well tackle the other contender for the “Most F’ed Up Waste of My Time” award.  Ric.  Ric, Ric, Ric.  So, you aren’t a smart, crafty attorney after all.  You’re just psychotic.  Great…it’s good really because around these parts we prefer to have cardboard contenders rather than anyone who might actually give our good “bad guys” a run for their money.  I should have known lunacy was coming as soon as you showed the slightest potential for getting the upper hand around Sonny, Jason and Carly.  Should’ve known.  Honestly, I’m still GH sick enough (that’s not “sick of GH”, that’s “GH sick”…it means the twisted place you have to step into to work your way through the twisted logic that motors these kind of stories through the murky mire of Guza soapdom, trust me, you all already have it even if you don’t think you do) to like Ric anyway, merely because he bugs Sonny, and I mean truly bugs him.  That’s good enough for me.  But yeah, he’s obviously psychotic.  It pains me to say that I can no longer hope for the Liz/Ric relationship to last (shoulda known that once the wedding happened in five seconds flat) and it’s tough to watch the way TPTB waste potential and chemistry these days, but hey, that’s life I guess.

The story has no logic whatsoever.  What does Ric plan to do with Carly once the baby is born?  Keep her forever, or kill her?  Why does Carly think starving will help?  Why doesn’t Carly scream bloody murder every time the door opens?  Or better yet, since she can see him coming why doesn’t she arm herself with all sorts of stuff to throw over his head when he comes in so he has to keep running back out and picking stuff up so Liz won’t see it (just sounds fun to watch, lol)?  Why doesn’t the bill for the separate electric service show up?  And if it’s a generator then where the heck is it, because those suckers are loud.  Why on earth didn’t Carly run out the door when she was free?  Why did she take the time to identify herself instead of saying first thing when Sonny answered: “RIC LANSING”??  Like he wouldn’t know who she was, c’mon.  Carly is smarter than that, and if she had managed to say “secret room off the living room” he’d have been sunk since he has no plan B as far as I can see.  Liz is also smarter than this and I’d love to see her figure this out, like yesterday.  All it would take is pretending to leave and then watching him through a window for two seconds to see what he does.  With all Liz has been through I can’t believe she’s not more suspicious of men than she is – guess he knows how to pick ‘em.   

Now for the good parts of the story: 

Carly (and Tamara Braun) has been fun to watch for a change.  Carly zeroing in on how to get at Ric is exactly what I would picture from her, and she’s handled all that quite well.  Pushing at his neurosis, trying to undermine his confidence.  Telling him Liz is going to turn on him (assumedly a fear he should have), pushing for his long-range plans (which he obviously doesn’t have)…all good.  Carly realizing she actually has the upper hand since he can’t do anything to her as long as she has what he wants, is a VERY good move…I’d be happy to watch more of that, even given the stupidity of the rest.  Plus, anything that puts Carly away from Sonny makes Carly much better.  Period. 

Watching Jason react with more feeling and emotion to Carly’s disappearance than Sonny has been gratifying for me.  So sue me.  I’m telling you, THAT is where the story should be.   

Secret rooms are always fun on some level.  The fun level of this particular go-around is hovering around subterranean…but hey, it is still a secret room and therefore merits a slight boost just from that.   

Moving on.  I have yet to comment on Dobson much.  I find though, that may be a good policy to keep for now so I think I’ll stick with it.  Dobson drunk had a slight appeal on a purely comedic level.   That is all. 

The wedding was a bit of a disappointment to me.  Since I’m not feeling the love all that much, I was hoping for a good fashion show at least…but it was a snooze fest in that department as well if you ask me.  The bride might want to rethink having a custom design next time because I could have done better for her off the rack at a garage sale.   

Carly definitely wins best look overall though I’m not certain where she put her pregnancy for the occasion; the belly is definitely shrinking.  Maybe Leticia was lugging the belly pillow around for the night?


Janine could very well be wearing what was supposed to be the bridesmaid’s dresses.  I’ve been in several weddings and rarely did I even get to glance at something as nice as Carly’s dress.  I guess now I see why Carly wanted to be so heavily involved in the planning, girl knows how to look out for number one.


The only other thing worth mentioning is that I hated the pink thing Emily was wearing, as well as the pink thing Monica was wearing.  I’m wondering who got a great deal on that satiny acetate looking crap and decided to dye it three shades of pink for Em, Monica and then poor Alexis.  All three could’ve done much better. 

Jason and Carly were cute before the wedding, and the scenes with Michael were cute as well.  The scenes with Michael following the abduction are only further proof that Jason would probably make a much better parent than Sonny, sorry to say.  Hey Sonny, could you be a little more unfeeling toward your traumatized child?  Is the ball making him feel better?  Snatch it away man…make that little sucker talk already.  I know it’s annoying to have a little hanger-on mucking up your one-man investigation, you’d think that this was the first time the kid lost a parent or something.   

I suppose I was supposed to feel that Sonny was vindicated in his police-hatred when Scott refused to help.  Unfortunately, I was wondering why Jason didn’t ask him why he called an attorney instead of a cop.  Yes Sonny, good plan, call the dirty DA and then roll your eyes and nod when he talks about your criminal past.  Can anyone see Mac refusing to file a report?  Of course not, that’s why Mac is back at the office and Scott gets called to the scene of crimes…so he can put remind us that the cops suck.  Whatever. 

Sonny:  “You’d think this was her wedding” 

Jason:  “It is except Courtney’s the bride” 

Well yeah.  I’ve been saying it for years already, glad to see you two caught up to speed. 

Hey Luke!  You can only disavow your son once.  You can’t keep doing it every two days…it loses its effect.  “If you do one more thing I don’t like, I HAVE NO SON”!  Er… “He who is NOT MY SON has wronged me yet again, so just a reminder, he is still NOT MY SON”!   

A special thank you to Monica for finally questioning Em on whether her cancer allows her to lie and inflict pain on others.  It’s really gone on long enough now – it just looks mean and selfish at this point. 

So, apparently Audrey is still in town but just couldn’t be bothered to say “congrats” on the wedding, or “so sorry” about the miscarriage?  That’s low. 

Since when does community service mean cleaning the windows at Kelly’s?  Did the city take over the diner when I wasn’t watching or what? 

Hey Courtney, next time Michael starts to remember something it really is okay if you just stay put and listen to the kid talk.  Running out for help really doesn’t make sense since it will interrupt the flow of his memories and all.   

I’m starting to wonder if Ric made the same mistake Lucky did and allowed Liz to just paint furniture in their bedroom.  That would explain why they never sleep in there. 

And finally, a poetic thought for the wasted character of Summer…all in good fun, of course! 


You came like a breath of fresh air,

Blonde, big-boobed and fair. 

You pretended to be his Laura awhile,

You landed him committed twice without trial. 

You wooed the father and the son,

You were a con, a ‘tute and a load of fun.

That you are leaving is such a bummer,

I thought for a minute you had something to do with the Hummer. 

But alas, no, they were talking about AJ’s wheels,

Not a trick you can turn on one of your deals. 

It saddens me so that you will be no more,

Who, oh who, will be our resident whore? 

Oh wait, we have Lydia, who is fast moving up,

Though it’s you who will always have the bigger cup. 

Will you be remembered as the hooker with the heart of gold?

We had one before but apparently she’s grown too old. 

On a personal note I am forever grateful to the best,

The best damn charmer of Lucky’s chest. 

You have repeatedly revealed, for our viewing pleasure,

Lucky’s luscious pecs, which I consider a treasure. 

In our hearts and our minds we will miss you always,

And we gasped and sighed when you disappeared in the haze. 

Fly away, oh Summer, you floozy,

And watch your step next time, that first one’s a doozy. 

My apologies to poets everywhere, but when one feels inspired…well, who among you wishes to stop the creative flow?  Don’t answer that.  See ya next time…oh, and drop me a note why don’tcha?  Take care all!   

Always love to hear from you!

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