June 3, 2004

Just quick hits this week, that’s all I’ll probably have time for before I have to shut the computer down for the next thunderstorm to roll through.  I swear we’ve spent the last four days under watches and warnings of every type and the front of the local newspaper is peppered with pictures of people abandoning their homes by boat.  Don’t worry about me, I’m in no danger of actually floating away or anything…my problems are more of the cabin fever variety.  It thundered ALL night long last night and since I couldn’t sleep I amused myself imagining that God was throwing a fit and stomping around because Sonny is teetering on the brink of not keeping his promise to lie to his kids and only sleep with his ho on the side!   

God wants Sonny to deny one child in order to keep the other child happy and secure.  Sonny doesn’t want his baby to go to (possibly) safe and secure parents, because he cannot do that to any child of his.  What he can do though, is let his hit man raise the baby while he supervises from afar.  Jason cannot tell a lie, unless of course it is to help Sonny disavow one of his children in the name of the other.  Sam obviously is totally incapable of raising the child herself, somewhere else, because…well, because she cannot even remember to go to sleep at night or drink her juice in the morning without someone reminding her to do so.  Plus, the only way God wants Sonny to keep his vow is if the baby can be raised within ten feet or so of its real father, otherwise, all bets are off, right?  What in the heck kind of crap is this?   

Does God want Michael to find out about his brother or sister at the reading of Sonny’s will?  Would that be God’s plan?  What about Morgan?  Will Morgan applaud his daddy’s decision to put Michael’s emotional well-being above Morgan’s half-brother or sister?  Did Jason actually say “Let me take car of you and your baby so Sonny can stay with his family”?  I mean, really?  Why the heck can’t Sam just go take care of herself?  Not that I’m trying to get rid of her, because frankly, I don’t care anymore who comes and goes from the Penthouse Suites, not even a little.  I just completely do not understand why Sonny thinks he has the right to decide he doesn’t want to ruin his family over this new baby, but Sam doesn’t have the right to then decide to take the baby and raise it or give it up for adoption if she wants.  This whole thing is just maddening.   

I’ve no idea why Carly is oscillating between the two stupidest personalities in her repertoire, but she should really consider figuring out whether she’s lovesick or just your usual run of the mill mentally sick.  “Oh, now that we’re back together in name only, for Michael and all, I’m just so disgusted that you slept with your whore that I really must just burn the bed in protest!”  Why don’t we just go ahead and get it all out at once?  Carly can burn Sam’s boat, the Penthouse (I don’t know if Sam and Sonny did the deed there but Sonny and Alexis sure made good use of that bed), the PC Hotel (Oh wait, that’s done already, isn’t it?  I now have new suspicions on the cause though!), and the docks (Sonny has kissed all manner of women there).  Sonny can burn down Lorenzo’s apartment; the house Carly lived in, Ric and Liz’s place, Kelly’s (Zander and Carly) and whatever else looks at him funny.  Why not?  They’ve pretty much ruined every other aspect of this show; they may as well destroy the sets in the name of love as well. 

Yes, I’m bitter this week.  There’s something wrong when the “Pool Party” lead in is sexier, funnier and more entertaining than the actual main course.  Though even that is not without the taint of Sonny and Carly.  Yesterday, they asked some poor unsuspecting innocent bystander (I’d like to hear from that bystander because I’d really like to know just how handpicked they actually were) which couple she wanted to see together (or something like that) and she said Emily and Nikolas.  That is not surprising; I watched yesterday and found myself thinking that if I didn’t hate Emily so darn much, I’d actually really be feeling something at a woman finding her dead fiancée in another woman’s arms.  She says she wants them together, then makes a comment about how she hates it when any couple that you *know* needs to be together is separated.  ABC flashes clips of Nikolas and Emily and…Sonny and Carly?  Who brought them up?  I must’ve missed it.  Someone at ABC seems to think they absolutely know who we want together so I guess I obviously need to find out where to sign up to be part of the focus polls or whatever they base this stuff on.  Personally, I think it’s mostly based on some balding dude’s personal fantasy, but whatever.  Anyway, the point is that I’m sick and tired of being force fed this great love. 

I’m also sick and tired of this whole dependent female thing.  I’m about the last person to start shouting female liberation slogans or anything, but come on!  Sonny and Carly cannot split up, even though they don’t want to be together, because Sonny MUST be in the same house as his children.  Too bad if he makes her miserable, it’s what he wants.  Sam cannot run off with her baby, because someone has to keep an eye on her and make sure the baby is raised like a good little mob weirdo like its big brother Michael.  Hey Sonny, maybe the rule should just be that you don’t boff anyone you wouldn’t trust to raise your kid in the event you decide you can’t possibly be a part of its life.  I can completely buy that this is the exact way mob wives and girlfriends are treated, and therefore this is the perfect example of why mob life should not be the prominent and sometimes ONLY family life presented on a soap.  There’s just nothing fun, interesting or compelling about watching this.  It makes me feel embarrassed to be a soap viewer, it honestly does.  Gosh do I ever miss the days when someone would ask me which soap I watch and I would excitedly say “General Hospital”.  Nowadays, when someone asks me I immediately flash back to things like Friday’s big “cliffhanger” (and maybe the dates got messed up and they were a day off or something, but still…there’s no excuse) being Sam putting on a baby backpack with Jason’s help while Sonny walks in on them and I think I’d be better off to fessing up to reading a porno mag than to admit that I watch this show regularly.  Sonny said he can’t leave his present family to start a new one (not that anyone asked him to – I doubt Sam would deny him rights or anything if he stayed with Carly), Jason already decided he’d take over (for Michael’s sake ya know), Sonny knows Sam lives there with Jason now and that she’s pregnant…so exactly what is the big cliffhanger?  How Sonny will react to Jason touching Sam’s baby backpack?  Whether Sonny can handle a physical manifestation of the situation he already agreed to?  Who cares?  What the heck? 

I love the General Hospital I remember.  There are very few casting changes I’d make to GH (which is interesting since I really dig OLTL these days but would probably make more casting changes there than at GH if given the chance).  It’s a great show with a wonderfully rich history, but at the moment it is so far in the hole that the writing has dug that I don’t know that it will ever fully recover, even if given the chance.  It has turned into something I find difficult to even describe sometimes.  You know how certain soaps are just more “soapy” than others?  A bit further out there on the limb?  Days of Our Lives is probably a good example since they most definitely have had more than their share of ridiculously soapy plots.  Burying a heroine alive and keeping her in the coffin for…was it weeks?  I can’t remember.  Having a heroine be possessed by the devil.  Murdering off half the cast only to reveal that they’re all still alive in an alternate Salem…this is the stuff that non-soap viewers hear and laugh about for hours.  That’s okay, soaps as a whole are most definitely an acquired taste and each on individually is equally an acquired taste as well.  I’m personally not opposed to some ridiculous story lines on occasion, provided there is continuity, and provided there is still character development and reason to watch.  Those shows either find their niche or they fall by the wayside, just like the more realistically based soaps do (or don’t). 

I was just about to go into how GH had a niche yet moved away from it, how disjointed the stories are – how isolated the characters are, and how dark the whole picture looks most days but I’ve just realized that I already said all this previously.  Go HERE, read that.  That’s what I mean again (still…whatever).  No need to say it over I suppose, I just get so irritated sometimes when I see what could be good and I watch OLTL before GH and almost fully enjoy it and feel that escape, that feeling of fun, that hour of unwinding.  I want hour number two back, dammit! 

What the heck, we’re off to a good start so let’s just go ahead and finish up with the nitpicking: 

Why the heck can’t Dillon hear *me* humming in the shower?  I want a record contract!  I can do that!  I’d even add an “Ooooh!” to the “Whoa, whoa, yeah, yeah” and Voila! My first single is born.  I must say though, someone’s been raiding OldEmily’s closet, haven’t they?  She seems okay so far, the acting isn’t bad for the first few days on air so I’m not complaining yet about her, at least not beyond those award winning three notes she knows. 

Everytime Sonny is being an ass, we have to watch Mike slip back into gambling debt repercussions so that Sonny can bail him out and promise not to call him names ever again.  Whatever.  I want a Mike story, but I want it to be in spite of Sonny, not because of him.  Otherwise, it’s just another Sonny story in disguise.   

Anybody else get a real kick out of watching Jason avert his eyes and admit that Sonny was the one that hit him?  He’s definitely a more enlightened battered wife than Carly could ever dream to be what with all her “You didn’t mean to put that bullet in my brain Sonny” proclamations. 

Greg Vaughan (Lucky) is really, really hot.  He’s been better utilized at the Pool Party than ever before if you ask me, lol!  I also thought he was very charming and sweet with Emily the other day (I utilized the construction paper method of watching as suggested by my friend Dayna …it’s very easy, just carefully place a piece of paper over whichever side of the screen Emily is on and enjoy the view.) and the fact that Lucky is not being utilized romantically is just a crime.  A CRIME I tell ya.   

It seems I really must be grateful for Alexis and Ric.  Poor Alexis apparently could have been stuck in Penthouse Suck-up with Jason, while they raised Kristina for Sonny.  Once again proving Alexis made the right decision keeping quiet about Kristina.  I’m enjoying the Alexis/Ric interaction overall.  It’s tough for me to get past Ric’s past, since the character hasn’t really done anything to get past his past, but what else is new?  I refuse to become invested; because I’ve been a fan of Alexis long enough to know that serves no purpose with these writers.  However, for now, it’s fun.  It seems I lap up any levity and humor without bothering to delve into the purpose or direction behind it these days.  It’s that rare.  I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.  The hickey moment was cute, and at least we got to see the baby for a minute or two.  I’m still on the fence as to whether Alexis and Ric would actually have any attraction, but I’m not ready to spend the time required to analyze that yet.   

I do find myself interested in Emily’s confrontation with Mary…CW continues to impress me.  TC was also good yesterday showing Emily how Nikolas is truly gone (for now at least).  I haven’t been checking spoilers beyond what happened this week, so I’m reserving some hope that this will play out compellingly.   

That’s about it for this week.  Please feel free to drop me a line!  I love to hear from readers.  Someone told me a while ago that people often don’t write to comment on commentary columns for fear they’ll end up in the column, lol.  So, just so you know, I’ve never used any part of any email sent to me about the column without express permission.  Once in a great while I put together some reader comments for a column, but I always ask permission to use them – so never fear!  Write!  Your comments help make it worth talking about, believe me! 

I’ll be back after Friday (okay…probably that means like Monday or something) with my OLTL column.  I want to see the whole week before I write a word!  Now there’s a good feeling ;)      


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