You asked for it, you got it!  This is Sage, Uncensored.  Here, you will find my innermost thoughts and opinions about ABC soaps and life in general.  This page is not for the light of heart or faint of breath.  It is definitely not for those on the verge of or already well into a white hot hatred or even mild dislike of Sage.  You aren't going to dig it most likely unless you are an avid fan.  This particular segment is about Sage's view and does not necessary reflect the opinion of Eye on Soaps, its staff, yourself or other rational, sane folks.  Not much gossip here, just ranting and raving.  If you accidentally stumbled onto this looking for the other side of Sage that is far more civilized and focused on gossip, click here.  This column will be updated on an as-inspired basis.

May 27, 2004

How completely fun to back with you folks, dishing about the soaps and spending time with my friends here at EOS.  I hadn't forgotten how wonderful it is to be here, but I'd been so busy I didn't realize how much I missed it.

You people just rock.

Thanks again for all of the great welcoming letters.  Your outpouring of love and support has been amazing and I love just wrapping myself up in it and getting all cozy.  I really appreciate each and every one of your letters.  Thanks also to each of you who came by to see me (via my column) upon my return.  It's GREAT to be back and it feels like the world is right again.  If I may say so, I've been perusing the columns here at EOS and I am confident that the incredible staff that we have right now is the best ever and I'm not just talking EOS.  I think we have the most talented, diverse and witty writers assembled ANYwhere on the internet and I am so very proud to be snuggled in among them.  We have the best readers, the best writers and the best atmosphere.  What more could we want?  You're in very, very good company.  Thank you for being here.

It was so good to see Bobbie again!  She was looking so REFRESHED and YOUNG (nudge nudge).  It was also cute how she and Carly made a point to talk about Lucas.  "How's LUCAS doing at ETERNAL DIABETIC CAMP?"  "He's FINE but he wants to COME HOME  as soon as they can find a RECAST."  GH has been auditioning for NuLucas (shall we call him "Nucas" or "NuLu?") with some fine actors giving it a shot.  Still, it's a bummer they aren't calling back C. J. Thomason.  Not only does the actor have a great offscreen relationship with several of the others in the GH teen scene, but I miss him!  The guys auditioning are in the 19-20 age range.

I am completely shocked at the way Jax has been behaving lately.  Of course, I have to remember that this is the same guy who dumped my sweetheart, Chloe, on her lovely ass (in a barn, no less) to go chase a dead chick.  Jax has been sans class for a long time, but he's been in rare form as of late.  Time to whip out the ol' Jaxass. 

Not only is he behaving in a snotty, cold and callous way in regard to Sam's baby, but he's being stupid in considering for a second that Alexis would be even slightly sympathetic to his point of view.  I mean, where WAS this guy for the past year while she fought for custody and was kept from her own child?  Courtney's chiming in was equally as inane, "A father deserves to be a part of his child's life."  But what about the mother?  Can the father just arbitrarily decide to cut her out?  Evidently so.

His words to Courtney today were so insulting, I can't believe she didn't kick box him into next week and then beat the shit out of him some more on Thursday.  He basically told her, "Jax took advantage of the fact that you are good-natured but stupid and convinced you he loved you while he screwed everything that moved."  "Um, pardon me?"

It amused me that he just figured he could buy Sam's baby in order to fuel his dream of being the father John Jacks had been to him.  Sadly, it doesn't appear either of the senior Jacks had enough of a positive effect on him to teach him that you can't bribe, manipulate, disparage and insult people into handing you their child.

I'm truly surprised that Carly does not see the irony in her assertions that since Sam is a selfish person who has no interest in being a mother, she will likely take money to leave town and give her baby to Jason.  Interesting that she was precisely describing herself when she conceived Michael.  I'm sure she would have been thrilled back then if AJ had offered her a tidy sum to drop off her baby at the Q Mansion and then quietly disappear out of town with her many zero'd check fluttering in her hot little hand.  As I recall, the very selfish Carly, who anyone in town would think had no interest in being a mother, was busy convincing her doctor boyfriend that the baby was his and then when he found out the truth, she passed Jason off as the father.  As it turned out, Carly didn't even need money to leave town and abandon her baby.  She did it for free.  If Sam carries the baby to term, then has a vicious panic attack of post partum depression when she looks at her child, THEN leaves town for a few months, we'll know they are truly mixing up current scripts with past ones.

But alas, by all accounts, this is another PDB (Plot Device Baby) intended only to shake things up a bit, then to expire in the murderous reach of some baby killing staircase or cast aside in the "icy" waters off the coast of Colombia.  By all appearances, the American Academy of Obstetrics and Gynecology needs to do a serious study of Port Charles because the miscarriage rate is about 85%.  Although Sam is set to fake a miscarriage to get everyone off her ass (and Jason goes in on the plan as well), the general thought is that she will ultimately lose her baby after an encounter with Nico, her "crazy, stalker ex-boyfriend," who is also the one who shoots Sonny. 

The way is paved for a Sonny and Carly reunion, that is until Carly finds out that she has been duped by Jason, Sonny and Sam.  Talk about





I can only imagine what her reaction will be.  Carly's personality has been all over the board lately, from the bizarre shooting at Lorenzo just because Sonny told her to kill him to the calm and rational discussion she had with Sonny in the chapel.  Sometimes, she seems wiser and more rational and other times, she's just so off the wall that you can't believe she's the same person.  I did like it when she told Sam, "Trust me, I have never been in your face."   That comment was pure Carly and I was reminded of the fact that if Carly is in your face, you damned well know it.

I was cheering for Jason as he gave Sonny a talking to.  Reminding Sonny of "I GAVE you my FAMILY and you promised to take care of them" put Sonny in a place of having no come back and few people can do that.  That doesn't change that he lost points for convincing Carly that changing the DNA tests was WRONG, only to go change them himself.

I also had to laugh at Emily describing the burglar to Lucky.  "He was about Nikolas' height...about Nikolas' weight...he moved just like, I don't have a clue who he was."  This should really start heating up when Emily figures out all that's going on.  There will be much intense staring to be had, I can tell you that much.  I'll was cracking up when reviewing EOS upon my return and I found this by Kathy Hardeman (I'm paraphrasing here):

Emily happy

Emily puzzled

Emily outraged

I haven't seen much of Mary, but so far, I like her!  I have to wonder what Nikolas is going to do when he learns the truth.  He seems very into Mary and I feel that Tyler Christopher has much better chemistry with Catherine Wadkins than with Natalia Livingston.

And what was that I saw in the credits?  Things must have REALLY changed while I was away.  "Consulting Producers:  Robert Guza, Jr and Charles Pratt, Jr?"  WTF?

I started my column yesterday talking about how much I love all three shows, but as I have written this, I find that I don't love GH as much as I thought I did.

But wow, (shiny object!  shiny object!)  Sarah Brown on the same show with Roger Howarth?  I might have to cheat on ABC for the first time and check out ATWT.

Much Love!


Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides!!  He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  So there!  You can e-mail him here.