You asked for it, you got it!  This is Sage, Uncensored.  Here, you will find my innermost thoughts and opinions about ABC soaps and life in general.  This page is not for the light of heart or faint of breath.  It is definitely not for those on the verge of or already well into a white hot hatred or even mild dislike of Sage.  You aren't going to dig it most likely unless you are an avid fan.  It's sure to shock, sure to offend and definitely...uncensored.  This particular segment is about Sage's view and does not necessary reflect the opinion of Eye on Soaps, its staff, yourself or other rational, sane folks.  Not much gossip here, just ranting and raving.  If you accidentally stumbled onto this looking for the other side of Sage that is far more civilized and focused on gossip, click here.  Proceed at your own risk (of being offended!!)  This column will be updated on an as-inspired basis.



The Brenda Barrett Doll

My mother zeroed in on what was bothering me most.  The end of last week, she said, "Don't EVER trust a woman who comes to town and pisses off every other woman in the town."  

Let's check the scorecard so far.  She married Jason and broke Elizabeth's heart (aside from Elizabeth and the whole, "I loved who I thought you were" speech and dumping Jason, we know she still loved him and was shocked by his marriage), broke Courtney's heart (yeah, she was way outta line for kissing Jason when she was still - she thought - happily married to AJ, but we're doing a tally here), ran her mouth off to Carly and took every opportunity she could to stand in the rain with Sonny (AND came onto him HARD in the rain KNOWING he was married to Carly) and pursued Jax like a bitch in heat KNOWING he was married to someone else.  So as nearly as we can tell, the only other females she's encountered have been Lila and Monica and I imagine their men do not fit into her lofty standards for husband sniping.  

It's a damned shame all that Brenda's had to go through in the past four years, sailing around the world with Alcazar, living in the height of luxury and taking really good sedatives.  Sure, it sucks that she was misled into thinking that she had this dread, fatal disease, but she always had the choice to return or not.  She chose not with her own free will and when she DID return to Port Charles and DID shamelessly throw herself at Sonny and DID kiss Jax while he slept and DID make herself omnipresent when he was awake and DID provoke cat fights with their wives, she was in no different condition than when she chose to stay away.  In any of those situations, she thought she was dying and knew the men were married.  Aside from how she made Elizabeth or Courtney feel, since neither of them had any business nosing into the situation, she plain and simply went after the husbands of two women in the short time since the yacht docked.  There's a word in our language for someone who behaves this way and that word is "whore."  Another is "home wrecker."  

A woman named Janie Fricke did a song later redone by Reba MacIntyre that has the lines, "She's single again.  Hold onto your men.  She'll make us worried wives and bring us broken lives and heartaches that never end."  That's Brenda, who has never particularly cared if a man was married or not if she decided she had to have him.  I'm tired of hearing about "nobody leaves" (if I'm not mistaken, that went out the window a while ago when *cough* SHE LEFT) and "a love that just won't die" and "a passion that just won't be denied."  "How about a whore that just won't stop?"  Both Sonny and Jax informed her that they were married and loved their wives.  Did that stop the Brenda Barrett Doll?  Of course not!  I mean, why would it?  What would be different now?  I mean, her love just cannot be contained and she's the most Beautiful, Desirable woman in Port Charles, nay, The World, so if she decides she wants a man and wants him NOW, why would something as insignificant as a WIFE get in the way?  And how can a man resist?  I noticed Sonny hasn't broken any speed records to tell Carly about the steamy tongue tango he had with Brenda on the island.  Last I heard, if someone was hysterical, you slap the shit out of them, not kiss them until they pass out.  Now, like it or not, Brenda has something on Carly and can use it to stir up trouble when (not if) she decides it's Sonny she wants now.

Any questions?  Check out the promo.  ABC promo  

Yeah.  She's thrilled and giddy and excited to have a new chance at life.  THAT'S why she is going after everyone's husband (oh wait, she didn't know about her new lease on life then - OK, rethining).  That's why she's now SLEEPING with other people's husbands.  Yes, what you see in the above banner is the beautiful veneer on adultery.  

Here's the real face of adultery:

That's right.  This is what it's really like.  For a moment of what you see in the banner at the top of the page, you get months and months of this.  I'm also sick of people trashing out Skye because she didn't start barking like Lassie the second she learned Brenda wasn't sick.  As she has made clear, she was under the impression that Brenda knew and was being deceitful.  Thinking of it objectively, had she TOLD Jax that Brenda wasn't dying, would it have changed anything?  Wouldn't he still have ultimately left her for this dynamic, irresistible woman?  Didn't Skye really become sloppy leftovers to him the minute he found out that Brenda was alive and Brenda jumped, giggling and shrieking like a nine-year-old, onto his body (knowing he was married and having witnessed the ceremony herself)?  How would you ladies like it if your husband's past love greeted him like that?  Remember when he went to his new bride's bedroom and banged her with a passion she'd never felt from him before, displaced from Brenda?  Do you really think Skye didn't know that?  

Let's get something straight here, though.  I did not like Skye on AMC.  I did not like Skye on OLTL (not very respectful of marriage there).  I *did* come to like Skye on GH, however, and that's no mean trick when you have a long history with Skye.  Jax married Skye knowing well of her insecurities and human frailties.  For him to reject her in the face of his paralysis and welcome Brenda into his hospital bed was just unforgivable.  How can he possibly expect for her to behave at her best when he is undermining her security with him at every turn?  Not to mention Brenda's shitty remarks about "He will come to my bed."  Skye knew she was history and I'm sorry, who can blame her for reacting?  Who can blame her for just wanting Brenda GONE so she could try to piece back together the happiness she thought she'd found for a few seconds?  This situation was tailor made to play on the greatest fears, pain and insecurity of Skye:  That of always being not even second best, but about 10th best.  Of never being the one.  As soon as she knew Brenda was on the scene and as soon as she felt the affections of her husband shift, she could do nothing BUT react and watch the enactment of the train wreck of the century that was her marriage. 

Brenda had absolutely no business going to Skye's home, much less playing the, "We have to have a little talk" card.  Pouring the drink was the coldest thing I've probably ever seen on GH and I wish Skye had shoved that bottle right up Brenda's ass and kicked that cane out from under Jax, sending his sanctimonious ass flying.  

Vanessa Marcil is a beautiful woman and motherhood has done nothing if not make her more beautiful.  She is a fabulous actress.  "Brenda," on the other hand, is a high bred, air-brushed, haughty, smart-mouthed whore.   The Brenda Barrett Doll:  Wind her up and she takes whatever she wants and doesn't give a shit about the body count.  I did not like the character before, mostly because I thought she was portrayed as a wimpy, bitchy ditz, but when her return was mentioned, I totally opened my mind, especially when VM was quoted as saying she'd asked for Brenda to be stronger and more independent.  Now I realize that meant, or was interpreted as, being a husband-stealing viper.


Most of what I have to say about him has been covered in the above paragraph.  As I said, I do understand why Skye didn't break her neck to get the information to Jax or Brenda about Brenda's condition and I also understand why she wanted Brenda gone and was willing to engage Alcazar (really, her only avenue) to do it.  We all saw how shocked Skye was when Alcazar took Brenda by force and that he was all over the phone to Carly to try and find out what happened.  I can understand why Jax would be pissed about that, but since he supposedly knew Skye so well, he should get over it and forgive her.  He was looking for an opportunity to bail from the minute Brenda jumped into his arms on his wedding night, despite his weak attempt at reuniting after he sent her packing when he was paralyzed.  He shoved his wife away and welcomed his old lover to help him heal.  Give me a break.  There's not a woman alive who would handle that well.  So now he throws daggers at Skye about how Brenda always had his heart and twists the knife whenever he can.  I hope she destroys him.  I hope she screws Jax right into the ground.  Bring it on, Girl, bring it on.  There was a damned good reason why Chloe slapped the shit out of him as soon as she saw him back in Port Charles.

In the end, who would I choose for Skye?  Barring the return of (Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel!) Stefan, I'd have to choose Cameron.  If they can pair Wild Child Lucy with a shrink, what better connection than Skye and Cam?  (Skam?)  I also liked his parlay with Bobbie, but I choose Skye.  Then he can fix her up and clear out those dark and crowded closets.

There have been very few characters that I have had passionate feelings about and now, for the record, let it be said that I despise Jasper Jacks and Brenda Barrett (and Juan Santiago).  I used to really, really like Jax and now that character is ruined for me in a big way.  I can't wait to see him "get his" and I pray it is very, very soon.  I have a feeling it's going to have "Sonny" written all over it

Another reason I hate GH is the way they totally jack (no pun intended) with what the viewers obviously want.  First in line was the Liason folks, who were led right up to a guillotine cleverly disguised as a tunnel of love.  Here they were thinking that Jason and Liz were going to recreate some of that fire that had been before, but now it's been dragged out to the point that very few even care any more.  The fling with Zander we could have rebounded from quickly, but now, throwing hot sex with Courtney into the mix and a new love interest for Liz in the form of Ric, it would appear they have reached a point of no return.  I think it is safe and unfortunately true to say that Liason is dead.  Next in like will be, I am so sorry to say, the Carly and Sonny fans.  I pray it isn't true, but it sure looks like it's headed in that direction.  We are hearing whispered rumors of a Carly pregnancy in January and if that is the case, what do you want to bet that will be right when Sonny and Brenda pair up, just in time for a Dynamic February Sweeps.  If it happens, I hope to God she FINALLY gets her time with Jason.  Seeing the two of them together on the boat, in the jail and at the bar were magic and if she and Sonny break up over Home Wrecker Hannah, I say put her with Jason and call it a day.  I'm not saying it's destined, I'm just saying it wouldn't surprise me a bit, since Guza seems to be slaughtering every sacred cow in sight to turn into Spam.

The AJ Yo Yo

He's good, he's bad, he's really bad, he's just misunderstood.  Jeez, make up your mind!  You can bet that anytime Guza's at the wheel, AJ's going to be driven off a cliff of his own design.  Not for a moment will GH's head writer allow AJ to redeem himself and you can bet he'll never, ever be happy.  AJ and Courtney's love story was actually pretty wonderful and I loved seeing him experience a true and (what could have been) abiding love for one.  But no, he had to do something utterly stupid (and unwarranted) to wreck it and once again, we have evil, alcoholic AJ, now ready to pair up with evil, alcoholic Skye, resulting in two character who had really wonderful potential, now swirling the hole in the toilet ready for a good flush.  Such a pity that we couldn't have AJ save the day for ELQ or come out ahead somewhere down the line.  Instead, he might as well do a line because he's doomed to the Land of No Redemption.

Not one happy marriage in sight.  Not one happy romance in sight.  *sigh*


It's going to be a short list.  I assure you of this.

I thought Alexis' labor was fabulous and very realistic, although I thought the montage was sorely misplaced.  I do understand her slight madness right now, but I hate that they are going to take it full scale and make her totally nutjob.  Happiness just cannot exist.  Can you believe that the JRN sequence didn't even allow Kristina to speak a word?  Wow.

GH has definitely done a fine job of bringing on the beefcake to offset the lack of Burton shirtlessness (proved out in that it's an event when it happens), such as this hopeful scene with Ric, eliciting warm memories of Roy DiLucca's "Shaving at Pentonville" opening scene.  Rrrowlll.  This coupled with the wonderful use of Lane Davies thusfar is enough to keep me tuning in with lots of pee breaks when The Evils are on.  

Additionally, I have been very, very surprised by how much I LOVE TB in the Carly role now, as long as she is onscreen with anyone except Maurice Benard.  With MB, it all feels like that limo trip around the pond felt.  (ew).  I loved the scene of her drinking the boatman under the table, of her drunk on the boat, of her with Brenda against the quicksand, of her with Jason, packing up Brenda's belongings, of her with Courtney...she's been a joy to watch.  I could swear that Patrick Mulcahey is already penning her dialogue.  I loved Sarah Brown in the role and recently, I've loved TB's version of Carly.

I'm VERY grateful that, slowly but surely, more people are being brought on canvas, sticking their little heads gingerly out of the bomb shelter after the thermonuclear blast of the Year of Sonny and Carly.  Slowly but surely, we are seeing more of the hospital, more of the Q's, more of Bobbie, Lesley showed up to answer Luke's morbid page to the faux graveside when we thought she was long gone and hell, Taggert even said he had a hot date.   I really do believe it's coming around and soon, we have a big shot murder mystery to unscramble.  

Did Jax do it?  One can hope, although I know a lot of my precious readers (like my darling H &L) would be devastated if Ingo left.  I don't mind if he stays as long as they do a serious overhaul on his character.  If they can redeem Luke after some of the things he's said and done, they can do anything.  My sister's son did bring this rumor to my attention:

The Amazing Spider-Man: Aussie soap hunk Ingo Rademacher ("General Hospital") is tipped to play one of the two main villains in the upcoming sequel according to Superhero Hype. (From - rumor page)

Could he be taking a vacation to film a major motion picture?  Maybe his recent behavior is just a test run for the villain role.  

So there's your Sage's Uncensored Thoughts.  My bite can sometimes be worse than my bark, but I'm still, overall, a good dog.

Screen caps courtesy of:


Uncensored Archives

October Something, 2002


Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides!!  He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  So there!