You asked for it, you got it!  This is Sage, Uncensored.  Here, you will find my innermost thoughts and opinions about ABC soaps and life in general.  This page is not for the light of heart or faint of breath.  It is definitely not for those on the verge of or already well into a white hot hatred or even mild dislike of Sage.  You aren't going to dig it most likely unless you are an avid fan.  This particular segment is about Sage's view and does not necessary reflect the opinion of Eye on Soaps, its staff, yourself or other rational, sane folks.  Not much gossip here, just ranting and raving.  If you accidentally stumbled onto this looking for the other side of Sage that is far more civilized and focused on gossip, click here.  This column will be updated on an as-inspired basis.

June 21, 2004

Child, please. I have one GH source to hear from later tonight, but other than that, I got NUTSKIN, I mean, NUTHIN.  Big DO-NUT, negative info. 

I mean, I could talk about the stupid Wal-Mart cologne AMC connection, but I'd probably not be able to hit the keyboard any more because my hands would be busy making obscene gestures about the whole thing and what fun is THAT? 

Next, I'd have to talk about Susan Lucci getting her star on the Walk of Fame and wonder if it took 13 tries for her to get it.

Then I'd have to blah blah blah some boring scoops about a new guy on the scene who is (yet another) contender for the Cambias throne and I'd nod off while I was typing it.

I mean, it's already on every other AMC site, so why bother?  I don't have anything new or interesting about AMC, so bleh, let's just talk about it a bit.

I loved the inevitable conflab between Krystal and Opal.  It was bound to happen and sound like it did:  a verbal version of Dueling Banjos.  I loved Opal talking about Krystal's "Howdy stranger" clothes.  It was very astute and self aware for Opal to identify Krystal as a kindred spirit, furthering the Freudian theory about men marrying their mothers (which could be why I'm gay).  tiddyboom

When Opal mentioned, "The ugly truth that can't be scrubbed away," I was reminded of my very best AMC friend who said that no matter what she is wearing, Krystal always looks like she needs to be washed. 

I give AMC a big high five for working in the old surprise paternity ploy to the Babe's babe story.  Hell, Krystal almost had ME believing the baby needed to stay with Babe.  When the DNA tests prove David really is Babe's father, my favorite AMC doc inherits a daughter, a granddaughter and some pretty interesting in-laws all in one lab report. 

Maggie's confession of love for Bianca was appropriately clumsy and very well scripted and the actresses did a fine job of playing it out.  Too bad the powers that be won't give this story the attention it deserves.  They sure know how to throw a bone, though.



It good to see that Viki used her more subdued, formal chest pillow for Ben's memorial service.  It was even better to see the stroke toward some kind of real world medical interests.  Although I seriously doubt Viki would be hoofing the 20 acres or so to St James for the service so soon after surgery, the ever present pillow is a tiny taste of reality.

Viki is busier than a Don on his daughter's wedding day in an upcoming episode.  First, she gets to be the one to give the latest OLTL shove at "don't be afraid of gay people!"  A Llanview University student stops by her office to tell her that he can't possibly have a gay roommate.  I mean, "What if the guys on the team find ouuuuut?"  Viki gets him assuaged and out the door, then Starr and Travis stop by to ask that she hire Travis' mother as her assistant.  After she's finished with them, Dorian comes by to ask Viki to intervene with Kevin and get him to drop the custody battle for Ace.  In return, Kelly won't ask Kevin for alimony.  Viki can't really help and explains that she and Kevin aren't speaking any more and that he has become someone who is unrecognizable to her.

Viki even had my favorite OLTL line of the week.  "Stranger things have happened."  "I don't think so."

I love Roxie and even more so, I love Roxie and Nigel together.   The end.

I loved Todd's touch of the gold balloons, but he managed to get better quality gold balloons last time.  As the balloons were falling, after about 20 minutes, I started thinking, "How long can these damned balloons fall?"

One year you're pushing azaleas around Home Depot's garden section and the next, a newly divorced Tyler Christopher is humping your pelvis like a bull terrier on Enzyte.  America truly is the greatest country in all da land.

It has to be said:

That kid has one big head.

And Rebecca Herbst looks gorgeous.

You just have to love the soapy irony of Mary being hauled out of the drink while Nikolas/Conner is banging away at Emily on the davenport. 

Looks like Lucky might be gettin' a little sump'n, sump'n.


I couldn't help but dub in a new line after Carly's words, "What are you thinking, coming all the way down here to get shot."    "You can get shot up just fine at home!"  Doesn't there have to come a point where you've been shot up so many times that you're just a bunch of swiss cheese scar tissue?  Or do the same holes keep getting hit over and over?

I loved at his wedding when Jason explained to Emily, "I'm good at two things:  my job and being a father."  So I was thinking (well, first I thought he was going to say "staring") that he's pretty much saying, "I'm good at two things:  killing people and being a father."  There's some deep seated irony in there somewhere.

With that, my bitching for the night is done.

New spoilers for GH are here!



Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides!!  He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  So there!  You can e-mail him here.