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(Yes, Sage is a guy... and a damned good looking one too!)

Honey, you're either going to "get" me and know my heart and my intent or you're not going to "get" me at all.  If you don't, know your limitations and just back away from the keyboard after clicking the little "X" in the box on the upper right corner of your browser window, ne'er to return again. 

I used to have a long disclaimer here for the confused and manners-challenged people who don't know the difference between a "rumor" or "gossip" and an actual spoiler, but screw it.  Angry, bitter, small minded people will always talk their trash to compensate for their own 1st chakra frustrations and inadequacies. 

When you read those vicious people on the message boards and around, just shake your head and remember they aren't getting any play, so they're grumpy.  Pity them, then dismiss them.  This is a hate free zone.  Feel the luvvv, baby.


Note:  Due to the large volume of e-mail he receives, Sage regrets that he is unable to personally answer each e-mail.  He wants you to know that he reads each and every one (some 2-3 times) and greatly appreciates your communication.  Please DO NOT ask Sage for further info on what is going to happen on the shows.  Any information he has that he can share will be put into his column ASAP.
June 28, 2004
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"Dude, I'm in Love!"

...to quote the ever delightful Ted "Theodore" Logan.  I'm totally in love with Eye on Soaps and look forward to it being around for a long, long time.  I've sent in my donation for this month and I hope that you will too.  By the time my next Monday column posts, it will be right up on time for our site expenses to be deducted from the EOS account, so I'm asking that everyone help us to pay for our bandwidth and web hosting costs and remain on the net for another month.  Since I'm intimately wrapped up and crazy in love with this site, I have to say that if it goes away, so do I .  :(

If everyone who appreciates this site and the work that goes into keeping it alive can help out, I have no doubt we can enjoy all it has to offer for a long time to come.  Thanks to the few people who have already contributed without having to be asked and thanks in advance to all those who contribute over the next week or so before expenses are due.  It means the world to me and I know it does to the rest of the Eye on Soaps staff as well.  You can click on the following buttons to donate:

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(icon stolen from
"The Walking Man")

It's fast becoming evident that "All My Children" are in need of some serious spankings.  Don't you hate it when you're deeply wedded to a show and NO ONE on it is doing what you want them to do?  I'm tired of seeing Adam hulking around in the background like so much sniping lampshade.  The last decent line he uttered was "take your time" when David asked JR to go get his medical bag when Krystal was having her anxiety/heart attack.  (Heh heh heh)  Jacob Young is doing his Screaming Lucky impersonation in JR form as he snorts and grimaces and postures around.  Didn't like him on GH.  Don't like him here.  Don't think I'd like him on Romper Room or WWF Smackdown.  I do not like him here or there, I do not like him anywhere.  (I'm so sorry, Merrybarb.  I love that you love him, but I'm just not getting it.)  Spoilers indicated and David "It's a girl!" Hayward is going to be keeping news of Bianca's living, breathing baby to himself to keep from making Babe saaaaad and that is just damned disappointing to me.  Sure, Babe is in the hospital and conveniently can't have any stress, but damn. 

Ryan is going to end his marriage with Greenlee and chase after Kendall, who is sleeping with his brother, Jonathan.  Greenlee is going to LET him do it.  I didn't realize how much I liked the two of them together until they were breaking up.  Kendall, a character I have liked in Alicia Minshew's incarnation, comes off as pathetic and needy, which I also find disheartening.  Lord, just chalk that story up to a mess as well.

Speaking of pathetic and needy, the normally determined and independent Liza is tearing my heart out with these meandering, insulting scenes where she fawns all over Tad and lets Krystal walk all over her while making herself look like a fool.  The Liza I know would make chitterlings out of that grit-munching little floozy.  This one just looks helpless and lost and mumbles a good bit. I've heard that when Marcy Walker leaves the show (said to be sooner rather than later) that it won't be with any fanfare. She'll just faaade away.

Good God.  Aiden Turner doesn't come back as Aidan until August 10th.  I am not sure I can take another month and a half of Tom Archdeacon twanging up the British accent.  Ow.  I'm having to plug my ears with cotton to stop the bleeding.  The good news is that when AT does return, we're going to see a lot more of Bobby and Anita, which I do like to hear.

Never one of my favorite characters, like so many macho alpha males, Edmunch has become even more insufferable without his lower extremities functioning.  All he does is bitch and moan and whine and beat his hair chest under the best of circumstances, but now, it does it much louder and in a higher octave.  Like we're supposed to be sad that for some reason it took him ten times as long to paint a sign for his kids' clubhouse?  Does he paint with his toes or what?  Bah, I say.

His wifey gets a little shaken when Zach (that'd be Patrick Thornhart with a hair cut for those who don't know Zach yet) finds her and plants a tongue to tonsil check on her.  He knew her as Maureen and she's pretty nervous having him around.  I'm expecting it doesn't help that she just spent a couple of weeks complaining about how horny she is and how Edmund the Embittered has made himself unavailable to her.  You could practically hear her screech at him, "Beyotch, the rest of you ain't broke!"  

Erica will soon meet what is called an "intervention" where people who wuv her (there are way more of them on the show than would be in real life) tell her how her drunken debauchery has screwed up their lives.  As you may have guessed, she's not particular receptive to their input since, well, her drunken debauchery hasn't affected her so it really just doesn't matter.  Look for endless Emmy reels as Susan Lucci turns on the oil drops and remembers that Eric Kane, the source of all that has ever been evil, set her up to be raped by the treacherous Richard Fields.  We all know she needed something else on which to blame her bad behavior as taking responsibility just isn't her strong suit.  In nothing flat, her family will have bombed the intervention and will make sure she knows that none of what has happened is her fault and that they love her more than ever.  Soon, she can begin living her same shallow, narcissistic, self-absorbed life of bug-eyed wonder.  Blah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  A lot of you are wondering why, if I'm so disappointed in the show, I still watch.  I'm wondering it too.  I guess great minds really do think alike.


If AMC is bad, OLTL has me throwing things at the TV.  For one thing, how long can the manipulative little kid stories continue on GH and OLTL?  How I long for the days when Matthew and Michael would be sent to the attic or off to camp, never to be heard from again?  How do these evil, wretched little demon spawn get more screen time than some of the coolest characters on the shows?  Bleh.  Maryann needs to take Matthew to the park and swing him for a good, long time.  I'm thinking a few months.  Additionally, although I know well and good that Starr and Matthew are not related, is anyone else finding the story of Matthew's crush on Starr to be verrrrrry creepy knowing that the two actors are brother and sister?  It's just a line that shouldn't be crossed. If David Tom and Heather Tom start making out, I'll be in the bathroom vomiting.  Of course, Kelly and Paul are actually half-siblings in character, so I'm not sure we're in danger of that.  At least in their case, we can know that hammy acting and deep grimacing are a genetic thing.

It's also bugging me that Todd is just scrogging away at Blair without a care.  It's even more confusing when it has been mentioned several times by both Blair and Viki that Todd has, well, intimacy issues.  He always had to think for a week or two before having a return match and now he's suddenly gone Cassanova.  Where's my Todd???

I noticed that Viki has dropped her chest pillow (much earlier than my mother did after her surgery) and seems just ducky fine after major heart surgery and a widow-making process.  She must have had her surgery at General Hospital's Miracle Ward.

Evangeline sure woke me up with her face hugging smooching up of John.  Not that one can blame her, but girl, tend to your lovely cocoa man and keep him happy!  RJ hasn't had nearly enough lovin this year and John has got more issues than Kleenex has tissues!  Now we hear that they are actually going to do the deed and RJ is left out in the cold!  Personally, I'd like to see another RJ and Nora reconnect.  That should piss off little Matchmaker Michael.

Asa's condition (which seems to be an actual medical issues as opposed to another of his tricks) continues to worsen.  Pay attention to a future conversation he has with Todd that leaves Todd laughing in his face.

Kevin goes full on bozo crazy after Todd, especially when Kelly starts blabbing some crap about Ace being Todd's baby.  (Good lord, I hate that character so passionately)  Kevin convinces the board to fire Todd and then conspires with David (of all people) to purchase Craze to get it under his control as well.  Kelly starts drinking and using pills and Dorian smites her for it.  Dorian is actually the one who tells Kelly she should pin Todd as Ace's father, but Todd isn't having any of it.  Of course, Kelly doesn't have to have his permission to leak the word out.  Blair won't take this very well and here I am screaming, "DNA TESTING, PEOPLE!!"  When Kelly tells Dorian that Kevin isn't Ace's father, she does leave out that one vital additional piece of information "...and I'm not his mother either."  Silly broad.

It's an interesting scene when Todd actually informs Kevin, and seconds later, Blair, that Kevin is NOT Ace's father.

Sonia gets hot, hot, hotter for Antonio and he cozies her up to get closer to the Santi's.  She is skeptical of him, but not enough so that she doesn't want to jump his bones.

Tico Santi shows up and I hear the actor is having trouble getting his land legs in the role.  He has a burning grudge against Paul Cramer (a point in his favor from my perspective) and favors David Vickers in looks (another point in his favor).  Actress Saundra Santiago (Carmen Santos from "Guiding Light" and Jeannie Cusamano - the next door neighbor - from "The Sopranos) will also be joining the cast as yet another Santi. 

Jessica ends up connected with Tico as she REFUSES to give Antonio even one small break on the situation.

Like sister, like sister, Natalie also just gets dumber and dumber as the days drift by

If I have one good Nigel and Roxy scene per week, it'll be a worthy watch.


Just to clarify, folks, please re-read a few things:

I said, "Look for an interesting alliance in Helena and Lorenzo, who admit to one another that they are 'honest about their lies.'"  I didn't say that Alcazar is working for her!  I love that Helena and Lorenzo have already been given a couples name.  "HelLo."  Marvelous!

I said Nikolas would choose Mary when he knows the truth.  He doesn't REMEMBER the truth, but he has been fully informed.  He is going to be really, really pissed off with Emily, especially in regard to Lucky, in which we can all give him our full support, I'm sure.  There's no word yet on when he gets his full memory back or if he does in the near future. 

I said that Brenda will send a message to Sonny via Robin.  DON'T read more into that than what it is or you're REALLY going to be disappointed.  It's merely a token well wishing blessing his happy family with Carly.  Mostly, Sonny and Robin talk about their own relationship with one another.  The Brenda thing is just a momentary blurb AND wait until you hear her reason for missing the memorial.  Zzzz.  Get your "OMFG!!!!" keys ready for typing.

As for guest shots for the memorial, from what I've heard it's Lucy, Kevin, Gail, Lee and Robin.  That's it.  Powers that be wisely decided to downplay NuEdward's involvement in the memorial itself since the recast was so recent.  I don't think I could have handled it if I were watching John Ingle play a goodbye to Lila.  That would be all it would take to get this old guy full of snot and tears.  There will be several people giving goodbye requiems to Lila.  Mama's death does NOT bring out the best in Tracy, suffice it to say.

Robin and Jax will also share a scene, but it's very blah and anticlimactic (nope, Brenda is not even mentioned as far as I heard.  In fact, Brenda is mentioned freakishly little considering all of the people who are present who were close to her, as well as her deep friendship with Lila.

There is also a fairly hair-raising scene when Carly comes upon Robin talking to Michael (meeerowl!).  Veteran viewers will remember that it was Robin, in a fit of bad writing, who outed Michael's paternity to AJ and started the whole custody battle issue before blowing out of town, thusly ending her relationship with Jason for, like, ever.  Carly actually keeps her cool and the two women have a civil conversation.  Go figure.

Expect to see lots of L&B, with heavy emphasis on the "L" part.  Lois is going to be putting together a "band" with Brook, Georgie, Sage and Dillon.  Dillon will have an interesting job in that situation...

Guess the Georgie ban was lifted.

Hear me now and believe me later.  Genie Francis is NOT coming back.

Plans continue for Sam to deliver a baby girl, but early and with health issues.  Did you notice Kelly Monaco's new little pooch prosthetic this week?

Oh please.  You guys were shocked at the punch in the face?  Pfft. I warned you weeks ago!

Don't get attached to bad boy Nico.  Remember, Jason takes him out (and I don't mean to dinner) soon.

From what I'm hearing, do NOT look for a CarLo reunion.  Put a fork in it.  He's only got twinkles in his eyes for fingernails and Bensonhurst twang.

The new opening has been anticipated for some time and no firm date is set just yet.  It has been taped, but when it will air is uncertain.  Some say this week and that the scene with Luke jumping into the boat may well be trimmed considering the new format.  Astute viewers noticed that during the last revamp, the scene was eliminated, then promptly returned not longer after.

I will be back through the week with more GH spoiler info. 

If you didn't yet do so, be sure and check out Katrina's new GH game called "2 things."  Lotsa fun, folks!

Have a glorious week! 




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