November 18, 2002

Major University Study

A study in Wisconsin showed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ - depending on where a woman is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

And if she is menstruating she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his ass while he is on fire.

November 18, 2002


1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.  They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold your ice-cream.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge .  .  .mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise.  It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food.  I need all the preservatives I can get !!.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.


At age   4 success is .  .  .  not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is .  .  .  having friends.
At age 16 success is .  .  .  having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is .  .  .  having sex.
At age 35 success is .  .  .  having money.
At age 50 success is .  .  .  having money.
At age 60 success is .  .  .  having sex.
At age 70 success is .  .  .  having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is .  .  .  having friends.
At age 80 success is .  .  .  not peeing in your pants


Movie ImageNovember 17, 2002

Yayyy!  What a great weekend!  I actually got to sleep in for a little while this morning, which was sheer decadent luxury!  Got up around 8:45 and made pancakes for the fam.  Eventually, I went to the thrift shop and scored two big bags of clothes for Delena and Dyl (needed warmer clothes) for only $15.  Came back and Sage was here waiting for me!!  What a great surprise!!  We took Delena to see Harry Potter 2 and I was really surprised.  Believe it or not, I'd never seen the first one.  Eric ended up taking Delena last year and we just got the video last week as an early birthday present for Delena (great deal on a used one!).  To educate me, I managed to watch the first 2/3 or so of the first one before we left.  It was marvelous!  And the second one was even better!  I shall now set about decorating my house in Early Hogwart and my wardrobe in Hogwart Faculty wear. Magnificent.

When we got back, Sage actually, really, totally cut my hair!!  He swears since he went into retirement, he hasn't lifted scissors for ANYone, even his mother,  but he said my hair hurt his eyes and had was forced to do something about it.  He gave me the absolutely kickin'est little do ever and I am totally thrilled with it.  He just left a little while ago.  

Eric thinks he can get both the Maverick and the truck road worthy, which is really good news.  That means that instead of a sizable car payment, we should just have whatever the payment is on the balance of The Repo Horror and liability insurance.  That is definitely a good thing.  There is also the bonus that I LUV classic cars and since the Maverick is really Joe's (with us taking care of it while he's in Canada), it has all kinds of cool stickers on it.  Eric also thinks he can get the VW bus running and sound and if that's the case, we can sell it and maybe make some headway on that Repo Horror balance (or send Katrina to a spa/asylum).  

So that's all really good news, plus Eric got the lights in the kitchen fixed (I've been cooking in the dark for a couple of weeks) and while it's great that I can see, I'm now forced to clean the stove a little better.  ;)

Yesterday was great too!!  I got a really good deal on a carpet steam cleaner, so my house doesn't smell bad and my carpets are soft and plush instead of sticky and flat.  *sigh*

Saving the best for last, yesterday I got...

MY RINGS BACK!!!  It was glorious to pull out those pink slips and tell Mr and Mrs Pawnshop that I was ready to pick up.  When I put them on again, the lights were those funky fluorescents that make diamonds look like glitter and I thought I was going to tear up.  So thanks to Stephanie and Sherry and Patricia and everyone who was concerned about me getting them back.  All of you were just wonderful and so supportive during this tough time and I don't think I could have made it without you!  I swear, my hand sighed when I slipped them back on.

The only real bummer is that I'm coming down with a cold and Dayquil just isn't making a dent in the symptoms.  I usually am able to shake them pretty quickly, so I'm hopeful on this one!  

Tomorrow, I become Mayor of the City of Ketosis as I get busy on the Atkins diet again.  I'm going to work on Atkins and Yoga and Body Flexing and see how that does.  No big production or the Nike commercial...just do it.  :)

I'll be around!


November 15, 2002, 

Wow!  Good stuff!!  I'm on a day of cleaning (yuck) and this stuff is something I've never tried until now.  It's a calcium, lime and rust remover for bathrooms, etc and it's more expensive than I would normally indulge.  Unfortunately, my back bathroom was in dire need of help, so I lobbed down the $7 for this stuff, prepared to kick my own ass if it didn't produce $7 worth of clean.  It did.  Literally, all you do is mix half and half with water, wipe it on, wait a bit and wipe it off.  The bathroom isn't perfect by a longshot, but it's a lot better!  We have very, very hard water and the calcium deposits were terrible on the shower doors.  This stuff washed it right off, ate off the rust and even got the lime deposits off the shower head (I soaked it).  I don't think I'll share this with Eric.  :)  He can think I scrubbed.  I feel like the chick on the Rice Krispy commercial who fluffs flour on her face and acts like the Rice Krispy bars are hard work.  A word of warning:  DO follow the advice to wear gloves.  I got a little on my arm above the gloves and OW!

Speaking of commercials, the line starts behind me to shoot, beat, bludgeon and set afire that orgasmic bitch who is showering with the Herbal Essence shampoo.  The commercials were bad enough with the "urge to herbal" crap, then got worse with the guy who overhears his wife talking to the frickin shampoo bottle.  This latest edition ("this is what I put up with every morning") is downright embarrassing.  I have to make my kids leave the room when it's on and believe me, I'm anything but a prude. Personally, I think they pushed this one beyond the realms of good taste.

Back to cleaning!!


November 15, 2002

Snarky Comments on a Wonderful Piece a Dear Friend Sent Me In Love - And I do adore the friend who sent it to me, but I just *had* to respond.

Give people more than they expect and do it 

Oh!  I do!  Telemarketers, rude collection agencies and door-to-door evangelicals ALWAYS get more than they expect from me!  And I'm very cheerful about it!

Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get 
older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other. 

OK, I'm older and feel I am qualified to discuss this.  YES, talking to them is very important and I learned early on that I could never be with someone who was dumber than I was.  My current (and hopefully, last) husband and I can talk for hours and hours and still very much enjoy one another's company without frills.  I really do, however, have to interject that there are other *cough* skills beyond the conversational ones that are downright mandatory as one's hormones begin to do the Menopausal Mambo, so I'd check out those abilities as well.  Trust me.

Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or 
sleep all you want.

If you are reading this and haven't figured out not to believe all you hear, then heed those wise words!  I strongly urge you to spend all you have because you can't take it with you and sleep all you can if you aren't ruining someone's life to do it.  Sleep is goooood.

When you say, "I love you," mean it. 

Well, yeah!  Or at least mean the subtext.

When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye. 

Ha!  When I first read this, I thought it said, "When you say, 'I'm horny...'"  Definitely look them in the eye for "I'm sorry," because they will feel obliged to look back and won't notice any finger crossing going on.

Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 

Pfft.  Whoever wrote this is a spinster.  Get the ring and nab'em before they change their mind.  Long engagements just get you tense about the wedding and planning a wedding, as any well-wed bride can tell you, is more trouble than it's worth.  The only benefit to a long engagement and big wedding is that if you're going to break up, you'll do it then, at some point during the battles and aggravation of planning it.  Yes, I'm a wedding scrooge.

Believe in love at first sight. 

Absolutely, 100%, it's true.

Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who 
don't have dreams don't have much. 

I dunno.  I've had some pretty damned funny dreams.  I'm sorry, but if someone tells me they dreamed they were bowling naked on the Starship Enterprise and Captain Kirk gave them a goose on the release, I'm laughin'.  Yeah, I know they're talking about Dreams as opposed to dreams, but it was too good to pass up.  I really do think I've stopped dreaming at this point and I'm just working on the present.  I haven't looked ahead beyond the next few weeks for a lonnnng time.

Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt 
but it's the only way to live life completely. 

I would modify that to LIVE deeply and passionately, then let the love fit under that umbrella.  I also want to die deeply and passionately and make it really, really good.  I read somewhere that some playwright, like Thomas Wolfe or John Updike or someone (it wasn't Wolfe, who died in a hospital and never regained consciousness again), Lord, I can't remember who it was BUT, they knew they were terminal and booked a hotel room near their family to die.  Called the family in, had been unconscious for a while, came to just long enough to realize he was dying, looked up at the face of his beloved ones, said, "Either that wallpaper goes or I go," then DIED.  Or maybe if I knew I was dying, I could say something like, "May God strike me DEAD if it's not true" then die.  I want to go out in a cool way.  At Samhain (Halloween), my gals and I were talking about how we'd want to have our remains finalized and that has always been a trick for me.  I would not like a burial at sea because I'm really uncomfortable with my head under water and even though I wouldn't be in there any more, I would know and it would irritate me.  I don't really want to be cremated because I did a study on cremation when I was in England the crematorium in Ipswich was just freaky back then.  There was this giant furnace that made loud, clanking noises and a conveyor belt that drove the bodies through it and - get ready for this - they would send a few bodies through at a time (?!) and - get ready for this too - the bigger bones like femurs, etc, don't break down into ashes and there was a little guy at the end of the belt WITH A BABY RAKE clonking on the bones and smashing them to niblets.  Then they'd section out the ashes and swoop them into containers.  After a lifetime of men trying to beat me down, I'm sure not going to end this with some guy and a little rake.  Pfft.  Plus, the smell was fairly unholy.  I could take being buried, because that's almost like a sacrament to life.  It's giving back to the earth again for giving to me all those years.  I don't mind feeding the worms and grubs and such.  I feel especially bonded to graves since our really cool graveyard crawl this year. (I got to go back and visit Carole Herbage Keyes again and give her a bit of a cuddle.)  What I hate is the whole thing of buying a casket and a lead liner for the grave and blah, blah, blah.  I'd like to just have my body buried and 6 feet or so of dirt tossed on (a handful at a time, baby, make'em work).  For a long time, I thought I just wanted to be blown up so that KABLOOM!, I was just gone all at once with spectacular fanfare.  I want to have a giant wake where everyone parties and laughs and says, "Remember that time when she..." and looks at pictures and smokes pot and drinks a lot of liquor.  They are then led to some field some place where a giant funeral pyre has been built and I'm on top sort of Snow White-ish.  Some demolition guy would have stuffed every available orifice with some kind of explosive, then wrapped me in det cord.  Wind the det cord all around the pyre, then to a big pile of explosives under the pyre.  I want one of my gals, I'm picking Georgia right now because she's got seniority and will hold herself together well, will do some great eulogy about me and magick and Earth to Earth and Sky to Sky, then someone will light me up and up go the umbrellas and KABLAM!!  I'm just *gone*.

In disagreements, fight fairly. Please No name 

No name calling, no reaching for anything to use that occurred before the past six months, take a time out if either party needs it, stick to the subject, don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong, don't forget to listen without defensiveness and don't turn it into a pissin contest.

Where Dr Phil and I disagree a LITTLE is that he says you should never fight in front of your children as "it changes who they are."  I have found that Phil and I seldom agree on how to handle children and while he may be packing a degree or ten, I've had three times as many kids as Phil has and he just needs to cool his jets a bit.  I agree that parents should NEVER abuse one another in front of the kids and most of the people he has footage of fighting in front of their kids are just out of control people to start with.  They're amateurs who don't know how to constructively argue or treat it as the progressive strategy it is.  Too many want to argue like they are the Moguls descending on China when it's actually an intense chess game that gradually build upon itself to the climatic "check mate" that shuts everything down.  You have to keep thinking and be classy and purr a bit from time to time.  Honestly, I feel it is essential to argue in front of kids or else they grow up with a jaded view of marriage and relationships, thinking they are somehow faulty or doomed for divorce court as soon as they have a fight with THEIR spouse.  Kids need to know realistically that people are going to have conflict, but they also need to see people work through the conflict and know that there is still love and respect.  If it gets ugly or participants are losing control, then it definitely needs to leave the public arena.  If it's scaring the kids, then you're out of control.  The more you retain self-control, the better you make your point anyway.  I should teach a class on this.

Don't judge people by their relatives. 

Oh, God, no.  *shudder*  But definitely judge them by the company they keep BY CHOICE.  

Talk slowly but think quickly. 

Yeah.  I love how author and physicist, Gary Zukav ("The Dancing Wu Li Masters" and "Seat of the Soul") talks.  His.  Words.  Are.  Very.  Measured.  And.  Carefully.  Chosen.  You are never unsure of what Gary is saying or his intent.  I talk to fast and I talk too much.  I'm working on that.

When someone asks you a question you don't want to 
answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" 

OK.  That works.  Oprah has a great response for the situation where someone asks you to do something you don't want to do (when you are tempted to say "yes" just to be nice).  You tell them, "I am going to have to pray about this before I answer."  Then, the next day you say, "I'm sorry.  Jesus said, 'No.'"  I have learned that guilt is a really, really harsh master and that it's so much better, once you get past the initial discomfort of doing it and often angry responses in return, to only agree to what you can give without resentment and with total love.  Do NOT agree to do things that make you feel put upon or stressed.  You'd be AMAZED at how different your relationship become and how much lighter you feel.  ONLY give what you can give with love and just say NO if it would be done with resentment.

Remember that great love and great 
achievements involve great risk. 

Agreed.  And you never know how deep you are until you've hit the very bottom.

Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze. 

Pfft.  Anyway.  Are you going to say "bless you" when they fart as well?  Nutty superstitions, I swear.  I will bless them for being wonderful and for being in my life, but I refuse to bless people for performing natural bodily functions.

When you lose, don't lose the lesson. 

When you lose, do better next time or play a different game.  Don't pretend you know the game if you don't and don't play with players who can smear you just out of ego.  Achievements might involve great risk, but bullshit will cause you to slip and fall on your ass.

Remember the three R's: 
Respect for self; 
Respect for others; 
Responsibility for all your actions. 


Rings, roses and rubs (foot, back) solve lots of problems as well

Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship. 

If you do, then either you are on too short of a fuse or the friendship was already sitting on a powder keg giving off sparks to start with.

When you realize you've made a mistake, 
take immediate steps to correct it.

Or hide it.  You don't have to air all of your screw ups. 

Smile when picking up the phone. 
The caller will hear it in your voice. 

And do what?  Feel better?  Why do I have to change my face to make some unseen, unknown person on the other end of the line feel better?  What if it's someone I don't WANT to make feel better?  Wouldn't they be more blessed if I smiled once I knew it was them and was happy to hear from them?  I can't stand it when someone who doesn't know you or who is walking past your office beams like a freakin nutcase and says, "Smile!!" as if they have a clue what's going on in my head.  Why should I be obligated to grin like an idiot just to make the world a better place?  I'm a human with human emotions and experiences and sometimes, I just don't want to smile.  Sometimes I want to cry or scream or rant or think pensively.  Like I'm supposed to smile on demand like a doll whose belly you push for a response or something?  My new reply for anyone who gets that silly look on their face, looks at me expectantly and says, "Smile" is "Fuck you, Corky."  I will take responsibility for my own emotions and I definitely do not need to be reminded of how best to reflect those emotions.  I will smile if I feel like smiling and not just because someone has demanded it or even suggested it of me.  

Spend some time alone. 

God, what is THAT like?  I was in conversation with a close friend the other day and figured out that other than driving to the store or something like that, it has been about 10 years since I was totally alone in my house.  There has always been a child or someone around.  I also think it is vital that everyone live alone before they marry.  I didn't get that and really miss it.  Before the rush of marriage and family begins, I think each of us needs a period of time where we are not only responsible for ourselves with no parental help, etc, but also where we are accountable only to ourselves.  Too many people are afraid to be alone and enjoy their own company and have to be distracted from the world with lots of noise in their life.  The best gift you can give yourself is to love being with you.  Then others will.



November 14, 2002, 6pm

Well, I didn't think it would bother me, but it is.  To the left, you see what Dr Phil would call "Not a good friend, but an old friend."  This is our 2001 Dodge Intrepid.  It's important to know that if you are in the market for a new car, the Dodge Intrepid is an outstanding choice.  We've had two.  The story of getting this one is here: and once you are there, hit ctrl f and find "THEN, the AC went out on my baby."  This beautiful car has been an albatross around my neck since July 4, 2000.  We have never been able to afford it, as the story tells and tonight it will go away.  When Eric was out of work for 2 months, we got 3 payments behind and there was just no way we could hope to make them up.  The finance company wanted it all right now and refused to work with us at all.  We asked them to repo the car when it became obvious that we were deadlocked.  We'd contemplated letting the car go many times, but something had always managed to save us.  This time, it didn't happen, so we asked them to come and get it a month ago.  Then we waited.  Finally, tonight, an angry person from the finance company phoned to complain that they had been trying to pick it up, but it was never there.  I assured her I was looking at the car and that if someone was trying to pick it up, they were at the wrong house.  So today, it goes away.  The main reason we were hesitating is because we will be liable for the difference between what they are able to sell the car for and what we owe on the loan, which will be a considerable amount.  

The car has been pissed off since September (ironically, right after Eric lost his job) when someone vandalized it by breaking out the passenger window.  We haven't had enough money to replace it (our insurance has a $500 deductible), so it's been blowing in the wind.  Since the car got angry, it's left me feeling fairly vulnerable when driving.  The power of containment is a might one that is not fully appreciated until it is lost.  When driving without a window, you are victim to everyone's cigarette smoke (that they are blowing out their window to protect the people in their car, which has a window).  You are subject to an even stronger vibratory effect to the bass line of "Baby Got Back" at each and every stoplight you encounter.  Windows go a long way toward sound proofing.  Driving in the rain sucks.  When driving alone at night on remote streets, you are open to any threat, real or imagined, that could reach it's evil arm right into your personal car space.  It's pretty doggoned cold driving at night as well.

But now, no more.  The car goes away tonight.  We contemplated trading the car in, but it would have to be on a brand new vehicle and it really didn't make any sense to compound one debt with five years' more debt.  We're just going to let it wash over, see how much we owe and make whatever payments are necessary.  If you have a spare wish, send it toward it not going in too deeply and perhaps some lubrication presenting itself along the way.

Eric has been working hard, almost every night, on the truck and the VW bus to get something going for him to take to work.  The VW bus turned out to not be fixable within our budget, so we'll probably have to sell it.  The truck that was stolen and ravaged the night before the car window was broken is almost fixed (he thinks), so he'll get a ride to work tomorrow, then work on it over the weekend and hope for the best when Monday rolls around.  Maybe we can sell the VW for enough to buy some vehicle that will transport the whole family.  I'm pretty well landlocked until we get another vehicle.  It's a good thing I'm a homebody.  :-)   Eric says, "Chrome don't getcha home" and a boss of his once commented, "The only difference between a good car and a bad car is that a good car gets you where you need to go and a bad car doesn't."  I can definitely see the wisdom of those statements, but still, I feel a bit of a sting at it leaving.  There's that sense of failure and judgment that comes with it.  We felt the same thing when we had to file for bankruptcy when I lost my job at the AF base (closure) and simultaneously decided to be a stay-at-home mom in 1998.  We've learn to handle our money quite well within our means throughout all of the layoff's we've seen in the past 2 years since he got out of the military, but our means keep changing, so we have to modify as we go along.  Losing the car is another modification and deciding not to take on another bill by getting a new car is another.  It'll be cool.

Good news is that the wedding ring fund is alive again thanks to my friend, PT, who get me started on it again.  I am really hopeful to get them back this weekend when Eric gets paid.  It's been two months and feels like forever.  Twice, I've had the money before and it ended up going toward some greatest good, so I'm planning to hang onto it this time and make it happen.  The loan on them isn't up until next month, so it's not like I'm going to lose them or anything.

I have to honor of going out tonight for tea with one of my friends that I don't get to see nearly often enough.  I really need a break.  My kiddies have been on high octane lately and I'm about to peel myself off the ceiling.  I'm not sleeping enough lately  and have a low grade headache.  I think I need some shopping therapy with Kirsty Alley.  

Oh, I did end up telling Eric what happened the night I picked up Josh (finally) at the bus station.  I told him, in fact, the same day I did the post about it.   He was fairly nonsympathetic (men!) and instead was full of ideas for what I should have done.  "Why didn't you cross the street and run back to the bus station?"  "Why did you even go into the parking garage?" "Why didn't you flag down one of the cars?"  "Why didn't you run screaming to house or business that WAS open?"  Well, I dunno.  Maybe because I was so busy defecating at the time!  So that's over and done and past.

Damn.  My friend just called and said she has car troubles and can't make it, she doesn't think anyway.  Damn.

I'll be around later!

Please click on Uncle Sam or the smiley globe if you've already read Uncle Sam!!

Oh Look!  There's More!

Nov 8, 2002
Oct 23, 2002 Oct 9, 2002 Oct 4-8. 2002 Oct 2, 2002
Last of Sept 2002 More Sept 2002 Aug - Sept 2002 August 2002
July 2002 June 2002 April - May 2002 Mar 2002
Feb 2002 Jan 2002 Dec 2001 Nov 2001
Oct 2001 Aug-Sept 2001 May-July 2001 Feb-May 2001

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