Sept 1, 2004

Hello!  Today feels blessedly good, I think from the exercise and better diet. I haven't noticed any weight or measurement loss, but I feel physically much better, as I usually do when I balance out my carbs and proteins.  One of the biggest mysteries of our American life, I think, is why we continue to do things that bring about negative results when we KNOW the results are negative?  (smoking, whoring, drinking, over-eating, ranting, giving into despair)  Dr Phil tried to tackle it by saying that it's because we get a payoff on some level and I agree that is true.  On a more esoteric level, sometimes, I think as humans, we need dragons to slay and demons to fight to feel challenged and alive.  We also sometimes have motivators that are so deep and imbedded that it takes forever to unearth them and figure out the right combination to deactivate them.

Mine are not particularly complex.  I eat because it brings immediate gratification in times of stress and emotional duress.  I don't exercise because I don't enjoy it.  I think I might be hedonistic.  (you think?) 

Admittedly, my primary goal in the exercise/eating right switch is to feel better and looking better is a bonus.  I feel better than I have in a long time and that has happened in just 2 days of change.  I can't get results like that in actual weight loss, so I'm satisfied.  I have not once felt deprived, hungry or even one craving.  I've felt "full" every moment.  No room to complain.  It's not that I won't EVER have an indulgence, I mean, my BIRTHDAY is Sunday!  You KNOW I'm going to have some good food!  I'm seriously even considering some gastric-shitstorm producing chicken alfredo at Olive Garden, just because I love it so much and haven't had it in over a year!  (that's what pretending to be on low carb will do for you - - I mean, you can't justify away a huge plate of pasta!)  What I am saying is that those indulgences will be VERY rare.

Yep, I'm excited about feeling better, feeling clean inside and feeling much, much more peaceful.  I'd say that my "5 Levels in 5 Days" candle is definitely doing its job.

This week, other than Nonsoapy and posting the work of my wonderful, talented, amazing writers on Eye on Soaps, I am going to be busting my butt on The Diva Digest.  I revamped it over a month ago and lost it all when our web host screwed up a move of the site.  That was extremely frustrating, to say the least because it was hours of work.  It's been a while now and I think I can redo it without resentment (I don't like for any negative feelings to go into my web work, especially The Diva Digest.  Diva gets pissy if you don't come to Her with joy and peacefulness).  I have LOTS of book reviews to get done and the final revamp of the book review section.

It's joyful work.  :)

Dylan got two weeks worth of assignments done this past week and met his teacher (the Not Mom teacher) when Eric took him in last night.  Normally, Eric can just do the trade off of old and new assignments without having to come all the way up the hill to get Dylan, but once a month, the teacher has to do assessments to make sure he's getting all he needs from the home schooling.  He did great, but a funny moment came when the teacher was talking to him about the word he missed on his spelling test, both the pretest and the final:  "science."

The conversation went like this:

Mrs. Simpson:  "I see you had a problem with the word 'science,' Dylan.  It's a hard word."

Dylan:  "...and you know the shitty thing?  If I'd had my science book on the table, I could have copied from there."

Mrs. Simpson:  (continues looking through his assignment papers, not saying anything)

Eric:   "Did he just say what I think he said?"

Mrs. Simpson:  (continues looking through his assignment papers)  "Mmmm hmmm."

Ah yes, the Rasbold boy.

Then yesterday, I was writing away on my journal entry from yesterday, peckity, peck, peck, when I hear a knock on my door and someone said, "Anyone home?"  It was Nathan's bus driver who had shut off the bus, trekked Nathan up our hill and hand delivered him because I lost track of time and wasn't at the bus stop at the bottom of the driveway.  I was really disappointed in myself.  (Nathan is the last child to drop off.  No kids were left unattended)  Mark, our bus driver, is the sweetest man on the planet. 

I FINALLY started my period after being three days late. I wasn't afraid I was pregnant (tubes tied almost 5 years ago), but was hoping the real menopause was starting.  Since I'm having the symptoms, I might as well reap the benefits.  But no, my place is secured among the ranks of the menstruating.  Damn.

I have to do THE clean of the week today since I've been putting it off like a pro (crastinator).  When I'm feeling blah, it seems almost impossible to do something I hate, like housecleaning.  It's like the final straw.  When I feel good, it's nothing to do it.  Hateful to be so emotionally driven, but such is the life of having a Cancer moon.  Speaking of which, (Hey, Heidi!!) I got a new astrology program yesterday from the publishers for whom I do reviews!  My astrology chart evaluation is here!

I hope all of you have a wonderful day and rest of the week!  I'll be around here and there amid the Diva'ing.

Much love,



Artist: Josephine Wall

Graphics: Enchanting Designz