Did you ever have that life changing soapy moment??  That time when you were proud to say that you watched a soap opera?  No more watching in secret (my family thought that everyday from 2-3 pm I was vacuuming – if that were the case I would have no floors left in my house, just deep grooves right through the hardwood floors to the ground beneath…) or stuffing the soap mags under the 2lbs. of ground chuck in the grocery cart because you didn’t want to see the smirk on the face of a pimply 15 year old when he figured out it was your magazine and not something you picked up for Aunt Wilma?   I’ve made excuses!  “ Look at the cover!  How can you not buy this just to read the cover story about:  a) Luke and Laura b) Sonny and Brenda c) Sonny and Carly d) well – you get the idea…

Plain Brown Wrapper Optional 

Let’s face it; soaps are pretty much considered the bottom feeders of television.  First you have your “Must See TV” shows (proof that people at least watch) shows that have won Emmys or even better, are critically acclaimed but are considered too edgy for mainstream America and reside on HBO or Showtime.  Below that you have the miniseries and made-for-TV movie genre, below that are your self-help Oprahdrphiljanepauley type shows.  I have to put a whole new category in here for the reality gang.  There’s actually two tiers in this grouping:  one for those that make you feel good and are entertaining, like Extreme Home Makeover and Survivor, and those that make you scratch your head and wonder if someone really makes money coming up with ideas like “My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss” or some such crapola.  Then there are those sitcoms that are well into their 5^th season and you can’t figure out why because you’ve never been able to sit through one complete show. Bernie Mac comes to mind.   So soaps are hovering somewhere down there, I guess.  A guilty pleasure, time out of your day when we should be doing something much more productive.  

Give me a break. 

Soaps are our friends, they’re therapy, they’re company.  Sometimes it’s the only adult conversation you even hear all day.  They make us feel better about the mundaness (not sure if that’s a real word) of our lives.  And how great is it to feel friggin’ normal after you witness the tragedy and drama of their day-to-day lives.  Somehow figuring out whether or not to invite certain relatives to Thanksgiving dinner or how you can tell your mother-in-law you don’t like the blouse she just gifted you with is small potatoes next to getting blown up in a coffee warehouse or finding out your ex-hooker mother really DID know who your john-of-a-pop was all along.  And quite frankly, no one has asked me to be screened for bone marrow or invest $2 mil in a floating casino in the last week or so.  More likely you were asked to bake 6 dozen cupcakes on an hour’s notice or had the half the soccer team yak in the back of the minivan after a victory celebration at Chuck E. Cheese. 

But I digress.  I was all about how proud I am to say I watch soaps, because I am coming out of the closet!  I don’t know if the writers and executive producers at GH had an epiphany, found God or had a brick drop on their heads and I really don’t care.  The fact of the matter is that the writing and storytelling of the last few weeks is finally on a par with the acting skills of the GH cast.  Praise the Lord and pass the biscuits!         

I am watching real stories (albeit extremely dramatized) and the reactions, the dialogue; the realness of it is so on the mark that I can hardly wait for the next day’s episode.  Every expression, every conversation is germane to the story, the mood and the setting.  There’s been no filler over the sweeps period because they are finally telling a story!  Everyone has been so good, whether they’ve popped up in the hospital to check on Kristina’s condition, were asked to be tested as possible donors or stayed one step ahead of the law.  Everyone had their game on.  I feel like a McDonald’s commercial but I’m lovin’ it! 

1.                 Love the new fade-outs at the end of scenes.  What a restrained and classy way to segue from the goings on to commercials for Tampax.  No truly, I like it; it’s got more power to it than the pounding music and Sonnyangst they usually employ. 

2.                 Love Alexis’ aubergine shirt.  Man, if you’ve gotta live your life in one outfit for days and days, this deep purple satiny blouse with dark jeans and no doubt some fabulous boots, is definitely the way to go.   

We should all look this fashionable in a crisis 

3.                 Love Carly’s maturity – although it seems it might be a temporary aberration, its refreshing and welcome just the same.  The way she calmly told Alexis that she didn’t owe her any thanks and that things hadn’t changed between them, but that she would have done the same thing to save one of her children was way classy. 

“I want to buy a house for you and the boys,
but first let’s get you a new blouse” 

4.                 Loved Jason’s scenes – any of them, pick one – can you say “Emmy”? 

Real Borgs Cry 

5.                 Love Sam! Kelly Monaco was just starting to grow on me with her fab maternity outfits and her worry and concern for Jason (not to mention disdain for Sonny).  I think she did an excellent job with really hard material and I’m rooting for her to stick around.  

An official “tear-jerker” 

6.                 Love Ric – You could see he was torn about the screw Sonny aspect of marrying Alexis.  Kudos for being just what Alexis’ needs, a stand up guy willing to be by her side and overlook his vendetta to do the right thing for a kid.  I think his transformation from repellent pregnant woman kidnapper is complete.  Congratulations.

“Kristina’s going to be OK – and your
halo will be ready sometime next
week.” 

Well, it wouldn’t be in keeping with my personality to get all mushy and sticky sweet without throwing a few little sarcastic remarks in for taste and texture. So now that I have waxed orgasmic over the good things in GH – here’s a few random thoughts that aren’t quite so nicey-nice 

1.                 I had such a WTF? moment with the Luke/Heather f*ckbuddy reference that I was tempted to ask Katrina, who knows everything about GH history, just when and where and how this all came about.  Luckily the GH writers knew they were really treading on thin ice as far as back-story was concerned and in their own weird way punted by having Luke mention their “lost weekend”.  OK – it’s still too icky to contemplate, but at least I don’t feel like I lost a weekend there too. 

Sorry Luke, there ain’t enough Jack
Daniels in all of Port Chuck to
make this bearable or believable! 

2.                 Connor’s accent – I’ve seen so many people try to place his accent that I’ve lost count.  I think it’s a hybrid.  It sounds to me like really bad South Boston thug with a sinus condition.  The first thing Helena’s gonna do when she rises from the undead is get that boy some elocution lessons pronto! 

3.                 Jordan.  Didn’t anyone notice her literally towering over Sonny during her audition??  Yikes, it was like seeing Big and Little Enos from Smokey and the Bandit.  Memo to wardrobe: no heels for Miss Jordan or you’re fired! 

I’m standing on my tippy-toes
– you just can’t see it 

4.                 I wish they would stop trying to turn Elizabeth into Amy Vining.  First she graduated from the nursing program in a nanosecond, now she’s got her paws in everything from funeral arrangements to notifying Brook Lynn that her Daddy lied and that isn’t her sister lying sick in the bed.  Enough already! 

“Patient confidentiality? I must
have missed that day of class.” 

Well, I’ve said my piece.  I like General Hospital, I watch General Hospital – there… I said it.