$how me the money!! 

Every November and February, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, daytime sweeps come rumbling into town.  What are the “sweeps” and why are they so important?  Basically it comes down to dollars and cents. Not “sense” as in the common variety, which is all it takes to write a thoughtful, complete and engaging story 52 weeks a year.  Oh no, this is cents as in centavos, pesos, rubles, yen – y’know, the stuff that makes the world go ‘round. 

Every November and February ABC Daytime ponies up its’ best stories, the most cataclysmic possibilities, the angst, the pain, explosions, you name it. And they do it all for the money.  “Sweeps” week /month is when the advertisers look at the demographics each soap is pulling in to decide where they want to spread their cheese.  The networks then set the price for commercial time based on the viewing audience.  It’s kind of backwards as opposed to the way the NFL does it for the Superbowl, but then again, we ain’t got Janet Jackson’s nekid booby to work with… our claim to fame is Sonny and his majic penis. 

But I don’t care if sweeps is the reason we’re seeing all the old-timers, I don’t care if we’re only seeing them because some hootie-hoo with a key to the ABC executive washroom declared that we need to see the old-timers, I don’t care if they do stunt casting and then kinda-sorta kill someone to start a whole ‘nother arc, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.   

I saw Tony, I saw Bobbie (Lucas must still be away at camp), I saw Mac, I saw Leslie and LuLu, I saw the Q’s – all of them including Big Alice.  I saw people interacting in the stories that made sense, not cents.  Bobbie with Luke over Lucky.  Monica, Lois, Ned, Tracey, Edward, Alan and Dillon – TOGETHER in a scene, saying actual WORDS.  I think the last time they were all in one place was mourning Lila.  I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care.  This is my time, however short and I’m going to enjoy it.  Let’s hear it for sweeps. 

I love the Lucky Is a Vegetable story.  I love that both Luke and Skye have made me really concentrate on the whys and wherefores of this issue.  I thought I knew where I stood with regard to euthanasia; I thought I had a hard-line stance that I could fall back on.  I was wrong.  Both Luke and Skye have played this story with sadness and hope, fear and regret.  I feel like I wouldn’t want someone I love to simply exist with no hope of ever living any semblance of normal life again, BUT I also wouldn’t want to question whether or not that person would’ve woken up had I given them the opportunity.  Skye’s faith in Lucky, in his ability to fight back from this are fueling her battle with Luke.  She’s doing it because she loves Luke, because as broken as he is, she knows that if he were to feel responsible for giving up on Lucky too soon it would be a blow from which he might never recover.  She let Luke know, he might give up on Lucky, but she wasn’t giving up on him. 

Sonny, Alexis, Ric, Carly, Jason, Sam – everyone involved in the Kristina kidnapping story is acting just like they should.  As far as I know, there’s no book of rules on how to behave when your child is stolen, but the glass throwing, the paranoia, the feeling of helplessness they have all conveyed as they realized that whoever had done this was one step ahead of them and holding their hearts in her hands was palpable. 

It was real and true to character when Sonny suspected Sam, just as it was when Ric suspected that Alexis orchestrated the deed.  Kudos to Jason for protecting Sam and for Carly not jumping the gun and taking a cheap shot when she had the chance.  Alexis’ ranting was right on and Sonny’s change from condemning Sam to his hope that if Kristina was with her, at least she wouldn’t be harmed to the eventual return to reason that helped him realize that this was so far beyond what Sam might be capable of  - it was all in keeping with the emotions you would expect from any parent, but particularly from Sonny and Alexis. (p.s. please do not diagram that sentence and then email it back to me… it’s just the way I talk sometimes.) 

Random Randomness 

Do you really think that an FBI agent would totter around in 4" stiletto boots with a belly sweater and some psuedo rosary and expect to be taken seriously? 

I am so not missing Emily and Nikolas 

My 11-year-old son was home sick the other day and watched Courtney kick the shit out of A.J. and laughed like a little maniac.  Kung Fu Courtney was a cartoonish freak, but Kick Ass Courtney was empowered ~ you go girl! 

That Rachel chick scares the hell out of me – no lie. 

Where’s Jordan and more importantly… does anyone really care? 

Sam’s brother D”anny was mentioned in passing last week - wonder if he’ll be making an important impact back in PC soon… hmmm? 

Would Lois actually consider letting the Q’s raise Brook Lyn?  I thought the reason she took off in the first place was to spare her child the anguish of being raised by that pack of wolves.   

A Cry for Help

I am so ‘cited about my upcoming trip to Dallas to see Greg Vaughn, Ted King and Rick Hearst.  I am also panicking because I’m having trouble coming up with some really good questions to ask them.  I thought I was cool with all this, I really did. I was planning on dazzling them with my wit and insightful questions.  They were going to want to meet me after the event was over to continue our discussion about life, music, art, religion and politics over a glass of wine in some out of the way bistro.  They were going to go back to the GH set and say, “ boy hideee! did we meet some really deeply cool chicks in Texas! I wish they lived closer so we could invite them to the GH Daytime Emmy Party!!”.  Now I’m simply hoping I can keep my spit in my mouth and don’t give them cause to believe I might be mentally deficient. 

Anyway, if anyone out there reads this and can help me out with some really good questions, I’d be much obliged.  Please no “boxers or briefs” type stuff; I’m sure they’ve been asked that before.  Click on the link below and email me some good’uns –I’ll try to 1) not make an ass of myself, 2) get the answers to your questions and 3) report back here next week.  Well, two out of three ain’t bad… 

I crack myself up.

Kelly B

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