So I went on vacation to Ft. Lauderdale with a side of Disney week before last.  I am now officially broke and I have 5 days worth of General Hospital to watch that I havenít yet found the time to slog through.  I didnít stop watching the new stuff, I catch it in real time when I can and tape it when I canít.  Consequently, I have a rather large hole in my viewership.  Iím telling you this because my column (and I use the term loosely) will probably seem rather loopy as I talk about what Iíve seen, what Iíve heard about and whatís kind of old but I just saw it so itís new to me. 

You got all that?   

Good. 

Jax gets my nice guy award this week.  When Bridget asked him his opinion of Jason as a father, he didnít trash him.  He told her that he would make a wonderful father and that several women that he cares about (intelligent women at that!) seemed to think Jason was great.  He had a perfect opportunity to just screw over one of his biggest rivals (behind Sonny of course Ė no pun intended) and he was a stand-up guy.  Too bad Court didnít happen to overhear his remarks; it might have made a difference.  Anyway, Iím glad that the last impression I have of oleí Jasper is a good one.  Seems like heís on an extended trip (wink, wink) which may be payback from the writers for his remarks about being ďburned outĒ.  Remember what happened in the Friends storyline when Joey told Soap Opera Digest that he wrote a lot of his own dialogueÖ karmaís a bitch. 

Usually a Helena siting puts me in a sublime mood.  Iím loviní seeing her royal evilness, but I find myself adistracted by those humongous Judy Jetson shoulder pad thingies on her black overcoat.  What are those things???  I keep expecting them to start flapping and take off or something.  Creepy. 

 

I love Jason with Sam.

 

Bridget is the most mature looking teen Iíve seen in a long time. She just doesnít fit. And Iím like so totally sick and tired of hearing her use the words like and totally in every other sentence.  I like totally want to whack her upside her head  - totally. 

GH Wardrobe Department outdoes itself in the fugliest sweater category Ė was that Flower the skunk from the movie Bambi? 

I donít see the pairing of Carly and Steven going anywhere.  They have zero chemistry.  Correction, they have negative chemistry.  I canít help but see Steven as this gawky 13-year-old boy thatís trying to hit on some 18-year-old friend of his sister.  Itís just not working, and I guess if the spoilers are to be believed, itís going to be a one time thang anyway Ėkind of like an appetizer before the main courseÖ I hear Carly ordered the Coq au Lorenzo!   Woo hoo!! 

Appetizer 

Main Dish 

I know it wasnít popular on all fronts, but the splitting up of Carly and Sonny has got to be the best thing to happen to those characters and actors since we had a Democrat in the Oval Office!  Carly suddenly seems to have a life of her own and something worth saying!!!  And Sonny Ė oh my, Sonny has finally figured out that the world does not revolve around him.  Heís thoughtful, heís charming, the dimples are working overtime Ė hell, he even gives a shit about Jason and how his life is going.  After all this time, Iím finally starting to see what all the hullabaloo is about.  Mighty fine, thatís all I gots to say Ė Mighty fine.  

Speaking of mighty fineÖ me Ďn Kathy Hardeman have got a date with this boy come February 19th!!!  Actually weíve got a date with Greggie, Teddy AND Ricalicious (and yes Kathy, I will call them that to their faces!)  Uh huh, thatís 3 of them and 2 of us Ė I better start taking my vitamins now.  Iíd tell yaíll where you can get tickets to see these hunka hunkas when they come to the Big D next month, but that would be operating counterproductive to my own self interests!   

Never let it be said that the best ideas are also smart ones Ė take for instance this AIM chat that I pulled from my desktop recycle bin:   

KellyB (7:32:13 PM): u there?

Katrina (7:32:20 PM): yup

KellyB (7:32:32 PM): hey - did you get my staff profile?

Katrina (7:32:50 PM): i sent it with a read receipt - then i remembered you don't "do" read receipts

Katrina (7:32:57 PM): yep, posting it now

KellyB (7:33:11 PM): ok cool - the site looks wonderful

KellyB (7:33:15 PM): you did a brilliant job

Katrina (7:33:45 PM): thank you!

Katrina (7:33:47 PM): I'm glad you like it

Katrina (7:34:09 PM): speaking of badass

KellyB (7:34:20 PM): you rang?

Katrina (7:34:21 PM): look at you gettin down wit yo bad self using your real last name

KellyB (7:34:21 PM): lol

KellyB (7:34:27 PM): oh shit

KellyB (7:34:31 PM): should i have not?

Katrina (7:34:35 PM): pfft

Katrina (7:34:38 PM): has never hurt me

Katrina (7:34:43 PM): I've always been right out there

Katrina (7:34:44 PM): ego thing

KellyB (7:34:47 PM): donít Kathy and Sherry?

Katrina (7:34:50 PM): yep

Katrina (7:34:55 PM): sage too

Katrina (7:35:01 PM): Kate

Katrina (7:35:02 PM): also

KellyB(7:35:13 PM): did you think i was gonna go pseudonym?

Katrina (7:35:23 PM): We've always posted you as KellyB

KellyB (7:35:23 PM): maybe some porn star name

Katrina (7:35:34 PM): so I thought it was a security thing

Katrina (7:35:41 PM): we should all use those porn name generators

Katrina (7:35:43 PM): to come up with our names

KellyB (7:36:01 PM): i smell an instant message column!!!

KellyB (7:36:12 PM): porn name generators for GH characters

Katrina (7:36:15 PM): lol

Katrina (7:36:19 PM): we should!!

Katrina (7:36:20 PM): you should!!

Katrina (7:36:24 PM): and hobbit names!

Katrina (7:36:30 PM): and mom names

Katrina (7:36:33 PM): and prison bitch names!

KellyB (7:36:40 PM): hehehe

KellyB (7:36:42 PM): slow down

KellyB (7:36:52 PM): don't hurt yourself

Katrina (7:36:52 PM): that should read "mob names"

KellyB  (7:36:57 PM): i was wonderingÖ 

So I figured that I would run some of our beloved characters through the porn star name generator, just out of curiosity of course.  I limited it to peeps that had had some good onscreen loviní in the last few months. Besides, since weíve had to suffer through Emily and Nikís cheesy porn music every time they knock boots Ė itís almost apropos.   I threw in Liz and Lucky as wannabes.  It made sense.  Hereís what I came up with. 

Pimps and Hos 

Sonny - Jamal Lipps

Carly - Sandy Slick

Jason - Hard John Hott

Sam - Busty Sparks

Courtney - Karen Head

Jax - Buck Velvet

Liz - Marcia Steele

Lucky - Victor Slams

Emily - Shannon Bottoms

Nikolas - Armand Might

Luke - Rod Cockney

Skye - Debbie Thong

Lorenzo - Hard Vegas

Lois - Holly LeVeaux

Ric - Orson Throb

Alexis - Cassie Lustley 

Just so you know, Katrina came up as Candy Samples and yours truly rocked out withÖ wait for itÖ 

Bambi Cummings. 

Maybe some things are better left in the trash! 

I crack myself up.

Kelly B

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