Up Your Mind By Joe Humphrey

Joe on Movie Remakes

Originally written in January 2001, pertinent now since Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a current hit.

You know, I'd really like to remake "Carrie"... re-adapt Stephen King's classic novel. I'd take it in a different direction. In the book, Carrie was fat and pimply and short... not Sissy Spacek... and in the book, she took down half the town before she imploded the house on top her herself and her mother... and in the book, she stopped her mom's heart... to be a little more humane than crucifying her like Sissy Spacek did.

I'd cast Melanie Lynskey from "Heavenly Creatures" and "Ever After" as Carrie White.

I'd make it really demented (well, more demented that the original movie) and really kind of show the horrors of life as the school punching bag... kind of like a cross between Todd Solodnz's "Welcome to the Doll House" and David Fincher's "Se7en." It would be bad ass.

I actually started Carrie once... but, of course, two weeks into writing it, they announced the release of "The Rage: Carrie Two" and I said "fuck it" and hit the delete button.

That tends to happen to me...

Here's a run down of the movies that I've had in development, that were "stolen" from me by the cosmos.

The Shining remake... Stanley Kubrick's film was great, but it was Stanley Kubrick's film. I wanted to make a film based on The Shining that actually was a little like The Shining... I started writing (in longhand no less... this was before I had a computer) the screenplay... got about thirty pages into it and then Stephen King announced that he would be remaking "The Shining" to his own standards (which apparently aren't very high) with Mick Garris and so I stuffed my notebook full of notes and screenplay pages into a box and forgot about...

Well, no... I most certainly didn't forget about it. As I was writing it I had it cast in my mind... it started Kevin Bacon as Jack Torrance, Bill Fabberbacke (the big dumb blonde guy on "Coach") as Delbert Grady, I don't remember who as Wendy, Samuel L. Jackson as Dick Halloran... Anyway, I still think about it. My cast changes constantly and I'm always thinking of new ways to take different scenes, but anyway...

An interesting side note though... a few years later Kevin Bacon stared in a film called "Stir of Echoes" that practically WAS The Shining, where he pretty much played Jack Torrance. That was a little depressing to watch. The scene where he's yelling at his wife while he's digging holes in his backyard was practically DIRECTLY from The Shining.

Anyway... what's next?

Ah yes...

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: one of my favorite books of all time and well overdue for a remake... a dark, twisted remake. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and wrote and wrote and I pounded out 120 pages of a not quite perfect (but certainly fixable) modernization of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It took place sometime in the future, a future where sugar has been regulated by the government and is sold much like beer and cigarettes. Everyone wants it, but it's very expensive. It's sold like a drug almost, because it's hard to get. There are chocolate shops not unlike our current liquor stores and Willy Wonka himself is a little darker than he already was. Gene Wilder made him insane; I made him other worldly. In my film there were allusions to his less than holy origins, as well as his imprisonment of the pigmy tribe known as the Oompa Loompas who he keeps in good loyalty through a system of chocolate addiction while also keeping them as menial workers, doing heavy labor for chocolate to feed their addictions Wonka sends out five golden tickets to five little children and then makes examples of them, not unlike John Doe in Seven. He shows the most common of the deadly sins... Greed (Violet Beauregarde), Sloth (Mike TV), Gluttony (Augustus Gloop), Envy (Varuca Salt) and all but kills these children. Augustus Gloop is sucked into a pipe and dumped into boiling fudge. Violet Beauregarde is poisoned and swells to gigantic proportions and is taken off to be "juiced", whatever that means. Mike Teevee is shrunken down to a few inches tall and then taken away to be "stretched" by a chewing gum machine and worst of all (and directly from the novel) Varuca Salt is picked apart by squirrels.

in the film in my head, a bearded Jim Carrey played Willy Wonka. I feel that Carrey could easily pull off the "whacky" Gene Wilderesque Wonka, while still carrying a seriously dark and sinister overtone. I don't think it takes much exploration of Jim's over all aura to tell that he'd have no problem playing a real asshole.

Of course, Kevin Spacey, Christopher Walken or Tim Robbins could also very convincingly play Wonka, Walken especially, considering his background as a dancer and circus performer.

I toyed with the idea of casting adults in the roles of the children (mostly so that I could play around with sexual overtones and not be a pervert) but in the end I decided to scrap that idea, lose the sexual overtones and cast actual children.

Also, I toyed with the idea of making Charlie a girl (ala Drew Berrymore's Charlie in "Firestarter") but once it came down to writing, Charlie stayed a boy. That made the transition from Wonka to Charlie's ownership of the factory at the end of the film a little easier.

You see, at the end of my film, Wonka does what he does in the book and in the movie, he tells Charlie that he's tired and can't keep running the factory and he gives it to Charlie... and it ends there (except in the novel they crash through Charlie's family's roof) but in my film, it keeps going. The entire film is narrated by an adult Charlie (preferably played by Nick Nolte or Gary Busy) and at the end of the film we find Charlie, grown, with a long beard and long shaggy hair, dressed in Wonka's purple top coat and top hat, sitting on a large throne in the middle of the chocolate room, surrounded by thousands of busy, working Oompa Loompas, and he's quite insane.

There were a lot of small changes that I made throughout the script, but that's the jist of the big ones...

Also, my Oompa Loompas were little black people, like in the novel; not PC orange and green people, like in the movie. There was no doubt in my films, no question at all... these oompa loompa were slaves through and through.

Gary Marshal (Pleasantville) is doing preproduction on a new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... Nic Cage is interested in playing Wonka.

Needless to say, I was devastated when I heard this news, in fact, I vowed off screenplays and films forever.

I've done that a few times. I've given up many times, but I always come back to it. It's in my blood. I am not good at taking hints. I just keep on getting hurt, and keep coming back for more.

Let's see... what's next...

I wrote a screenplay that dealt with dissecting suburban life with a few scenes that were amazingly similar to scenes that eventually were made in "American Beauty..."

I saw an older version of Dr. Jekel and Mr Hyde and I LOVED it. I read the book and then promptly started working on my version of the tale. My version was less about a "drug" that makes our Dr. Jekel change. I made it a manifestation of his frustrations with a humdrum monotonous life. I made it entirely psychological; his Dr. Hyde was a split personality. I cast the film in my head. I tried to think of someone who could play a geeky kind of guy (kind of like Edward Norton in The People Vs Larry Flint) but who could also play a real bad ass (kind of like Edward Norton in American History X) and naturally, the first person to pop into my head was Edward Norton... so I went on from there.

Then a little film called "Fight Club came out" and was a masterpiece. It was MY FUCKING MASTERPIECE! It was Jeckle and Hyde staring Edward Norton.

I quit writing screenplays and caring about films that day too.

What else...

At one point I became fascinated by Richard Pryor... read his book a couple times...started writing his biographical film...

Too late, in development.

Oh, here's another doosie. I wrote a really really good adaptation of The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. It's one of my best screenplays to tell you the truth, and I found out that Meg Ryan owns The Bell Jar and intends on making it "eventually," as well as a film biography of Sylvia Plath I called her production company and was told to fuck off in not so many words.

Ah yes... Alice in Wonderland...

I've been working on a modernize retelling of Alice in Wonderland for some time now. In fact, I've always been a huge fan of the book (it's probably my favorite... has been since I was 4 or so) and I'd originally been developing it as a "graphic novel" or an oversized painted comic book, but I never felt that a comic book was a good enough format to tell the tale I wanted to tell so, I wrote and I wrote and for YEARS I developed this project I mean, I started when I was like, 13 and I worked on it and polished it and reshaped it and developed it and eventually, I came up with a very well done, very interesting, very dark and demented Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. In fact, I finished it not more than two months ago (well, actually, that's a lie... I still have to come up with an ending. I left off at the trial as a writer's block set in) and not more than a month and a half ago, Wes Craven announced that he would be adapting the video game Alice into a film... it would be a modernized dark retelling of the Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass stories...

I quite being a film maker that day...

and, of course, I came back to it.

There have been plenty of other films that I've started but were cut off of... these were just the most hurtful ones...

But, oh well, life goes on. I'm sure that you guys all think that I don't write original material. That's wrong. I write tons of original stuff. I just happen to be thinking about the "cover films" at the moment.

Maybe I should start on my "Lord of the Flies" screenplay or maybe my remake of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" staring Billy Bob Thornton or Brad Pitt...

Just kidding.

Addendum:

Joe write this letter in August of this year:

August 18th, 2005

Dear Stephen King

Hi.

Let's get the obligatory stuff out of the way. I'm a big fan and have been for a long time, yada yada yada, all stuff you've heard a million times, I'm sure.

My name is Joe Humphrey. I'm an American film maker living in Canada and one of my life long dreams is to realize one of your novels on the big screen. One novel in particular. Sure, it's been done before with varying degrees of success. Some of the films have turned out wonderful. Some... well, you know.

I have a vision, and a large part of that vision... in fact, almost the entirety of that vision, is supported by the foundation you've laid with one of your novels already. My dream is to take that novel and make the best goddamned horror movie ever made.

Now... here's the catch.

I want The Shining. I want it bad and soon.

I know it's been done. Twice now.

Both versions have their good points. I'm a fan of the Kubrick film. It sits proudly on my DVD shelf next to some of the great horror films. But I'm a fan of it as a Kubrick fan, not as a Stephen King fan. I have to reconcile the King fan in me that wanted very badly to see some of the things I found so impacting in the novel that weren't present in the Kubrick film. The only way I can enjoy the Kubrick film is to pretend there was never a novel called The Shining.

Then there was the TV version, which was... a good effort. I can't say a whole lot about that version other than… it was a good effort. Perhaps under different circumstances I'd feel more comfortable discussing the intricacies of my feelings about that version. I can't really go there in this letter though.

Needless to say, it's not the film I would have made.

The film I would have made, and would like to make, would be quite a different beast all together. Different from both the Kubrick version and the Mick Garris version.

You see, the thing that was missing (well, one of the many things honestly) from the previous filmed versions of The Shining is the reason WHY Jack breaks down. The source of his rage. Kubrick opted not really to explain it at all, and the TV version seemed comfortable with laying it all on Jack's addiction to alcohol.

I’ve got a different take on it.

Jack is an artist. He’s a writer, and like most artists, he’s terrified of rejection. Sure, he’s got problems outside of that, but at the point that where we find him, that’s what he’s dealing with. Like most artists, Jack finds it easier to not write rather than write and face rejection. It’s not a conscious thing, but it’s there. It’s easier to blame outside forces for supposedly KEEPING him from writing rather than actually exposing himself through his work and risking judgment. It’s easier to blame a nagging wife or the frustration of dealing with his kid or oppression at work than simply doing the work.

I can (as I imagine you can, at some point in your career) relate to this. It’s always easier to sit in front of whatever you’re working on and get pissed off that it’s not happening when in reality you’re not letting it happen.

The other problem Jack faces is that, in my perception of him at least, Jack’s really not that great of a writer. On the surface he tells himself that he’s capable of writing a great play, but he knows. He knows he’s not really that great, and he hates himself for it.

And again, it’s easier to project that hate onto the people around you rather than onto yourself. Lord knows I’ve been there. I’d be able to write if the goddamned phone would stop ringing. I’d be able to write if I didn’t have to waste so much time going to a job I hate.

You know the drill.

And, of course, THAT projection of anger about writing is really, even deeper, about Jack’s own self loathing, instilled in him by an abusive father.

But that’s getting into what’s already established fairly clearly in the novel, and I won’t bother repeating it here. So that aspect is something I would like to focus more on in my version. Not overtly, but it will certainly be a consistent undercurrent.

Another thing I’d like to do somewhat differently from what’s been done already is give Wendy a little more to do. In the Kubrick version, Shelly Duval was a pretty typical horror movie scream queen (without the bodacious tatas.) She did a lot of running and screaming and being scared and not knowing what was going on.

The TV version seemed to rebound a little too firmly from the Kubrick version, making Wendy a “strong woman” to the extreme, which didn’t really play very well in the context of the story. Rebecca De Mornay came across as kind of a total bitch. I had no sympathy for her, and found myself regretting knowing how the story went, because knowing left no room for my desire for Jack to “bash her goddamn brains in.”

It’s not that I don’t think there should be more strong female characters in horror films. It’s just that, to me, Wendy isn’t a strong female. She’s a woman in denial. She’s a woman who perfectly fits into this abusive cycle Jack has around him. Wendy was never strong enough to stand up to Jack or simply leave. The precedent set by her mother kept her from believing that she deserved a better life. She wasn’t even willing to do what needed to be done for the sake of her son, and Danny suffered greatly for it.

Wendy is weak, and the way I see the story going, it takes a haunted hotel and a murderous rampage by her husband for her to stand up and leave.

That, to me, is a weak woman. That also works for the story and for what I want to do with it. This story is about cycles of abuse and self loathing, and the story needs Wendy to be weak. That’s how these cycles keep going. That’s reality and that’s scarier than any hotel.

Don’t fret. Yes, these are things that are important aspects of the story to me, but don’t think I want to make a movie about family drama. That’s simply the underbelly of the story. The part that I think many people can relate to. That’s the part that gets people invested in these characters. The thing that makes people care what happens to Jack and Wendy and Danny.

First and foremost, I want to make a scary ass movie about one seriously fucked up hotel. The hotel is the star of the movie. The hotel is what makes the audience scared to turn off the light when they go to bed.

And I have plenty of ideas for ways to really freak people out.

You see, I’m frustrated with horror movies lately. I’m simply not scared anymore and I really don’t think it’s cynicism on my part or being desensitized.

I think horror movies just don’t know how to scare people anymore. There was a decent five years or so a while back where horror movies were really good. I mean, REALLY good. Then, as usual, Hollywood took everything that was good about those movies and tried to repackage and resell it as something new. It’s just not working anymore. There’s no longer a focus on scaring people at their core. It’s all about a creepy image (one we’ve seen a hundred times already) or something jumping out of somewhere and bla bla bla.

The Shining deserves better than that. The Kubrick version had the surface scare without the human depth. The TV version had the right intentions, but the format, the budget and honestly, the director (sorry Mick) left it as kind of a jumbled mess rather than a truly frightening film.

I know the allure of a six hour film is strong, but I really don’t think that a really scary film can be realized on television with commercial breaks and TV actors.

I firmly believe that you need the darkness of the theater. The knowledge that you don’t know the hundreds of people sitting around you, the lack of safety, and most importantly, the lack of distraction. You can’t achieve any of these things in the TV format. The audience needs to be willing to completely give themselves to the story and imagery and atmosphere. That simply can’t be done when you’ve got to feed the audience McDonalds commercials and highlights from last night’s football game.

Another thing I’d like to address quickly is the fact that it’s already been done. Twice.

This is a moot issue for me, honestly. I’m a film fan. Even more specifically, I’m a horror film fan. I love horror. I love being scared in the safety of a movie.

As a fan, I personally don’t care where the material comes from. That’s something to look into after I’ve seen the film. I’ll get interested in the source material and things behind the film after I’ve seen it and it interests me to know. When I sit down in the theater, all I care about is whether I’ve just watched a good movie.

Remakes are plentiful at moment. Whether its TV shows or classic horror movies, they’re being made and selling big. One the greatest horror movies ever made, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was remade, and was surprisingly watchable. Same with Dawn of the Dead.

The time is right for one of the greatest horror stories ever told to be done right in the cinema. If I were to do this movie the way I want it done, there will be one definitive film version of The Shining. Mine.

But can it be done? Can The Shining be done justice in two hours?

Absolutely. I’ve got it outlined. I’ve some scenes written. I have lots of ideas and plans. I haven’t bothered to write more than thirty or so pages of actual script because I wanted to get your feedback before I got any more invested in this project than I already am. To have written the script and then get the big Thumbs Down by the main man himself would be heartbreaking.

Right now, I’m willing to just talk it over with you. In fact, that’s what I’d like more than anything. I’ve got a lot of really interesting ideas that I haven’t gotten into here, but I’d really like to get your opinion on. I think you’ll like them.

I’m going to end this letter here. I’ve given an idea (or tried to at least) of what I want to do with my favorite book by my favorite author. I’m passionate about this project and I hope to hear back from you.

Thank you for your time

Joe Humphrey