Okay, so I saw a post on Live Journal where a girl was saying that she’d just watched the Ted Bundy movie and Helter Skelter (I assume it was Helter Skelter because, well, as far as I know, the two Helter Skelter movies are the only ones out there about Charles Manson) and that she REALLY wants to see the Jeffrey Dahmer movie.

That got me thinking…

Why would anyone want to see a movie about Jeffrey Dahmer?

I mean, I can understand wanting to see a movie about Charles Manson… that guy’s just friggin interesting. He did some crazy shit and, even though it was sick and fucking demented, you gotta at least admit a little bit that it was pretty impressive… I mean, getting a shitload of people to believe that you’re Christ and that The Beatles want you to kill for him. Anyone who can incite that kind of intense loyalty in people is interesting in my book.

And I can see the interest in Ted Bundy… that was interesting because he didn’t fit the mold of what people generally think a serial killer SHOULD be. I mean, he was a good looking guy who did fucked up terrible things simply because he could. He used his looks to capture and kill attractive teenage girls. That’s the stuff that the best slasher movies are about. I’m not saying it’s “cool”… just that it’s interesting. I’d watch a movie about that.

But, to me, the thought watching a movie about Jeffrey Dahmer… I don’t find him interesting at all.

I had that thought while I was outside having a smoke. I was thinking about what makes, in my mind at least, Charles Manson and Ted Bundy “interesting” but Jeffrey Dahmer just gross and boring.

I really had to question what that was about. Well, I didn’t HAVE to, but I did.

When I think of Jeffrey Dahmer pretty much all I think of is a pathetic, fucked up guy who raped and killed people. To me, that’s boring and gross.

But why? Why is it different that Bundy and Manson? Well, Manson’s an obvious one, for me. He was able to control people with his charisma and personality and intellect.

But Bundy? He was pretty much just another sick fuck. Yeah, he was good looking and he was as close to a movie style slasher as you’re going to get. But other than that, he’s not a whole lot different that Dahmer. Then why does the thought of watching a movie about Dahmer sicken me when thinking about a Bundy movie doesn’t?

My first thought was that it might be some kind of subconscious homophobia, considering that Bundy’s victims were hot teenage girls and Dahmers were hot teenage black boys.

But I dismissed that when I realized that the thought of watching a movie about David Berkowitz caused pretty much the same reaction in me as Dahmer does. And Berkowitz (Son of Sam) also preyed on attractive young women.

The same goes for Richard Speck, who also killed hot young women.

To me, all these guy’s are boring and gross.

But then there’s Richard Ramirez who I find interesting, though not as much as Bundy and Manson.

So I’m trying to figure out what the common thread between these guys are. Manson, Bundy and Ramirez that makes them interesting to me where Dahmer, Speck and Berkowitz aren’t.

I mean, you’d THINK that Dahmer and Berkowitz would be interesting. Dahmer was trying to make zombies, which you’d THINK I’d find interesting. And Berkowitz was taking orders from his neighbor, who was transmitting his messages through his dog.

I think the difference, for me, is confidence. Manson, obviously, is loaded with it. Bundy went into the courtroom grinning and winking, the consummate killer playboy. Ramirez was flashing inverted pentagrams and grinning the whole time. He was the modern day Jack the Ripper and he thought that was pretty bitchin. All these guys believed they were right. Or, at least, they didn’t care if they weren’t. All these guys had no remorse or interest in the damage they’d caused.

And what’s the common thread between Dahmer, Speck and Berkowitz?

Well, my first thought is that they’re all sniveling little ugly fucks who’s rage seems to come from the fact that they’re pathetic. They’re pissed off at the world because they’re losers so they take out their fucked up nerd rage on innocent people.

Now, this might not be an accurate psychological examination for the motives of these various killers, but that’s how they come across to me. Dahmer killed because he had a fucked up child hood and was a weird outcast from society. Berkowitz killed because he was fat, Andy Kaufman looking motherfucker who picked up a copy of Catcher in the Rye and decided he needed to take revenge on all the pretty girls who wouldn’t sleep with him. Speck… well, Speck was pissed that his step dad had beat him up and that his wife divorced him (for beating her up and raping her and being an all around asshole) so he decided to wipe out a bunch of nurses.

I guess I just have nothing but absolute distain for whiney bitches. And that’s how I see these guys. Whiney bitches who couldn’t hack it so they snapped and started offing people.

I guess it’s that lots of people have hard lives. Shit, most of us have been fucked with at one point or another. Some of us have been fucked with a LOT in their lives. Plenty of people were abused as kids and got picked on in school. I know all about that. So it pisses me off when someone goes and does a bunch of fucked up shit and then blames it on their childhood and society.

I mean, shit, there’ve been points in my life where I could see myself going in the wrong direction. Had I made different choices in my life there’s a very real possibility I could have turned out as some kind of fucked up demented adult killing people. That’s definitely a real possibility. I mean, when I think about myself now in that position, I know I’m pretty fucking far from that place. I can’t imagine myself honestly being able to take someone else’s life sadistically. Hell, I’m not even sure I could do it in defense, honestly. Defending my family, yeah, I could do that, but myself? I dunno.

Anyway, that’s beside the point. My point is that I chose NOT to be a fucked up piece of shit. I chose to deal with my shit the best I could.

But that’s still there. Just a little bit. I can see myself on the other side. I can see how I could have been there. I can see how, had things gone differently, I could have ended up there. I got pretty scary at times in my life… there were times when I thought I’d genuinely gone insane. There were times when I wouldn’t have been surprised to find myself on a kill crazy rampage (i love that phrase) or slicing up teenage girls. I don’t think I could have ever gone through with something like that, but I will admit that I was pushed pretty friggin close to the breaking point at times. It was like being in a pool just at that point where you’re standing on your very tippy toes with your mouth and nose above water but that’s all that’s keeping you from drowning.

Like I said, I don’t think I ever really would have done anything as fucked up as these guys did, but when I was in that place, I think I could have really related to what motivated them.

And I really fucking hate that person. I hate the Joe that was in that place. I’m in a much better place now (and a happily medicated place, thank you paxil) and I know I could never intentionally really hurt another human being, much less kill them.

The Joe that I am now really hates the Joe that was in that place.

I think that’s why I have such distain for Dahmer, Speck and Berkowitz. It hits too close to home. These are guys who were pushed far enough that they snapped and had to do these terrible things to feel like they had some kind of control. I can see myself in that place to an extent and that just pisses me off and reminds me of a part of myself I can’t stand and I’m embarrassed of.

Manson and The Night Stalker and Bundy didn’t kill because they were angry at the world. They killed because of their own weird agendas. I can’t relate to that so I find it interesting.

Holy crap I’m tired.

I can’t believe i wrote all that.

In other news, in researching this little rant I ended up looking at pictures of Ted Bundy, just because for some reason I get my memory of what he looked like mixed up with my memory of what JFK jr looked like. I dunno why.

anyway, when I saw pictures of Ted Bundy

i realized that he totally looks like the janitor in The Breakfast Club

I dunno what it is

Oh
Don’t forget:

By the way, that clock’s twenty minutes fast

and I love having a DVD player on my computer. It makes getting pictures from movies very easy.

* * * * *

Animals That Are On My Shit List:

I can’t decide if I like or hate nature.

Mostly I hate it. I generally don’t like being outside.

But I do like the sun. The sun is pretty cool. I don’t like snow. In fact, I HATE snow. I don’t like Raccoons. They’re dicks. One time there was a Raccoon in my backyard at like, 7 in the morning. Usually I just see them creeping around at night like the skuzzy pieces of shit they are. But this one was out during the day. It was weird. I thought it was a big fucking cat, but then it like, looked at me with it’s evil little Raccoon eyes.

I don’t know why I capitalize the word Raccoon. But I do. Deal with it.

Anyway, so I’m looking at this fucking thing in my backyard, and I decide I don’t like it being in my backyard, so I yelled at it to try and scare it away. The Raccoon looked at me and say “fuck you dude, quit yelling. it’s 7 in the motherfucking morning”

So I ran at it waving my arms like “ARRRGGHH!!!” and it was all “pfft” and it started to walk away. It stopped and looked back at me again so I started walking towards it, on accounta I had put the fear of Joe into it.

So it kept walking. Eventually it got to the corner of the fence. I figured it would jump up the fence and over into Dan’s yard and then our business would be done.

It TRIED to do that, but it couldn’t make it. It only scratched up the fence and then landed on the ground. I had it cornered. I was about eight feet away from it.

Then the fucking thing RAN at me, really fast.

Then I screamed like a woman and ran inside really quick and locked the door. Just in case it tried to get in.

I definitely don’t like Raccoons.

I like bats though. Bats are cool. And ladybugs. Ladybugs are pretty awesome. Also caterpillars.

I don’t like wasps though. Or ants. Ants suck.

I also don’t like places that don’t have shade. Like the beach. Fuck the beach. I only go to the beach if I can swim, and you can’t do that here because this is Canada and the water is freezing cold. So I don’t go to the beach, even though I live five minutes from it.

I also don’t really like geese. They’re annoying.

I don’t believe in recycling either. And I love eating animals. I’d eat anything. I’d eat dog. I’d eat horse. I’d eat rat if it tasted good. I’d probably eat monkey if it tasted good.

Just so long as I don’t have to meet the animal first. And so long as it doesn’t look like the animal by the time I get it. I don’t like to eat stuff that still looks like it was when it was alive.

Like fish. And lobster. And whole pigs.

Hamburgers are awesome, because they’re flat and round and don’t look anything like a cow. Same goes for chicken. Chicken is just a ball of delicious meat.

Even Turkey. Even though it still KIND of looks like a live turkey, it doesn’t REALLY. Mostly it just looks like a big brown ball with weird handles.

I don’t like reaching my hand up the turkey’s beaver and pulling out the neck and the giblets. that shit is gross. I feel like a turkey OB/GYN when I do that.

Now it is time for me to sleep.

Catch ya later.

Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow.