I have been an avid Eye on Soaps reader for longer than I can remember and I am really honored to be able to post with the amazing writers involved with this site. I know, it sounds like I am doing an extraordinary amount of “sucking up”, but I must admit, I suffer from SDQS. That is Southern Drama Queen Syndrome. Acknowledgement is the first step, and I was able to openly make my admission clear back in the seventies. In order to maintain my status as an SDQS sufferer, I decided to write my column under a pen name. As you can see, I chose Trixie, Trixie Beaumont to be exact. It is fun coming up with a new persona, sort of mysterious and exciting all rolled into one. I live in Snellville, Georgia (hometown of Diana DeGarmo for all you American Idol Fans) and am an avid Georgia Bulldogs fan. Of course we spell Bulldogs, Bulldawgs here in Georgia. I don’t know about the rest of you but I did a “happy dance” when Sage came back. Not that Katrina did a bad job; I think she is an excellent writer. In fact I have read all her posts and if I didn’t think I would scare her into an immediate restraining order, I would most definitely give her a big hug if I ever saw her in person! I know here I go again breaking into my SDQS again sucking up to the highest order. In my column I will discuss soaps and my life. I will not delve into politics or religion. I get to much pleasure driving my father in-law crazy on those two subjects to bother any of you. So now on to the soaps.
I recently wrote the fabulous Mrs. K (can I call her that? I know she hates Kat, but maybe Mrs. K is ok. Another one of my traits is instantly giving my friends and co-workers nicknames. Some good some not so good.) About my dilemma.
My Dilemma: I HAVE FALLEN INTO A MANSOAP AND CAN’T GET OUT!
First let me start by saying, I love General Hospital. I know the characters are actors and Soap Opera’s are not real. I always make that disclaimer because I have found that if you talk “soaps” to total strangers and non-soap watchers, you tend to look a little crazy. That in mind, I love GH. I can also openly admit to being an original Sonny fan, and Jax is err was my boyfriend. So much has changed.
We have the fabulous SoapNet here in sunny Atlanta, so I was one of the many that was able to tune in to the “Sonnylicious” marathon. Of course like any program I want to watch, I had to Tivo it so that I could watch it when there were not items to locate for my husband, sippy cups to fill for my daughter and camouflage (we are going through a GI Joe phase) to coordinate for my son. So here I was, hubby was off doing his own thing. My daughter was in bed, my son was upstairs playing his video game and I was in the kitchen micro waving popcorn. Not just any popcorn. The movie theatre butter kind that I only allow myself on special occasions. I grabbed a glass of sweet tea (a Southern staple) and plopped myself down on the sofa (we don’t have couches in GA) for the much anticipated Sonnylicous viewing party for ME! After about 30 mins I knew I should have gotten my drink from the bar! I couldn’t believe it. They showed Sean and Tiffany, Steve Hardy, Jason Quartermaine, the old AJ, and Felicia with psycho Ryan. It was a definite blast from the past. After watching the entire marathon, I was more depressed that ever. You would have thought Mayfield had announced they were no longer making Moose Tracks Ice Cream! It was such an eye opener. Have you ever put on extra weight over a semi-long period of time and yes you know your clothes are tight or do not fit, but you don’t realize how much weight you’ve gained until someone snaps a picture of you. You usually have to promptly burn or throw that outfit away because it looks soooo terrible and you thought you looked so good. Proof is in the pudding (insert note: you will also find that I love clichés and often make up my own for certain situations) folks. I read all the posts about how GH was not using its main characters as much and how the show was focusing in on Sonny/Carly, Jason/Courtney, but I was a fan of the fab four. I had not realized how far gone the original characters had been shoved back until I watched the marathon. Did you know that GH used to have multiple plots for multiple characters? It is true, I swear. Sometimes the plots did not even tie into a bigger main plot. Sometimes they actually had several mini-shows if you will, within the main show. It was then that I realized that General Hospital had turned into Sonny’s Penthouse. How could this happen? Well, if you can figure that one out, then you should also know how to get rid of Guza and Pratt! Since that day, General Hospital has not looked the same. I started paying more attention and my husband woke me up to the point that the men talk to the women of this show like shit. The wrongdoings of Sonny (HE SHOT HER IN THE HEAD) Corinthos are glossed over, while retaliations by Carly are over exemplified. You can tell that a woman is not writing this soap. Not that men can’t write there are plenty of fabulous male writers in Hollywood, but GH seems to have missed the boat in hiring any of them. Well, I must admit one exception, the writer currently penning the Jax and Courtney story. I have never been a fan of Courtney. As I wrote above Jax used to be my “boyfriend”. I had to break up with him when he treated Skye like dirt. I still say “she did not owe Brenda the truth, Brenda was there to take her man!!” In the same boat, I would have left it up to Brenda to find out that the Doctors had duped her. I am totally into the Jax and Courtney story. Why you ask? Because it contains what I watch soaps for…. ROMANCE. Being whisked away on a private jet to an exotic location to be wined, dined and seduced by a fabulous man while wearing fabulous clothes. If I wanted real life, I would watch reality TV. Ha!
My husband used to aggravate me by stating “You know this is not real, nobody acts like this in real life. Real people raise their kids and have jobs” I would nod in agreement as I waved my hand letting him know to get the hell out of my view of the TV. He doesn’t really make that comment anymore. I wonder why? Certainly not because he has lost interest in aggravating me. It must be because my beloved soap is the dreaded……………….ManSoap. Please somebody pull me out! I want 500 candles lit in a room, rose petals on the floor, a small box containing the biggest diamond necklace and a bare chested hunk of a man looking at me like I am the last piece of chocolate that will ever be made!!! I like the adventures, hokey as they are, I miss the Ice Princess, the Frank Smiths, and the crazy Helena plots. Luke and Robert chasing down the bad guys and love and goodness prevailing over evil. I like to see a mix. I haven’t really “cried” since BJ died. My mom who is not an avid watcher sat down next to me and we had a great cry when Dominique died in Scotty’s arms. It is sappy I know. You can’t have an incredibly romantic encounter with 500 candles in real life. Good Lord, you would burn down the house!!! I have also noticed they no longer have Calgon (take me away), Herbal Essence (trust me the shampoo does not make you feel as orgasmic as the commercial shows, I have tried it!!!) or Fabio Butter commercials. Instead they show Zoloft commercials, Sexual dysfunction products, or other meds with the long lists of ailments that you are surely to have and need treatment for. Want to know why? How can they show us romance when they no longer offer it from 3-4pm??? Mmmmm makes you wonder.
After this long rant, I bet you wonder;
A. Why is Katrina letting this lunatic write a column?
B. Why is this lunatic still watching a show she just spent so much time bitching about?
Well I hope you chose B and my answer is simple. I love GH. I know what it was, what it is and what it could be. So every night after the kids are in bed and the hubby is occupied. I plop down on the sofa water in hand (I am now on the South Beach Diet, so Sweet Tea is out of the question for now) and I watch my daily episode of GH. I watch because I love it and everyday I hold out hope that today will be the day that everything starts to change. So far, not so much. Jax and Courtney is a start. I am hoping Lois and Alacazam (told you everybody gets a nickname) follow suit. Lets say goodbye to Sonny’s penthouse and hello to Port Charles. I am currently still in my ManSoap, but hey do any of you have a rope?