GH Women
By Carolyn Aspenson

Written May 2003 

I was going to write an essay on Elizabeth this week. But after watching last week’s shows and barely making it through them, I couldn’t. Kudos to Rebecca Herbst for playing the hypocritical, weak, shadow of the strong woman she once was. If I were in her shoes I’d save my pennies and stay home with my husband and son instead of enduring such pathetic writing. ‘Nough said.  

Let’s get to the whole story. Is it me or are there others out there who can barely stomach the woman-hating crap Guza and Pratt are feeding us these days? I used to look forward to my step out of reality everyday at 3 PM. I relished in the fact that I could see a cast of characters dealing with ridiculous yet serious stories that would have me rooting for everyone in some way, shape or form. Jason and Sonny, being the ‘good’ bad guys; Carly scheming for her own personal reward with me having just a tinsy bit of sympathy for her; Flea and Mac or Flea and Luke trying to see what their relationship meant; Ned calming Alexis and putting her on the right path; The Cass family doing something to someone and smiling ever so slyly in the process; Elizabeth being STRONG and NOT accepting a lying, evil, vengeful man as her husband; No Courtney; Skye trying to be good but screwing up because she’s so insecure and so on and so on and so on…This is the stuff that makes a soap. Yes, I admit that at times it’s fun to watch a female character become catty and bitchy and not see what’s right in front of her but come on, how much of this, I think Sage calls it “man soap” am I expected to watch before I wretch all over my freshly cleaned carpet?  

First we’ve got Faith who originally was all about revenge on Sonny. But somewhere in an episode I must have missed, suddenly became obsessed with Ric.  Her revenge for her husband’s death has mysteriously disappeared. Are we expected to believe that love takes precedence over revenge in this woman’s eyes? I think that’s just a little too much for my fantasy life to accept. All we’ve got now is a stalker woman who’s bound to be tied up in a “who dun it” sometime in the near future. Been there, done that.  

Then there’s Elizabeth. I’m still fuming about the waste of this character. Once the strong-willed, live my life my way and not take any crap from anyone gal, now the “ Please don’t hurt my husband Sonny. Please. Please. Please. I know he’s a lying son of a *&^%! But please don’t hurt him! I love him. I’m having his baby because I’m so wasted by the writers of this show that all I can do is whine and let a lying scumbag character impregnate and marry me even though I ended my relationship with Jason because he wasn’t honest and I’m a pathetic hypocrite. Please Sonny.” It just infuriates me!  

Remember Carly? Remember how strong, selfish, borderline crazy and fun to watch she used to be? Pregnancy sure changes a woman, don’t you think? She’s become a STEPFORD WIFE! A mere shadow of her old self, just like Elizabeth. I’m surprised these two aren’t best friends.  

Poor, poor Skye. She’s been reduced to a non-paid babysitter. No chance for Robin Christopher to get the Emmy this year. No material. No chance. She is the ONLY female character I’m holding our hope for right now. Perhaps this thing with Ned will turn out to be something good instead of something to make me think “Ew, you two were once related! Or at least THOUGHT you were!” I’m just not quite sure I can adjust to that.  

Okay, I wonder if  there are people out there who are actually enjoying Alexis as the obsessed, irresponsible, “I forgot I have a career and I have no desire to listen to what anyone else says, so I’ll do whatever I want” pitiful, underused character. So if you’re one of those people, email me, let me know. However, if you are one with my thoughts then consider us buddies for life. 

Monica = extra.  

I’d write something about Bobbie but Jackie must be out getting more botox because I haven’t seen her or her breasts pop into any scene in quite some time.

Courtney. I am sorry, but all I can say is that character is a waste of screen time and I feel bad for Alicia Wills because she actually isn’t a bad actress, she’s just got a bad character to portray.  

I was excited that we’d see Emily again. I wasn’t a big fan of the original but I thought the character had a chance until they made her a whiny woman, like all the rest. “Please Nikolas, Please pretend you love me. It’s for Zanders’ own good. He can’t deal with me being sick and possibly losing me. It would be much easier for volatile Zander to lose me to you, someone he absolutely despises, rather than know I am ill and be with me, supporting me and helping me through this.” Beyond pitiful.  

Maxie having sex and doing drugs, Georgie all mushy over her cousin by marriage, both living the teen angst I lived once and don’t need to see again, bores me.  

Summer. I’m just waiting for her to be gone. She had potential. What a waste.  

Is there any woman on the show I do like? Okay, I like what’s her face, the Q’s maid. She’s got the best storyline potential going…falling for a transvestite. How fun it would be to see her carry Alexis, the butler version, to her room and attempt to de-clothe her just to find the man has taped her breasts down and no chest hair came off when she ripped the tape off? That would be fun material to watch and play! 

And I like Penny because she’s friggin’ Superwaitress! Bobbie needs to give that girl a raise! Since Kelly’s is obviously open 24/7 and she is always there, always letting someone leave and covering for them and handling the place on her own, she gets my points for being amazing! I bet she attends school via the internet full time, has a husband who works and travels weekly and 3 kids under 4 that she keeps entertained and in the kitchen while serving her unappreciative customers!  

How unbelievably sad is it that the strongest female characters on GH are the extra’s who get little to no airtime? I think I may have to start watching Greenlee and the Fusion gang on AMC. At least all of them have backbones and go for what they want.  Again, maybe it’s me. Maybe as I grow and mature I find I want to watch entertaining, fantasy TV where women can do stupid things but still have the brains and where with all to not be written as useless, needy and whiny. Perhaps I’m asking too much!  

Feel free to let me know if you disagree! If your points are good, maybe you’ll switch me back to the good side of GH!