“All Hail The Queen” 

This week started with the last part of Jason and Courtney’s wedding.  I actually enjoyed it and would like to see more romance on this show.  As I mentioned last week, all hell can break loose before and after these romantic moments, but at least give us viewers the pure, untainted moment of love every so often. 

I guess that wedding was our “moment” for 2003. 

Speaking of “all hell breaking” loose, it sure did.  As soon as Carly hopped on that private jet with Sonny to head back to Port Charles from Jason and Courtney’s wedding in France, things started going wrong for them and just kept going wrong for the rest of the week. 

Really, I think things started going wrong right before Sonny and Carly got on that plane.  After the wedding, there were scenes with Jason comforting Carly about Sonny’s poor treatment of her.  If there is any hope that I will ever think there is the slightest glimmer of chemistry between Jason and Courtney, then they should not put him in a scene with Carly.  They really do have chemistry and they show up “Journey” for the sham they are. 

The same thing goes with Carly and Lorenzo.  She has more chemistry with him than she has ever had with Sonny, so unless they are just pulling our chains “The Powers That Be” need to just stop it.  If there’s no hope in a real Carly/Lorenzo pairing or a Carly/Jason paring then I really don’t want to see them in any scenes together at all ever for the rest of my life.  I’m already on a diet and have to look at a bunch of stuff all day that I can’t have, I don’t need the same experience when I watch my soap. 

I am not sure exactly what’s happening with Sonny and Carly.  Their relationship over the past couple of years has made little sense to me anyway, but this past week just confused me even more.  Are the writers purposefully turning Sonny into a physically abusive husband?  The scene where he threw a glass on the floor at Carly’s feet and the glass coming up almost hit her in the face, well, that’s getting really close to abuse, folks.  Some would say that is abuse.  I was just kind of shocked when he did that.  Then I wondered if any of the players involved, director included, had intended for the scene to look that way.  If not, then they should have re-taped it and had Maurice Benard (Sonny) not throw that glass so hard or at least throw it in a different direction, away from his character’s wife. 

If I am supposed to be rooting for some “great love” between Sonny and Carly, then having Sonny treat Carly like shit all the time and throw stuff at her probably isn’t the way to do it.  In my world, a man like that is known as “a son of a bitch” or an “asshole,” and I sure as hell wouldn’t be living under the same roof as him that’s for damn sure. 

I can’t even get into how stupid it has been for Sonny to move across the hall to “protect” his family, his ultimate plan of sending Carly out to some big house in the boonies or the nonsensical ramblings of Carly as she “fights for their love.”  The ugliness and mediocrity of these two, coupled with Sonny’s emotional abuse of Carly is just completely disgusting me.  (Damn writers have ruined MY Sonny!) 

Gladly moving on. 

I am so sad that Stefan Cassadine is dead.  I was hoping there’d be something said or done to indicate that maybe he isn’t really dead at all.  Helena smirked at the end of her last scene, but then she always does that, so that didn’t really tell me anything.  Am I supposed to read something into her comment on Thursday when she said, speaking to Stefan in his coffin, “Oh, Stefan, you couldn’t even be a star at your own funeral?”  She actually seemed remorseful and sad when she said that and I can’t imagine she actually would be either of those things if Stefan were really dead.  Did she mean that his death was overshadowed by the drama of those who attended or did she literally mean that he wasn’t the star of his own funeral because he wasn’t actually there? 

Hmm.  Perhaps there’s hope after all. 

Helena is just so wonderful, delicious, evil, sneaky, snarky and intelligent.  Just those two days of scenes with Helena made the rest of the week ghostly pale in comparison.  You’d think that would tell someone in charge of this show something wouldn’t you?  You’d think that seeing her again would bash them on the head and yell in their ear to, “Bring Helena back!”   Somehow, I don’t have much faith in TPTB to notice.  If anything, they seem to be hell bent on ridding the show of the “Evil Cassadines,” leaving us with just the noble, goody-goody, boring Cassadines. 

I wish she could have stayed longer and insulted a lot more people, but I will take what I can get.  I had my best Helena-style smirk on when she insulted Lydia.  Her exact words were, “I used to shoot skeet with your grandfather.  He would be so disappointed to see your lack of cleverness and perseverance, not to mention style.”  Pfft.  Get in line Helena.  There are a lot of us out here who are disappointed in Lydia for all those same reasons. 

What I really enjoyed about Helena’s comment to Lydia is that it gave me a moment to reflect on the Lydia-Who-Could-Have-Been and the Helena-Who-Surely-Was.  The contrast between these two characters is so different when they really should have been two peas in a pod.  I can just imagine a young Helena being thrown into the same circumstances as Lydia, having to marry and produce an “heir” to get her inheritance and meeting with intense resistance from her new husband as well as competition from another woman.  We all know Helena would have damn sure got the job done, unlike pitiful Lydia.  If only TPTB had given Lydia cleverness and perseverance (not to mention style), then this extremely boring Nikolas/Emily story would be a lot more interesting.  Well, okay.  If Lydia had been more like a young Helena, then Emily would probably be dead by now, but would that really be so bad? 

I don’t know what the writers are going to do with Lydia at this point.  Unless she’s actually pregnant with Nikolas’ baby or something, then I just really don’t see any reason for the writers to keep her around.  If Lydia does end up being written off the show and the current writers are true to their history, then Lydia will probably get to “go psycho” all of sudden before she somehow dies or gets locked away at Ferncliff. 

That’s enough of Lydia.  Back to….The Queen. 

I really liked Helena’s scenes with Luke, but when Helena asked Luke if he’d miss her if she was dead, I was afraid TPTB were giving us viewers a message through Luke’s final words to Helena.  Here’s what Luke said, in italics, along with my paranoid interpretation of the real meaning from “The Powers That Be.”  

Helena:  “Admit it, Luke.  You’d miss me.” 

Luke:  “Yes I will.”  [No, we won’t]   

“No one appreciates my blackheart like you do.”  [We, “The Powers That Be,” have no interest in appreciating anything about Luke and don’t want him involved with any characters who might make him more interesting because otherwise, we are doing our best to make a complete ass out of him.]   

“You have a unique, stylish menace all your own, but your triumphs are behind you, my darling.”  [Helena is a wonderful, exciting character and we just can’t have anyone like that on this show, because she makes the characters we’d rather write for look clumsy, inept and boring.]   

“Without your spawn on the front lines to do your dirty work, you don’t even rate a second thought.”   [We’ve managed to kill off the handsome Cassadine sons so we can claim there simply isn’t any place on the canvas for Helena.  The fans might want her, but we don’t give the fans a second thought.]   

“Oh, I’ll miss you, yes, on those cold winter nights when I’m nostalgic for a worthy opponent, but I’ll survive.”  [Luke won’t have a damn thing to do this winter that’s interesting.  We’re going to stick him in the middle of another “wacky caper” storyline and force him to work with mediocre characters who are not worthy of him.]   

“You, however, you face a fate worse than death.  Obscurity.  You’re evaporating.  You’re fading.  I can barely see you.  Soon, my darling, you’ll be as invisible as you are irrelevant.”  [The fans are so stupid, they will soon forget there ever was a Helena anyway.  Besides, how could they want Helena when they have Courtney?  They love Courtney.]    

“Good-bye.”  [Nana-Nana Boo-Boo.] 

While perusing some message boards on the Internet, I found mixed reactions to Luke at Stefan’s funeral.  Some thought the marshmallow roasting was over the top, some thought Luke hitting Stefan’s body with a shovel was gross and way too much.  Some thought it was all too much and many loved it all.  I’m in that last category.  I loved every minute of it. 

Luke is a person who would definitely roast marshmallows over his enemy’s funeral fire just so he can say he did.  I also do not fault Luke in any way for banging away at Stefan’s body with a shovel.  When you consider how many people on this show come back from the dead, particularly if their last name is “Cassadine,” then I’d say Stefan’s lucky that Luke didn’t yank his corpse out of the coffin, throw it over a cliff (again), run over it with a semi, set it on fire, chop it up in little pieces and dissolve them away in a vat of acid.  Given GH’s corpse history, I’d say hitting on a body with a shovel ain’t nearly enough to insure “deadness.” 

And that’s fine with me.  As Luke mentioned himself, we’ve had “Popsicle Pete” (Stavros) so I’d be all up for a “Popsicle Repeat” if that is what has to happen to bring Stefan back. 

I really hope there’s a lot more Skye/Luke interaction in store for us.  I just love them together and I don’t feel as if there is any agenda being forced upon me.  I don’t know if they’re going to end up being related, in love or just friends and not knowing is a nice change of pace.  I just enjoy watching them as two interesting people who are even more interesting together. 

I really hope Skye and Luke aren’t heading for a romance.  Skye just doesn’t need the aggravation and heartache because, let’s face it, if Laura snaps out of her catatonic state, then Luke will drop Skye like a hot potato.  So I might rather they just be friends. 

I’m still not catching a love vibe between Sam and Jax. 

Marcella and Faith would make a pretty hot couple, wouldn’t they?  Oh, but then that would mean the show was, you know, taking a chance and doing something interesting.  That ain’t happening! 

I wish Faith and Helena could have crossed paths.  Can you imagine?  Better yet, can you imagine if one of them actually did something to piss the other one off?  The word “catfight” wouldn’t even fit.  It’d be more like an apocalypse and my money would be on Helena. 

Sonny and Alcazar better hope Helena never gets into organized crime.  They’re toast if she does because they have NEVER encountered a villain anywhere near as chilling as Helena Cassadine.  She just makes all the supposed “tough guys” and “bad guys” on this show look totally puny. 

All hail the Queen!