Disclaimer:  The column you are about to read is an example of what can happen when someone tries to write a column at three in the morning.  Sometimes it’s just goofy. 

“The Friends Of Dorothy” 

While watching “General Hospital” this past week, I had a startling revelation: 

It’s “The Wizard Of Oz.” 

Think about it.  Sonny is “Dorothy,” searching for his home.  His heart’s desire is to have a haven of security and love and he walks the “yellow brick road” in search of these things he feels he doesn’t really deserve.  His path is strewn with obstacles that serve to deter and hinder him from achieving, or even seeing, his goal. 

Carly is “The Red Shoes.”  She has the power to bring Sonny that wonderful hearth and home he desires.  When he realizes it, he’ll know he “had the power” all along. 

Lorenzo Alcazar is the “Wicked Mobster Of The West.”  He’s all pissy about the proverbial “house” falling on his brother, Luis, the “Wicked Mobster Of The East.”  Lorenzo wants the only “thing” that can bring him power.  He wants Sonny’s territory and if he can turn Sonny’s life upside down, that will just make things easier.  That’s right.  Lorenzo wants The Red Shoes/Carly. 

Jason is “The Scarecrow.”  He lives with the fact that he’s brain damaged and will never be like everyone else (or so the doctors told him).  After he’d physically recovered from the injuries he sustained in that fateful car accident with his brother A.J. years ago, he really struggled in the world trying to be the person everyone wanted him to be even though he could no longer remember who that person was.  He struggled with feeling inadequate and damaged as a human being.  I prefer to think of him as still searching for himself, because if Courtney is what he’s been looking for to make his life right, then that would make her “The Brain” and well, I just can’t type that without having an uncontrollable fit of laughter.  So bear with me here, Courtney ain’t “The Brain.” 

Ric is “The Tin Man.”  He has been living his life without a heart and didn’t even realize he was missing one until Elizabeth found out what he’d done to Carly.  Now Ric knows he must be a man with a heart to get Liz back.  Perhaps Liz is his heart? 

Faith is the “Cowardly Lion.”  She, if you’ll notice, doesn’t like to take chances on her own.  She usually has a partner and it’s usually her partner who takes the brunt of plans gone wrong.   Yeah, she’s been tied up and pushed around, but she always either lucks out or just talks her way out of anything that will actually do harm to her.  The only time she’ll go out on a limb alone is when she’s sure her prey is weak and/or unsuspecting. Running down Courtney with her car and pushing Liz down the stairs are just two examples of Faith’s cowardice at work.  She definitely needs a dose of courage, but I don’t even think she realizes it. 

Courtney gets to be “Toto.”  She’s the cute, hairy, yappin’ little dog running along with Dorothy, I mean, Sonny.  Every now and then, some flying monkeys or “The Wicked Mobster Of The West” kidnaps her to try to get at “The Red Shoes/Carly,” but Courtney always ends up back where she belongs, skipping down the yellow brick road bringing perkiness and happiness to all who know her. 

Mike is “Auntie Em.”  He pops up every three or four months to remind Sonny about his family and how he needs to be home more.  Unlike the real Dorothy though, I don’t think Sonny gives a crud what his Auntie Em thinks. 

I’m casting “The Powers That Be” in the infamous role of “The Great And Powerful Oz.”  We simply aren’t supposed to pay any attention to those dumbass writers behind the curtain since they are not weaving the magic most of us expect of them.  Like the real “Wizard of Oz,” they are probably just tired of where they’re at and want to go home.  And it shows. 

Alexis, Luke, Mac, Scotty, Bobbie and everybody else on the show are just Munchkins.  Sometimes they get to interact with Sonny/Dorothy and welcome him to the Lullaby League or the Lollipop Guild or the PCPD, but that’s about it. 

Really, the show is just about Dorothy and the Friends of Dorothy.  ;-) 

Maybe someday Sonny will realize that he had the power all along to have his happy home and family.  Maybe Ric will get a heart and win back Liz, his saving grace.  Perhaps Jason will “get a brain,” becoming his own person who is successful and fulfilled in his own life, without Sonny, and maybe Faith will find some courage (and God help the citizens of Port Charles if she does).   

Then again, maybe monkeys will just fly out of their butts.  Which is a real possibility when you’re living in “Oz.”