“Wake Me Up When We Get To “Point C!” 

Are we there yet? 

I have been in a haze over the past 3 weeks.  I feel as if I’ve totally missed “General Hospital” during most of this time.  I swear, the first week of that I watched every damn minute, but at the end of that week, I could hardly remember a thing.  I sat down to write a column that week and I really couldn’t think of anything that’d happened.  My whole column could have been one word, “Huh?”  

During the second week, I found myself falling asleep while watching the show, jarred awake here and there by the occasional “What the hell just happened” moment.  Last week, I only caught bits and pieces of Monday’s, Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s episodes.  I’m in the middle of moving, so I just saw what I saw as I passed through the room carrying boxes and such.  On Thursday and Friday, I actually forced myself to take notes and I didn’t even actually watch Friday’s episode until Monday.  And once again, no columns. 

These are signs I’m all too familiar with.  These are signs that I’m about to “stop watching a show.”  As an avid couch potato and long-time soap viewer, I know these symptoms well.  In addition to GH, I have also been a regular and religious viewer of “One Life To Live,” “All My Children” and “Days Of Our Lives.”  As far as I’m concerned, the death knell sounded a long time ago for those shows, though OLTL does grab my interest more and more these days, I abandoned the other two shows years ago. 

It all starts with fast forwarding.  I used to NEVER fast forward on OLTL (or any other soap.  Then the “Rappa-Davidsons” descended and I tried to like them, I really did, but there was so much time spent on just them and so many other characters were sacrificed in the process, that I eventually found myself zooming past them on tape.  Fast forwarding, especially if you don’t normally do that, is the first sign that you’re drifting away from your soap opera.  (Or that your soap opera is drifting away from you!) 

With GH, I used to never fast forward, either.  The only time I can think of in the past that I would have was back when “Blackie Perrish” started dating that “Lou” girl.  God, I hated her and the two of them bored the living hell out of me.  I didn’t have a VCR then, so fast forwarding wasn’t an option.  Some runner-ups to them would have been what’s-his-name, Colton’s brother.  Decker!  That’s it.  Decker and Dawn….blech!  But I had no VCR then either, so I just mentally tuned out when they were around, knowing that someday soon, boring as they were, they’d be gone.  And they were. 

Now we have the “Fab Four” of Sonny, Jason, Carly and Courtney.  Individually, I like all of them and I might even enjoy them together more if the writers would quit giving them these silly, boring, repetitive, mob storylines.  Honestly, are we supposed to be in any kind of suspense anymore?  Is there anyone out there who really thinks any of these four are going to die or make any big changes in their lives?  Better yet, does anyone think Jason will ever do anything wrong?  Nothing ever really changes with these four.  There may be some hurdles thrown in their paths, but no matter what happens at Point B, they always end up right back at Point A. 

This might not be so noticeable if they weren’t the center of nearly everything that happens on the show.  But since they are, I have found the show to be almost “unwatchable” lately.  I feel like I’ve been “Rappa-Davidson-ed” all over again.  Other characters have been sacrificed story-wise, history-wise and time-wise.  Not even these new, short scenes are fooling me.  Has anyone else noticed these?  As an example, Carly and Sonny will be shown together in a two minute scene, then we cut to Lucky talking to Lydia for about 20 seconds, then we’re right back to Sonny and Carly for another minute, then Alexis and Stefan for 30 seconds, then back to Sonny and Carly again.  If this new editing is supposed to make us think that characters other than the Fab Four are getting a lot of screen time, then guess what?  It ain’t foolin’ me, folks. 

I also wonder if these short scenes are supposed to make storylines seem more exciting, like they’re moving more quickly.  Since Brian Frons, the President of ABC Daytime, has made it well known that he is aiming for a teeny-bopper audience, I wonder if this rapid editing is supposed to be “Soap Operas:  MTV Style?”  I grew up with MTV, I still watch it sometimes and I have never been such an idiot that I have to be spoon fed my news or soaps in little 10 second sound bytes and if I were a teeny-bopper, I would feel damned insulted to know that’s what ABC might think of me.  But that’s another rant for another day. 

The second sign that a person is losing interest in their soap opera is when something happens to make you miss a day or two (or more) and you put off watching your tapes to catch up.  When you find yourself saying, “Oh, I’ll just watch them this weekend,” then you fit into this category.  This is something else that I’ve been doing over the past month or so.  I’ve missed a few days, put it off and never watched the tapes.  I meant to, but other things took precedence and used to be NOTHING took precedence over me catching up with my GH.  If I missed a day, I watched it that same night even if it cost me a precious hour of sleep.  Now, I just really feel no need, urgent or otherwise, to go out of my way to see what I’ve missed.  Since the show is all about Sonny, Carly, Jason and Courtney and nothing ever changes with them, what am I going to miss exactly?  Anything that’s truly worthwhile? 

Uh, no. 

I am still taping GH everyday, so I haven’t reached the third sign of soap disinterest yet.  That sign is when, after weeks of missing the majority of the shows aired, you opt not to watch them on tape after all and eventually decide to just stop taping.  It’s when you finally decide that taping your show is literally a waste of tape.  This can happen very gradually, too.  Back when I was starting to not watch most of the AMC episodes I was taping, I finally decided to just tape the Monday and Friday shows.  This worked for a little while, but then those started piling up, too and I found that I just really didn’t care anymore.  “All My Children” was then crossed off my list of shows to watch.  That’s been about 4 or 5 years ago now and I haven’t missed it.   

I’ve been told that AMC is pretty good these days, but the times I have tuned in to bear witness to this myself, I have found it to be, well, NOT.  In fact, what I’ve seen just seems to be downright silly.  I’ve been told that I need to watch it regularly to see the good stuff and while that may be true, that’s already more work than I’m willing to put into it.  If a show can’t be good and interesting enough to snag the occasional viewer (especially when that viewer used to watch regularly for over 17 years), then they are not yet “good” in my opinion.  Maybe “better,” but not actually “good.” 

I can’t say exactly the same thing for OLTL.  I have seen many episodes of that show in the past year which were absolutely perfect in every way.  I’ve also seen some episodes that leave something to be desired, but those have been more few and far between.  Still, I can’t bring myself to fully commit to watching, or taping, OLTL on a regular basis.  Once bitten, twice shy I suppose. 

This leaves me with GH.  I have sworn that I will not give up on this show, but now I have found that a hard promise to keep.  I’m still going to try, even if I have to take notes every damn day to keep some level of alertness going on.  I am going to hold on to my last source of daytime entertainment like a starving man would fight for the last crumb of bread, even if I don’t know what exactly the hell is going on with this show. 

Over these past three weeks of scattered GH viewing, I have had moments of entertainment, I must admit.  I loved watching Zander and Nikolas get drunk together at Jake’s.  That was some truly funny stuff and I am now totally behind a romantic Nik and Zander pairing.  They have WAY more chemistry together than either one of them has with that twit, Emily. 

I also saw Courtney get bonked in the head on the docks.  I don’t know why that happened to her.  I was half-asleep, but it sure woke me up for a minute and made me say, “Hey!  Look at that!”  I guess it doesn’t matter why she was knocked in the head because I have yet to hear of any actual effects on the story because of it.  See what I mean?  Courtney was sent to Point B, got hit on the head, now she’s back at Point A again.  It meant nothing. 

I missed Ric and Faith getting it on again.  They did “do it” again didn’t they?  Oh, well.  I don’t really care if they did or not.  If Faith ends up pregnant then I guess it will have meant something and I’ll try to care then. 

I was amused several weeks ago when Carly first ventured out after returning from her kidnapping ordeal.  There she was sitting at Kelly’s while one of her former kidnappers, Luis Alcazar, gawked at her through the window.  Then Luis left and Carly’s bodyguard, Max, returned to his guard post outside, oblivious to the fact that Alcazar had even been there.  Did Max have to go pee off the docks or something?  Where the hell did he go?  That was just dumb.  Amusing, but dumb. 

And by the way, Alcazar needs a haircut.  He’s getting a little, puffy bouffant of excess hair on top.  Just thought I’d mention that. 

I still don’t get what Emily’s reasons were for not having any of her family at her little, deathbed wedding ceremony to Zander.  She mentioned something about having explained that to them, but did we get to hear the explanation?  Probably not.  We’re just the viewers, so we don’t need to know what’s going on. 

I thought I would cringe when it was implied, quite strongly, that Emily’s “coma dream” was the exact same dream that Nik had.  Psychic dreams?  Puh-lease!  That is just too cornpone, even for daytime television.  Also, I didn’t care for the Sleeping Beauty analogy either, that Prince Nik kissing her woke her up from her coma.  This reeks of a romance being force fed to me.  I don’t like the idea of Nikolas and Emily being together because, for the life of me, I just can’t see how that won’t be boring as hell.  I don’t need anything else about this show to bore me. 

I also thought it was intensely tacky that Nikolas gave Emily that bracelet.  She just married another man and he’s going to give her fine jewelry that costs more than Zander could ever hope to afford AND she’s going to accept it?  What the hell?  How rude.  I also thought it was in poor taste that Nikolas was giving Emily his puppy dog eyes look through the window during her wedding!  That was just pathetic. 

Mostly I just hate that Zander is being made to look like an ass in this story.  He deserves better.  I wish he’d have an affair with Alexis.  Now THAT would be interesting, and hot. 

I must have missed exactly how Emily got cured.  One day she was tap dancing on death’s door, about to take her last breath, then the next day her fever breaks, she wakes from her coma and now everyone’s talking about how she’s been “saved” and how she isn’t going to die now.  Since when does a fever breaking mean that cancer has been cured? 


I know that a lot of my confusion could just have to do with the fact that I slept through a lot of this stuff.  I had some very disconcerting GH moments.  Gia was at the hospital the other day with her “white girl/ Liz” hair.  I opened my eyes and saw her from the back, as she spoke to Zander.  I thought that was Liz at first and I just couldn’t get over the fact that Rebecca Herbst has a tattoo of Africa in the middle of her back.  Then, of course, she turned around and I saw it was Gia.  I think that almost made me dizzy.  Also, for the record, I really like the little curls better.  Liz, Gia and Georgie all basically having the same hair is just weird. 

I also thought I spied a moment when Edward was actually being nice to Zander!  Even without spoilers I’d know that meant Zander was on his way out as being Emily’s husband.  Kindness from Edward is foreboding in and of itself, but even more so when directed at The Deviant. 

One day when I was snoozing, I thought I actually heard Cameron’s booming, sexy voice.  This realization finally registered in my brain, but by the time I opened my eyes he was gone.  Knowing that whatever he just said or did couldn’t possibly have any bearing on anything, I just went back to sleep. 

Then one day I opened my eyes and saw Dillon in a suit with his hair looking all,…all,…normal!  That was a shocker I wasn’t prepared for.  Then (gasp!), A.J. walked into the room, said something not-so-nice to Dillon and walked out again.  My husband and I were both pointing at the television like a couple of nitwits, “ Oh, wow!  Look at Dillon’s hair!  Oh, my God!  Look!  There’s A.J.!” 

It’s a sad day in GH Land when a character’s, new, normal hair and the appearance of A.J. are the most exciting, emotional and surprising occurrences for the whole week.  ABC is really missing the boat on this when they do those little spoilers that appear at the bottom of the screen.  Instead of saying stuff like, “Sonny and Carly talk about their love on Wednesday,” they should say “On Wednesday:  An A.J. Sighting!!!”  Now THAT is handy info.  I would be sure not to be asleep then. 

Speaking of appearances, what do you all think of Stefan’s black, horn-rimmed glasses?  I do NOT like them.  They make him look like that little cartoon kid in “Dexter’s Laboratory.”  I just can’t get that image out of my mind.  Alexis needs to rip those off his face and stomp on them. 

And what was up with that Christy girl wearing that HUGE, veiled, black hat into visit Stefan?  That’s a jail for pity’s sake.  Jails don’t let visitors walk in wearing that stuff.  She could have a file hidden up there.  Or better yet, she could have had a power drill and accessories in that big thing.  I understand that the disguise was so no one would know who she was so she wouldn’t be connected to Stefan when she sets Ned up, but don’t jails take people’s names when they come to visit?  Don’t they ask to see I.D.? 

I know these are valid questions, because I was actually awake through that whole show. 

I have to say, I love watching Courtney be all screwed up.  It’s still like she’s returning to Point A over and over as far as story goes, but she’s returning with drugs now and that has made her quite interesting to me.  She has disrupted the righteous vibes at the penthouse and I am very grateful.  I also like seeing Jason all discombobulated about what to do.  He really cracked me up when he told Sonny he wanted some work to do so he could take his mind off crazy Courtney. 

Jason:  Sonny, maybe if I go kill someone, I’ll feel better. 

Sonny:  Yeah, okay.  If I find some “work” for you, I’ll let you know. 

And that Alcazar, he sure is a sweet guy isn’t he?  He is Da Man and was Courtney’s hook up for the drugs she so desperately needed.  She doesn’t even know it was him because, gosh, he’s just so modest, too.  He won’t even take the credit for having anything to do with Courtney losing her baby.  That kind of selflessness makes Luis Alcazar fit right in with the other men on the show.  They don’t ever take the “credit” for stuff like this either.  They’re always more than happy to kick the responsibility to the nearest woman.  What a swell bunch of guys. 

I’m still trying to like NuLydia more, but I’m just always so distracted by those big “wings” of hair that stick out on each side of her head that I can’t always hear what she’s saying.  The other day though, I KNOW I heard a character say the word, “melodramatic,” only they didn’t pronounce it that way.  This person said, “Mellow-dramatic,” and I am just sure it was NuLydia.  My eyes popped open, “Mellow-dramatic?  What the hell?”  And there was NuLydia running her mouth.  I am just sure it was her, but as is typical anymore, I didn’t feel like rewinding the tape enough to see. 

I did enjoy Friday’s “Liz The Roadkill” montage.  Seeing Faith, Courtney and Ric all getting behind the wheels of their cars just helped build the suspense.  I wonder who hit her?  I think Faith is the obvious culprit, but then Courtney was all doped up, so then it must be Ric.  Out of those three, he’s the one I’d least want to see be the guilty party and since I rarely ever get what I want from this show anymore, that seals it.  It was Ric. 

Faith, as I mentioned, is just too obvious, so she’s my second guess.  Faith running Liz over with her car would just be extremely boring with no real story potential.  Even if that resulted in a “Who Killed Faith” story, I just think it would be…..uh……uh…. zzzzzz, …..oh!  I’m sorry.  I fell asleep just then. 


…Courtney couldn’t possibly have done it because the parallels between her being drugged up and running over Liz is just too much like A.J., her ex-husband, being drunk and driving his brother, Courtney’s current fiancée, Jason into a tree causing him permanent brain damage.  If Courtney did it AND remembers doing it or even just suspects doing it, then no way Jason could ever forgive her without doing some major soul searching in regards to his relationship with A.J. (especially if Courtney keeps it a secret from him).  Also, Courtney could finally understand the pain of guilt that A.J. constantly carries around with him.  This could allow Courtney/A.J. fans to finally have some decent closure with their relationship and could actually make Courtney/Jason interesting and believable. 

So, Courtney being the hit-and-run driver would be too story rich, too deep into character exploration and history and might actually be dramatic and interesting, so nah, it wasn’t her. 

Of course the writers, based on their stories of the past year-and-a-half, could have Courtney be guilty and just totally ignore the show’s history altogether.  They might just wrap all this up in a day or two.  No harm; no foul. 

If that’s the case, don’t bother waking me just so I can see Courtney arrive safe, sound and guilt-free back at the penthouse, also known as “Point A.”