Out On a Limb Archives

Mixed Signals, a Visit from Waylon Jennings, and a Lighter Heart

So, lately I’ve been reading up on a lot of different subjects dealing with unusual gifts. One thing that keeps recurring in almost all of them is to trust your instincts, but also to look for signs--signs of foretelling, signs of what to welcome and what to be afraid of, and signs to light your way or make clear the path you should take. There are signs and signals everywhere if you choose to really look at the world around you and open yourself up to experience any psychic vibes. There were chapters on recognizing signals through meditation, yoga, kinesthetic (physical) sensations, electrical sensations, exercises to develop and use the third eye, and also through really paying attention to the world around you.

All this information---but none to help me out with one simple question: If you get two distinctly different signals about one thing, which do you trust?

Case in point: my niece.

After years of trying to find her after her father abducted her, she was finally found in Mexico. She had left an average, 10 year old girl; when she came back, she was 16, married, and three months earlier, had lost twin boys at the beginning of her 6^th month. She left a child, and came back an adult. To her credit, she doesn’t waste any time pointing fingers or carrying around bitterness. She just goes on with her life--a life that includes her husband and their life together. They both work full-time and they pay for rent, bills, and groceries all on their own.

Shortly after the New Year, I had a dream in which I saw my mother-in-law (who passed away from cancer last November) across the street from where she lived once. She crossed the street, and as she got closer, I was astounded to see that she was visibly pregnant! I didn’t say anything to her, and when she got to me, she put her hand on her swollen belly, looked at me, and said simply “There’s a baby coming,” and then she turned around and went back across the street, and I woke up.

Now, let me just say that when I woke up, I was a bit freaked out. Not so much about seeing my mother-in-law, but more the fact of her telling me that there was a baby on the way. I love my children with my entire being, but quite simply, two is just right for me. I had my tubes tied in 2000, a decision I’ve NEVER regretted to this day. So, I didn’t feel that her words were about me, but that someone in my husband’s family was going to be expecting. But the question was, who?

Later that month, my niece celebrated her 17 birthday by inviting us all over for a BBQ at her house. Whereupon, she informed everyone there that she was pregnant. She had gone to the doctor, and the initial due date was placed at the beginning of October. Ah-ha!! THERE was the connection. The baby on the way was hers. Case closed.

Or so I thought.

A couple weeks after that, we went to visit my niece to see how she was feeling, and that was the first time that I “felt” something about her pregnancy. She was talking about her morning sickness, work, etc… when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, I just thought to myself “She‘s not having a baby. She is having two again.” As she kept talking, I kind of droned her out and really tried to open myself up to what I was feeling. And I honestly felt two separate energies coming from her; both very new, bright, and positive. I mentioned it later to my husband, who felt that maybe I was picking up on some latent vibes from her last pregnancy with the twin boys. And, after all, in my dream, my mother-in-law had plainly said a baby, not babies. So, I decided that he was probably right…but it still didn’t keep it from nagging at my mind.

For a woman who wasn’t due until early October, it was intriguing to see that, by the end of March, my niece already had quite the baby belly going on. My brother’s wife has twin girls, and I remember how they had first suspected she was having twins was because of how fast that baby pooch developed on her. So, I was confronted with both the physical signals of a multiple pregnancy, plus I still really felt very separate energies coming from her abdomen. But, I kept going back to the dream. And in the dream it was very clearly one baby.

It was no surprise to me or my husband when my niece called and said that her doctor had scheduled an ultrasound for her over concerns that because she seemed to be showing more than she should at that point in time, that perhaps she might be having twins. At this point, I finally decided to accept that my feelings had been right, and there were two babies, not just one as my mother-in-law had said.

Imagine my surprise and utter confusion therefore, when my niece called after her appointment, and reported that there was just one baby on the way after all. The reason she had been showing so much was that, according to the ultrasound, she was much further along than what the doctor had originally thought. Her due date was moved from the beginning of October to somewhere in late August. Regardless of the strong feelings I’d had, the fact is my mother-in-law was right. There IS just one baby.

So, back to my original question---How could I get two very different signals about this one thing? I honestly did not know which to go with. I was inclined to go with my feelings and trust my intuition, but at the same time, I couldn’t quite let go of what my mother-in-law had told me in my dream. All the physical evidence pointed towards twins even. Signals and signs everywhere---but only ONE of them, which had been the odd man out, had been proven to be correct.

How do you know which feeling or experience to trust when you have mixed signals? Or were there other signs that I missed along the way? How do you know what to trust?

He was one of country music’s “Outlaws”, along with the likes of Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson. He had dark, larger-than-life, good looks and a strong, satiny-smooth voice. He captured my mother’s heart with his singing, and never let it go. He passed away February 13^th, 2002, from complications from diabetes. His name was Waylon Jennings.

Growing up, one of two kinds of music was played in our house--AM radio or Waylon Jennings. I never much cared for Waylon, but I hated AM radio worse! So, I knew every word to every song every recorded by him. Well, I thought I did, anyway. For years, I honestly believed that part of the verse to the song “Lucille” went like this:

“You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.

Four hundred children got lost in the field.”

(yes, yes, Kenny Rogers did "Lucille," but Waylon Jennings did as well!)

I often would think to myself that that must be one hell of a field! Four hundred kids getting lost in one field? Where were their mommy’s and daddy’s, or babysitters? Why was there no one watching over these 400 kids? And the song never said whether anyone actually found all those kids. I thought that maybe the movie “Children of the Corn” was about those 400 children who, having never been found, turned into evil, mutant children, and they finally found the way out of that damn field, and were killing off all their parents for not looking hard enough for them all those years.

I was in my late twenties before I finally realized that the song actually said:

“You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille.

Four hungry children and a crop in the field.”

My mother, who oddly enough has the middle name Lucille, still hasn’t let me live it down. And probably won’t.

Anyhoo, so while he was a big part of my mom’s life, I never thought that much of him. H e was a good singer, but not “my style”. I was sad when he passed away, but more so out of sympathy for my mom, who was very broken up over it.

But he visited me the other night. Or I just dreamt about him. I don’t know.

He had a small kitten with him, a little black fur ball that he called “Trouble”. I wanted to hold the kitten, and he handed him to me, but said to be careful of his claws, because he was “ornery” and “mighty particular” about how he was held. I was told to run on home and give him to my mom. He said that her cat was getting on in years (which is very true), and wasn’t going to last much longer, and that she was going to need this “scrap of Trouble” before too much longer, to help ease her sorrow or, as he put it, “to keep her too danged busy keeping Trouble out of trouble to worry about it.”

Well, I talked to my mom tonight, and the cat’s still alive, so I guess that’s good news. Weird news is my mom told me she dreamt of Waylon last week too. She wanted him to sing for her, but he wouldn’t, and she was cross with him. But, anyway, I haven’t seen any black cats around, so I’m assuming this dream was just that--a dream. Even psychics dream pure fluff sometimes--don’t they?

I have finally found a little peace in my quest.

I have taken the advice of some things I’ve read, and have consciously been trying to let go of the negative feelings, and replace those with light and good. Sometimes it’s a lot harder than other times. I’m by nature a cheerful person, but very cynical when it comes to aspects of myself.

But taking that time to just sit, relax, and let go off all my tension, and just envisioning all my stress, worries, and bad thoughts sloughing off me like dead skin really helps in keeping myself in a better place.

And being in a better place means I feel more positive and centered, and it’s easier to let more of the good feelings in, and keep the bad ones out, or at the very least, to feel more protected against the darker ones.

There are also other things that help lighten my heart, the first of which is my husband and children. They are my great loves, and my shining stars. Secondly, knowing that my Bitch Click (you know who you are, girls!!) is there for me, come hell or high water, is a very deep comfort to me. Thirdly, all of you who’ve emailed about this column and/or “Sarah Doctor in the House?” do me a great honor. Thanks for the thoughts, ideas, and encouragement, and I’m so very glad to know that something I’ve written has given you a smile, a few chuckles, or brightened your own day.

Many peaceful wishes,

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