Sage Uncensored is NOT a spoiler column and does not represent itself as such in any way. It is not intended to proved "new," "out-scooped" or otherwise groundbreaking material.  This column will discuss news, rumors and spoilers already in circulation, so if you are here to bitch that there is no new material, don't say you weren't warned.  Those of you who enjoy Sage and his writing will likely appreciate the column.  Those of you who are just here for your spoiler fix are probably in the wrong place.

For those of you who choose to continue on and share time with Sage,  welcome!

LONG LOAD TIME, PLEASE BE PATIENT.  GO PEE, GET A DRINK,
ANSWER THE DOOR, LEARN CANASTA, APPLY FOR A HOME LOAN,
DONATE TO EYE ON SOAPS...

March 7, 2005

Some are only merely dead
and others most sincerely dead!

We have established that:

Ryan can NOT make Jonathan eat a sandwich.  He can't, he can't, he can't.  Alrighty then.

Edmund is not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead.

If one tries and I mean really tries, one really can eat too many white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies.  Bleh. (Personal observation)

Ryan and Greenlee just might not making it once he deals with her drugging Jonathan and she deals with Jonathan being innocent (cop out:  Braden dunnit).

Hard to tell which side of the bars
they're on, isn't it?

Father-son matching restraints...
now at Armani.

"This is the worst script
ever... can't I get a Brown
Penny, Brown Penny?"

"No more beating up meter maids, deal?
Let go of my hand. Let go of my hand.
Jonathan, you're hurting me"

"You're making me hurt, you, Ryan."

"I am going to KICK THIS
LYING, BETRAYING
letter's ASS!"

We have established that:

Blair is not really dead or even most sincerely dead.

David Tom is reprising his role as Paul Cramer for whatever reason we cannot fathom.  Let's hope it's flashbacks.

John needs to brush up on his woman skills.

The powers that be at OLTL are idiots for not snatching up Roscoe Born (ex-Mitch).  He's dedicated to Y&R as Tom Fisher now, dammit.

This could get in the way of
getting home.  Doesn't Margaret
belong here instead?

Niki Jr. on the prowl

Pretty, but hey, you're a breath away
from fifty.  Protest the wardrobe, lady.

Not who I'd want to see over my
hospital bed if I were Blair.

"Oh Bo, my bad.  I thought
you said a 'manhole' was
missing, not a 'man ho.'
OK, back to looking for
Blair again."

When the hell did Bo start dressing
like Truman Capote?  I was
cracking up at his hat.

 We have established that:

CarLo is a go.

Emily has sunk to all new levels of selfishness, asking Lucky to come be with her in the mausoleum while he heals, far from any medical help.

Rachel is Crazy Psychotic Chloe.

John Durant needs to stay on the show.

Mikey isn't merely dead and definitely not sincerely dead.  Katrina is the first one to voice to me that AJ is Faith's accomplice and is the one who has Michael, which is why the other kids came home and he didn't.  The whole shooting was a set up to get them off the trail so that AJ could finally raise his son.  I was skeptical at the time, but I can see how it appears to be playing out that way.

"Now that you're mobile, it's time
you felt sorrier for me."

You know what they say
about men with big
ears..."  :)~

Doing mouth to mouth resuscitation on
a relationship that is drying up faster
than K-mart paint.

"Hello Crazy Psycho Hosebeast, glad
to make your acquaintance."

No, I just want my money
back.  I pulled this one
thread and the whole
dress sucked up the
front.

Pictures are courtesy of http://www.abcwebpix.com.

Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides, he writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  Needless to say, if you are an asshole, he just for sure isn't going to write back.  If you're inclined to writing hateful things, pretend he wrote back and said, "That's just like, your opinion, man."

If your writing to ask about future storyline happenings, figure he answered, "Pfft, I dunno."  Sage truly does not have info on upcoming storylines except what is posted on the EOS Spoiler Commentary pages!