Sage Uncensored is NOT a spoiler column and does not represent itself as such in any way. It is not intended to proved "new," "out-scooped" or otherwise groundbreaking material.  This column will discuss news, rumors and spoilers already in circulation, so if you are here to bitch that there is no new material, don't say you weren't warned.  Those of you who enjoy Sage and his writing will likely appreciate the column.  Those of you who are just here for your spoiler fix are probably in the wrong place.

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February 7, 2005

HURRAY!!  Yippee!!  Whooo Hoooo!  Sage is back and better than ever and totally in the HIZZOUSE!  (fer shnizzle)

After two weeks of battling mucous from all kinds of places in my head and fever and woozy and yuck, I am so very cured and ready to dish these soaps!

But wait!  Today is the day for our EOS expenses to be paid.  Thanks to all who have contributed.  Katrina tells me a lot of people have really come through for us and I just want to truly hand out my own personal thanks for the amazing support we've received this month and over the years from our readers.  You guys just rock.  I've sent in my own monthly donation.  This site means the world to me and I'd be devastated if it went away!  I hope you feel the same way as well and will contribute to its upkeep:

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I actually did watch this past week for the most part.  For the past 2-3 weeks, it always seems that I miss 2-3 days of watching the 3 shows in various configurations.  I don't hate not watching as much as I hate that I don't care that I don't watch.  I remember a time when I practically had a panic attack if I was stuck in traffic or otherwise missed an episode.  Now it's little more than a shrug.  This week, however, as the bronchitis and sinus infection worked their way out and I started to regain consciousness, I was able to maintain a decent track record.

Not that I am particularly glad that I did.  Overall, there isn't one particular show that I see as better or worse than the others.  They all have their seriously crippling disadvantages and each still has its own charm.  I could find positive attributes in every ABC soap this week, which is a rarity for me.

All My Children is working hard to combine (yet another) public service announcement with accommodating the exits of Bianca and Maggie.  We could talk birds and stones here if it all was not so tastelessly done.  The impact of an abusive relationship would have been considerably greater if they had managed to pick a couple in whom we were particularly invested.  Jonathan and Maggie are a couple that, prior to the abuse, we barely saw together.  There was no real lead up.  We didn't see hardly any of their courtship.  We barely saw them in the same room together.  Now, although I personally am not deeply hooked into our own Pine Valley Barbie and Ken, in the interest of story telling, it would be much more dramatic of Ryan hit Greenlee.  I'm not in any way advocating spousal abuse.  I'm just saying that if we are going to play out the story, we should go for it.  Ryan was raised in the same environment as both Jonathan and Braden, we are to soon (if spoilers are correct) learn that he also shares the same paternal DNA.  How did he manage to escape repeating the pattern and resort to punishing women by mere grifting and shystering?  Of course, the major flaw in taking Ryan and Greenlee into a domestic violence story is that while Maggie makes excuses while cradling her bruised face and whimpering like a kitten in the rain, Greenlee would likely either wipe the floor and paint the walls with Ryan's rather hunky body or wait until he goes to sleep, tie him up and kill him slowly then.  Sure, Maggie has rejection issues, but Greenlee was nothing but a hunk of rejection prior to gaining Jackson as a daddy.  Also, (again) if we are going to tell the story and make the moral point, having Bianca use Jack and Erica, Ryan and Greenlee and other "happy" Pine Valley couples as glowing examples of those who you could not imagine becoming violent with one another was ill-advised.  It might have looked good on paper, but one thing I have learned in this life is that judging a couple by how they appear, even to family, can be very dangerous.  You just don't know what goes on behind closed doors and what demons can be evoked under challenging circumstances.  The very nature of familial abuse is that it is sometimes those who you do NOT expect.  Bianca's comments galvanized the stereotype that abuse occurs between skeevy, odd couples who are basically thrown together by circumstance.  For those who may be wondering, when Elizabeth Hendrickson and Eden Riegel take off for lands and soaps unknown, the rumor is that Jonathan the Dysfunctional Mess will be hooking up with the easiest push in town, Simone.

Our "Go Forth and Sin No More," story take on all new levels of ick this week when Jamie will be begging Bianca to pwease pwease pweeeeease [insert Roger Rabbit inflection here] help Babe.  As Katrina pointed out in her AMC Spoiler Commentary this week, even Kelly on One Life to Live, a whole other show, will step up her campaign to reunite Babe with her son, James/Ace.  When you pipe in support from a whole other show, you know we're in serious character deification overkill.

For months, we watched both Krystal and Babe lie their drawling asses off, keeping Miranda from her mother and Bianca firmly planted in the dark, justifying their behavior with more excuses than the US Defense Department (and they have a whole department set up for the sole purpose of being defensive).  Now, the quivered chin, the menthol-induced tears and the pouting lips are supposed to make us crumble into fandom heaps of forgiveness and understanding.  To illustrate the exact genuflecting procedures, we have everyone from our (ex) favorite skulking, dark, shrewd and foxy Dr Hayward to Dixie's "sensible" son (who was about 12 a year or so ago) to Bianca, the very woman who was deprived of her daughter for all those irretrievable months to Liza, to Tad, who swore to do right in this matter, all aptly demonstrating the Babe Bendover.  The normally tightly-wrapped (these days, anyway) Brooke is also on the team, as is Liza, who isn't even on the damned show any more (we even temporarily rehired the fired to kiss Babe's soft, supple ass).  Kidnapping charges leveled against Jamie and Babe for, well, kidnapping, are grossly unfair.  Even Llanview Police pretty much lost interest in the fact that the Lieutenant Governor's child had been kidnapped... just as they lost interest in the fact that SOMEONE from one of the two shows killed Paul Cramer (not that I think the writers even have a clue who killed him).  If the objective was simply to get David Tom off the show (and action I fully endorse) and that objective was met, leaving the story to flop around like a salmon on the riverbank, then so be it, but at least have the balls to come out and say it.  I personally hope they just let who killed Paul Cramer fade away into the dropped balls of soap history like Bobby in the attic.  "Oh well, someone killed him, but he needed killin'."  "Oh well, they kidnapped a child, but it was for a really, really good reason."

And they all lived happily every after.

The one thing on this show that has invariably made me smile is any scene with Lily in it.  I loved her jive talk.  I love her with Aidan.  I love her with Reggie.  Hell, I even love her with my least favorite character on the show, Erica.  I just love her.  Sure, we have to suspend reality on her autism, but we have to suspend reality with every frame of the show anyway, why stop here?  Nothing is sacred on the flotation properties of reality.   That aside, I am completely diggin on Lily.

Lastly, now that Cady McClain has finished up her tour as Rosanna on "As the World Turns," rumors are flying all over the place that Dixie Martin will be returning, baby in tow for a quick reunion with Tad. 

God help us.

February 14th is not Happy Valentine's Day for FauxCristian, who will depart for a life prison sentence on that day.  See?  Due process is really, really fast when the writers want it to be.  Poor Natalie will be crushed with no where to turn... sort of.

We're told that John will be shocked by what NotCris' DNA test reveals.  I'm guessing he'll find that it really is Cris, but decides to keep it quiet to protect Natalie from having a husband in jail for life and save Antonio from going to prison as Tico's real (brainwashed) killer, ala Jessica's vision.

Evangeline:  John, I love you.

John:  *blink blink* OK.

Although I bitched about it in the AMC section, we will finally found out who murdered Paul Cramer, even if we don't particularly care any more.  We are promised in fairly lackluster tones that whodunit will become a story in and of itself.  As long as it doesn't make me yawn or vomit, I'll be happy.

I'm hearing two different stories.  I hear that Ms Bigelow is alive (person who put on the glasses) and that it's actually her sister.  Regardless, one of my favorite actress is staying around the show a while longer.

My very dear friend, Carol Banks Weber (for whom I would go straight if it wasn't for that pesky husband of hers - see she's traveling and will never see that, so I'm safe in saying it), reports the following OLTL rumors:

Natalie joins the police force.  Jessica actually does the great divide into two personalities, like mother like Niki Smith.  Joey will NOT come back (thank the lord and that goofy blonde guy whose name escapes me who played him last) just yet.  Evangeline might grow a family.  Rumor are flying that the displaced Cynthia Preston (soon departing Faith Roscoe from GH) will be recast as Tina Roberts (although I also heard this one was started as a suggestion on a message board and grew wings from there).  Michael Easton ain't going nowhere.

We know that Margaret can't be long for this show.  Tara Signor's pregnancy is becoming fairly obvious and unless Todd has some incredible super sperm, it's going to be hard to write in.  She can't wear that ugly purple coat forever!  ("Is that a lifejacket, McFly?")

Trying to think of something to comment on with OLTL and it's just not coming.  I think I'm mesmerized by the photo of David "Cupid" Fumero up there.  I guess we all do weird stuff when we're young, adventurous and need rent.


An aggressive campaign is underway to "Keep the Faith."   Click here to participate.   With a character as vibrant as Faith and an actress as popular as Cynthia Preston (who, we hear, WILL still have her event at the GH Fan Club Weekend in Studio City in July), it was inevitable that her fans would lobby for a return.  Since the scenes of her death have already been taped and are in queue for airing, it would take some clever rewriting (but didn't we just see Helena die?).  Best of luck in your quest, Faith Fans!

If you've never seen Cynthia Preston in person, by all accounts, you are missing quite an experience.  Everyone I know who has seen her at personal events has gushed about how personable, fun, bouncy and friendly she is, proving the talent she wields to produce the cold, shrewd, lewd, cut-throat, grandma-killing, old-man-humping persona of Faith.  Be sure and catch her event in July, linked above and below.

A new baby for Lorenzo?  Could be with Lesli Kay starting to show.

We're seeing the realization of rumors that have been stirring for weeks/months now.  L&L2 is a go.  Any chance we can have a strong focus on that relationship, watching the renewal of an old spark, the growth of the love, the reapproach to one another as adults instead of teens?  Nope, didn't think so.  I'm betting on a rushed, contrived thing that happens almost behind the scenes.  I hope I'm wrong.

At his recent chat, Brian Frons, head of ABC Daytime, insisted on the following:

Skye is not a Cassadine.  Nikolas will be out of prison soon and will then learn of Emily's rape.  Georgie and Dillon consummate.  Lucky ends up torn between Emily and Elizabeth.  Casper continues on and on and on.  Carly and Lorenzo are given a go, but Sonny haunts them.  Jason and Sam are full steam ahead.  There were also mumbled promises about other characters, such as the Quartermaines, getting some air time.

I've heard that Maurice Benard and Kari Wuhrer (Reece) will be on "The View" on Thursday, the 10th.

If you are looking for event information for the 2005 GH Fan Club Weekend, your best bet is the Official GH Fan Club Website.  Party info is here.

As I was reading Carol Banks Weber's Channeling column this week, I was slapped upside the head by the fact that I am just no longer a Casper fan.  I used to be.  Loved them, in fact.  Lately, the powers that be don't seem to know what to do with them and that is a shame.  Of course, the time they freed up by shaving story time and energy away from Casper definitely freed up lots of NEm time and lord knows we need all of that we can get. 

Good to see Brad Maule and Jackie Zeman again.  JZ was looking wonderfully refreshed.  (More of both are forthcoming!!)

Ditto on Tony Geary, who is continuing his reign as (in my humble opinion) the King of Daytime.  He alone keeps Luke from becoming cartoony and tasteless, bringing texture and layers to every moment he's on the screen.  Even during the times when I don't like Luke very much, I sure do love Anthony Geary.  (Shit, right now he's killing me with the "Awwww, Cowboy" speech just before pulling the plug on Lucky.  *sniff*)

Billy (FYI, if you fingers are on the wrong home keys, you will type "Nolly" instead of "Billy") Warlock looks wonderful, fresh and fun as AJ with a vengeance to wreak.  Even if his time is short-termed, I am eager to see how this all plays out.  I'm just not getting enough AJ time so far.  >:<  Watching him today, ordering around the concierge or whatever that guy in the Bahamas is, I'm reminded of Christopher Walken saying, "Cowbells!  More Cowbells!!"

When Bobbie and Skye were talking on Friday, I noticed how similar they look to one another.  Interesting...

And with that, my dear ones, Sage is outta here for another week.  I hope you all have a fantastic trek into Valentine's Day!

Much love,


Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides!!  He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  So there! Needless to say, if you are an asshole, he just isn't going to write back because you will have proven you're not the people he writes for anyway and therefore, do not deserve his attention.  If you're inclined to do that, just pretend he wrote back and said, "That's just like, your opinion, man."

If your writing to ask about future storyline happenings, figure I answered, "Pfft, I dunno."

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