Sage Uncensored is NOT a spoiler column and does not represent itself as such in any way. It is not intended to proved "new," "out-scooped" or otherwise groundbreaking material. This column will discuss news, rumors and spoilers already in circulation, so if you are here to bitch that there is no new material, don't say you weren't warned. Those of you who enjoy Sage and his writing will likely appreciate the column. Those of you who are just here for your spoiler fix are probably in the wrong place.
For those of you who choose to continue on and share time with Sage, welcome!
January 18, 2005
AH CHA CHA!
It has been a crazy, nutty week. Talk about family drama. [insert little eye rolling guys here] Woke up Friday morning with the hangover from hell to hear someone banging and banging and banging on my door. Finally got up and opened it to find Ginger (my sister) standing there, sniffling around her stacks of suitcases and a rental car in my driveway. *sigh* No good can ever come of such a sight. Pulled her in and found out she and Natalie (her wife) had a major girlly blow out and she didn't know where else to go. When one doesn't know where to go, they usually go to see a friend across town, not a brother across the country. Ah well, our Ginger was never Ms Path of Least Resistance. Spent Friday with her, getting her head on straight and stuffing her full of guilt-squelching carbs. She called Natalie that night and we all spontaneously decided to meet up at the resort. In a flurry of packing and ticket booking and phone calls we finally ended up on the red-eye (Ginger's treat, Goddess bless her). They were kind of shaky off and on in that still-bruised status that comes after a particularly bad throw down, but they went home together and that's a good start. When I got in last night, I sat at the computer fully intending to write like mad, did an interview with Katrina, then realized my heart just wasn't in writing. I was exhausted on all levels. Burned some herbs to help me relax, then hit the pillow and didn't open my eyes again until this morning.
Now, we talk soaps.
Also, ABC soaps will not air
in some time zones on Thursday, January 20th, due to coverage of the
presidential inauguration events.
An acting legend, Ruth Warrick, has passed away. Details are here. I tend to take these things a little differently than most people, such as when Anna Lee (Lila- GH) died. I'm very into the cycles of life and celebrating what a person accomplished in their life rather than mourning their passing. When we weep and mourn, we are crying for ourselves and how much we will miss the physical presence of the person in our world. I don't believe our loved ones want us to be sad, so I am more for giving honor to how they lived their life and the joy they brought to others. Ms Warrick is well loved and respected and the rich and vibrant life she lived is bound to be a warm memory for all of us, especially those who knew her well. As her niece, Julia Barr (Brook) said, "She was a real pip." Go in peace, Grand Lady, and thanks for the memories.
On February 12th, Soapnet will air a special salute to Erica Kane called "I Love Lucci." The 7-episode marathon will begin at 7am and span 30 years of Erica from 1970-2000. (Jeff Martin! Tom Cudahy! Jeremy Hunter!) Six hours of retro fun!
Anita is pregnant! Or rather, Natalia Cigliuti is. Will they write it in? Buzz buzz buzz! Will Aidan be a papa? Will Bobby get a baby? Will Anita carry big purses and envelopes?
Crossover madness continues as more Llanview faces pop up in Pine Valley. Kevin will be back, to be certain, and his Uncle Bo will be popping up as well to execute his police commissionerish duties.
When you see Jamie drop to one knee and ask Babe to marry him, keep in mind that when the take was done, portrayer Justin Bruening asked his paramour, Alexa Havins, to be his wife. She thought he was still in character and was pleasantly surprised when she realized he was truly asking.
February sweeps for AMC will continue to involve fallout from the baby switch. How often does one story cover three separate sweeps months? Babe will return to Pine Valley to face the music and the mob mentality will be in full force in light of the Prodigal Daughter's re-emergence. Although Bianca is eager to have justice done, something keeps sniggling around in the back of her mind: that fact that Babe came through for her when it mattered that rainy night in the cabin two sweeps ago. Tad rethinks his rejection of Krystal, but not without a good bit of posturing and huffing from David, who has become quite re-attached to Krystal in Tad's absence. Ryan (we knew it would ultimately come around to him, didn't we?) will be the one who is deeply affected by the revelation that Jonathan is an abuser. He stands up for Jonathan and becomes determined that his younger brother will not follow in the cruel footsteps of Patrick Curry, the abusive step-father (and Jonathan's father) who raised them. Ryan makes saving Jonathan his mission, even if it means losing his wife in the process
Hurray! Hurray! Knowing my angst over the death of one my very favorite characters, a friend wrote to tell me that Blair really isn't hallucinating. Ms Bigelow actually is very alive and is helping Blair find Todd. The best sidekick since Moose, the parrot, Todd just wouldn't be the same without his trusty, albeit it masculine, right hand lady. Speaking of Todd...
What a crappy time for an avalanche!
Jusssst as Todd is escaping. Something tells me this isn't going to further his relationship with God. Margaret, of course, ever the industrious little minx, is able to blast through the mess to get to her man and continue her pursuit of his sperm. Although I feel Trevor St John is a fine enough soap actor, I have to say that I miss seeing Roger Howarth play these Margaret scenes. What a hoot that would be. I'm grateful that he's happy and secure at ATWT, but wow, I miss him.
Kevin will also be awarded custody of Ace, at least in the interim. Kelly will continue to urge him to give the baby back to Babe. Kevin will also be crossing over to AMC again, as will Bo.
As we moved into sweeps next month, as you may have guessed, Cris has secrets that go beyond having killed Tico. John will be the one who discovers the truth about him. John, himself, has a skeleton or two in his closet. It's still unclear as to whether Margaret will rape Todd or kill him or both. No resolution is coming on the Paul Cramer murder mystery (do we care any more?) until about March or so. Supposedly, the writing staff has been leaving us clues all along. Personally, I'm not sure THEY have decided whodunit. The resolution will involve Llanview Memorial Hospital and Marcie will find herself surrounded by a real life "Killing Club." Bill Dawes, who plays Marcie's gay brother, Eric, will be back to take part in that story.
John and Michael continue to butt heads over Tico's murder with John trying to protect Michael and Michael telling him to butt out.
David Fumero will not be staying on long term and the character of Cris will me an "explosive" end after a four-month stint, just as originally planned. The question that remains is whether or not it's really Cris.
Kathy Brier (Marcy) and Kassie DePaiva will be featured on Wally Kurth's Soapnet series, "One Day With..." on January 22nd and January 29th respectively.
We'll be seeing more evidence unfolding that Jessica is every bit her mother's daughter, if you know what I mean (Wasn't that about as subtle as the writers are being? Might as well hang a sign on her that says, "I HAVE D.I.D. TOO, SEE??" It all feels very, "Not to be outdone, Jessica..." to me. No doubt this will be yet another Lord who commits heinous crimes and is never held accountable for it.
No doubt one of her alters is the killer of upcoming The Killing Club Mystery, as well as of Paul Cramer. That way, no one has to go to Statesville. Shall we bring on some contrived backstory about how her alter met Rex at a bar in Cherrydale (or whatever that town up the road is where Nora's train crashed), was jilted by him and set him up for the murder.
Love, love, LOVED the 653rd Buchanan meeting. That was priceless. "Grandpa said the 'D' word!"
I like Duke more every time I see him. For a singer, Matthew Metzger is turning into a decent actor.
RJ and Lindsay, yeah buddeee!
Of course, the upcoming rape of Emily is the biggest story buzzing around at the moment. For a while, there was some debate as to whether or not GH would actually go through it, but go through with it they shall as we have all seen from the grisly previews. Considering that 1) Emily is the practically only female character on GH who hasn't already been raped at one point and 2) that rape is about the only calamity not to befall Emily yet, I'm quite sure it seemed like a grand idea to the powers that be. The added bonus is that it furthers another cause, which is to bring Lucky and Elizabeth closer together as they help Emily through the crisis and thereby revisit Elizabeth's own rape memories.
Connor, of course, has sealed his fate as the newest Nopper. Guy should have stayed in Canada making chairs. Mmm mmm mmm. I am just shaking my head. There is so much more that could have been done with the Connor story. Gone is the possibility of Connor actually being a long lost Nikolas twin, taking literally years of rumor into fruition. An heir and a spare? Couldn't Stavros or Stefan have spirited the baby away? Couldn't Connor have actually been Stefan's baby and Nikolas be Stavros' (ala OLTL's Jessica and Natalie)? What better way to punish Stefan for sleeping with his wife than by stealing their lovechild and selling him into a backstreet adoption? Dashed is that idea that Connor could be a clone of Nikolas, engineered by Helena to take over the Cassadine Empire from a failing and quite disappointing Nikolas. Destroyed is any hope of seeing a man genuinely grieve the beloved wife he sacrificed all to reunite with, only to find her dead at the hands of a man who he later witnesses killing his own grandmother. Obliterated is any chance of actually seeing Emily or Nikolas feel remorse or take responsibility for their actions. When Nikolas confessed, it wasn't because he thought he did anything wrong. It was because he wanted to disarm Connor. Eliminated is any possibility of Nikolas being imprisoned while Connor continues to pose as Nikolas for Emily, as Emily inadvertently finds herself drawn to him, to his pain and his darkness and his secrets. There are probably a hundred different scenarios we could list that would be, I dunno, remotely interesting, and could create a story that draws us in gradually, whether we want it to or not. One that gets us intrigued in the Nikolas/Emily/Connor story rather than beating us on the head with a huge Poor Emily Stick. Instead of investing any kind of creativity into the process, the writers instead copped out with, "Hell, let's RAPE'er. We ain't had a good ol' fashion rapin' in a LONNNNNG time." What a bunch of monkey spanks.
But now... will Emily actually BE pregnant and if she is, who is the daddy? A lot can happen in just 15 minutes.
The next favorite - and most distressing - gossip around is of the return of Billy Warlock as AJ Quartermaine. In league with Bridget to heap pangs of owies upon the heads of all who have subdued him, AJ is set to return for very limited run starting on February 3rd. Courtney, a desert island, a set up and no doubt the further decimation of a character our current writers never particularly liked in the first place. AJ fans are edgy, hoping for their favorite character to return, take the advantage and ride off into the sunset triumphant (or better yet, score a contract role), but I think secretly or publicly, most are deeply concerned that the Black Sheep Quartermaine is being set up for even further crucifixion.
The end of Faith is soon at hand as she carries her vendetta a bit too far. Yet another shameful loss of good story material and a wonderfully fun and vibrant actress. The story is expected to start within a couple of weeks and take 3-4 weeks to complete.
Prior to the birth of his new baby daughter, casting director Mark Teschner was supposedly working on the idea of a recast of Jeff Webber. His intention was to bring on a big name actor for the part (I know! How about Richard Dean Anderson?), but as we all know, it's a long, crooked road from idea to manifestation. Although I would love to see the Webber family built up (and redeemed), I'm not holding my breath on this one.
Sam and Jason may not be as over as it soon appears.
Lorenzo and Lois, however, are going to (finally) be done. I've heard that the powers that be actually realized that Steven and Carly were a fizzle instead of a sizzle and are ready to go with a Lorenzo and Carly reunion. You'll see more hints of that in upcoming episodes.
The long-time rumors of Skye actually being a Cassadine (remember that Rae never did reveal who her father was in actuality, only that he wasn't Alan) are again rearing up, this time with some pretty strong legs. The story now is that Luke is the one who learns her heritage, right when he has finally given in and allowed himself to fall for her.
And that, my darlings, is, as they say, that. I hope you have a magnificent week, filled with joy, miracles and intoxicating tranquility (but never, ever boredom!)
Note: Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally. He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya! Besides!! He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not! So there! Needless to say, if you are an asshole, he just isn't going to write back because you will have proven you're not the people he writes for anyway and therefore, do not deserve his attention. If you're inclined to do that, just pretend he wrote back and said, "That's just like, your opinion, man."
If your writing to ask about future storyline happenings, figure I answered, "Pfft, I dunno."