Sage Uncensored is NOT a spoiler column and does not represent itself as such in any way. It is not intended to proved "new," "out-scooped" or otherwise groundbreaking material.  This column will discuss news, rumors and spoilers already in circulation, so if you are here to bitch that there is no new material, don't say you weren't warned.  Those of you who enjoy Sage and his writing will likely appreciate the column.  Those of you who are just here for your spoiler fix are probably in the wrong place.

For those of you who choose to continue on and share time with Sage,  welcome!

January 10, 2005

It's a sleepy, snoozy day, cold and snowy outside and warm and inviting inside.  I didn't sleep well last night, for whatever reason and so I'm feeling draggy and not so perky today.

Just can't seem to get my purr motor going.

I cruised around the spoilers on Eye on Soaps, really the only place where I look for them any more.  It has been so wonderful to not be spoiled beyond the next week or so.  By the time I got around to actually watching the show, it felt like it had already happened and was old news.

Although the commentary was stunning as always, the spoilers were boring and I have to wonder if we've hit that inevitable lull that comes a month or so before sweeps.  It's as though they have to gear down in order to make whatever lame, "explosive" sweeps event they come up with even more exciting.

As much as I strive not to live in the past, it makes me long for the old days (that many of you miss) when the shows were consistently on a roll for the most part. AMC was usually the more stable of the three, with OLTL and GH vying for best show between the two.  Sure, there were terrible times as well, long dry periods of boring crap, but not like we have now.  I'm sticking with it because I love the shows, but well, damn.

I was very pleased with the 35th anniversary episode of AMC, but my favorite line had to be Opal's about Agnes, "You'd think she built the whole town herself, single-handed."  Seeing Dancing Nick was a joy and I'm always happy to see Mark.  I would have liked a lot more of a retrospective, but I'm happy with what I got. 

It did only serve to contract the current state of AMC, with this ludicrous trek of Babe and Jamie in bad costumes, trailing all over the country.  Lindbergh kidnapping aside, I am quite impressed that such a duet of doofuses (doofi?) are able to elude capture for so long while they tool around with the Lt Governor of Pennsylvania's baby.  We're kidnappers!  We're broke!  I know, let's go to Disneyworld! 

I look at JR and have conflicting feelings.  On one hand, I don't know how so many people can justify playing God, both with Bianca and now with JR.  They exclusively get to decide who has access to their own child.  This one little pocket of people has the license on what's right and what's wrong.  There is very little doubt that JR is an asshole who likely should not be raising a baby, but it is also amazing to me that no one but JR sees the parallels between what was done to Bianca and what is being done to JR.  On the other hand, JR was well prepared to keep Babe from her child and has vowed to do so again.  If I were told that about my own child, you bet I would take the kid and run.  This all makes me feel quite manipulated because of course, this conflict is exactly what the AMC writers want us to feel and I'm falling headlong into it.

I am grateful for the break from Erica.

I really am sorry that AMC is investing in the turkey of a story in Jonathan and Maggie.  Clearly a means to an end, (the long awaited BAM romance) throwing a public service announcement in the middle of a couple that is already cumbersome and contrived only serves to further the eye-rolling needs.  Someone evidently read a pamphlet on "the signs of domestic abuse" and used it as a template for the story.  If they really wanted to write a good story on the subject, they should at least imbue Jonathan with extremely endearing qualities.  Make us root for him, then be devastated by his actions, as Maggie is.  Let us warm to him on some level, then blow us away.  As it is, they took a boring, badly written, badly acted, not well thought out character, made him Greenlee's poisoner, made him a liar and did all but make him wear a dunce cap with "Bad Guy" written on it.  Let us feel some conflict in this! 

Spoilers say we will have a Liza spotting, but only in the capacity of propping up even more Babe and Jamie hijinks.  It's a paycheck, I guess.

Carol Banks Weber made mention in this week's Channeling column of a recent interview in which Dan Gauthier (Kevin) spoke frankly about the challenges of not being a front burner daytime actor and the tensions around the OLTL set.  It was a personal, candid and revealing look into what is often seen as a glamorous life but often involves the same challenges we all face.

I was crushed by the death of Ms Bigelow, who was a wonderfully odd character and fit so well with Todd.  Now I hate Margaret even more.  Many have written to me who really enjoy the performance of Tari Signor in the role, but it feel hammy and over the top, not at all menacing like I want my villains to be.

I think that's the biggest problem with all three soaps.  We have no good villains, not anywhere on ABC.  We have silly villains (Margret), we have declawed villains who do little more than gum their victims to death (Helena), we have corporate baddies like JR Chandler.  No good intimidating villains like Carlo Hesser, Mitch Laurence and Cesar Faison.

Am I bored.  Laws yes, I am.

Bored here too.  I'm trying hard to think of even one entertaining thing to say and I'm just not getting the buzz at all.

OH, I do have info for members of the Official General Hospital Fan Club and those on its mailing list.  An administrative glitch a few days ago caused messages to be inadvertently sent out to several people on the list saying that they had been unsubscribed from the list.  Do not dismay!  Debbie Morris, official fan club president, wants to make sure everyone on the mailing list knows that their subscriptions are intact and all e-mail addresses have been retained.  No addresses have been deleted and it was only a computer snafu that made it appear otherwise.

January will be over before you know it.  If you are a member of the Official GH Fan Club, be sure and book your tickets for the annual GH Fan Luncheon to be held in Studio City, California on July 16th.  Info is here.  February 1st, any tickets remaining will be sold to non-members and trust me, they will go FAST.  This event is not to be missed!

How many times can I ridicule Brook and Diego?  I'm completely over my Jax and Courtney interest, especially after his, "You did nothing wrong" speech of sanctimony.  Lorenzo and Lois are terrible together and we were promised long ago they were done, but to no avail.  Steven and Carly have zero zip and are like watching my grandma and grandpa court one another.  Nikolas, Connor and Emily are so vapid and stupid it makes my teeth hurt.  Alexis is now a hysterical mess.  Rik is interesting.  Jason and Sam are interesting.  Jordan looks like a mannequin.  Dillon is fascinating.  Everyone else is missing...  What can we do?

1) Wish Emily and Nikolas the very best in life and send them on a lonnnnnng honeymoon cruise off camera.

2) Felicia gets a real onscreen mystery to solve and to do it, pairs up with John Durant, personally and professionally.

3) Sonny, I'm sorry, has to go.  Overkill and all.  He can come back in a blinding flash of glory for November sweeps.

4) Jason and Sam.. OK, they get the baby, they get the love story, but then, Carly makes a very serious play for Jason.  Ultimately, we get Carly and Jason and Sam gets... AJ.  Jason doesn't like AJ having "his" daughter and wow, custody battle!

5) Lois goes on musical tour with.. someone... anyone.

6) Ned hooks up with Courtney.

7) Stefan returns and reveals that "our" Helena is pod Helena and "real" Helena, fangs and all, comes back.  Both, interestingly enough, think Connor is Nikolas and treat him like "the prince."

8) Lucky and Elizabeth.  Oh yeah!

9) Skye and Luke.  Oh yeah!

10) Lorenzo and Faith.  Oh yeah!

11) Dillon and... Maxie!

12) Georgie needs a break.  Off to college with ye!

13) Brook and Lucas, 2gethr 4evr, onscreen even.

14) Rik and Alexis... I'm good with it.

15) Bring back Big Alice, Elton and Reginald!  Spice it up a bit!

And please, get Courtney out of that brown ribbon dress.  This like day 4.  Maybe next week will be better.  This week, I'm seriously considering other ways to spend my three hours a day.


(But you guys, I love)



Note:  Sage gets a fat ton of mail every day and regrets he can't answer everyone personally.  He loves ya, he just might not get a chance to write to ya!  Besides!!  He writes to you every week in a column whether you write to him or not!  So there! Needless to say, if you are an asshole, he just isn't going to write back because you will have proven you're not the people he writes for anyway and therefore, do not deserve his attention.  If you're inclined to do that, just pretend he wrote back and said, "That's just like, your opinion, man."

If your writing to ask about future storyline happenings, figure I answered, "Pfft, I dunno."

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