Lessee... Daytime Emmy Awards checklist...
#2 soft lead Dixon Ticonderoga pencils x3, sharpened
Heated foot warmers
Phone off hook
Giant bowl of kettle corn
Bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Minicups
Caucasian Ruskies in rock glasses x6 (When one prepares an alcoholic beverage in advance, one must vary the alcohol saturation to compensate for the inevitable ice melting dilutage, so it's sort of like an alcohol glass xylophone with ever increasing levels of booze in each glass)
Bag of Jolly Rancher Jellybeans
Autographed pub shot of A Martinez with mini-Caucasian Rusky (in a shot glass) for A
I'm ready. Let's motorvate.
I don't get SoapNet (STILL - *moment of silence for Poor Sage*), so no red carpet treatment for the Sageman. Just a drop right into the ceremony. Waving at my friends that are attending. (wavewave)
Comments as they came up:
Ah! Vanessa Marcil looks like a marvelous, golden mermaid. While I appreciate that she isn't sucking up the speech time with self-gratuitous performances, honestly, I would have enjoyed a bit more formality. It's just a personal quirk. I was mesmerized by her perfectly globed (of course, as it turned out, the first two of many) childbearing boobies. They were amazing in their perfection and I wondered briefly if she bound them during her pregnancy to make sure not one inch of skin had a chance to sag.
I was so tremendously excited when Rick Hearst won Best Supporting Actor. He was very deserving. I was a little confused when he started babbling about how incredible the writing team is at GH and had pause to wonder if he A) had been threatened in some way by Guza and Pratt's thugs. You know, if the mafia happened to be the ones running the behind-the-scenes show at GH, it would really explain so much. Otherwise, B) In his excitement over winning, he mistakenly thought he was still on Days of Our Lives.
A bird-head woman (some odd hat thing, but I hear her name is Victoria Rowell) and her onscreen partner announced the award for best supporting actress. We saw a brief shot of Kathy Brier and wow! She looked amazing! In watching the clip of Heather Tom for Young and the Restless, I was again gobsmacked by the revelation that I just don't get Heather Tom. Lord knows I've tried because she is so very well loved in the soap community, but I just don't see the appeal. Ditto plus 20 on her brother. I just don't get it.
Cady McClain looked absolutely stunning, but girlfriend, put a period at the end of that sentence and move along! She ate up about 2 song and dance acts and a badly written joke or two for Vanessa all on her own.
I am terrified to notice that Emmy award itself has something that looks like Pikachu's tail coming up the back on each side.
Since I seem to be waxing into my child self, I will also note that I Sesame Street.
OW! OW!! MY EYES!! I can't BELIEVE what I'm seeing!! Forget the Emmy. Tacky Bastard of the Year Award goes to Tyler Christopher! For the love of GOD, man, LOSE THE GUM! That's got to be the most low-class thing I've seen in a good, long while! Note to NATAS: hire some pretty young thing to stand at the curtain's edge with her well manicured hand out to act as a mandatory gum receptacle. They could then likely pay for a good bit of the ceremony expenses by selling said gum on E-bay. Lord knows we obviously can't depend on the stars to have that kind of class. At least, not all of them. TC's publicist should be on him like a freak without warning, beating him until candy and small toys spill out (no gum).
Awww. It brought a tear to me eye to see the Grand Marshalls of the Rose Parade were Bill Cosby, Art Linkletter and *sob* Fred Rogers. The category (which Tournament of Roses Parade, did not win) was "Special Class Special." "Special" and "Class" pretty much sum up those three men.
Lorenzo Lamas? Whoa! And to think I always thought of him as Sandy's jock boyfriend in Grease.
Hearing Lynn Thigpen's voice as Luna the Moon in "Bear in the Big Blue House" brought yet another tear to my eye.
Enter Caucasian Rusky #3.
Whoa!! Is it COLD in her Lisa Rinna? Come over here, nips, I need a place to hang my car keys!
Vanessa Marcil just said, "Has anyone seen Peter Fonda?" Huh?
A presentation on the new host of "The View?" I'm trying to figure out who's missing. Trying to...
The next thing I remembered is I was waking up, the birds were singing outside, sun was starting to peek through the window and there was a stack of six empty rock glasses washed and upended on the dish drainer. I was covered by a cuddly mink blanket and the TV was off.
Guess... I missed a little bit.
I'm sure the other talented EOS writers will fill in the blanks. Looks like Lisa Ling is the one who is gone. When you miss six months, you miss a lot!
Happy Emmy Review, everyone!
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