April 21, 2003
us stay around!---->
C'mon, you know you love us! Donate to EOS!!
Not In Here Either
People, don't make me look the world over for all of you GH defectors and
drag you kicking and screaming back to the show for your own good!
We're heading into yet another awesome week of action and fun and YOU PEOPLE
ARE MISSING IT!! Stop trying to make a point and turn your TV on when
the ambulance rolls, baby! It's time to stumble back home, leave your
pride at the door and have some fun!!
You gotta lap up a little bitta dis:
and summa dis:
and a lotta dis:
and a good amount of dis:
and a dasha dis:
and just the right amounta dis:
C'mon. if you let the past of soap operas hold you hostage, you'll
never watch another one and we'll all be lost in the bog of Swords of Malkuths
past. NOW GET OVER HERE AND WATCH THE DAMNED SHOW WITH US, y'big baby, so
you'll know what we're talking about at the water cooler! Don't think I
don't see you in the drawer behind me, traitor cat!
Now that my pictorial ad for GH is finished and I'm putting the chapstick
back on my lips, let's get on with the column:
By the way, the clutter to the left and right of this column isn't there to
piss you off or distract you or sell you something. It's there because the blank
spaces were driving me nuts, so I thought I'd entertain you a bit.
From Da Stud Hoss's Lips!!
Stephen Nichols, in lieu of straight out announcing that he's returning to GH
because of the fervent pleas from me on my knees (which resulted in the cops
being called if you please) has issued a release of a bit of a tease of these
words you may seize: (Sage Does Dr Seuss)
"I am pleased to announce that I will be returning to General Hospital
on May 5. I understand that many of you sent letters and E-mails, etc. in
support of me and I am very grateful to all of you. The more time I put into
this crazy business, the more dear you have become to me an to my family. I do
not yet know my first air date but the story will bring Stefan back to save the
crumbling Cassadine family. Stefan has a plan for Nikolas which will put them at
odds and ultimately lead to another Cassadine/Spencer war. I am looking forward
to working with Tony again and of course, Tyler. The prospect of rekindling the
relationship with my son/nephew, Tyler/Nikolas was one of the main attractions
of my return.
"I will keep you posted as to any other developments and thanks again
for the love and support."
Of course, Darling, mine was signed "Love, Stephen" and yours was not, but
don't feel bad. The news that he's returning sooner (5/5) than later
(5/12) is a very, very good thing and we should expect to see him air by the end
of the month. Folks were furrowing brows over his contract of six months,
but this is a shrewd move on SN's part, considering his main irritation the last
time he worked GH was that the powers that be just simply were writing anything
for him and what they were writing, was crap. This way, he can be sure
he's getting decent work before he commits in. One would think Helena
can't be far behind, but at this point, Constance Towers' people still aren't
confirming anything. While her return may be presumed and certainly
from all accounts, she's ready, willing and able, there's still nothing
revolving door turns yet again as Real Andrews exits the role of Taggert that he
has held down since 1996 (with a brief break in 1997 when Mathew St Patrick - of
"Six Feet Under" and AMC - took over the role). All of my sources indicate
that the rumors are true and Andrews will be joining the cast of ATWT, making
him the SIXTH African-American actor cast in a lead role on the show (since I
don't swim in nonABC waters, this info comes from my favorite cynic, Kate
Brown). Could ABC, the ultimate lily white network, possibly be paying
attention?? (Pfft, I doubt it) If true, (and there are no formal
yesses running around) Andrews will join ABC vets Roger Howarth (Todd from OLTL
- recently announced his move to NBC) and Cady McClain (ex-Dixie from AMC).
Rumors say Andrews will play a medical examiner.
Almost taking a page from a true "Fan NotFebruary" report, GH appears to
be setting up a focus on families rather than individuals. We have a front
and center story with the Quartermaines. Sonny is getting a brother that
requires some thought readjustment in tandem with the "baby on the way" story.
The Cassadines will be singing "We Are Fam-i-lee" again, although things will be
tense with Stefan and Nikolas. Zander and Cameron will be reconnecting as he
goes through Emily's cancer experience. Luke and Lucky will be involved
with the search for Summer's brother.
In addition to the family boom (as opposed to just anything else going
boom), we also have the return to romance with Ric and Elizabeth, Zander and
Emily, Lucky and Summer, Carly and Sonny AND Jason and Courtney. People
actually are gettin' some! They're kissing and not spitting afterwards!
They're makin' ze luvvv instead of having hate sex! This blends
deliciously with the rumors of a Ned and Skye pairing and the spoilers that ZEm
will absolutely be the love story of the decade. YUM!! Just sit back
and lap it up, darlings. Somewhere along the
way, it all turned around on us and we're getting what we want. The days
are stacking up into weeks and slowly, we can become convinced that it's NOT a
fluke episode and actually a wonderful transition into a balanced and extremely
Of course, that in no way assuages the bitchmongers and naysayers who
always have to find something to whine about. It's amazing that a show can
turn around to a degree heretofore only seen by the OLTL makeover by Gary Tomlin
and you STILL have harpies whining and griping and picking the meal apart to
satisfy their lust for attention through fit throwing. It's like living by
an airport or a freeway where you love your house enough that you just let the
noise drone on and eventually learn to tune it out and realize it's just
background noise that's never going to go away. The small minds will
always bitch. It's how they communicate.
For the record, don't expect to see any "blind items" here. Eye on
Soaps and yours truly are focused on the show, not on the Weekly World News
tabloid shit that may (or may not) be going on behind the scenes. What
happens on the screen is what's solid. The rest is speculation and second
hand trash, pure and simple. Don't ask me about them either. I'm not
going to dignify the rape of someone's personal life like that with discussion
of what star might have a pet sheep in his dressing room and "Hee hee, I'm not
tellin' cause you people don't deserve the full story, just enough bait to get
you yammering about it on the message boards." I'm amazed more people
aren't offended by it. "Oooh! I can't tell you all of it or I'll be
in troouuubbbblllee!" Well, then show some discretion and keep it to
Not much here. Chris Stamp murder is coming up and it's supposedly a
pretty big deal. Lee Meriweather will be back for more than one episode
as Ruth Martin soon.
has been cast in the form of
Ronald Guttman. Nice resemblance, eh? There is word of him
actually ending up as a love interest for Erica. Yet another man for her
to push aside. Good thing too. After Chris is murdered, Jackson will
NEVER get any play unless Erica gets a new man.