Kim!  Psst.  I'm here.  Hiding on All My Children.

Wha'??

Pretend you're hugging me and listen.  You *can't*
go back to GH, no matter what they offer you!  
Guza is back and he's turning all of the strong
women into headcases.  Remember when 
Robin the Saint became Robin the Shrew?

I think I'm going to be sick.

I know.  It's sad.  Alexis is a lunatic.  Laura is babbling
in some asylum in Switzerland.  Helena is freezing her
ass off in Antarctica.  Carly is a pod wife.  Audrey is off
the opening credits.  Monica is a shrew.  Lila is never
seen.  Felicia is a dead beat mom.  *sigh*  Dara is the
invisible woman.  Brenda is a husband-stealing snipe,
that Skye woman is a vindictive drunk, Elizabeth is a
waitress who is used as a prop...

Don't say any more.  I can't bear it.

I know, Kim.  I know.  It's not just the women.
The men are all dark and brooding or missing
in action.  It's a travesty.  A sin.

What will we do?

We have to be smart about this.  I'm going to hide out
here for a while and have fun feeling up Vincent
Irizarry as often as possible.  You continue to
do guest shots on prime time and little movie
parts.  It's not home, but it pays the bills.

Have to talked to Tristan?  Ian?

Ian is safe.  He's on Port Charles as someone
else altogether.  No one has even noticed that
he looks just like Duke Lavery.  Tristan knows
and has take every precaution.  Just keep the
rumors alive so the fans remember us always.

Oh God!  Thomas Wolfe was right! 
You can't go home!  *choke*sob*

And I can't keep the hot one instead of the smart one!
God, this sucks!

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