December 30, 2003
I used to be permanently
sad. It seemed like I was drowning in black pitch and could never get my
breath. The bad stuff would just keep compounding on each other until it
seemed like there was no longer any good stuff. The good stuff was like a
really brief whiff of a cool breeze on an endless, oppressively hot day.
I lived in a constant state of emergency and
crisis. I would wake up in the morning thinking, "Oh God. What's
going to go wrong today?" It was a horrible way to live and I'm grateful
to have worked my way out of that place. Overall now, I'm a positive
person and very trusting of "the process."
Sometimes though, every once in a while, things begin to happen
so fast that I can't get my breath and before I can reach up and touch the sky
again and get my balance, I'm falling down again.
Yesterday, Eric learned that his little business was awarded an
important contract that will keep them working for several months starting in
March or so.
That's a good
thing. Not an immediate cure for poverty in the first degree, but a good
thing, none the less.
Then, I had
this really, really magical thing happen that moved me in a really profound way.
About a month ago, I started seeing advertisements on TNT for the remake of "The
Goodbye Girl" by Neil Simon. The original one starring Richard Dreyfus and
Marsha Mason is one of my favorite movies of all times. As soon as I saw
the remake, I knew I wanted to see it. It's showing January 16, 17 & 18th
and I'm very eager. On the preview, I heard bits of Hootie and the
Blowfish doing "Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever," which is the theme song for the
movie (originally done by David Gates) and thought it was just wonderful.
I started looking around for a place to find the song to download and had no
luck. I looked over a few days and no luck. Then, out of the blue, someone
doing the publicity for that very movie contacted me as the webmaster of Eye on
Soaps and asked if I'd be interesting in promoting the movie on my site.
Um, Yeah! In return, they offered TEN copies of a DVD that has the Hootie
video, interviews with the actors and the trailer of the movie. I can use
the extra copies for a give away on the site. :) So that was really
cool that what I was searching like mad for came right up to my door. I
won't have them until sometime in January, but it's there, nonetheless.
The official site on this movie is
My mother-in-law sent us a gift certificate for Sears for
Christmas and my husband's sister sent the kids Toys-R-Us gift cards. Just
so you'll know, Toys-R-Us gets the Ignorant Customer Service award because you
can't use their gift cards on their website. Pfft. Eric and I went
there on Friday to see if they had cubbies for the kids' room to provide a
little organization. Delena wanted a Danish Princess Barbie. Got it.
Eric was in a bad mood the whole time we were out, so the shopping trip was
aborted and I went out again yesterday. I got a cool cubby set for
$35 (drop in drawers rather than cubbies in their truest form), then went on
over to Sears. Eric didn't have anything he wanted and Sears was having a
great sale, so I got a lot of really cool stuff that the family could enjoy,
like a replacement for our much used and ultimately killed George Foreman Lean
Mean Fat Grilling Machine. Regretfully, I went for the bun warming variety
which I belatedly (as in after I got home) realized does NOT have a timer on it,
which seemed standard I would think. Got a mini-trampoline, on sale for
half off in the sporting goods section. That will be good fun for the kids
and good exercise for me. Got two new pillows for me and Eric ($3 each!)
and a new heating pad for my wretched back (strained during pregnancy #6 with
Nathan, never got better, really, and fusses from time to time). I also
got four big plastic bins with lids and e smaller ones, also on sale.
Came home and started cleaning
right away. I went through all of the kids' toy boxes (they had 3, with
the emphasis on "had") and cleared out a bunch of stuff that is no longer age
appropriate for them and other things they've ignored for the past couple of
years. A million Burger King and cereal box toys were on the bottom layer
of toy box entrails and most were serious multiples. Anyway, I got it down
to one toy box of toys and one of very favorite stuffed toys. Sorted
things into the cubby drawers and put the books into one of the big bins.
Here's the end result:
The book bin (under the giant pink frog)
The 2 toy boxes in the closet. Up on the
right is the costume bin full of different Halloween costumes, Bob the Builder
hat, etc. The closet is finally clean and the doors move now.
The famous cubby set. To the left is the shoe bin and the
milk crate of shoes and socks.
is thrilled and the kids spent most of the day in their room playing with the
toys that they are now able to find. It took about 4 hours (and *shhhhh*
I never cleaned under the bed - Yikes!), but it was worth it and I'm glad I did
it. Now, if someone else would just come and do it for the other rooms in my
So those were all good
things. They happened during a tough time. Not tragic, just
challenging. Eric had an emotionally trying time and needed lots of R&R
time to hang with his friends and such, so I was spending tons of kid time.
Then he got sick, which was difficult for both of us, then he was out of sorts
from quitting smoking, which was challenging. So... challenging,
challenging, challenging. Yesterday seemed like a beginning of good things
with the awarding of the contract and the cleansing out of the room. It
feel like new beginnings all around. It still could be, but today was when
I got underwater and couldn't find my way back up again.
As a lot of you know, Eric has been laid off
since June, with the exception of a good 3 week job in July. We've been
skating by nicely, even eeking out a Christmas for the kids. Today, it
seemed like the bottom fell out. The guys found out that they need a
special endorsement on their liability insurance to take the contract and it's
going to cost a bundle. A parking ticket we got on a truck we own and have
been trying to sell (it has some carb issues) not only has to be paid, but has
to be corrected, which means paying $200 in registration, plus getting it
insured, plus the $25 ticket.
Eric got a letter saying that the Unemployment Department (EDD)
is under the impression that he inaccurately reported his earnings for that one
job back in July. He looked up his records and they match what EDD has, so
it had to be a matter of Eric making a mistake on the form or something. He's
really anal about reporting, so it surprises me, but they are of the impression
that he's a criminal, so they are fining him 30% of the amount in question
($380), plus they are withholding 5 weeks of his benefits as punishment.
That means we have to pay almost $500 and lose the majority of our income for 5
weeks. How we will make the rent that falls in that window on February 1st
is beyond me, not to mention that in two weeks, we were to get the EDD check
that covers electricity, phone, internet services and such. >:<
So that won't be coming. Scary, scary stuff. Thinking about things
like lights and groceries and heat and such was a place I didn't really want to
go again. Without his EDD payments, we're going to be in sorry shape
unless we find a way to fill in the blanks.
Eric has been working small jobs here and there to supplement the
budget and I can only hope that he's able to redouble those efforts during the
next couple of months.
to THAT, I am so old that I can be considered on the Silver Care Plan for
insurance. The commercial says they will cover anyone born between 1913
and 1963. That means if I die, it's not a big surprise to the Silver Care
Plan. I'm officially old.
that all the hopes in the world can be crammed into tomorrow, but today really
sucked. I need to go find some incredible, luscious holiness to not have
today be a total waste.
Counting my blessings, you know. Got great friends on and off the net.
Got a wonderful family. Got steaks on the grill (London Broil was only
$1.99 a pound!) and a 4th season Sopranos video from Netflix to crack into.
Got a clean room for the kids and ... something. I dunno. Good stuff
out there. I just need to break the surface to see it.
Meanwhile, I'm a little bit blue.
Today's Earlier Post, Click Here