October 1, 2003

Nope.  Not dead yet.  Just been busy.

Interesting quote:  Dylan this morning, "Sometime, when I'm pooping, I feel much older than I am."

It has many layers.

The diet/exercise gig is going great.  If it interests you, check in at www.eyeonsoaps.com/fatastic.htm.

My blood pressure check out last night at 117/63, my old, comfortable, just about dead norm.  I was really glad to see those numbers again.  Exercise and carb:protein linking, I'm tellin ya.

Not just Lilac Dreams... Weird dreams.  Proceed at your own risk.

First Dream:

Saturday night, Sept 27th

You gotta bend your mind a bit and lose the confines of convention for this one.

The whole dream was viewed by me as a movie, except that I could see it happening in real life and wasn't actually around.  I had background knowledge of a lot of things that were not brought up in the context of the "scenes" I witnessed and I was able to feel what the people in the dream were feeling and pretty much know what they knew without actually being them.

There were two people who were secret agents, a man and a woman who were married.  They had a daughter and the daughter had been more of an inconvenience to them than anything, sort of like they were agent, they met, married, happened to have a child and then went on being agents, shipping her out to boarding schools, being absent for a lot of her life, etc.

These two agents belong to an agency that is in direct opposition to another agency and want to shut them down.  They get vital information that they will anonymously drop on the authorities that will shut down the rival agency.  The info is stored in microchips, nestled into the diamond settings of a bracelet that they give their daughter for her 10th birthday.

The rival agency learns of this and sets out to get the bracelet.  They figure the best way to do that is to kill the man and woman and put agents in their place who have been surgically altered to look like the mom and dad.  They are counting on the distancing that has occurred by the Mom & Dad not being particularly close to the daughter, geographically or emotionally to keep the daughter from noticing the difference until they can find the bracelet. 

Second set of agents come in, look exactly like the parents and have been extremely well versed in the lives of the people they are replacing, and the girl comes home from work.  She sits with the "mother" for a while and the mother tries to ease into where the bracelet is stashed (the girl doesn't know about the microchips).  They have already been all through the house and the girl's room with no luck.  

Girl goes off to change clothes, skip to dinner.

They're have a quiet dinner together and this is the first time the fake dad has been around.  Mom has passed just fine, but all through dinner, the daughter keeps looking at the fake dad and he at her.  The fake mother looks at the two of them and wonders about the looks passing between the two of them and worries about the integrity of the "plan."  After dinner, the daughter excuses herself upstairs and the fake mom confers with the fake dad, who assures her that he thinks everything is fine, but that he'll take the next shift with trying to get the info out of the daughter. 

Later that evening, the dad is sitting smoking in the living room, having a drink and reading.  The daughter comes downstairs and sits with him on the couch.  He asks her about her day and they chat for a bit very calmly.  She works into asking him about his life through the past and stuff and he knows that he's answering and discussing everything flawlessly.  As she talks to him, she's getting closer and closer to him on the couch.  Finally, she's very close to him, right up cheek to cheek with him with her breath right in his ear and hers in his.  She continues talking very calmly to him as though they aren't that close and he's responding in kind, very relaxed, but responding to her closeness.  Then, she whispers in his ear, "Who are you really?"

He's stunned because he knows he's answered her questions and carried the conversation flawlessly.  "What do you mean?" he says.

"Well," she whispers, almost breathes into his ear.  "You aren't my father, I can tell you that."

He pulls back and looks her in the eyes, "Why in the world would you say that?"

She says calmly, "Because I've known my father my whole life and never once wanted to f*ck him.  I've wanted to f*ck you since just before dessert tonight."

She gets up from the couch and goes to her room, knowing that he is going to kill her now.  She knew what her parents did for a living and someone who took such pains to look like her father couldn't spell good news.  Now she'd blown the cover.

She sat in her room and waited for him and sure enough, about 15 minutes later, the doorknob turns.  He enters the room and locks the door, then goes to the window twists the blinds closed.  She stands, goes over to him.  "Is it time?" she asks.  "Are you going to do it now?"

He looks down at her and her gently strokes her cheek.  "Yes," he said.  "God forgive me, I'm going to do it."  He leans down and kisses her deeply and she responds enthusiastically.  In a matter of seconds, clothes are flying, they're painting the walls, all over the floor, up onto the bed and it's something really hot and primal and intense and sweaty. 

Next scene, the two of them are on a beach drinking frozen drinks with umbrellas in them.  Fake dad has had his face altered again slightly so as not to look like the dad so much any more.  They are holding hands and are very happy to be with one another.  There is a sense of deep love and happiness around them.  While holding her hand, he reaches over and runs a finger across the bracelet she's wearing, smiles and says, "How would you like to make a LOT of money."  She smiles and looks back at him quizzically. 

Then that's the end.

Freaky, huh?  Definitely not my usual type of dream.  After mulling it for days and days and days (it had a very profound effect on me), what I got from it is to get happiness, love, hot monkey sex and prosperity, you have to ignore the external (um, this guy looks like my dad) and convention (um, this girl is way too young and there's a serious employment conflict of interest here) and go with the underlying intuitions, feelings and primal instincts.

* * *

Dream #2:

Sunday night, Sept 28th

Best way to handle this one is just to jump right into it.  I was delivering Geordi LaForge's baby.  I don't mean Geordi was the father, I mean Geordi was actually having the baby.  That's right, I'm talking Geordi "LeVar Burton, Kunta Kinte, Reading Rainbow" LaForge.  He was having a tough time of it.  It had been hours and he'd been pushing for a long, long time.  He had a vagina just for the purpose of this birth and I knew that the ability for his penis, scrotum and testicles to grow back completely, the baby had to be born over a perfectly intact perineum.  No episiotomy, no tears.  It was really, really tight and the baby would ease down a quarter inch, then slip right back again, despite his aggressive pushing.  We were trying all different positions and I was really leaning into his perineum, trying to get it to relax and give way for the baby to come.  He was in a lot of pain and the impulses from his visor had previously been interfering with his contractions, so he had to take it off, which meant he was in a lot of pain and blind.  I was trying to help him reach down and feel the baby's head coming down, thinking if he could make that contact, it might help him connect with getting the baby out and ground him more in what was going on.  Finally, we got a position that seemed to help and I had him really go for it and start pushing. I was telling him he had to trust me and just give it all he got.  With a lot of wrangling on both our parts, this beautiful little white girl baby slipped into my hands.  I was looking at the beautiful contrast in his dark, smooth, chocolate thighs (which were actually shaking, nice detail for a dream!) and her ivory white arms as she pinked up quickly.  About halfway up her umbilical cord, there was a minor fault where it looked like the cord had atrophied about half way through.   It was like a cross between being bitten and calcified.  There was still good blood flow through the part that was still connected, but I knew I wanted a pediatrician to have a look at her, even though she had great respirations and color and was a definitely 10 Apgar at 1 minute and 5 minutes.  I passed her off to hands of someone unseen and went back to check Geordi who was resting after all that work.  As the baby was born, I knew that Data was the father of the baby, not as in Data and Geordi had had sex, but that Data and Geordi had petri dished this baby and then Geordi had to be the one to incubate it since he was the human of the two. 

When I examined Geordi, I was really excited to see that his perineum was flawlessly intact, not even an abrasion.  I could see that his clitoris was already extending to grow into his penis again, so I massaged his abdomen to help get the placenta out.  It was born without incident and he was healing up and regenerating nicely.  Someone, again, hands without seeing the face, handed him his visor and he could see electronically again.  And that was the end.

I woke up with the feeling of the dream being about Eric and I almost immediately got the impression that he was in the process of birthing a new life and it was my job to help him, no matter how long it took or how painful and frustrating it got, no matter how much he resisted and fought the pain.  I had to keep him grounded in what happened, midwife him into this and help him to be able to produce the new life so he could "see" and be a man again.  The life has to do with technology (Data), but that won't be apparent until it's done.  It has to come through him first and he has to find the right position and configuration and mindset to get it out.  I have to assist him flawlessly (no tears, no cuts or easy ways out) and the baby/new life  will thrive and be fine despite a potential problem (cord flaw). 

Tonight, I hope I just have that George Clooney dream again.  This is making me tired.

* * *

So Eric is still laid off and is bidding like crazy on jobs.  He's been on the computer a lot printing stuff out, writing up bids and researching ongoing construction projects.  I've had to wiggle in my writing time around that and omnipresent kids who are on something called Fall Break.  I mean, WTF? 

They are back to school on Monday and I think they are eager to get back.  It's been fairly boring around here.  We never know what we're doing when around here and things are fairly tense. 

There are so many changes and shifts going on that I'm having trouble keeping up.  It seems like as soon as I get settled that things are going to be one way, they suddenly turn upside down.  I'm trying to remain graceful and coooool through it all, but sometimes that's hard when you're hanging from the ceiling with no underwear. 

I'll be checking in from time to time, but presume no news to be good news!!  Believe it or not, October is my very favorite month.  :o)

Take care, everyone,
Katrina