October 1, 2003
Not dead yet. Just been busy.
Interesting quote: Dylan this morning,
"Sometime, when I'm pooping, I feel much older
than I am."
has many layers.
diet/exercise gig is going great. If it
interests you, check in at
blood pressure check out last night at 117/63,
my old, comfortable, just about dead norm.
I was really glad to see those numbers again.
Exercise and carb:protein linking, I'm tellin
just Lilac Dreams... Weird dreams.
Proceed at your own risk.
Saturday night, Sept 27th
gotta bend your mind a bit and lose the
confines of convention for this one.
whole dream was viewed by me as a movie,
except that I could see it happening in real
life and wasn't actually around. I had
background knowledge of a lot of things that
were not brought up in the context of the
"scenes" I witnessed and I was able to feel
what the people in the dream were feeling and
pretty much know what they knew without
actually being them.
were two people who were secret agents, a man
and a woman who were married. They had a
daughter and the daughter had been more of an
inconvenience to them than anything, sort of
like they were agent, they met, married,
happened to have a child and then went on
being agents, shipping her out to boarding
schools, being absent for a lot of her life,
two agents belong to an agency that is in
direct opposition to another agency and want
to shut them down. They get vital
information that they will anonymously drop on
the authorities that will shut down the rival
agency. The info is stored in
microchips, nestled into the diamond settings
of a bracelet that they give their daughter
for her 10th birthday.
rival agency learns of this and sets out to
get the bracelet. They figure the best
way to do that is to kill the man and woman
and put agents in their place who have been
surgically altered to look like the mom and
dad. They are counting on the distancing
that has occurred by the Mom & Dad not being
particularly close to the daughter,
geographically or emotionally to keep the
daughter from noticing the difference until
they can find the bracelet.
Second set of agents come in, look exactly
like the parents and have been extremely well
versed in the lives of the people they are
replacing, and the girl comes home from work.
She sits with the "mother" for a while and the
mother tries to ease into where the bracelet
is stashed (the girl doesn't know about the
microchips). They have already been all
through the house and the girl's room with no
goes off to change clothes, skip to dinner.
They're have a quiet dinner together and this
is the first time the fake dad has been
around. Mom has passed just fine, but
all through dinner, the daughter keeps looking
at the fake dad and he at her. The fake
mother looks at the two of them and wonders
about the looks passing between the two of
them and worries about the integrity of the
"plan." After dinner, the daughter
excuses herself upstairs and the fake mom
confers with the fake dad, who assures her
that he thinks everything is fine, but that
he'll take the next shift with trying to get
the info out of the daughter.
that evening, the dad is sitting smoking in
the living room, having a drink and reading.
The daughter comes downstairs and sits with
him on the couch. He asks her about her
day and they chat for a bit very calmly.
She works into asking him about his life
through the past and stuff and he knows that
he's answering and discussing everything
flawlessly. As she talks to him, she's
getting closer and closer to him on the couch.
Finally, she's very close to him, right up
cheek to cheek with him with her breath right
in his ear and hers in his. She
continues talking very calmly to him as though
they aren't that close and he's responding in
kind, very relaxed, but responding to her
closeness. Then, she whispers in his
ear, "Who are you really?"
stunned because he knows he's answered her
questions and carried the conversation
flawlessly. "What do you mean?" he says.
"Well," she whispers, almost breathes into his
ear. "You aren't my father, I can tell
pulls back and looks her in the eyes, "Why in
the world would you say that?"
says calmly, "Because I've known my father my
whole life and never once wanted to f*ck him.
I've wanted to f*ck you since just before
gets up from the couch and goes to her room,
knowing that he is going to kill her now.
She knew what her parents did for a living and
someone who took such pains to look like her
father couldn't spell good news. Now
she'd blown the cover.
sat in her room and waited for him and sure
enough, about 15 minutes later, the doorknob
turns. He enters the room and locks the
door, then goes to the window twists the
blinds closed. She stands, goes over to
him. "Is it time?" she asks. "Are
you going to do it now?"
looks down at her and her gently strokes her
cheek. "Yes," he said. "God
forgive me, I'm going to do it." He
leans down and kisses her deeply and she
responds enthusiastically. In a matter
of seconds, clothes are flying, they're
painting the walls, all over the floor, up
onto the bed and it's something really hot and
primal and intense and sweaty.
scene, the two of them are on a beach drinking
frozen drinks with umbrellas in them.
Fake dad has had his face altered again
slightly so as not to look like the dad so
much any more. They are holding hands
and are very happy to be with one another.
There is a sense of deep love and happiness
around them. While holding her hand, he
reaches over and runs a finger across the
bracelet she's wearing, smiles and says, "How
would you like to make a LOT of money."
She smiles and looks back at him quizzically.
that's the end.
Freaky, huh? Definitely not my usual
type of dream. After mulling it for days
and days and days (it had a very profound
effect on me), what I got from it is to get
happiness, love, hot monkey sex and
prosperity, you have to ignore the external
(um, this guy looks like my dad) and
convention (um, this girl is way too young and
there's a serious employment conflict of
interest here) and go with the underlying
intuitions, feelings and primal instincts.
* * *
Sunday night, Sept 28th
way to handle this one is just to jump right
into it. I was delivering Geordi
LaForge's baby. I don't mean Geordi was
the father, I mean Geordi was actually having
the baby. That's right, I'm talking
Geordi "LeVar Burton, Kunta Kinte, Reading
Rainbow" LaForge. He was having a tough
time of it. It had been hours and he'd
been pushing for a long, long time. He
had a vagina just for the purpose of this
birth and I knew that the ability for his
penis, scrotum and testicles to grow back
completely, the baby had to be born over a
perfectly intact perineum. No
episiotomy, no tears. It was really,
really tight and the baby would ease down a
quarter inch, then slip right back again,
despite his aggressive pushing. We were
trying all different positions and I was
really leaning into his perineum, trying to
get it to relax and give way for the baby to
come. He was in a lot of pain and the
impulses from his visor had previously been
interfering with his contractions, so he had
to take it off, which meant he was in a lot of
pain and blind. I was trying to help him
reach down and feel the baby's head coming
down, thinking if he could make that contact,
it might help him connect with getting the
baby out and ground him more in what was going
on. Finally, we got a position that
seemed to help and I had him really go for it
and start pushing. I was telling him he had to
trust me and just give it all he got.
With a lot of wrangling on both our parts,
this beautiful little white girl baby slipped
into my hands. I was looking at the
beautiful contrast in his dark, smooth,
chocolate thighs (which were actually shaking,
nice detail for a dream!) and her ivory white
arms as she pinked up quickly. About
halfway up her umbilical cord, there was a
minor fault where it looked like the cord had
atrophied about half way through.
It was like a cross between being bitten and
calcified. There was still good blood
flow through the part that was still
connected, but I knew I wanted a pediatrician
to have a look at her, even though she had
great respirations and color and was a
definitely 10 Apgar at 1 minute and 5 minutes.
I passed her off to hands of someone unseen
and went back to check Geordi who was resting
after all that work. As the baby was
born, I knew that Data was the father of the
baby, not as in Data and Geordi had had sex,
but that Data and Geordi had petri dished this
baby and then Geordi had to be the one to
incubate it since he was the human of the two.
I examined Geordi, I was really excited to see
that his perineum was flawlessly intact, not
even an abrasion. I could see that his
clitoris was already extending to grow into
his penis again, so I massaged his abdomen to
help get the placenta out. It was born
without incident and he was healing up and
regenerating nicely. Someone, again,
hands without seeing the face, handed him his
visor and he could see electronically again.
And that was the end.
woke up with the feeling of the dream being
about Eric and I almost immediately got the
impression that he was in the process of
birthing a new life and it was my job to help
him, no matter how long it took or how painful
and frustrating it got, no matter how much he
resisted and fought the pain. I had to
keep him grounded in what happened, midwife
him into this and help him to be able to
produce the new life so he could "see" and be
a man again. The life has to do with
technology (Data), but that won't be apparent
until it's done. It has to come through
him first and he has to find the right
position and configuration and mindset to get
it out. I have to assist him flawlessly
(no tears, no cuts or easy ways out) and the
baby/new life will thrive and be fine
despite a potential problem (cord flaw).
Tonight, I hope I just have that George
Clooney dream again. This is making me
* * *
Eric is still laid off and is bidding like
crazy on jobs. He's been on the computer
a lot printing stuff out, writing up bids and
researching ongoing construction projects.
I've had to wiggle in my writing time around
that and omnipresent kids who are on something
called Fall Break. I mean, WTF?
are back to school on Monday and I think they
are eager to get back. It's been fairly
boring around here. We never know what
we're doing when around here and things are
are so many changes and shifts going on that
I'm having trouble keeping up. It seems
like as soon as I get settled that things are
going to be one way, they suddenly turn upside
down. I'm trying to remain graceful and
coooool through it all, but sometimes that's
hard when you're hanging from the ceiling with
be checking in from time to time, but presume
no news to be good news!! Believe it or
not, October is my very favorite month.