September 8, 2005

Good lord, what a day.

So yesterday, I did what I expected, at least at first.  I met with Nathan's speech therapist (Nathan is done, Dylan stays in for a while), then dropped off the box of chocolate cake for the boy's classes.  Came home and mowed for about 45 minutes for exercise, then stopped a few seconds before impact (me to the ground). 

Came in and collapsed, but still remained under my calorie limit for the day, especially with a good stretch of exhausting exercise behind me.  I did a bit more of a volley with our old mortgage company.  They are reporting us as having a 30 day late to all 3 credit report companies when we never had a 30 day late with them.  I've been trying to resolve this for two weeks and I'm on my 3rd person.  As of today (yesterday's efforts ended up being a bust), it should be cleared up on Monday.  I've faxed until my faxing muscles are sore.  Still, they aren't fixing it and no one beyond every single customer service representative I've talked to will acknowledge that they are screwing up and impacting a life or five beyond their walls.

Around 3:30pm, I went outside to check the mail, heard a noise and saw a shadow moving under the truck.  There was a perfect little black and white puppy all by his lonesome.  Of course, I picked him up and brought him inside.  I couldn't find Belle anywhere and she was not coming when I called.  She never leaves the yard.  I didn't know if she'd started delivering, had complications and then left to die or started delivering, then left to finish or had the puppies and was in the process of moving them.  Still, this little guy was alone, VERY hungry and no mama in sight.

A couple of hours later, I went out back and Belle was standing there, muddy as hell from the waist down.  I brought her a bunch of leftover chicken and hamburgers and she gobbled them down (still not letting me near her).  I turned on my Witchy sense and started poking through the woods, careful where I put my feet lest I step in a mess of puppies.  Finally, I heard squeaking and found a deep, newly dug hole in the ground.  Inside, were four very alive puppies and three puppies that didn't make it.  Eric was on his way home, so when he got there, we talked about it good bit and decided that if he went to check on the puppies (I'd not been back) and Belle was there, we'd let nature take its course.  As Eric pointed, out, we really don't know if this is her first litter and she might be able to take care of them just fine and besides, there actually have been animals who have birthed in the woods before without our help and survived.  We figure the one she left behind was her gift to us. 

He went over and Belle was in the hole with the puppies, but she bolted as soon as she saw Eric, so we went with "the plan."  I was worried about how cold it gets outside at night now, but I saw the wisdom, being Pagans who are deeply wedded to the natural process, of what we were doing. 

I slept (ha ha ha) on the couch last night, getting up every few hours to feed the baby with a syringe.  He's not very good at it (who would be?) and is pretty fussy when he's eating (and loud).  The puppy formula is just over room temperature, so I know it's not too hot for him.  He's just learning still (this time yesterday, I'm sure his digs were much more comfy than a box with a blanket and a heating pad).  He's good to go on pees and poops, so that part works.  I'm wicked tired, though.  He wants to eat about every hour and a half to two hours. 

I miss sleeping with my hubby, I wanted to go to town today and I smell like milk and eggs, but I can give a little bit more to a good cause.  :)

I went out this morning and all four puppies were still alive, healthy and looking good.  Again, Belle bolted as soon as she saw me.  I put out a bowl of food and one of water by the hole and used the long spade (I am too short to reach in without falling in - it's a deep, narrow hole) to scoot the healthy babies aside and retrieve the dead ones.  Those I buried out where we'd tried to grow some butterfly plants earlier in the year.  Not the most pleasant job I've done in a while, but it needed to be done, I think.  Things could get kind of toxic in there.  I started to whine a bit about it not being a Diva job, but Diva kicked my ass and told me to stop being such a baby and just get in there and do it.  So I did. 

I haven't been back to check, but I hope Belle went back to her babies after I left.  I brought her more chicken this morning in addition to the dog food, so she should be recovering as well as she can.  I was grateful that I didn't have to touch the living babies to get to the dead ones.  I was afraid if they got my scent on them, she would reject them. 

Baby (Not naming the puppy until we know the sex and know it's going to make it.  I call it a he because everything around me except Belle and Delena is a guy.)  is sleeping happily at the moment and I should be napping too.  I'm pretty well whipped.

I need to do a general clean on my house.  On Tuesday, I got Delena's room finished and she owes me 2 hours of housecleaning time.  One thing I very much determined to do with this set of kids is teach them that I am valuable as a person, not just as their mom and that my time is also valuable.  One of the ways I do that is if I have to go in and do their work (mostly, this has manifested with Delena) - such as cleaning their rooms - then they have to pay me back for the time I invested doing it.  The room turned out very nicely and she asked me if I would do her laundry if she gave me more housecleaning time in trade (smile). I'm actually good with that idea.

The kids' room is OK, just needs a slight booster clean.  The rest of the house I can finish in an hour or less. 

Other than being tired, I actually feel better than I have in a long time.  The diet hasn't been hard this time at all.  In fact, I feel like I'm eating more and I'm still losing.  I can do this for a while.  Last night, Eric brought home Olive Garden food as my belated birthday dinner (what a SWEETIE) and I even had room for that on my calorie counter.  Today, I've had breakfast, morning snack and lunch and I'm only 1/3 of the way through my calories.  It feels good not to be starving, but not to feel guilty for what I'm eating.  I'm being a pitbull about logging every single crumb.

My dear friend, Kate, sent me the most marvelous birthday card.  It says, "In You are natural powers.  You already possess everything necessary to become great."  It's a quote from Chief Crow and I think it's just wonderful. 

I think right now, I should become a great napper.

I doubt I'll sleep much more tonight.



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