© Rowena Morrill
September 3, 2003
I apologize for my recent absence
and "absent" about sums me up lately. Sssshhh.
I've been hiding inside myself lately. I'm not
completely sure why or what's up, but ever since I got
back from LA, I've been out of sync and discombobulated.
I think I mentioned that as soon as
I got into the car after landing at the airport, the kids
erupted into chaos and I've been working full time to try
and get them back to normal again. Nathan has been
really screamy and clingy and it's making me crazy.
He shrieks when he talks to me and it's been tough to try
and get him out of that. The main theme has been to
get the message to him that it hurts my ears (and my spine
and my head and my ass) for him to be screaming like that
(And he's not screaming things like "the house is on
fire." He's screaming things like, "I WANT A DRINK
NOW!!!) and that he's not going to get what he wants until
he speaks to me in a normal tone. His response is to
scream louder. It has been a lot of work to break
his spirit and I have no idea what happened that brought
this on other than me just being gone for 3 days.
You may feel free to raise your eyebrows because I've had
mine on the top of my head since his first shriek.
(You want a WHAT, WHEN? Oh ho ho really?) He
was pretty well broken of it by the time this past weekend
hit, but by the time Monday rolled around, it was
screamfest again. I got another stupid cold and Eric
has determined it's because I don't exercise (thank you,
dear). I'm overtired and so I'm all foggy and vapid,
which isn't particularly becoming. My house and
laundry are in dire need of attention and I can't seem to
find the motivation or wherewithal to tackle it. I
just want to crawl into bed and sleep and heal for a few
I'm not sure why I can't find my
groove since the trip. I'm trying not to overthink
it and to just try and find my step again.
So don't think I'm not thinking of
you guys, because I am, I just can't seem to get words to
come together in any kind of sense, so I'm avoiding
torturing you with my ramblings that are going to not make
a lick of sense.
I'll be back around again. I
just need to rest up and get back on track again.
OH, the good news is that my
birthday is on Friday, the 5th! Eric forgot it last
year, so I started announcements about a week ago. I
haven't decided what to do yet. I'm thinking go
shopping for a couple of goodies and maybe grab some
dinner with Eric. I'm feeling low key for #42.
What do I want for my birthday? I want the house
cleaning (and garage cleaning) fairies to come and leave
everything all organized and spotless and I want a lovely
meal I didn't cook and I want a soft, gentle, long nap.
Forget the other thing I want. It would only torture
me. Katie brought me lust incense. Like I need
I'm off to wander around my house
running into wall some more. Everyone that I owe
e-mails to, just know I love you and when I'm in my
right head again, I'll (maybe) catch up.
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